"Moreover the Lord your God will circumcise your heart and the heart of your descendants, to love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, so that you may live." -Deuteronomy 30.6
Israel prized circumcision because it was a mark that set them apart from the rest of the world as God's people. But God does not desire an outward sign that simply marks people as His, He wants them to be inwardly transformed so that they become His. God did not just want the men of Israel to be outwardly circumcised when they turned eight days old; He wanted to circumcise their hearts so that they would love Him wholly and live.
God does not desire outward acts and words that may not come from a genuine heart. He desires people who are transformed by Him, and live passionately for Him. God does not want people outwardly set apart for Him in the eyes of society, but those who are inwardly transformed by Him. An outward mark is nothing compared to an inward transformation. It is important to note that an inward transformation will manifest itself in outward action.
No idea why I'm writing with that language.
Men, is your faith genuine or cultural? Has your heart been circumcised by God, or are you just going through the motions? The motions will fool a lot of people. I've met many motion people in the last decade that upfront seem genuine, but there is nothing behind it, and eventually their true self is revealed.
John Eldredge says that the biggest fear a man has is being found out as a fraud. Men do whatever they can to keep that truth hidden. They put up fronts of confidence, try to control all they can, and appear to the world as self-made men. But all of it is an act, and eventually it will all come crashing down.
The answer for men is initiation by God. It means a journey into masculinity that results in genuine strength. That journey begins with a circumcised heart.
Let us be men who are inwardly transformed by God. Let us allow Him to circumcise our hearts and initiate us. May we learn to live from genuine strength and love God with all we are.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Showing posts with label Initiation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Initiation. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
Thursday, September 26, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 7: Sam's Year, part 3
The year of initiation culminates in a birthday ceremony marking the passage from boyhood to young man. Ceremony is important; it's a clear beginning and a moment in time that can be looked back on with confidence. The ceremony that John talks about involved three stages.
First it began with a presentation of his son's life made up of pictures from birth to the present. It shows how the boy has grown and changed. Second, the boy shares the story of the Gospel. It's important for a man to know the epic Story of the world, and be able to communicate it. He needs to know how the world was intended to be, how it got messed up, and how redemption came and the role he now plays in the story. Third, there comes the bestowing of words and gifts.
John's wife was the only woman to speak to the boy, and he points out that a mother does play an irreplaceable role in a boy's life, but that this ceremony is marking a passage into the world of men. "The women at this point - especially the mother - are releasing the boy to become a man, releasing him into the fellowship of men. He looks ahead at a company of men, and it is their words and their validation he most needs at this moment." And so men speak to the boy, and not simply encouragement, but affirmation and validation of his manhood.
And it is important to remember that this isn't just another birthday party. This is but a "ceremony followed a year of experiences - tests and trials and achievements. It was something earned, and therefore far more significant... the men who gathered to speak... were the men he had been with during the year, building the corral, going on mission, climbing the Grand. They weren't just offering encouragement... They were men... respected as men, and they were speaking from personal experiences of the young man." This is huge, because it shows that the young man is not on his own, but is not part of a fellowship, an army if you will. He is a valuable member of a force for Good.
"Then came two gifts, again from the men." What they did was present a shotgun, a symbol that the young man is now part of the fellowship because he will join the hunts they go on, but also a reminder that he is dangers and capable of handling a weapon. The second gift is a sword, a symbol of masculine strength. "Because of the power of the symbol, the selection of the sword is important. It has to be real - not a toy. This is not for a boy, but for a young man. It must be sharp, deadly, dangerous - just like true masculinity. It must also be noble, like true masculinity, for part of bestowing the sword at this age is a calling out of the Warrior and the King to come."
I love the idea of the sword, but personally I don't know that I would offer a shotgun. It's not that I'm opposed to guns; I love shooting, and hope at some point to have a piece of ground outside city limits so I'm able to shoot with my sons. But for me it wouldn't capture that meaning. I don't do much hunting anymore, and have never done upland bird hunting. Instead what I want to do as a symbol of joining the fellowship of men is to offer a shield.
If you've read enough of my stuff you'll probably have picked up on the fact that I'm a huge fan of the Spartans. I won't go into detail here, but they were arguably the greatest warriors ever (if you remove gun powder they I'm confident we can remove the arguably). Btu the key to Spartan strength and victory was not in their intense physical training, though it was important, but in the phalanx. They fought side by side, shields overlapping, and formed an impenetrable wall that defended each other. I've found a place where I can buy replica Spartan shields, and that is what I plan to give my sons when they are ready to join the phalanx.
"We must be intentional about a boy's passage into young manhood, and it must be tailored to the boy and his needs. I believe whatever the details; it needs to involve test and trial of a physical, emotional, and spiritual nature. That it needs to be done by the father - if he is available - or another significant man, and that it occurs best in the fellowship of men." But it is crucial to remember that this doesn't all have to be a formal thing. Every step doesn't have to be planned out. Instead we have to present and attentive for all of the informal moments. "When a father and a son spend time together, and when men spend time together - whether it's doing homework or shooting hoops in the street or working on the car or pheasant hunting - something passes between them, deep and unspoken, the truest form of initiation there can be."
Be present, be attentive, and celebrate.
I almost forgot, after the gifts are bestowed the most important aspect takes place. The fellowship gathers around the young man and prayers over him. The young man has seen them pray before, undoubtedly has been prayed for by them before, but this is different. This prayer is for one of their own.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
First it began with a presentation of his son's life made up of pictures from birth to the present. It shows how the boy has grown and changed. Second, the boy shares the story of the Gospel. It's important for a man to know the epic Story of the world, and be able to communicate it. He needs to know how the world was intended to be, how it got messed up, and how redemption came and the role he now plays in the story. Third, there comes the bestowing of words and gifts.
John's wife was the only woman to speak to the boy, and he points out that a mother does play an irreplaceable role in a boy's life, but that this ceremony is marking a passage into the world of men. "The women at this point - especially the mother - are releasing the boy to become a man, releasing him into the fellowship of men. He looks ahead at a company of men, and it is their words and their validation he most needs at this moment." And so men speak to the boy, and not simply encouragement, but affirmation and validation of his manhood.
And it is important to remember that this isn't just another birthday party. This is but a "ceremony followed a year of experiences - tests and trials and achievements. It was something earned, and therefore far more significant... the men who gathered to speak... were the men he had been with during the year, building the corral, going on mission, climbing the Grand. They weren't just offering encouragement... They were men... respected as men, and they were speaking from personal experiences of the young man." This is huge, because it shows that the young man is not on his own, but is not part of a fellowship, an army if you will. He is a valuable member of a force for Good.
"Then came two gifts, again from the men." What they did was present a shotgun, a symbol that the young man is now part of the fellowship because he will join the hunts they go on, but also a reminder that he is dangers and capable of handling a weapon. The second gift is a sword, a symbol of masculine strength. "Because of the power of the symbol, the selection of the sword is important. It has to be real - not a toy. This is not for a boy, but for a young man. It must be sharp, deadly, dangerous - just like true masculinity. It must also be noble, like true masculinity, for part of bestowing the sword at this age is a calling out of the Warrior and the King to come."
I love the idea of the sword, but personally I don't know that I would offer a shotgun. It's not that I'm opposed to guns; I love shooting, and hope at some point to have a piece of ground outside city limits so I'm able to shoot with my sons. But for me it wouldn't capture that meaning. I don't do much hunting anymore, and have never done upland bird hunting. Instead what I want to do as a symbol of joining the fellowship of men is to offer a shield.
If you've read enough of my stuff you'll probably have picked up on the fact that I'm a huge fan of the Spartans. I won't go into detail here, but they were arguably the greatest warriors ever (if you remove gun powder they I'm confident we can remove the arguably). Btu the key to Spartan strength and victory was not in their intense physical training, though it was important, but in the phalanx. They fought side by side, shields overlapping, and formed an impenetrable wall that defended each other. I've found a place where I can buy replica Spartan shields, and that is what I plan to give my sons when they are ready to join the phalanx.
"We must be intentional about a boy's passage into young manhood, and it must be tailored to the boy and his needs. I believe whatever the details; it needs to involve test and trial of a physical, emotional, and spiritual nature. That it needs to be done by the father - if he is available - or another significant man, and that it occurs best in the fellowship of men." But it is crucial to remember that this doesn't all have to be a formal thing. Every step doesn't have to be planned out. Instead we have to present and attentive for all of the informal moments. "When a father and a son spend time together, and when men spend time together - whether it's doing homework or shooting hoops in the street or working on the car or pheasant hunting - something passes between them, deep and unspoken, the truest form of initiation there can be."
Be present, be attentive, and celebrate.
I almost forgot, after the gifts are bestowed the most important aspect takes place. The fellowship gathers around the young man and prayers over him. The young man has seen them pray before, undoubtedly has been prayed for by them before, but this is different. This prayer is for one of their own.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 7: Sam's Year, part 2
"A man's need for validation is one of his most desperate longings. Until we have that validation, we live with an uncertainty down deep inside. As men, we need to know who we truly are, and what we are destined to become."
Validation is the point of this year of initiation. It is a father, and hopefully other men, pouring into the life of a boy as he begins the real transition from boyhood into being a young man. And the year needs to begin with a reminder that the boy has hopefully heard all of his life, the affirmation that he is the Beloved Son. "Your delight in him. But of course, that is Lesson Number One. You are the son of my right hand, my delight, my Beloved Son, in whom I am so well pleased. That is the building block for everything else."
This year of intentional initiation must begin with the father's affirmation. Without this reminder the trials and tests that are about to be faced can seem cruel, or feel like abandonment. But with the reminding of the father's love and delight, comes the knowledge that this is for the best, that this is what needs to happen, and that this is really one of the deepest acts of love that a father can give his son.
The year begins with continued affirmation, and then needs to include a variety of things. It needs to include going on mission. A boy becoming a young man needs to be called to the front lines of Kingdom work. He needs to see how his father lives for God and advances the Kingdom, knowing that Christianity isn't just Sunday morning rituals, but the epic story we are born into.
"The important thing here was to see us on mission - watch how we operated with God and one another, listen to how we prayed to shut down the spiritual warfare, how we walked in humility in order to deliver the gospel... To see that we do live in something epic, and that Christianity is more than just Sunday school videos and Awanas. It's dangerous, it's costly, it's beautiful." And he needs to be invited to join the fight, not simply observe it. He needs to be involved in prayer, and the work that is going on, realizing that he has a vital role to play in Kingdom building.
It's important that he also learns to work, and receives validation in his work. "Leather work gloves, heavy timber, power tools, and a gathering of men - this is a good place for a young man to be." And it is important that in this gathering where men meet to accomplish a task that he is also treated like a man. He needs to be given responsibility and share equally in the work. The message that comes here is, "You have what it takes." You have strength and you can use it.
We cannot overlook the spiritual lessons that must be taught, because they are crucial to shaping the identity of a man. Lead him through Bible studies that focus on a man's identity in Christ. Help him begin to see the Gospel as the Larger story that envelopes everything. Teach him how to pray, and help him see the importance of prayer and fasting. Have him spend a day alone in the woods, simply listening for the voice of God and communicating with Him. As he does he will learn who God says he is.
Finally, there needs to be adventure. John has his sons climb a mountain. I've thought about cross country bike trips, hiking the Appalachian Trail, things like that, but there needs to be some sort of adventure that tests him, and at the same time teaches and affirms. He'll know he did it, accomplished and overcame something big, and that is something he needs.
Over the past few weeks I've really been thinking about what a year like this would look like, about specific things that could be done to help a young man learn these things. I thought of different lessons that go along with different tasks, and I'm starting to take notes and prepare for when the time comes. This is something a man needs to experience, and I will not let my sons down in this area, and with that I really want to help others, both boys and men, find this as well.
As I've been reading and working with this chapter for the past few days, I've really sensed God leading me to pursue this more. The area of men's ministry, helping men, become, and know that they are, Men of God, is what I think I'm supposed to devote my life to. I'm not sure what exactly this looks like yet, but I think that is really where my true passion lies.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Validation is the point of this year of initiation. It is a father, and hopefully other men, pouring into the life of a boy as he begins the real transition from boyhood into being a young man. And the year needs to begin with a reminder that the boy has hopefully heard all of his life, the affirmation that he is the Beloved Son. "Your delight in him. But of course, that is Lesson Number One. You are the son of my right hand, my delight, my Beloved Son, in whom I am so well pleased. That is the building block for everything else."
This year of intentional initiation must begin with the father's affirmation. Without this reminder the trials and tests that are about to be faced can seem cruel, or feel like abandonment. But with the reminding of the father's love and delight, comes the knowledge that this is for the best, that this is what needs to happen, and that this is really one of the deepest acts of love that a father can give his son.
The year begins with continued affirmation, and then needs to include a variety of things. It needs to include going on mission. A boy becoming a young man needs to be called to the front lines of Kingdom work. He needs to see how his father lives for God and advances the Kingdom, knowing that Christianity isn't just Sunday morning rituals, but the epic story we are born into.
"The important thing here was to see us on mission - watch how we operated with God and one another, listen to how we prayed to shut down the spiritual warfare, how we walked in humility in order to deliver the gospel... To see that we do live in something epic, and that Christianity is more than just Sunday school videos and Awanas. It's dangerous, it's costly, it's beautiful." And he needs to be invited to join the fight, not simply observe it. He needs to be involved in prayer, and the work that is going on, realizing that he has a vital role to play in Kingdom building.
It's important that he also learns to work, and receives validation in his work. "Leather work gloves, heavy timber, power tools, and a gathering of men - this is a good place for a young man to be." And it is important that in this gathering where men meet to accomplish a task that he is also treated like a man. He needs to be given responsibility and share equally in the work. The message that comes here is, "You have what it takes." You have strength and you can use it.
We cannot overlook the spiritual lessons that must be taught, because they are crucial to shaping the identity of a man. Lead him through Bible studies that focus on a man's identity in Christ. Help him begin to see the Gospel as the Larger story that envelopes everything. Teach him how to pray, and help him see the importance of prayer and fasting. Have him spend a day alone in the woods, simply listening for the voice of God and communicating with Him. As he does he will learn who God says he is.
Finally, there needs to be adventure. John has his sons climb a mountain. I've thought about cross country bike trips, hiking the Appalachian Trail, things like that, but there needs to be some sort of adventure that tests him, and at the same time teaches and affirms. He'll know he did it, accomplished and overcame something big, and that is something he needs.
Over the past few weeks I've really been thinking about what a year like this would look like, about specific things that could be done to help a young man learn these things. I thought of different lessons that go along with different tasks, and I'm starting to take notes and prepare for when the time comes. This is something a man needs to experience, and I will not let my sons down in this area, and with that I really want to help others, both boys and men, find this as well.
As I've been reading and working with this chapter for the past few days, I've really sensed God leading me to pursue this more. The area of men's ministry, helping men, become, and know that they are, Men of God, is what I think I'm supposed to devote my life to. I'm not sure what exactly this looks like yet, but I think that is really where my true passion lies.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 7: Sam's Year, part 1
If you're reading the reprint, Fathered By God, this is one of the chapters that has been omitted, and I just looked at the table of contents online, and apparently the previous chapter is as well. I'm not sure why, because they contains some great things. Chapter seven records bits of what John did for his oldest son, Sam, over a year marking a transition from boyhood to being a young man. Over the next couple of days I'm going to play with this chapter, highlight the things that John did, throwing in a few of my own ideas, and hopefully giving all the father's and future fathers who read this, a foundation for helping to initiate their sons in the future.
"The masculine journey has many mile markers to it, many critical moments of transition. One of the most significant is that point in time when a boy leaves behind him the stage of boyhood, and enters into the world of men. I believe this takes place early in the Cowboy stage, and I believe it is one of those transitions meant to have far more intentionality given to it than most of us experienced. 'The ancient societies believed that a boy becomes a man only through ritual and effort - only through the "active intervention of the older men,"' as Robert Bly reminds us. Ritual, and effort - that is what I mean by intentionality."
For too many of us this didn't happen, and we have to change that so the cycle doesn't continue. We must be intentional with our sons so that they can confidently grow into the men they were born to be. This isn't something we can sit by and hope it happens, we have to be intentional, and we need to start thinking about it now. As I said, I'm going to share a little of what John did, and I'll throw in some of the things I've thought of as well.
This is the time when a boy moves from boyhood to young man. He begins to see that he has a part to play in the world, that he has strength to offer, and that he can make a difference. But I think that the most crucial part of this transition is the relationship with the son and the Father. It is at this point in life that I think a young man begins to develop his own faith. He begins to realize that God is personal and that he needs a personal relationship with Him. This step in initiation is vital, because they young man begins his personal journey with God. And hearing from God must be a huge focus at this point.
"God speaks to young men - through trial, prayer, and fasting, and most often in the wilderness... what he speaks becomes a guiding force for their lives." And while a father, or father figure, may still be present, I believe that The Father must begin to really take over in the life of a young man at this point. He is entering the larger story, and being caught up in a life of epic battles and adventures.
Let's be intentional about this incredible gift, and offer it to our sons, and to each other, fathering those who weren't given this privilege, and inviting them into initiation.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
"The masculine journey has many mile markers to it, many critical moments of transition. One of the most significant is that point in time when a boy leaves behind him the stage of boyhood, and enters into the world of men. I believe this takes place early in the Cowboy stage, and I believe it is one of those transitions meant to have far more intentionality given to it than most of us experienced. 'The ancient societies believed that a boy becomes a man only through ritual and effort - only through the "active intervention of the older men,"' as Robert Bly reminds us. Ritual, and effort - that is what I mean by intentionality."
For too many of us this didn't happen, and we have to change that so the cycle doesn't continue. We must be intentional with our sons so that they can confidently grow into the men they were born to be. This isn't something we can sit by and hope it happens, we have to be intentional, and we need to start thinking about it now. As I said, I'm going to share a little of what John did, and I'll throw in some of the things I've thought of as well.
This is the time when a boy moves from boyhood to young man. He begins to see that he has a part to play in the world, that he has strength to offer, and that he can make a difference. But I think that the most crucial part of this transition is the relationship with the son and the Father. It is at this point in life that I think a young man begins to develop his own faith. He begins to realize that God is personal and that he needs a personal relationship with Him. This step in initiation is vital, because they young man begins his personal journey with God. And hearing from God must be a huge focus at this point.
"God speaks to young men - through trial, prayer, and fasting, and most often in the wilderness... what he speaks becomes a guiding force for their lives." And while a father, or father figure, may still be present, I believe that The Father must begin to really take over in the life of a young man at this point. He is entering the larger story, and being caught up in a life of epic battles and adventures.
Let's be intentional about this incredible gift, and offer it to our sons, and to each other, fathering those who weren't given this privilege, and inviting them into initiation.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Saturday, September 21, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 6: Raising the Cowboy, part 6
I never planned on spending so much time in this chapter, but as I read I felt that almost every sub-section of the chapter needed to be its own post. But finally we come to the end of chapter six.
This final section poses a question, "But who will do this for me?" As we look at the journey of masculine initiation, it's clear that we need to be guided. Some are blessed with father's who are able to lead them, and actually do. Others aren't so fortunate. They have dads who were never initiated themselves, and even though some of them want to do more for their sons, are unable to because they haven't walked the path. But there is one who can initiate us, and more than that is willing and able to. He desires to, and He knows your heart, and what it needs, better than anyone else, because He created it. "God. Your Father will do this for you."
"I've seen so many men walk away disappointed when I've told them this. Perhaps it was from an unhealed father wound. Perhaps they don't realize that there is an intimacy available with God far better, much closer than what they've heretofore experienced. But my brothers, do not despair. God wants to father you. Has been fathering you for some time - you just haven't had the eyes to see it. In fact, even the best father can only take you so far. He was never meant to be your all-in-all. Rather, he was meant to bring you to the the Father."
I'm one of those guys who would walk away disappointed. The biggest struggle I have right now is that I have so many questions that only God can answer, and He isn't giving any. I face trial after trial, and I feel so alone, at times like no one, not even God, cares. But it all comes down to seeing things from His point of view. It comes down to knowing that I AM God's Beloved Son, and that in order to move through the stages of Warrior, Lover, King and Sage, I have to face the trials of the Cowboy stage.
I'm one of those people that isn't ashamed to seek the wisdom of older men who I respect and trust. Over the last few months I've started to be able to open up again as I've found a safe place in my pastor and another pastor friend. And the biggest frustration I've had is that even they are unable to answer my questions. All they can do is point me to God and offer encouragement. They've done more than say "I'll pray for you." They've listened and asked questions. They've shared experiences and offered encouragement. And they continue to be there for me. But ultimately all they can do is point me to the Father. "God will, at times, provide men to 'fill in the gaps'... You might find a mentor to walk you personally through many stages, but we all know by now that he's hard to find. Don't insist that it come from one man."
"God mostly wants to do our initiating directly, personally, himself. He wants the same relationship with us that Jesus - as a man - experienced with him during his journey on this earth. Remember - you are the son of a kind, strong, and engaged Father, a Father wise enough to guide you in the Way, generous enough to provide for your journey, offering to walk with you every step. Whatever else might seem true, this is what is most true."
God is at work in your life and mine brothers. He desires the intimacy with us, His sons, as we desire to have with our father. He is inviting us to walk this journey with Him as He initiates us into Men of God. He knows our hearts, and what they can handle, and He is with us as we face the trials and live the adventures. He is willing, are we?
"Father, take me there. Take me back to things that were lost, or unfinished, or never even started. Take me into the Cowboy stage and do this work in my soul. Father me here. Give me eyes to see, both where you have been fathering me and I didn't know it, and where you are initiating me now, though I might be misinterpreting it. I want to be brave and true. I want a strength, and I want to offer it to others. Lead me on."
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
This final section poses a question, "But who will do this for me?" As we look at the journey of masculine initiation, it's clear that we need to be guided. Some are blessed with father's who are able to lead them, and actually do. Others aren't so fortunate. They have dads who were never initiated themselves, and even though some of them want to do more for their sons, are unable to because they haven't walked the path. But there is one who can initiate us, and more than that is willing and able to. He desires to, and He knows your heart, and what it needs, better than anyone else, because He created it. "God. Your Father will do this for you."
"I've seen so many men walk away disappointed when I've told them this. Perhaps it was from an unhealed father wound. Perhaps they don't realize that there is an intimacy available with God far better, much closer than what they've heretofore experienced. But my brothers, do not despair. God wants to father you. Has been fathering you for some time - you just haven't had the eyes to see it. In fact, even the best father can only take you so far. He was never meant to be your all-in-all. Rather, he was meant to bring you to the the Father."
I'm one of those guys who would walk away disappointed. The biggest struggle I have right now is that I have so many questions that only God can answer, and He isn't giving any. I face trial after trial, and I feel so alone, at times like no one, not even God, cares. But it all comes down to seeing things from His point of view. It comes down to knowing that I AM God's Beloved Son, and that in order to move through the stages of Warrior, Lover, King and Sage, I have to face the trials of the Cowboy stage.
I'm one of those people that isn't ashamed to seek the wisdom of older men who I respect and trust. Over the last few months I've started to be able to open up again as I've found a safe place in my pastor and another pastor friend. And the biggest frustration I've had is that even they are unable to answer my questions. All they can do is point me to God and offer encouragement. They've done more than say "I'll pray for you." They've listened and asked questions. They've shared experiences and offered encouragement. And they continue to be there for me. But ultimately all they can do is point me to the Father. "God will, at times, provide men to 'fill in the gaps'... You might find a mentor to walk you personally through many stages, but we all know by now that he's hard to find. Don't insist that it come from one man."
"God mostly wants to do our initiating directly, personally, himself. He wants the same relationship with us that Jesus - as a man - experienced with him during his journey on this earth. Remember - you are the son of a kind, strong, and engaged Father, a Father wise enough to guide you in the Way, generous enough to provide for your journey, offering to walk with you every step. Whatever else might seem true, this is what is most true."
God is at work in your life and mine brothers. He desires the intimacy with us, His sons, as we desire to have with our father. He is inviting us to walk this journey with Him as He initiates us into Men of God. He knows our hearts, and what they can handle, and He is with us as we face the trials and live the adventures. He is willing, are we?
"Father, take me there. Take me back to things that were lost, or unfinished, or never even started. Take me into the Cowboy stage and do this work in my soul. Father me here. Give me eyes to see, both where you have been fathering me and I didn't know it, and where you are initiating me now, though I might be misinterpreting it. I want to be brave and true. I want a strength, and I want to offer it to others. Lead me on."
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Thursday, September 19, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 6: Raising the Cowboy, part 4
As we look at the journey there is a crucial question we must ask, "What unfinished business does God want to take us men back through, to pick up where we fell off? Perhaps to begin an initiation that never got started?" How many of us had fathers who were intentional about initiating us? How many of us had fathers who were capable of doing so? How many of us actually feel, deep down in the places that no one else knows about, that we are whole and complete men? I'll be honest, I don't.
I'm almost 27, and I have no career. I have a four year degree, and I'm an ordained minister, but I'm stuck working a part time job that after taxes gives me less than $13,000 a year. To top it off, I had to move my wife into my parent's basement, everyone's dream for their future when they move out. I've applied for jobs and been turned down for one reason or another, and I just can't seem to get my feet under me. Part of me really just wants to give up. I've asked myself, and God, repeatedly "Why does everything have to be so hard?" But part of me is beginning to learn that God is at work in all of this.
The longer it takes, the harder it gets. I still have days where I just get frustrated and have the worst attitude, Tuesday was one of those days, but reading this chapter has given me pause. It's caused me to begin thinking along a different line, and instead of asking why everything is so difficult, and how much longer is this going to last, to instead try to ask other questions.
"How much of my life have I been misinterpreting? How many things have I just written off as hassle or 'life is hard,' or even as warfare, when in fact God was in it, in the difficulty, wanting to Father me?"
Nothing is wasted with God. This masculine journey, this initiation, is not an option. It is something that God must lead us through. The tests and trials of the Cowboy stage can feel cruel if we haven't fully known ourselves to be Beloved Sons, but the reality is that it is because we are God's Beloved Sons that He is pushing us to grow and progress through the stages of the masculine journey. We must allow God to father us through the stages, and in each of them come to see what God is trying to teach us.
Right now I feel that I'm learning confidence in a new way that I haven't had before. And at the same time my passion and restlessness for full time ministry is growing daily. Along with this I've really started to think through what I'm looking for in a Church position. There are some jobs I could have done with churches that I've turned down, or haven't even sent a resume to, because something didn't line up. It hasn't been easy, at some points I've been like, "What are you doing?!" but I know there are still things that I have to learn.
And it is important to remember that we weren't meant to do this alone, we can't do this alone. We need a fellowship of men. "This is crucial to masculine initiation. Far too much has fallen on the shoulders of the father alone. It takes a company of men to bring a boy into the masculine world, and to bring young men to their maturity." We need fellowship with men. In Wild at Heart it's referred to as a Band of Brothers. We need other guys to go through life with. Guys who will stand shoulder to shoulder with us on the front lines. Guys who will watch our backs, and if need be, shed their blood for us. But this fellowship is a difficult thing to come by.
"How rare masculine fellowship is. I've been intentional about fighting for friendships with men over the years - you have to be, to find them and keep them - and intentional about trips like Moab and elk hunting that bring the men and boys together. It's rare, but I can be done. You need it, and your boys need it."
When I read this last week I sent it to one of my closest friends, telling him that this is what I need right now. He responded that so does he. We live close to two hours apart, both have crazy schedules, and have no idea how to make this work, but we both know that it is something we need. We weren't meant to do this alone. God didn't place us on individual islands to fend for ourselves. We have each other, and we need each other to sharpen ourselves. We must be intentional about fellowshipping together.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
I'm almost 27, and I have no career. I have a four year degree, and I'm an ordained minister, but I'm stuck working a part time job that after taxes gives me less than $13,000 a year. To top it off, I had to move my wife into my parent's basement, everyone's dream for their future when they move out. I've applied for jobs and been turned down for one reason or another, and I just can't seem to get my feet under me. Part of me really just wants to give up. I've asked myself, and God, repeatedly "Why does everything have to be so hard?" But part of me is beginning to learn that God is at work in all of this.
The longer it takes, the harder it gets. I still have days where I just get frustrated and have the worst attitude, Tuesday was one of those days, but reading this chapter has given me pause. It's caused me to begin thinking along a different line, and instead of asking why everything is so difficult, and how much longer is this going to last, to instead try to ask other questions.
"How much of my life have I been misinterpreting? How many things have I just written off as hassle or 'life is hard,' or even as warfare, when in fact God was in it, in the difficulty, wanting to Father me?"
Nothing is wasted with God. This masculine journey, this initiation, is not an option. It is something that God must lead us through. The tests and trials of the Cowboy stage can feel cruel if we haven't fully known ourselves to be Beloved Sons, but the reality is that it is because we are God's Beloved Sons that He is pushing us to grow and progress through the stages of the masculine journey. We must allow God to father us through the stages, and in each of them come to see what God is trying to teach us.
Right now I feel that I'm learning confidence in a new way that I haven't had before. And at the same time my passion and restlessness for full time ministry is growing daily. Along with this I've really started to think through what I'm looking for in a Church position. There are some jobs I could have done with churches that I've turned down, or haven't even sent a resume to, because something didn't line up. It hasn't been easy, at some points I've been like, "What are you doing?!" but I know there are still things that I have to learn.
And it is important to remember that we weren't meant to do this alone, we can't do this alone. We need a fellowship of men. "This is crucial to masculine initiation. Far too much has fallen on the shoulders of the father alone. It takes a company of men to bring a boy into the masculine world, and to bring young men to their maturity." We need fellowship with men. In Wild at Heart it's referred to as a Band of Brothers. We need other guys to go through life with. Guys who will stand shoulder to shoulder with us on the front lines. Guys who will watch our backs, and if need be, shed their blood for us. But this fellowship is a difficult thing to come by.
"How rare masculine fellowship is. I've been intentional about fighting for friendships with men over the years - you have to be, to find them and keep them - and intentional about trips like Moab and elk hunting that bring the men and boys together. It's rare, but I can be done. You need it, and your boys need it."
When I read this last week I sent it to one of my closest friends, telling him that this is what I need right now. He responded that so does he. We live close to two hours apart, both have crazy schedules, and have no idea how to make this work, but we both know that it is something we need. We weren't meant to do this alone. God didn't place us on individual islands to fend for ourselves. We have each other, and we need each other to sharpen ourselves. We must be intentional about fellowshipping together.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Thursday, September 12, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 5: Cowboy, part 4
Adventure and work go hand in hand. Too much or too little of either one is a bad thing that hinders the progress of a boy on his journey into manhood. And a father plays a crucial role in both. The absence of a father, or father figure, sets a boy up for failure and wounding.
"A young man's heart is wounded when he has no one to take him into the adventures his soul craves, no one to show him how to shoot a free throw or jump his bike or rock climb or use a power tool. This is how most young men experience fatherlessness - there is no man around who cares and who is strong enough to lead him into anything. His father might be physically present, but unavailable in every way, hiding behind a newspaper or spending hours at the computer while the young man waits for the father how never comes. Much of the anger we see in young men comes from this experience, because he is ready and fired up but has no outlet, no place to go. So it comes out in anger."
Reading that reminds me of another scene from The Patriot. The oldest son, Gabriel, has been a solider in the Continental Army for two years. His younger brother, Thomas, a fifteen year old, is anxious and ready to fight. Their father, Benjamin, played by Mel Gibson, is haunted by his past as a solider and is doing everything he can to shelter his family from war. Benjamin finds Thomas in his room wearing his old uniform and holding a tomahawk. As he takes it off of his son he says, "Not yet Thomas." When asked when, Benjamin says "17?" Thomas isn't happy because its two years away, and he desires to move on now, but his father refuses, and he refuses to tell his sons about his past, even though they repeatedly ask him.
Later that night, Gabriel comes to the house, wounded and looking for help. As Benjamin begins to tend to his wounds there is the sound of battle from outside the house. As he moves to look he sees soldiers being shot in the field. In the morning Benjamin and Thomas search the battle field for survivors and begin tending them at the house, and as they do British soldiers arrive to claim their comrades. As they are preparing to leave some of the British cavalry ride up, including the main villain. He is handed some dispatches that Gabriel was entrusted with, and then has him arrested and orders him to be taken to the fort and hanged.
Thomas pleads with his father to do something, but Benjamin simply orders him to be quite and begins to make sure his younger children are safe. Then then young Cowboy does something drastic. He charges the soldiers trying to free his brother, and ends up being shot and killed. The father refused to act, refused to let his sons grow up, and it results in death. Fathers wound or heal, give life or take it away. A Cowboy needs his father to take him into the adventure, to expose him to things that are challenging, but not damaging. When this doesn't take place the boy is deeply wounded.
"And a young man's heart is wounded when he repeatedly fails. Of course, failure is a part of learning and every cowboy gets thrown from his horse, But there needs to be someone at his side to interpret the failures and setbacks, to urge him to get back on the horse. If you weren't the Beloved Son, the testing that comes with this stage can feel unkind, cruel, a sort of rejection - especially if you are on your own."
I've felt this a lot with my career. All three churches I've worked at I feel like I've failed. My first assignment was as a youth pastor, while I was a full time college student. The pastor wanted me to do miracles with no money, no help, and no resources. When I couldn't he asked me to resign. My second assignment was as a youth and young adult pastor, and the church didn't have the money to hire me when they did. I moved out of state and went to work, and saw some good fruit growing. There were some differences of opinion with senior leadership, but he was my boss and I did what he said, but then the budget caught up with them. I resigned again, and was told that I had character flaws (I'm leaving out a lot of the story). Through both of these experiences I had someone to fall back on, someone to help me through them. It still hurt, but there were men I could turn to.
And then we come to the most recent experience. I was 24, and assigned to be the lead pastor of a church of about 40 people. There was one couple about my parent's age, and then pretty much everyone was either my grandparents, or in some cases great-grandparent's age. But I was young and passionate, and believed I could change the world. I got involved in the community, tried to build relationships and meet people, all with very little help from anyone in the church. Basically it was my wife and I doing everything. We were worn out, no one would help, and no one seemed to care. I remember going and talking to my district leaders and I was told, "Someone is going to have to push through this." No help just left on my own to try and work miracles. Here again, money was tight, and I ended up resigning again due to a lack of finances.
I was told I would be used to fill in speaking at other churches, that happened twice in the past year. No one did anything to help us find another assignment. Afterwards a few people talked with me just to tell me the things that I had done wrong and needed to do differently the next time, and I've only had one person from the denomination contact me just to see how I'm doing consistently over the past year. I've walked through a lot of this time very much alone and wondering why. No one came along side and asked how I was feeling and what I was thinking. No one fathered me through this. Part of me can't believe I just wrote that out, but I feel that it's time.
"The Masculine soul needs the trials and adventures and experiences that bring a young man to the settled confidence David showed before Goliath - the lion and the bear experiences. All of these experience of the Cowboy stage are driving at one basic goal: to answer his Question. The boy-becoming-a-young-man has a Question, and the Question is, 'Do I have what it takes?' It is a father's job to help him get an answer, a resounding Yes! that the boy himself believes because it has come through experience. The father provides initiation by arranging for moments - through hard work and adventure - when the Question is on the line... The father is to speak into his son's heart deep affirmation. Yes, you do. You have what it takes. He needs a hundred experiences that will help him get there, and he is wounded and emasculated when he is kept from those experiences, or left on his own to interpret them, or when no one is there to help him in his journey toward initiation."
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
"A young man's heart is wounded when he has no one to take him into the adventures his soul craves, no one to show him how to shoot a free throw or jump his bike or rock climb or use a power tool. This is how most young men experience fatherlessness - there is no man around who cares and who is strong enough to lead him into anything. His father might be physically present, but unavailable in every way, hiding behind a newspaper or spending hours at the computer while the young man waits for the father how never comes. Much of the anger we see in young men comes from this experience, because he is ready and fired up but has no outlet, no place to go. So it comes out in anger."
Reading that reminds me of another scene from The Patriot. The oldest son, Gabriel, has been a solider in the Continental Army for two years. His younger brother, Thomas, a fifteen year old, is anxious and ready to fight. Their father, Benjamin, played by Mel Gibson, is haunted by his past as a solider and is doing everything he can to shelter his family from war. Benjamin finds Thomas in his room wearing his old uniform and holding a tomahawk. As he takes it off of his son he says, "Not yet Thomas." When asked when, Benjamin says "17?" Thomas isn't happy because its two years away, and he desires to move on now, but his father refuses, and he refuses to tell his sons about his past, even though they repeatedly ask him.
Later that night, Gabriel comes to the house, wounded and looking for help. As Benjamin begins to tend to his wounds there is the sound of battle from outside the house. As he moves to look he sees soldiers being shot in the field. In the morning Benjamin and Thomas search the battle field for survivors and begin tending them at the house, and as they do British soldiers arrive to claim their comrades. As they are preparing to leave some of the British cavalry ride up, including the main villain. He is handed some dispatches that Gabriel was entrusted with, and then has him arrested and orders him to be taken to the fort and hanged.
Thomas pleads with his father to do something, but Benjamin simply orders him to be quite and begins to make sure his younger children are safe. Then then young Cowboy does something drastic. He charges the soldiers trying to free his brother, and ends up being shot and killed. The father refused to act, refused to let his sons grow up, and it results in death. Fathers wound or heal, give life or take it away. A Cowboy needs his father to take him into the adventure, to expose him to things that are challenging, but not damaging. When this doesn't take place the boy is deeply wounded.
"And a young man's heart is wounded when he repeatedly fails. Of course, failure is a part of learning and every cowboy gets thrown from his horse, But there needs to be someone at his side to interpret the failures and setbacks, to urge him to get back on the horse. If you weren't the Beloved Son, the testing that comes with this stage can feel unkind, cruel, a sort of rejection - especially if you are on your own."
I've felt this a lot with my career. All three churches I've worked at I feel like I've failed. My first assignment was as a youth pastor, while I was a full time college student. The pastor wanted me to do miracles with no money, no help, and no resources. When I couldn't he asked me to resign. My second assignment was as a youth and young adult pastor, and the church didn't have the money to hire me when they did. I moved out of state and went to work, and saw some good fruit growing. There were some differences of opinion with senior leadership, but he was my boss and I did what he said, but then the budget caught up with them. I resigned again, and was told that I had character flaws (I'm leaving out a lot of the story). Through both of these experiences I had someone to fall back on, someone to help me through them. It still hurt, but there were men I could turn to.
And then we come to the most recent experience. I was 24, and assigned to be the lead pastor of a church of about 40 people. There was one couple about my parent's age, and then pretty much everyone was either my grandparents, or in some cases great-grandparent's age. But I was young and passionate, and believed I could change the world. I got involved in the community, tried to build relationships and meet people, all with very little help from anyone in the church. Basically it was my wife and I doing everything. We were worn out, no one would help, and no one seemed to care. I remember going and talking to my district leaders and I was told, "Someone is going to have to push through this." No help just left on my own to try and work miracles. Here again, money was tight, and I ended up resigning again due to a lack of finances.
I was told I would be used to fill in speaking at other churches, that happened twice in the past year. No one did anything to help us find another assignment. Afterwards a few people talked with me just to tell me the things that I had done wrong and needed to do differently the next time, and I've only had one person from the denomination contact me just to see how I'm doing consistently over the past year. I've walked through a lot of this time very much alone and wondering why. No one came along side and asked how I was feeling and what I was thinking. No one fathered me through this. Part of me can't believe I just wrote that out, but I feel that it's time.
"The Masculine soul needs the trials and adventures and experiences that bring a young man to the settled confidence David showed before Goliath - the lion and the bear experiences. All of these experience of the Cowboy stage are driving at one basic goal: to answer his Question. The boy-becoming-a-young-man has a Question, and the Question is, 'Do I have what it takes?' It is a father's job to help him get an answer, a resounding Yes! that the boy himself believes because it has come through experience. The father provides initiation by arranging for moments - through hard work and adventure - when the Question is on the line... The father is to speak into his son's heart deep affirmation. Yes, you do. You have what it takes. He needs a hundred experiences that will help him get there, and he is wounded and emasculated when he is kept from those experiences, or left on his own to interpret them, or when no one is there to help him in his journey toward initiation."
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Monday, September 9, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 5: Cowboy, part 1
"I would set the beginning of the Cowboy (or Ranger) stage in early adolescence - around age twelve or thirteen - and suggest it carries into the midtwenties. Though I would be quick to remind you that the stages overlap. What little tike doesn't want adventure, as he races his down a hill or learns to climb a tree? What man of fifty doesn't need time away, in the outdoors? But a notable shift begins to take place in the boy's soul as he approaches his teens, a yearning for real adventure. Something inside tells him that he needs to prove himself, needs to be tested. He wants to learn how to do things... And now the Question of a man's soul begins to present itself in nearly everything the boy-becoming-a-young-man does: do I have what it takes? In the Cowboy stage the answer comes party through adventure, and partly through hard work."
The time spent as the Beloved Son is about affirmation and correction, about love and discipline. It is at the beginning that we are to learn who we are and how to live, and in that knowledge we are able to move on into the next stage. We take the identity we receive from the Father, and begin to test ourselves with adventures. We take the discipline we received and apply that to hard work. The stages build and we can't skip them. The lessons learned in the previous one are used in the present, and the ones learned presently prepare us for what is to come.
Stage two, the Cowboy, or ranger, depending on your preference, is a time where adventure should be a large focus. It is in this time when there is real freedom to be able to adventure. Though reality begins to set it, there shouldn't be the full weight of responsibility yet. The boy is a young man, not yet a man, and is not ready for a man's responsibility. And so this should be a time of great adventures.
"'Taking to the road' often plays a big part of the Cowboy (or Ranger) stage, as you see with the hobbits in The Lord of the Rings, and with Balin in Kingdom of Heaven... They take to the trail together on a high - and dangerous - adventure that calls forth daring and courage, and requires hard work and determination - things a boy-becoming-a-young-man needs to learn in order to face life head-on."
A Beloved Son lives in a safe little world made that way by his father's strength. But for the Beloved Son, the world is just that, little. As he grows and becomes a Cowboy, the world begins to get a little bit bigger. He begins to step out from his father's strength, and discover his own. And this is the way life is meant to be lived. He is not ready to step out fully on his own yet, but after all, this is preparation for that time, and he must be given the freedom, and permission, to do so.
"Men, and boys, learn by doing, we learn through experience... It's one thing to be told you have what it takes. It's another thing altogether to discover that you do, through some trial brought up in an adventure, or through some test that hard work demands. The experience is both a revelation and a kind of authoring, in that it reveals to you what you are made of and writes the lesson on your heart. For masculine initiation is not a spectator sport. It is something that must be entered into. It is one part instruction and nine parts experience."
As I've been writing I've been thinking about myself in this stage. Growing up I was shy and hesitant, (more on this later) and there were certain things I just wouldn't attempt. But a big change began to take place during my junior year of college (that was a huge year in my life). I had to take a class in Washington D.C. that required us to be "homeless" for a day. First off, I'm really not a fan of cities. There is too much noise, and too much going on, to fully be aware of your surroundings. I always feel on edge when I have to be in one. But something began to change. The first night we were in the city a group wanted to go explore, so I went along for something to do. We had gotten off the metro and as we were walking down the sidewalk I looked around and realized it was me and one other guy with about eight girls, and at that moment this hit me, "I'm the biggest guy in this group. If something happens it's up to me to protect everyone."
Something happened in that moment that changed me, gave me a new confidence. I'm still not a fan of being in the city, but I was different. The next year I would get on a plane (something else I wasn't a fan of), and travel to Israel and Egypt. Two years later I'd travel to Turkey and Greece. And two years after that I'd return to Israel and this time see Jordan, with my wife. I really doubt the me from before that DC trip would have done any of those things.
It is in this stage, through adventures, and we'll see next, hard work, that a boy learns that he does have what it takes. He learns that he does have strength and is a powerful and dangerous force. "There is a settled confidence in the boy - he knows he has what it takes. But it is not an arrogance - he knows that God has been with him. He will charge Goliath, and take his best shot, trusting God will do the rest. That 'knowing' is what we are after in the Cowboy Ranger phase, and it only comes through experience... experiences... physical in nature, they were dangerous, and they required courage."
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
The time spent as the Beloved Son is about affirmation and correction, about love and discipline. It is at the beginning that we are to learn who we are and how to live, and in that knowledge we are able to move on into the next stage. We take the identity we receive from the Father, and begin to test ourselves with adventures. We take the discipline we received and apply that to hard work. The stages build and we can't skip them. The lessons learned in the previous one are used in the present, and the ones learned presently prepare us for what is to come.
Stage two, the Cowboy, or ranger, depending on your preference, is a time where adventure should be a large focus. It is in this time when there is real freedom to be able to adventure. Though reality begins to set it, there shouldn't be the full weight of responsibility yet. The boy is a young man, not yet a man, and is not ready for a man's responsibility. And so this should be a time of great adventures.
"'Taking to the road' often plays a big part of the Cowboy (or Ranger) stage, as you see with the hobbits in The Lord of the Rings, and with Balin in Kingdom of Heaven... They take to the trail together on a high - and dangerous - adventure that calls forth daring and courage, and requires hard work and determination - things a boy-becoming-a-young-man needs to learn in order to face life head-on."
A Beloved Son lives in a safe little world made that way by his father's strength. But for the Beloved Son, the world is just that, little. As he grows and becomes a Cowboy, the world begins to get a little bit bigger. He begins to step out from his father's strength, and discover his own. And this is the way life is meant to be lived. He is not ready to step out fully on his own yet, but after all, this is preparation for that time, and he must be given the freedom, and permission, to do so.
"Men, and boys, learn by doing, we learn through experience... It's one thing to be told you have what it takes. It's another thing altogether to discover that you do, through some trial brought up in an adventure, or through some test that hard work demands. The experience is both a revelation and a kind of authoring, in that it reveals to you what you are made of and writes the lesson on your heart. For masculine initiation is not a spectator sport. It is something that must be entered into. It is one part instruction and nine parts experience."
As I've been writing I've been thinking about myself in this stage. Growing up I was shy and hesitant, (more on this later) and there were certain things I just wouldn't attempt. But a big change began to take place during my junior year of college (that was a huge year in my life). I had to take a class in Washington D.C. that required us to be "homeless" for a day. First off, I'm really not a fan of cities. There is too much noise, and too much going on, to fully be aware of your surroundings. I always feel on edge when I have to be in one. But something began to change. The first night we were in the city a group wanted to go explore, so I went along for something to do. We had gotten off the metro and as we were walking down the sidewalk I looked around and realized it was me and one other guy with about eight girls, and at that moment this hit me, "I'm the biggest guy in this group. If something happens it's up to me to protect everyone."
Something happened in that moment that changed me, gave me a new confidence. I'm still not a fan of being in the city, but I was different. The next year I would get on a plane (something else I wasn't a fan of), and travel to Israel and Egypt. Two years later I'd travel to Turkey and Greece. And two years after that I'd return to Israel and this time see Jordan, with my wife. I really doubt the me from before that DC trip would have done any of those things.
It is in this stage, through adventures, and we'll see next, hard work, that a boy learns that he does have what it takes. He learns that he does have strength and is a powerful and dangerous force. "There is a settled confidence in the boy - he knows he has what it takes. But it is not an arrogance - he knows that God has been with him. He will charge Goliath, and take his best shot, trusting God will do the rest. That 'knowing' is what we are after in the Cowboy Ranger phase, and it only comes through experience... experiences... physical in nature, they were dangerous, and they required courage."
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Saturday, July 27, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 2: True Son of a True Father, part 4
"You see, we need fathering still. All of us. More than we know. There are many places in us yet orphaned, many places that need initiation into manhood. This is as true of the seventy-year-old man as it is of the sixteen-year-old boy. We are Unfinished Men. And in truth, the Father has been fathering us for a long time now or, at least, trying to. What I'm suggesting is a new way of looking at your life as a man. To see your life as a process of initiation into masculine maturity, and your Father doing the initiating."
Life is a journey, and all of us are on it. All of us need to be one it. This life has been given to us so that we can become like Christ, and that is a process that takes a lifetime. Our lives are not meant to be adventures and battles that are done when we get married and have a couple of kids, being set aside for responsibility. We were created to live fully alive, a life of battling for truth, and living adventurously for God's glory, as we strive to be more like Him. And this is what God is wanting to lead us into.
Not one of us is perfectly like Christ, and we won't be until we take our final breath and meet Him in glory. But God is working to initiate us daily into Christlikeness. Every day we move closer to the goal. But we need God to take us there.
"We need fathering. We need initiation. In order to get there, we must embrace in our heart of hearts three truths given to us n Scripture. First, you have been brought home, through the work of Christ, to your true Father. Given the Spirit of sonship and, with it, the full rights of a son. Second, you are free from the constraints of your earthly family, free to follow God, free to become the man you were born to be, to surpass your family’s legacy. Third, the premise of this book: acting as a true Father, and you his true son, God is no raising you up as a son."
Galatians 5.1 says, "It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery." Philippians 1.6 tells us, "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." Christ set us free so that we could be free, and God is at work in us to mold us into the Men of God we were created to be. This is the desire of each of our hearts, and that heart has been set free in Christ.
In the movie Brave Heart there is a scene at the beginning where the young William Wallace has a dream. His father has been killed in battle, but in the dream he is alive and next to him and tells William, "Your heart is free. Have the courage to follow it." This is what God is saying to each of us. Your heart has been set free by Christ, and God is leading you into the life your heart longs for. Do you have the courage to follow Him?
"Our father has come for us, and our initiation is under way."
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Life is a journey, and all of us are on it. All of us need to be one it. This life has been given to us so that we can become like Christ, and that is a process that takes a lifetime. Our lives are not meant to be adventures and battles that are done when we get married and have a couple of kids, being set aside for responsibility. We were created to live fully alive, a life of battling for truth, and living adventurously for God's glory, as we strive to be more like Him. And this is what God is wanting to lead us into.
Not one of us is perfectly like Christ, and we won't be until we take our final breath and meet Him in glory. But God is working to initiate us daily into Christlikeness. Every day we move closer to the goal. But we need God to take us there.
"We need fathering. We need initiation. In order to get there, we must embrace in our heart of hearts three truths given to us n Scripture. First, you have been brought home, through the work of Christ, to your true Father. Given the Spirit of sonship and, with it, the full rights of a son. Second, you are free from the constraints of your earthly family, free to follow God, free to become the man you were born to be, to surpass your family’s legacy. Third, the premise of this book: acting as a true Father, and you his true son, God is no raising you up as a son."
Galatians 5.1 says, "It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery." Philippians 1.6 tells us, "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." Christ set us free so that we could be free, and God is at work in us to mold us into the Men of God we were created to be. This is the desire of each of our hearts, and that heart has been set free in Christ.
In the movie Brave Heart there is a scene at the beginning where the young William Wallace has a dream. His father has been killed in battle, but in the dream he is alive and next to him and tells William, "Your heart is free. Have the courage to follow it." This is what God is saying to each of us. Your heart has been set free by Christ, and God is leading you into the life your heart longs for. Do you have the courage to follow Him?
"Our father has come for us, and our initiation is under way."
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Saturday, July 20, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 2: True Son of a True Father, part 1
"You are the son of a kind, strong, and engaged Father, a Father wise enough to guide you in the Way, generous enough to provide for your journey, offering to walk with you every step. This is perhaps the hardest thing for us to believe - really believe, down deep in our hearts, so that it changes us forever, changes the way we approach each day... I believe this is the core issue of our shared dilemma as men. We just don't believe it. Our core assumptions about the world boil down to this: we are on our own to make life work. We are not watched over. We are not cared for... When we are hit with a problem, we have to figure it out ourselves, or just take the hit. If anything good is going to come our way, we're the ones who are going to have to arrange for it. Many of us have called upon God as Father, but, frankly, he doesn't seem to have heard. We're not sure why. Maybe we didn't do it right. Maybe he's about more important matters. Whatever the reason, our experience of this world has framed our approach to life. We believe we are fatherless."
All of us, no exceptions, relate our earthly father's to God. All of us relate to God and view God in a similar fashion as we see our earthly fathers. It doesn't always stay that way, but our initial thought of God as father, comes from what we experienced with our dads. How has it shaped you and your view of God?
For me, I have gone through times when I've tried to talk to God but feel that He is distant and uninterested in what I have to say. Other times I have felt like God wants nothing to do with me because He's angry over something I did wrong. And I've been through times where I've felt God is distant, and loves everyone else more than me. And I'm finally at a point where I can admit that I've felt all of this from my dad.
Fathers, you are the model your children have of God. How they see and relate to you is how they will see and relate to God. And if no one comes along and shows them differently, it is how they will see God for their lives. I've met a lot of people who can't grasp the idea of God as a loving father because it isn't what they experienced growing up. The words love and father don't go together. And for men, the idea of a father guiding us, and teaching us how to be a man is an even more nonexistent thought.
"The hardest, gladdest thing in the world is to Father! from a full heart... the refusal to look up to God as our father is the one central wrong in the whole human affair; the inability, the one central misery." Let's look at The Patriot again. As Benjamin Martin and his two younger sons are preparing to ambush the British troops taking the oldest son to be executed he asks them, "What did I tell you fella's about shooting?" The both reply, "Aim small, miss small." In shooting, accuracy is a pretty important thing, especially in a fire fight where your life is dependent upon hitting the other person before they can hit you. If you aim big, you can miss big. Pointing you gun in the general direction of your target and pulling the trigger could hit them, but more than likely it's going miss pretty significantly. But if you aim, small, if you aim specifically at the heart, if you don't hit it, you'll hit some other vital organ right around the heart. Aim small, miss small.
Refusing to look up to God as our father is aiming big. It's trying to hit the target by aiming at everything else, or just taking a guess at what you need to hit and firing. But when we do look at God, when we open ourselves to the vulnerability of allowing God to show us what a real father is, we aim small. We might not hit it exactly on the first shot, but we are close, and we are headed in the right direction.
"You have a good Father. He is better than you thought. He cares. He really does. He's kind and generous. He's out for your bet. This is absolutely central to the teaching of Jesus, though I have to admit, it never really struck a chord in me until I began to think through the need for masculine initiation, and came straight up against the question, But who will do the initiating? Most of our fathers are gone, or checked out, or uninitiated men themselves. There are a few men, a very few, who have fathers initiating them in substantive ways. Would that we are were so lucky. And, some guys have found a mentor, but they also are hard to come by. Especially those who understand masculine initiation. So, again, I still find myself wondering, Where can we find a true father to initiate us? Then pow - the lights begin to come on. Maybe this is what Jesus was getting at. That is the way of any real discovery - we find ourselves in need, and then the answer that has actually been before us form some time suddenly matters, suddenly makes sense."
Look through the Bible, and see how many times it refers to God as "your Father" or "our Father" or "the Father". Read and the Gospels and see how many times Jesus says something along the lines of "You have heard... But I say...". Look at the life of Jesus. Jesus came to earth to show us what God is like, teach us about who God is and what God desires of us, and clear the path back to God. In Him we see that God is a loving Father, and we see that so much of what the people thought was skewed from what God originally had in mind.
God wants to initiate us as men. God has been trying to for our entire lives, but somewhere along the way something happened to misdirect us. We came to see God in a way that doesn't line up with who He really is. We've had men who haven't been initiated and don't know how to initiate us, do the best they can, in the best cases, and in the worst, nothing at all, and it has hindered our own journey. But God is working to get us back on the path. He knows that this is what we long for, because that is what He created us to do.
"The deepest search in life, it seemed to me, the thing that in one way or another was central to all living was man's search to find a father, not merely the father of his flesh, not merely the lost father of his youth, but the image of strength and wisdom external to his need and superior to his hunger, to which the belief and power of his own life could be united." And that is what God will fulfill and provide. It is something only He can provide. And once we see Him as the Father that He is, we can be initiated into the men we are created to be.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
All of us, no exceptions, relate our earthly father's to God. All of us relate to God and view God in a similar fashion as we see our earthly fathers. It doesn't always stay that way, but our initial thought of God as father, comes from what we experienced with our dads. How has it shaped you and your view of God?
For me, I have gone through times when I've tried to talk to God but feel that He is distant and uninterested in what I have to say. Other times I have felt like God wants nothing to do with me because He's angry over something I did wrong. And I've been through times where I've felt God is distant, and loves everyone else more than me. And I'm finally at a point where I can admit that I've felt all of this from my dad.
Fathers, you are the model your children have of God. How they see and relate to you is how they will see and relate to God. And if no one comes along and shows them differently, it is how they will see God for their lives. I've met a lot of people who can't grasp the idea of God as a loving father because it isn't what they experienced growing up. The words love and father don't go together. And for men, the idea of a father guiding us, and teaching us how to be a man is an even more nonexistent thought.
"The hardest, gladdest thing in the world is to Father! from a full heart... the refusal to look up to God as our father is the one central wrong in the whole human affair; the inability, the one central misery." Let's look at The Patriot again. As Benjamin Martin and his two younger sons are preparing to ambush the British troops taking the oldest son to be executed he asks them, "What did I tell you fella's about shooting?" The both reply, "Aim small, miss small." In shooting, accuracy is a pretty important thing, especially in a fire fight where your life is dependent upon hitting the other person before they can hit you. If you aim big, you can miss big. Pointing you gun in the general direction of your target and pulling the trigger could hit them, but more than likely it's going miss pretty significantly. But if you aim, small, if you aim specifically at the heart, if you don't hit it, you'll hit some other vital organ right around the heart. Aim small, miss small.
Refusing to look up to God as our father is aiming big. It's trying to hit the target by aiming at everything else, or just taking a guess at what you need to hit and firing. But when we do look at God, when we open ourselves to the vulnerability of allowing God to show us what a real father is, we aim small. We might not hit it exactly on the first shot, but we are close, and we are headed in the right direction.
"You have a good Father. He is better than you thought. He cares. He really does. He's kind and generous. He's out for your bet. This is absolutely central to the teaching of Jesus, though I have to admit, it never really struck a chord in me until I began to think through the need for masculine initiation, and came straight up against the question, But who will do the initiating? Most of our fathers are gone, or checked out, or uninitiated men themselves. There are a few men, a very few, who have fathers initiating them in substantive ways. Would that we are were so lucky. And, some guys have found a mentor, but they also are hard to come by. Especially those who understand masculine initiation. So, again, I still find myself wondering, Where can we find a true father to initiate us? Then pow - the lights begin to come on. Maybe this is what Jesus was getting at. That is the way of any real discovery - we find ourselves in need, and then the answer that has actually been before us form some time suddenly matters, suddenly makes sense."
Look through the Bible, and see how many times it refers to God as "your Father" or "our Father" or "the Father". Read and the Gospels and see how many times Jesus says something along the lines of "You have heard... But I say...". Look at the life of Jesus. Jesus came to earth to show us what God is like, teach us about who God is and what God desires of us, and clear the path back to God. In Him we see that God is a loving Father, and we see that so much of what the people thought was skewed from what God originally had in mind.
God wants to initiate us as men. God has been trying to for our entire lives, but somewhere along the way something happened to misdirect us. We came to see God in a way that doesn't line up with who He really is. We've had men who haven't been initiated and don't know how to initiate us, do the best they can, in the best cases, and in the worst, nothing at all, and it has hindered our own journey. But God is working to get us back on the path. He knows that this is what we long for, because that is what He created us to do.
"The deepest search in life, it seemed to me, the thing that in one way or another was central to all living was man's search to find a father, not merely the father of his flesh, not merely the lost father of his youth, but the image of strength and wisdom external to his need and superior to his hunger, to which the belief and power of his own life could be united." And that is what God will fulfill and provide. It is something only He can provide. And once we see Him as the Father that He is, we can be initiated into the men we are created to be.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Saturday, July 13, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 1: The Masculine Journey, part 4
The Masculine Journey is not something that John Eldredge just came up with. He has given names to the stages that are seen in the lives of Biblical men. He shares briefly about both David and Jesus, and how these stages are seen in their lives. This is something that goes back thousands of years. Ever since men have walked the earth, they have been on this journey. There have always been some who have done this well, and others who have failed. But the more advanced we get as a society, the worse we seem to do about this. The farther we get from the beginning, the farther from Eden, the more corrupt and selfish people seem to be.
We were made to walk through these stages, and we see them everywhere. John points out a few movies, The Prince of Egypt, The Lord of the Rings, and The Lion King. To them I would add Batman Begins, Brave Heart, and Second Hand Lions. There are others in addition to these that show men at different parts of the journey. Some do it well, and some fail. But in all of these something is stirred within us, knowing that we were made for something more.
"Thus our journey of masculine initiation. Now, we don't know much about stages of development in our instant culture. We have someone else make our coffee for us. We no longer have to wait to have our photos developed... We don't have to wait to get in touch with someone... We don't need to wait for our leather jackets or our jeans or caps to age to get that rugged look - they come that way now, prefaded, tattered. Character that can be bought and worn immediately. But God is a God of process. If you want an oak tree, he has you start with an acorn... If you want a man, you must begin with the boy. God ordained the stages of masculine development. They are woven into the fabric of our being, just as the laws of nature are woven into the fabric of the earth."
We have to realize that this will take time. This will take effort. This will require something of us. We are going to be tested. But the character that is developed will be earned. It will mean something. It will have real value. And this is something we desperately need.
"The result of having abandoned masculine initiation is a world of unfinished, uninitiated men. But it doesn't have to be this way. We needn't wander in a fog. We don't have to live alone, striving, sulking, uncertain, angry. We don't have to figure life out for ourselves. There is another way. Wherever we are in the journey, our initiation, can begin in earnest."
We have a map, we have a heading. Let's break camp and move out. This journey will not be easy, but we are in this together, and we will emerge on the other side, Men of God.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
We were made to walk through these stages, and we see them everywhere. John points out a few movies, The Prince of Egypt, The Lord of the Rings, and The Lion King. To them I would add Batman Begins, Brave Heart, and Second Hand Lions. There are others in addition to these that show men at different parts of the journey. Some do it well, and some fail. But in all of these something is stirred within us, knowing that we were made for something more.
"Thus our journey of masculine initiation. Now, we don't know much about stages of development in our instant culture. We have someone else make our coffee for us. We no longer have to wait to have our photos developed... We don't have to wait to get in touch with someone... We don't need to wait for our leather jackets or our jeans or caps to age to get that rugged look - they come that way now, prefaded, tattered. Character that can be bought and worn immediately. But God is a God of process. If you want an oak tree, he has you start with an acorn... If you want a man, you must begin with the boy. God ordained the stages of masculine development. They are woven into the fabric of our being, just as the laws of nature are woven into the fabric of the earth."
We have to realize that this will take time. This will take effort. This will require something of us. We are going to be tested. But the character that is developed will be earned. It will mean something. It will have real value. And this is something we desperately need.
"The result of having abandoned masculine initiation is a world of unfinished, uninitiated men. But it doesn't have to be this way. We needn't wander in a fog. We don't have to live alone, striving, sulking, uncertain, angry. We don't have to figure life out for ourselves. There is another way. Wherever we are in the journey, our initiation, can begin in earnest."
We have a map, we have a heading. Let's break camp and move out. This journey will not be easy, but we are in this together, and we will emerge on the other side, Men of God.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Thursday, July 11, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 1: The Masculine Journey, part 3
"If I were to sketch out for you the masculine journey in broad strokes, I believe this is how it unfolds, or better how it was meant to unfold: Boyhood to Cowboy to Warrior to Lover to King to Sage. All in the course of about eighty years or so, give or take a decade or two."
That is what the masculine life is supposed to look like. Each one of these will be discussed in greater detail in coming chapters and posts, but to start we need a glimpse of where we are headed. Remember this book acts like a map. We get to see the big landmarks on paper, and the details of each come when we get to them in person.
But before that it is important to know that "one cannot pin an exact age to each stage. They overlap, and there are aspects of each stage in every other. Watch a boy for an afternoon, and you'll see the Warrior, the Cowboy, the King. Yet he is a boy, and it is as a boy he must live during those years. Great damage is done if we ask a boy to become a King too soon, as is the case when a father abandons his family, walking out the door with the parting words, 'You're the man of the house now.'... He has not yet been a Warrior, nor a Lover, and he is in no way ready to become a King."
A few months ago I was watching The Patriot with my wife and I thought about that line. Mel Gibson plays Benjamin Martin, a plantation owner in South Carolina during the American Revolution. His oldest son, Gabriel, joins the continental army and is later captured by the British. Benjamin is a warrior, but has tried to run from his past because he is ashamed of his actions in a previous battle. But in order to save his son he must take up his weapons and fight again.
He takes two of his younger sons, one in his early teens, the other probably around nine, and instructs them on the order of their targets. The older son is ready for battle, knowing he has a job to do, but in the face of the younger son we see fear. As he takes aim he is fighting back tears. He is still the beloved son, and is not ready to become a warrior yet.
And it is because of his father's refusal to play his part that he is forced into this stage too soon. You see as Gabriel was being tied up to be led off the second son, Thomas, tried to free him. He saw that his father was not acting, and took matters into his own hands. The eager young warrior had no king to lead and guide him and so he rushed into battle, only to be shot and killed.
When fathers fail, boys either are forced into roles they are not ready for, or they end up dead. Sometimes it's both. Boys must be guided because "there is a path that must be taken. There is a Way. Not a formula. A Way. Each stage has its lessons to be learned, and each stage can be wounded, cut short, leaving the growing man with an undeveloped soul. Then we wonder why he folds suddenly when he is forty-five." The midlife crisis is the result of an unfinished man. A man who was forced to grow up too fast, and never given the chance to take the journey he was created for.
This journey begins with "Boyhood, a time of wonder and exploration... it is the time of being the Beloved Son... A time of affirmation... Before and beneath that Question [Do I have what it takes?] and a man's search for validation lies a deeper need - to know that he is prized, delighted in, that he is the Beloved Son. Our need for a father's love."
This is where the journey must begin. Without this the boy moves on with uncertainty and no identity to fall back on. He will look for love in the wrong places and come up short and empty every time, wondering why he isn't enough. His life must begin with the delight of his father, not in a way that pampers and spoils him, because if that happens he will be soft, weak, and selfish, but in a way that affirms his strength and destiny.
"The Cowboy stage comes next, the period of adolescence, and it runs into the late teens to early twenties. It is a time of learning the lessons of the field, a time of great adventures and testing, and also a time for hard work... A time of daring and danger, a time of learning that he does, indeed, have what it takes."
This is where parents must begin to let go. They have to start letting their sons have some freedom. If they don't then the boys question goes unanswered, or answered with a no, and he is crippled. He must be allowed to make mistakes, and be taught from them. He must be given chances to work, to see that it is good, and that life does involve responsibilities. But at the same time he must be taught that life is not all about work, that we were created for adventure. If this stage is not handled correctly then the boy cannot move on, he will be picked off almost instantly.
"Some time in his late teens there emerges the young Warrior, and this phase lasts well into his thirties. Again, the stages overlap... Whether six or sixty, a man will always be a Warrior, for he bears the image of a warrior God... The Warrior gets a cause and, hopefully, a king... He encounters evil face-to-face, and learns to defeat it. The young warrior learns the rigors of discipline - especially that inner discipline and resolution of spirit you see in Jesus... That he gets a mission is crucial, and that he learns to battle the kingdom of darkness is even more crucial. Passivity and masculinity are mutually exclusive, fundamentally at odds with one another. To be a man he must learn to live with courage, take action, go into battle
In the Cowboy stage he learned he had strength and it grew, here as a Warrior he learns to use it properly. For that to happen he needs a king to train him. If his father is absent, or refuses to play his part, another man must step in and mentor the young warrior. He must be taught to use his strength, and to control it when necessary. He must be taught who the enemy is and how to engage him. He must see what his strength is capable of, and realize that he is a force for good. And only then is he ready to move on. If he never learns to be a warrior, he cannot proceed on the journey because the way is fierce.
"This is typically the time when he also become a Lover, though it would be best for him and for her if he lived as a Warrior for some time first... too many young men do not get their Question answered as a young Cowboy, and as an uncertain warrior they have no mission to their lives. They end up taking all that to the woman, hoping in her to find validation and a reason for living... A Lover comes to offer his strength to a woman, not to get it from her. But the time of the Lover is not foremost about the woman. It is the time when a young man discover the Way of the Heart - that poetry and passion are far more closer to the Truth than are mere reason and proposition. He awakens to beauty, to life... Service for God is overshadowed by intimacy with God."
This stage is about offering himself and all that he has. If he has not come through the other stages he has nothing to offer, and selfishly takes for himself. If he hasn't discovered his strength and learned how to use it properly, he cannot offer it to a woman, or delight in her, or the children that result from their union, which leads to the destructive cycle all over again. If he has not learned to serve God then he can never have an intimacy with Him.
But as a Warrior becomes a Lover he becomes aware of the beauty of life. He begins to see what he has fought for, who he has served, and his life becomes focused on the who, not the what. He finds his wife, and more importantly, he connects deeply with God. Note that this is not the first time he is aware of God. As a beloved son, his father must teach him about God, and set his feet on the paths of righteousness. As the cowboy he learns more about God and what He expects for his life. As a warrior his faith becomes his own, and he sets out in service, following his calling. And now as a lover, more mature and able to understand more clearly, God revels deep and beautiful things about Himself. He begins to know God personally and lives to know God more.
"Then - and only then - is he ready to become a King, ready to rule a kingdom. The crisis of leadership in our churches, businesses, and governments is largely due to this one dilemma: men have been given power, but they are unprepared to handle it. The time of ruling is a tremendous test of character, for the king will be sorely tested to use his influence in humility, for the benefit of others... A true King comes into authority and knows that the privilege is not so he can now arrange for his comfort... this is the time of ruling over a kingdom. Hopefully, he draws around him a company of young warrior, for he is now a father to younger men."
Only a man who has learned how to use his strength in the service of others, learned to give of himself, and learned to connect intimately with God is fit to rule. A selfish, pampered boy in a man's body has no business in a position of authority. This type of individual is in power simply for his own benefit and gain. But a real man, a man who is fit to be King, knows how to lead, how to fight, and how to work. He will use his power and influence for the good of all, and will sacrifice his own desires for his people.
It is crucial for a King to lead Warriors. It is at this point in the masculine journey that a man begins to train those at stages behind him. He will have his own son to delight in, he will have Cowboys and Warriors to mentor, he will have those in the Lover phase to guide. In order to do that he must have gone through the stages himself. A King must be a true man if he is to do any good, and in order to do good, he must know how to connect with God.
"Finally, we have the Sage, the gray-haired father with a wealth of knowledge and experience, whose mission now is to counsel others. His kingdom may shrink... But his influence ought to increase. This is not the time to pack off to Phoenix or Leisure World - the kingdom needs him now as an elder at the gates... His time is spent mentoring younger men, especially Kings... At a time in life when most men feel their time has passed, this could be the period of their greatest contribution."
This is a life long journey that doesn't end until we return to the dust from which we came. Retirement, stepping down from the throne, does not mean we are done. As long as we are still breathing, we still have an essential role to play. The Sage has lived life, he has gone through all of these stages, and he is full of wisdom that must be passed on. The responsibilities of leading the kingdom have been passed to another, and now he is free to fully invest in younger men.
It is crucial that we finish strong. It is possible to wrestle hard the entire match and lose because you let up in the final ten seconds. Men, it is crucial that we resolve to live to the fullest right up to the end. Our job is never done, it changes, but it is never done.
These are the stages we must go through, "and they all come together to make a whole and holy man." Without one of them everything falls apart. And so let us journey together, no matter what stage you are in, let us press on, wrestle hard, and finish well.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
That is what the masculine life is supposed to look like. Each one of these will be discussed in greater detail in coming chapters and posts, but to start we need a glimpse of where we are headed. Remember this book acts like a map. We get to see the big landmarks on paper, and the details of each come when we get to them in person.
But before that it is important to know that "one cannot pin an exact age to each stage. They overlap, and there are aspects of each stage in every other. Watch a boy for an afternoon, and you'll see the Warrior, the Cowboy, the King. Yet he is a boy, and it is as a boy he must live during those years. Great damage is done if we ask a boy to become a King too soon, as is the case when a father abandons his family, walking out the door with the parting words, 'You're the man of the house now.'... He has not yet been a Warrior, nor a Lover, and he is in no way ready to become a King."
A few months ago I was watching The Patriot with my wife and I thought about that line. Mel Gibson plays Benjamin Martin, a plantation owner in South Carolina during the American Revolution. His oldest son, Gabriel, joins the continental army and is later captured by the British. Benjamin is a warrior, but has tried to run from his past because he is ashamed of his actions in a previous battle. But in order to save his son he must take up his weapons and fight again.
He takes two of his younger sons, one in his early teens, the other probably around nine, and instructs them on the order of their targets. The older son is ready for battle, knowing he has a job to do, but in the face of the younger son we see fear. As he takes aim he is fighting back tears. He is still the beloved son, and is not ready to become a warrior yet.
And it is because of his father's refusal to play his part that he is forced into this stage too soon. You see as Gabriel was being tied up to be led off the second son, Thomas, tried to free him. He saw that his father was not acting, and took matters into his own hands. The eager young warrior had no king to lead and guide him and so he rushed into battle, only to be shot and killed.
When fathers fail, boys either are forced into roles they are not ready for, or they end up dead. Sometimes it's both. Boys must be guided because "there is a path that must be taken. There is a Way. Not a formula. A Way. Each stage has its lessons to be learned, and each stage can be wounded, cut short, leaving the growing man with an undeveloped soul. Then we wonder why he folds suddenly when he is forty-five." The midlife crisis is the result of an unfinished man. A man who was forced to grow up too fast, and never given the chance to take the journey he was created for.
This journey begins with "Boyhood, a time of wonder and exploration... it is the time of being the Beloved Son... A time of affirmation... Before and beneath that Question [Do I have what it takes?] and a man's search for validation lies a deeper need - to know that he is prized, delighted in, that he is the Beloved Son. Our need for a father's love."
This is where the journey must begin. Without this the boy moves on with uncertainty and no identity to fall back on. He will look for love in the wrong places and come up short and empty every time, wondering why he isn't enough. His life must begin with the delight of his father, not in a way that pampers and spoils him, because if that happens he will be soft, weak, and selfish, but in a way that affirms his strength and destiny.
"The Cowboy stage comes next, the period of adolescence, and it runs into the late teens to early twenties. It is a time of learning the lessons of the field, a time of great adventures and testing, and also a time for hard work... A time of daring and danger, a time of learning that he does, indeed, have what it takes."
This is where parents must begin to let go. They have to start letting their sons have some freedom. If they don't then the boys question goes unanswered, or answered with a no, and he is crippled. He must be allowed to make mistakes, and be taught from them. He must be given chances to work, to see that it is good, and that life does involve responsibilities. But at the same time he must be taught that life is not all about work, that we were created for adventure. If this stage is not handled correctly then the boy cannot move on, he will be picked off almost instantly.
"Some time in his late teens there emerges the young Warrior, and this phase lasts well into his thirties. Again, the stages overlap... Whether six or sixty, a man will always be a Warrior, for he bears the image of a warrior God... The Warrior gets a cause and, hopefully, a king... He encounters evil face-to-face, and learns to defeat it. The young warrior learns the rigors of discipline - especially that inner discipline and resolution of spirit you see in Jesus... That he gets a mission is crucial, and that he learns to battle the kingdom of darkness is even more crucial. Passivity and masculinity are mutually exclusive, fundamentally at odds with one another. To be a man he must learn to live with courage, take action, go into battle
In the Cowboy stage he learned he had strength and it grew, here as a Warrior he learns to use it properly. For that to happen he needs a king to train him. If his father is absent, or refuses to play his part, another man must step in and mentor the young warrior. He must be taught to use his strength, and to control it when necessary. He must be taught who the enemy is and how to engage him. He must see what his strength is capable of, and realize that he is a force for good. And only then is he ready to move on. If he never learns to be a warrior, he cannot proceed on the journey because the way is fierce.
"This is typically the time when he also become a Lover, though it would be best for him and for her if he lived as a Warrior for some time first... too many young men do not get their Question answered as a young Cowboy, and as an uncertain warrior they have no mission to their lives. They end up taking all that to the woman, hoping in her to find validation and a reason for living... A Lover comes to offer his strength to a woman, not to get it from her. But the time of the Lover is not foremost about the woman. It is the time when a young man discover the Way of the Heart - that poetry and passion are far more closer to the Truth than are mere reason and proposition. He awakens to beauty, to life... Service for God is overshadowed by intimacy with God."
This stage is about offering himself and all that he has. If he has not come through the other stages he has nothing to offer, and selfishly takes for himself. If he hasn't discovered his strength and learned how to use it properly, he cannot offer it to a woman, or delight in her, or the children that result from their union, which leads to the destructive cycle all over again. If he has not learned to serve God then he can never have an intimacy with Him.
But as a Warrior becomes a Lover he becomes aware of the beauty of life. He begins to see what he has fought for, who he has served, and his life becomes focused on the who, not the what. He finds his wife, and more importantly, he connects deeply with God. Note that this is not the first time he is aware of God. As a beloved son, his father must teach him about God, and set his feet on the paths of righteousness. As the cowboy he learns more about God and what He expects for his life. As a warrior his faith becomes his own, and he sets out in service, following his calling. And now as a lover, more mature and able to understand more clearly, God revels deep and beautiful things about Himself. He begins to know God personally and lives to know God more.
"Then - and only then - is he ready to become a King, ready to rule a kingdom. The crisis of leadership in our churches, businesses, and governments is largely due to this one dilemma: men have been given power, but they are unprepared to handle it. The time of ruling is a tremendous test of character, for the king will be sorely tested to use his influence in humility, for the benefit of others... A true King comes into authority and knows that the privilege is not so he can now arrange for his comfort... this is the time of ruling over a kingdom. Hopefully, he draws around him a company of young warrior, for he is now a father to younger men."
Only a man who has learned how to use his strength in the service of others, learned to give of himself, and learned to connect intimately with God is fit to rule. A selfish, pampered boy in a man's body has no business in a position of authority. This type of individual is in power simply for his own benefit and gain. But a real man, a man who is fit to be King, knows how to lead, how to fight, and how to work. He will use his power and influence for the good of all, and will sacrifice his own desires for his people.
It is crucial for a King to lead Warriors. It is at this point in the masculine journey that a man begins to train those at stages behind him. He will have his own son to delight in, he will have Cowboys and Warriors to mentor, he will have those in the Lover phase to guide. In order to do that he must have gone through the stages himself. A King must be a true man if he is to do any good, and in order to do good, he must know how to connect with God.
"Finally, we have the Sage, the gray-haired father with a wealth of knowledge and experience, whose mission now is to counsel others. His kingdom may shrink... But his influence ought to increase. This is not the time to pack off to Phoenix or Leisure World - the kingdom needs him now as an elder at the gates... His time is spent mentoring younger men, especially Kings... At a time in life when most men feel their time has passed, this could be the period of their greatest contribution."
This is a life long journey that doesn't end until we return to the dust from which we came. Retirement, stepping down from the throne, does not mean we are done. As long as we are still breathing, we still have an essential role to play. The Sage has lived life, he has gone through all of these stages, and he is full of wisdom that must be passed on. The responsibilities of leading the kingdom have been passed to another, and now he is free to fully invest in younger men.
It is crucial that we finish strong. It is possible to wrestle hard the entire match and lose because you let up in the final ten seconds. Men, it is crucial that we resolve to live to the fullest right up to the end. Our job is never done, it changes, but it is never done.
These are the stages we must go through, "and they all come together to make a whole and holy man." Without one of them everything falls apart. And so let us journey together, no matter what stage you are in, let us press on, wrestle hard, and finish well.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 1: The Masculine Journey, part 2
We've all heard the expression "He's a self-made man". In our world it's something we hold up as a standard of masculinity. A guy who has defied all the odds on his own with now help and has made something of himself. We look at these guys with respect and in many ways we desire to be like them, but honestly they should be pitied.
A self-made man is really just "an orphaned man who figured how to master some part of life on his own." The father failed to be a daddy and no one stepped in to take his place. The boy was left on his own to try to make it, and so he has figured out what he is good at and used that to his advantage. It isn't his fault, he's done what he's had to, but that isn't the way it is supposed to be.
"We aren't meant to figure life out on our own. God wants to father us. The truth is, he has been fathering us for a long time - we just haven't had the eyes to see it. He wants to father us much more intimately, but we have to be in a pasture to receive it."
This can be difficult, but it is essential. A boy who has been abandoned to figure it out on his own is used to going it alone, not having anyone to watch his back, not having anyone to help him when things get overwhelming. He's trained himself to not need help, and when it comes he often rejects it out of pride, anger, hurt, and mistrust. But we have to learn to drop our guard if we are to men who are fully alive and living from true strength, not a few skills.
"First, we allow that we are unfinished men, partial men, mostly boy inside, and we need initiation." This is where the pride hinders us. We don't want to admit that we need help, that we need something from someone, that there is something we can't take care of ourselves.
"Second, we turn from our independence and all the ways we either charge at life or shrink from it; this may be one of the most basic and the most crucial ways a man repents." And this is where anger, hurt and mistrust come in to play. Anger doesn't want to change, it's stubborn and enjoys being angry. Anger blindly charges in to a situation doing much more harm than good.
The hurt and mistrust from the past are what cause us to shrink back from help that is offered. We feel that no one will ever help and not hurt us, that at some point they too will abandon us. These things cause us to shrink back, hide from anything that our one or two skills can't handle, or might not be able to handle. Anything that is a challenge we aren't sure to overcome we run from for fear of exposure.
"We must be willing to take an enormous risk, and open our hearts to the possibility that God is initiation us as men - maybe even in the very things in which we thought he'd abandoned us. We open ourselves up to being fathered. I'll admit it doesn't come easily."
We tend to associate God with our earthly father. If he was cold and distant that's how we see God. If he was angry and abusive we expect God to be the same way. If he was a constant critic who was never satisfied we feel God isn't either. It isn't easy to open up and trust someone you don't think will be there, or doesn't care. It isn't easy to be led by someone you don't believe has your best interest at heart, or to open up to someone you don't feel is a safe haven. "The more we've become accustomed to seeking life apart form God, the more 'abnormal and stressful' it seems 'to look for God directly.' Especially as a Father, fathering us."
We have to learn to see God in a new way, through His eyes, not ours. We must realize that unlike our earthly fathers, God cannot and does not fall short. He does not abandon, He does not criticize, He is not angry or abusive. He is the loving Father who picks us up when we fall down, who offers correction and encouragement when we mess up, and offers an intimacy that we all crave. But most of all God offers us initiation.
"A man's life is a process of initiation into true masculinity." In the beginning of the creation everything was perfect. Man lived from a true source of strength and identity in who he was to God. He learned from God, but then the day of his testing came, and he failed miserably. The relationship was broken, his strength was lost, and we've all been suffering ever since. But in this we see the love of God.
At that moment He began the story of restoration. He began working to heal and deliver fallen creation from sin. Everything is working to bring creation back to Eden, it is a process but it is leading back to the way things were meant to be. And in the same way our lives are a process that is leading us to where we were meant to be. Everything that happens is God initiating us into true masculinity.
"So much of what we misinterpret as hassles or trials or screw-ups on our part are in fact God fathering us, taking us through something in order to strengthen us, or heal us, or dismantle some unholy thing in us. In other words, initiate us - a distinctly masculine venture."
I have a friend, one of my brothers, who has recently been through a break up. He told me how he felt like he had screwed it all up. I told him, "No you didn't, it just wasn't supposed to work out." And in that he has begun to see how God is using this to bring healing from other things in the past. It's part of his initiation, and nothing is wasted with God.
In my own life, having to move back into my parents house at first seemed like the worst punishment ever. But in this time God has brought healing into my own life. He took me back to the place where hurt and anger happened so that He could break it all down. It's part of my initiation, and nothing is wasted with God.
The things we go through are not meant to destroy us, but to mold us into Christlikeness, and into Men of God. Sometimes it requires a world shattering moment to get us started. Other times it involves taking us to the place of pain in order to heal and strengthen. And other times it involves challenging us in ways we don't think we are capable of overcoming. But all of it is God working to make into the men He created us to be. This whole process of initiation, this life long journey, is taking us back to how it was all supposed to be, God made men.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
A self-made man is really just "an orphaned man who figured how to master some part of life on his own." The father failed to be a daddy and no one stepped in to take his place. The boy was left on his own to try to make it, and so he has figured out what he is good at and used that to his advantage. It isn't his fault, he's done what he's had to, but that isn't the way it is supposed to be.
"We aren't meant to figure life out on our own. God wants to father us. The truth is, he has been fathering us for a long time - we just haven't had the eyes to see it. He wants to father us much more intimately, but we have to be in a pasture to receive it."
This can be difficult, but it is essential. A boy who has been abandoned to figure it out on his own is used to going it alone, not having anyone to watch his back, not having anyone to help him when things get overwhelming. He's trained himself to not need help, and when it comes he often rejects it out of pride, anger, hurt, and mistrust. But we have to learn to drop our guard if we are to men who are fully alive and living from true strength, not a few skills.
"First, we allow that we are unfinished men, partial men, mostly boy inside, and we need initiation." This is where the pride hinders us. We don't want to admit that we need help, that we need something from someone, that there is something we can't take care of ourselves.
"Second, we turn from our independence and all the ways we either charge at life or shrink from it; this may be one of the most basic and the most crucial ways a man repents." And this is where anger, hurt and mistrust come in to play. Anger doesn't want to change, it's stubborn and enjoys being angry. Anger blindly charges in to a situation doing much more harm than good.
The hurt and mistrust from the past are what cause us to shrink back from help that is offered. We feel that no one will ever help and not hurt us, that at some point they too will abandon us. These things cause us to shrink back, hide from anything that our one or two skills can't handle, or might not be able to handle. Anything that is a challenge we aren't sure to overcome we run from for fear of exposure.
"We must be willing to take an enormous risk, and open our hearts to the possibility that God is initiation us as men - maybe even in the very things in which we thought he'd abandoned us. We open ourselves up to being fathered. I'll admit it doesn't come easily."
We tend to associate God with our earthly father. If he was cold and distant that's how we see God. If he was angry and abusive we expect God to be the same way. If he was a constant critic who was never satisfied we feel God isn't either. It isn't easy to open up and trust someone you don't think will be there, or doesn't care. It isn't easy to be led by someone you don't believe has your best interest at heart, or to open up to someone you don't feel is a safe haven. "The more we've become accustomed to seeking life apart form God, the more 'abnormal and stressful' it seems 'to look for God directly.' Especially as a Father, fathering us."
We have to learn to see God in a new way, through His eyes, not ours. We must realize that unlike our earthly fathers, God cannot and does not fall short. He does not abandon, He does not criticize, He is not angry or abusive. He is the loving Father who picks us up when we fall down, who offers correction and encouragement when we mess up, and offers an intimacy that we all crave. But most of all God offers us initiation.
"A man's life is a process of initiation into true masculinity." In the beginning of the creation everything was perfect. Man lived from a true source of strength and identity in who he was to God. He learned from God, but then the day of his testing came, and he failed miserably. The relationship was broken, his strength was lost, and we've all been suffering ever since. But in this we see the love of God.
At that moment He began the story of restoration. He began working to heal and deliver fallen creation from sin. Everything is working to bring creation back to Eden, it is a process but it is leading back to the way things were meant to be. And in the same way our lives are a process that is leading us to where we were meant to be. Everything that happens is God initiating us into true masculinity.
"So much of what we misinterpret as hassles or trials or screw-ups on our part are in fact God fathering us, taking us through something in order to strengthen us, or heal us, or dismantle some unholy thing in us. In other words, initiate us - a distinctly masculine venture."
I have a friend, one of my brothers, who has recently been through a break up. He told me how he felt like he had screwed it all up. I told him, "No you didn't, it just wasn't supposed to work out." And in that he has begun to see how God is using this to bring healing from other things in the past. It's part of his initiation, and nothing is wasted with God.
In my own life, having to move back into my parents house at first seemed like the worst punishment ever. But in this time God has brought healing into my own life. He took me back to the place where hurt and anger happened so that He could break it all down. It's part of my initiation, and nothing is wasted with God.
The things we go through are not meant to destroy us, but to mold us into Christlikeness, and into Men of God. Sometimes it requires a world shattering moment to get us started. Other times it involves taking us to the place of pain in order to heal and strengthen. And other times it involves challenging us in ways we don't think we are capable of overcoming. But all of it is God working to make into the men He created us to be. This whole process of initiation, this life long journey, is taking us back to how it was all supposed to be, God made men.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Thursday, July 4, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 1: The Masculine Journey, part 1
We've all had something we can't figure out. My most recent run in with one of these was this past January during muzzleloading season for deer. I had taken a buck early in the day and had dragged it out of the woods, now it was time to field dress it. This wasn't my first deer, but it was the first time I was field dressing alone, and it had been a few years since I had done this.
How hard can it be? Sharpe knife, dead animal, should be simple enough right? Yeah, not so much. I got the deer cut open, i got the pelvis broken in half, but everything seemed to be stuck inside. I'm trying to pull the guts out and they aren't wanting to budge, and I'm starting to get mad. Why isn't this working? Why is this so difficult?
It turns out I didn't cut everything I needed to when I opened up the deer. I hadn't cut everything loose that I was supposed to, and so nothing was coming out. I learned this later, but not in the woods when I needed it. I was mad. And so many of us are.
Things like my experience in the woods happens everyday. It also happens to me when I have to do something on a car and it doesn't work as its supposed to. Little things end up setting us off, they become the final straw. We are angry, but why?
"First, I'm hacked because there's no one here to show me how to do this... I'm also hacked because I can't do it myself, mad that I need help... I'm also ticked at God, because why does this have to be so hard?"
I think that pretty much sums it up. I had no idea why the guts weren't coming out of the deer, and my dad wasn't there to show me what I was doing wrong. I wasn't thrilled that I still needed his help to do this. I don't know that I was angry with God because I couldn't gut a deer, but I have been upset because other things have been so difficult. But why are we angry to begin with? Ultimately, "it's about fatherlessness."
The source of our anger really boils down to the fact that we've been left to figure this out on our own, and this doesn't work that way. "A boy has a lot to learn in his journey to become a man, and he becomes a man only through the active intervention of his father and the fellowship of men. It cannot happen any other way. To become a man - and to know that he has become a man - a boy must have a guide, a father."
The road to masculinity is a journey. Masculinity isn't something that a boy just picks up someday when he decides he feels like it. It isn't something that a boy figures out on his own. "This we must understand: masculinity is bestowed. A boy learns who he is and what he's made of from a man (or a company of men). this can't be learned in any other place. It can't be learned from other boys, and it can't be learned from the world of women." Masculinity is passed down from generation to generation. Boys are initiated, and men bestow the mantel to boys as they overcome the tests and trials they face. But for a long time this hasn't happened.
"You see, what we have now is a world of uninitiated men. Partial men. Boys, mostly, walking around in men's bodies, with men's jobs and families, finances, and responsibilities. The passing on of masculinity was never completed, if it was begun at all. The boy was never taken through the process of masculine initiation. that's why most of us are Unfinished Men. And therefore unable to pass on to our sons and daughters what they need to become whole and holy men and women themselves."
How many of our dad's were initiated? I'm guessing not many. My dad grew up without a father beginning in his mid teens. My grandpa had an affair and wasn't around, and when he was, my dad was angry because of what my grandpa did. And I think part of what happened with my grandpa was a result of uninitiation. His dad had left his mom when he was young, he never had a dad either. So those two generations hadn't had the initiation into the masculine journey, and because of it, has impacted me.
You can't lead someone somewhere you have never been. You can't give an answer that you don't have. And so, "boys are growing up into uncertain men because the core questions of their souls have gone unanswered, or answered badly. They grow into men who act, but their actions are not rooted in a genuine strength, wisdom, and kindness."
God wants to finish us, and He will, but it isn't something that happens instantly. "Masculine initiation is a journey, a process, a quest really, a story that unfolds over time... We need more than a moment, an event. We need a process, a journey, an epic story of many experiences woven together, building upon one another in a progression. We need initiation. And, we need a Guide."
This is what this study is about, the journey to masculinity, and being fathered by God. Let's press on together my brothers, this journey leads us to who we are created to be.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
How hard can it be? Sharpe knife, dead animal, should be simple enough right? Yeah, not so much. I got the deer cut open, i got the pelvis broken in half, but everything seemed to be stuck inside. I'm trying to pull the guts out and they aren't wanting to budge, and I'm starting to get mad. Why isn't this working? Why is this so difficult?
It turns out I didn't cut everything I needed to when I opened up the deer. I hadn't cut everything loose that I was supposed to, and so nothing was coming out. I learned this later, but not in the woods when I needed it. I was mad. And so many of us are.
Things like my experience in the woods happens everyday. It also happens to me when I have to do something on a car and it doesn't work as its supposed to. Little things end up setting us off, they become the final straw. We are angry, but why?
"First, I'm hacked because there's no one here to show me how to do this... I'm also hacked because I can't do it myself, mad that I need help... I'm also ticked at God, because why does this have to be so hard?"
I think that pretty much sums it up. I had no idea why the guts weren't coming out of the deer, and my dad wasn't there to show me what I was doing wrong. I wasn't thrilled that I still needed his help to do this. I don't know that I was angry with God because I couldn't gut a deer, but I have been upset because other things have been so difficult. But why are we angry to begin with? Ultimately, "it's about fatherlessness."
The source of our anger really boils down to the fact that we've been left to figure this out on our own, and this doesn't work that way. "A boy has a lot to learn in his journey to become a man, and he becomes a man only through the active intervention of his father and the fellowship of men. It cannot happen any other way. To become a man - and to know that he has become a man - a boy must have a guide, a father."
The road to masculinity is a journey. Masculinity isn't something that a boy just picks up someday when he decides he feels like it. It isn't something that a boy figures out on his own. "This we must understand: masculinity is bestowed. A boy learns who he is and what he's made of from a man (or a company of men). this can't be learned in any other place. It can't be learned from other boys, and it can't be learned from the world of women." Masculinity is passed down from generation to generation. Boys are initiated, and men bestow the mantel to boys as they overcome the tests and trials they face. But for a long time this hasn't happened.
"You see, what we have now is a world of uninitiated men. Partial men. Boys, mostly, walking around in men's bodies, with men's jobs and families, finances, and responsibilities. The passing on of masculinity was never completed, if it was begun at all. The boy was never taken through the process of masculine initiation. that's why most of us are Unfinished Men. And therefore unable to pass on to our sons and daughters what they need to become whole and holy men and women themselves."
How many of our dad's were initiated? I'm guessing not many. My dad grew up without a father beginning in his mid teens. My grandpa had an affair and wasn't around, and when he was, my dad was angry because of what my grandpa did. And I think part of what happened with my grandpa was a result of uninitiation. His dad had left his mom when he was young, he never had a dad either. So those two generations hadn't had the initiation into the masculine journey, and because of it, has impacted me.
You can't lead someone somewhere you have never been. You can't give an answer that you don't have. And so, "boys are growing up into uncertain men because the core questions of their souls have gone unanswered, or answered badly. They grow into men who act, but their actions are not rooted in a genuine strength, wisdom, and kindness."
God wants to finish us, and He will, but it isn't something that happens instantly. "Masculine initiation is a journey, a process, a quest really, a story that unfolds over time... We need more than a moment, an event. We need a process, a journey, an epic story of many experiences woven together, building upon one another in a progression. We need initiation. And, we need a Guide."
This is what this study is about, the journey to masculinity, and being fathered by God. Let's press on together my brothers, this journey leads us to who we are created to be.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Wild at Heart, Chapter 6: The Father's Voice, part 2
"The history of a man's relationship with God is the story of how God calls him out, takes him on a journey and gives him his true name."
Probably my second favorite movie, after Gladiator, is one that I actually only watched the first time because I was bored and it was laying around the house. Secondhand Lions is one of those awesome movies that I feel has been lost in the shuffle. Michael Cain and Robert DuVall play two old brothers, Garth and Hub, who live together in Texas during the 1960's. They spend their days gardening and fishing, with shotguns, and their evenings harmlessly shooting at traveling salesmen.
Then one day at the beginning of the summer of 1962 their niece shows up with her son, Walter, and leaves him there. At first the uncles don't want him around, but over time their attitude changes and they begin to really care for Walter. Early during the movie Michael Cain, Garth, begins to tell Walter the story of the brothers before they ended up in Texas, and we come to find out that these two men have lived quite a life, traveling, fighting wars, and rescuing princesses.
There is one scene where the uncles and Walter are having lunch and four Greasers (remember it's the '60's) come in and start causing trouble. Robert DuVall, Hub, confronts them, gives a similar speech to the one Maximus gives, and then proceeds to fight all four of them and wins. Walter is amazed, he's never seen anything like this before, it's the first time He's ever seen a real man. And now comes my one complaint about the movie.
For some reason the makers of the film decided to go with a shorter version of this scene. To see it you'll have to watch the deleted scenes. After the fight they are back at the house with the greasers, who they have invited for dinner, and before they leave Hub gives them his "What every boy needs to know about being a man" speech. After he finishes he sits down on the porch for a moment and then announces he's going to bed. He says to Walter, "Good night kid." And Walter replies very timidly in the squeaky voice of a young teenage boy,"Walter" he clears his throat and says again more confidently, "It's Walter." Hub replies, "Walter?... It doesn't seem manly enough... How about I call you Walt?" Walter get's a delighted smile on his face and eagerly says, "Ok." And the conversations ends with Hub walking into the house saying, "Good night Walt" as Walter is left smiling sitting with Garth on the porch.
He now has a name, an identity, and his journey into manhood can continue as these two men, who Walter has seen as men, initiate and guide him. They have given him a name, and that name has given him an identity and confidence. Later when his mother, an irresponsible woman, shows up at the uncle's house with her new boy friend, Stan, a poser of a man, and he says, "I've heard a lot about you Walter." Walter says, "Walt, my name's Walt." (this is also in the deleted scenes section). He has a name, that no one will ever take away from him.
We all need someone like Garth and Hub in our lives. We need men who know they are men to help us become men. Men like them give us a name and an identity. They initiate us and answers the questions we've got. But men can only do so much. "Even if your father did his job, he can only take you partway. There comes a time when you have to leave all that is familiar and go on into the unknown with God." "God created us for a unique place in his story and he is committed to bring us back to the original design... Initiation involves a journey and a series of tests, through which we discover our real name and our true place in the story."
Philippians 1.6 says, "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." God created you to be a Man. You have what it takes to become one, and God will finish the work to mold you into the Man of God He created you to be.
"Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen." Ephesians 3.20-21
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Probably my second favorite movie, after Gladiator, is one that I actually only watched the first time because I was bored and it was laying around the house. Secondhand Lions is one of those awesome movies that I feel has been lost in the shuffle. Michael Cain and Robert DuVall play two old brothers, Garth and Hub, who live together in Texas during the 1960's. They spend their days gardening and fishing, with shotguns, and their evenings harmlessly shooting at traveling salesmen.
Then one day at the beginning of the summer of 1962 their niece shows up with her son, Walter, and leaves him there. At first the uncles don't want him around, but over time their attitude changes and they begin to really care for Walter. Early during the movie Michael Cain, Garth, begins to tell Walter the story of the brothers before they ended up in Texas, and we come to find out that these two men have lived quite a life, traveling, fighting wars, and rescuing princesses.
There is one scene where the uncles and Walter are having lunch and four Greasers (remember it's the '60's) come in and start causing trouble. Robert DuVall, Hub, confronts them, gives a similar speech to the one Maximus gives, and then proceeds to fight all four of them and wins. Walter is amazed, he's never seen anything like this before, it's the first time He's ever seen a real man. And now comes my one complaint about the movie.
For some reason the makers of the film decided to go with a shorter version of this scene. To see it you'll have to watch the deleted scenes. After the fight they are back at the house with the greasers, who they have invited for dinner, and before they leave Hub gives them his "What every boy needs to know about being a man" speech. After he finishes he sits down on the porch for a moment and then announces he's going to bed. He says to Walter, "Good night kid." And Walter replies very timidly in the squeaky voice of a young teenage boy,"Walter" he clears his throat and says again more confidently, "It's Walter." Hub replies, "Walter?... It doesn't seem manly enough... How about I call you Walt?" Walter get's a delighted smile on his face and eagerly says, "Ok." And the conversations ends with Hub walking into the house saying, "Good night Walt" as Walter is left smiling sitting with Garth on the porch.
He now has a name, an identity, and his journey into manhood can continue as these two men, who Walter has seen as men, initiate and guide him. They have given him a name, and that name has given him an identity and confidence. Later when his mother, an irresponsible woman, shows up at the uncle's house with her new boy friend, Stan, a poser of a man, and he says, "I've heard a lot about you Walter." Walter says, "Walt, my name's Walt." (this is also in the deleted scenes section). He has a name, that no one will ever take away from him.
We all need someone like Garth and Hub in our lives. We need men who know they are men to help us become men. Men like them give us a name and an identity. They initiate us and answers the questions we've got. But men can only do so much. "Even if your father did his job, he can only take you partway. There comes a time when you have to leave all that is familiar and go on into the unknown with God." "God created us for a unique place in his story and he is committed to bring us back to the original design... Initiation involves a journey and a series of tests, through which we discover our real name and our true place in the story."
Philippians 1.6 says, "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." God created you to be a Man. You have what it takes to become one, and God will finish the work to mold you into the Man of God He created you to be.
"Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen." Ephesians 3.20-21
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Friday, April 5, 2013
Wild at Heart, Chapter 6: The Father's Voice, part 1
"My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius; Commander of the Armies of the North; General of the Felix Legions; loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius; father to a murdered son; husband to a murdered wife; and I will have my vengeance, in this life or in the next."
That is perhaps the greatest line from any movie ever. I haven't met a guy yet who doesn't love it. I had one friend in college who actually took a name tag and below "Hi my name is..." wrote that line. Men love the movie Gladiator, and more specifically this line, because it is a man who knows he is a man. He knows who he is, and he knows he has what it takes. That is what every man wants.
"A man needs to know his name. He needs to know he's got what it takes. And I don't mean 'know' in the modernistic, rationalistic sense... I mean a deep knowing, the kind of knowing that comes when you have been there, entered in, experienced first hand in an unforgettable way."
Maximus knows his name, and he shares it with confidence when asked. Every man wants to be able to do that. But I don't know of many who can. Honestly, I don't know that I can. "Where does a man go to learn an answer like that - to learn his true name, a name that can never be taken from him?" That answer only comes from initiation.
Initiation is essential, and it's something that we need desperately to get back. Initiation teaches a man where he's come from. In it he has faced trials that test him, and has overcome them. It is a journey, and somewhere along the way he has faced his enemy. As I read those words my mind went to 1 John 2,"I am writing to you, little children, because your sins have been forgiven you for His name’s sake. I am writing to you, fathers, because you know Him who has been from the beginning. I am writing to you, young men, because you have overcome the evil one. I have written to you, children, because you know the Father. I have written to you, fathers, because you know Him who has been from the beginning. I have written to you, young men, because you are strong, and the word of God abides in you, and you have overcome the evil one." (verses 12-14)
The journey begins with forgiveness, there is struggle along it, and at the end is such intimacy with God and with that intimacy comes the answer every man desires to give. John points out the the Church has boiled initiation down to making moral men, "Morality is a good thing, but morality is never the point." Simply learning to be moral isn't what we want or desire as men. Morality comes from our strength, a man is moral, but a man is created to be so much more. Initiation isn't necessary for morality, but it is essential for a boy to become a man.
"Despite a man's past and the failures of his own father to initiate him, God could take him on that journey, provide what was missing." Many of us have never been initiated into manhood. For one reason or another we have been left to fend for ourselves. We don't have the answer we so desperately want, but let me encourage you, it is possible to find it. God remains committed to initiating men.
This chapter, so far this time around, has spoken to me the most. I'm still processing a lot that has gone on this week, there has been some discouragement, the desire to give up, and then at the same time the motivation to keep going. It hasn't been easy but two things have been on my mind. The first is a verse from Ephesians 3, "Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen." which I will add at the closing of each post as a reminder to each of us that God can and will lead us into all that He created us to be. And the second is the song "10,000 Reasons" by Matt Redman.
I want to see God do far more in my life than I have ever thought possible. He will do more than I could ever ask so I must not hesitate to ask God to work in me, to mold me into the likeness of Christ, and to make me the Man of God that He created me to be. And no matter what I face, I want to praise Him. This journey of initiation is not an easy one, but it is worth it. And God is leading me every step of the way. And beyond that, we are on this journey together, so let us praise Him together.
"Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen." Ephesians 3.20-21
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
That is perhaps the greatest line from any movie ever. I haven't met a guy yet who doesn't love it. I had one friend in college who actually took a name tag and below "Hi my name is..." wrote that line. Men love the movie Gladiator, and more specifically this line, because it is a man who knows he is a man. He knows who he is, and he knows he has what it takes. That is what every man wants.
"A man needs to know his name. He needs to know he's got what it takes. And I don't mean 'know' in the modernistic, rationalistic sense... I mean a deep knowing, the kind of knowing that comes when you have been there, entered in, experienced first hand in an unforgettable way."
Maximus knows his name, and he shares it with confidence when asked. Every man wants to be able to do that. But I don't know of many who can. Honestly, I don't know that I can. "Where does a man go to learn an answer like that - to learn his true name, a name that can never be taken from him?" That answer only comes from initiation.
Initiation is essential, and it's something that we need desperately to get back. Initiation teaches a man where he's come from. In it he has faced trials that test him, and has overcome them. It is a journey, and somewhere along the way he has faced his enemy. As I read those words my mind went to 1 John 2,"I am writing to you, little children, because your sins have been forgiven you for His name’s sake. I am writing to you, fathers, because you know Him who has been from the beginning. I am writing to you, young men, because you have overcome the evil one. I have written to you, children, because you know the Father. I have written to you, fathers, because you know Him who has been from the beginning. I have written to you, young men, because you are strong, and the word of God abides in you, and you have overcome the evil one." (verses 12-14)
The journey begins with forgiveness, there is struggle along it, and at the end is such intimacy with God and with that intimacy comes the answer every man desires to give. John points out the the Church has boiled initiation down to making moral men, "Morality is a good thing, but morality is never the point." Simply learning to be moral isn't what we want or desire as men. Morality comes from our strength, a man is moral, but a man is created to be so much more. Initiation isn't necessary for morality, but it is essential for a boy to become a man.
"Despite a man's past and the failures of his own father to initiate him, God could take him on that journey, provide what was missing." Many of us have never been initiated into manhood. For one reason or another we have been left to fend for ourselves. We don't have the answer we so desperately want, but let me encourage you, it is possible to find it. God remains committed to initiating men.
This chapter, so far this time around, has spoken to me the most. I'm still processing a lot that has gone on this week, there has been some discouragement, the desire to give up, and then at the same time the motivation to keep going. It hasn't been easy but two things have been on my mind. The first is a verse from Ephesians 3, "Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen." which I will add at the closing of each post as a reminder to each of us that God can and will lead us into all that He created us to be. And the second is the song "10,000 Reasons" by Matt Redman.
I want to see God do far more in my life than I have ever thought possible. He will do more than I could ever ask so I must not hesitate to ask God to work in me, to mold me into the likeness of Christ, and to make me the Man of God that He created me to be. And no matter what I face, I want to praise Him. This journey of initiation is not an easy one, but it is worth it. And God is leading me every step of the way. And beyond that, we are on this journey together, so let us praise Him together.
"Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen." Ephesians 3.20-21
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
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