Father Failure

"Now the sons of Eli were worthless men; they did not know the Lord and the custom of the priests with the people. When any man was offering a sacrifice, the priest’s servant would come while the meat was boiling, with a three-pronged fork in his hand. Then he would thrust it into the pan, or kettle, or caldron, or pot; all that the fork brought up the priest would take for himself. Thus they did in Shiloh to all the Israelites who came there. Also, before they burned the fat, the priest’s servant would come and say to the man who was sacrificing, 'Give the priest meat for roasting, as he will not take boiled meat from you, only raw.' If the man said to him, 'They must surely burn the fat first, and then take as much as you desire,' then he would say, 'No, but you shall give it to me now; and if not, I will take it by force.' Thus the sin of the young men was very great before the Lord, for the men despised the offering of the Lord." 1 Samuel 2.12-17

Eli the priest has two sons who serve as priests along with him. But the text tells us that they were worthless men who did not know God or the customs of the priest. They use their position to benefit themselves, hindering the people from proper worship. Their father failed to instruct them on who God was and how to serve before Him as priests. As they abused their power, he failed to discipline them for it, allowing them to drift further and further into sin.

Eli's failure is one that is seen over and over, father's failing to teach and correct their sons. It doesn't have to go to the extreme of allowing them to become abusive and threatening. It can be from simple neglect. I think Eli may have become very preoccupied with his work ministering before God, and neglected his sons. He valued the work of God over the work of parenting, not realizing that parenting is the work of God. He wasn't involved in his son's lives enough to teach them, and then when the problems arose he hadn't been involved enough to have them listen and submit to his correction.

Men, you may be following the example of Eli, and the example of Eli may be what you experienced growing up. You must break the cycle. If your dad wasn't involved in your life don't retreat from your own children because you aren't sure how to engage with them. Don't hide behind work, or a hobby, allowing it to have the moments that your children desperately crave and need. You are the only one that can be a father to your children. You are the only one who loves them enough to discipline them and correct them. If God has given you a family, take the role seriously because it is the most serious work you will ever engage in.

Let us sacrifice our careers for the sake of our children. Let us abandon a hobby for our children's well being. Let us be men who refuse to fail as fathers.

"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

To God alone be the Glory!

Strength and Honor

Let Them Go

"But Jacob did not send Joseph’s brother Benjamin with his brothers, for he said, "I am afraid that harm may befall him.'"  -Genesis 42.4

Jacob sends some of his sons to buy grain, some, not all.  Benjamin, the youngest, and Joseph's brother, is kept at home for fear that something may happen to him.  He isn't allowed to take to the road on this adventure with his brothers.  His father is worries and keeps him safely at home where he can keep an eye on him.

I understand Jacob wanting to protect his child, but here we have the first record of an over protective parent.  Jacob is worried something will happen to Benjamin, and he doesn't let him go.  

Men, we can't be everywhere at every moment with our children, we just can't, and it isn't healthy for us to be the helicopter dad that never let's the kid out of arms reach.  Yes, there are times and situations when that is exactly what you need to do, but we have to learn to let them go.

The day will come when they leave for the first day of Kindergarten, you can't be there with them.  They day will come when they go off to college, and you are staying home.  They graduate and move out of state, and you aren't moving in with them.  We have to be able to let go, and if we want our children to do well during these moments, we have to give them the opportunities to try before hand.

Now, of course, I urge wisdom and caution.  Know where your children are, who they are with, and what they are doing.  Jacob would have known, Benjamin's with his older brothers on the road to Egypt to buy grain.  Don't allow your children to engage in harmful and destructive behavior, and keep them away from those who seek to lead them astray.  But don't hold them back from the good experiences, encourage them to take them.  As you do they'll learn confidence so they are able to take the big steps when the time comes.

And if you're not sure how to begin my suggestion is prayer.  Start with something simple, "God, protect them from the things I can't keep them safe from.  Watch over them when I can't be there to do it."  Remember your children aren't yours, they are God's.  He has entrusted them to you, and He is always watching over them.

Men, don't hold your children back from living life, let them go.

"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

To God alone be the Glory!

Strength and Honor

Deal With the Issues

"It came about while Israel was dwelling in that land, that Reuben went and lay with Bilhah his father’s concubine, and Israel heard of it." -Genesis 35.22

At some point one of Jacob's sons takes a liking to Bilhah, the maid that Rachel gave to her husband as a wife to bear children on her behalf. Reuben begins an affair with her, Israel hears about it, but that's all we get. He doesn't deal with the issue. We have no record of him confronting his son. We have no record of anything being done about it. We are simply told that Israel heard about it.

Men, when our children sin and get into destructive behavior we need to deal with the issue. In this family there is a history of just letting things slide and go unaddressed. The actions of the sons go unpunished, at times even unaddressed, by their father. And the more that they get away with, the more they are willing to try.

It began with slaughtering a city. Then it became this event of Reuben's. Coming up there is talk of murdering one of their own brothers. The more things that get overlooked, the bolder they get. And the same is true today.

Men, when we find our children, or anyone we care about, engaging in a destructive activity, whether physically or eternally, we must deal with it. We have been given strength by God to deal with these issues. It is our duty to protect our children. It is our duty to discipline and correct their behavior. Ignoring an issue and allowing it to go unaddressed does neither of them, and by doing this you actually show your children that you hate them.

Don't allow your children to run rampant and destroy their lives. And actually it isn't just their lives they are destroying with their actions, but others as well. If you love your children, biological or not, discipline them and deal with the issues. You might just rescue their soul from hell.

Man up, and deal with the issues.

"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

To God alone be the Glory!

Strength and Honor

Standard of Righteousness

"Then God said to Jacob, 'Arise, go up to Bethel and live there, and make an altar there to God, who appeared to you when you fled from your brother Esau.' So Jacob said to his household and to all who were with him, 'Put away the foreign gods which are among you, and purify yourselves and change your garments; and let us arise and go up to Bethel, and I will make an altar there to God, who answered me in the day of my distress and has been with me wherever I have gone.' So they gave to Jacob all the foreign gods which they had and the rings which were in their ears, and Jacob hid them under the oak which was near Shechem." -Genesis 35.1-4

Jacob has been on a journey of growth. He was sent from his home to a foreign land and there learned to work. He traveled back when God told him to return home and after wrestling with God, learned to face his fear. Genesis 34 we see him largely passive and inactive, but here in the beginning of chapter 35 we see another change. God gives him instructions, and Jacob follows them.

Think back to Genesis 31, before leaving Laban, Rachel takes the idols from her father's house. Idol worship was a practice that they had grown up with, and to some extent it was practiced within Jacob's household. If it wasn't he wouldn't have had to tell them to put away their foreign gods. Jacob knew the promises that God had made him, and yet he hasn't led his family in whole hearted worship and service to God. He has allowed them to do their own thing.

Maybe this is part of the reason for his sons actions in chapter 34. Maybe Jacob did try to handle the situation correctly, we aren't told what he did. But maybe he had allowed his children too much freedom and they weren't used to their father telling them what to do. But here we finally see Jacob begin to point his family to God, and begin to set the rule for the one his family will worship and serve.

Men, you have a huge influence on the spiritual decisions your children make. Statistics show that children attending church is astronomically higher if dad makes it a priority for the family to go. If he's absent the number drops quickly. God has put you in your family to lead them to Him. Your children are not yours, they are His, and He has lovingly entrusted them to you. It is your job to love them, protect them, and point them back to Him, their true father.

Men, you are responsible for the things that go on in your household. You are to set a standard of righteousness for them to follow. You are to live with a love and passion for God and the way of holiness, and teach this same love to your children. You are to set their feet on the path of righteousness and help them follow God. If you don't then you leave them to their own idols and have failed them.

Men, it is up to you to set the standard of righteousness for your household to follow. Don't fail them.

"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

To God alone be the Glory!

Strength and Honor

Dads, Teach Your Sons to be Men

"Then Jacob said to Simeon and Levi, 'You have brought trouble on me by making me odious among the inhabitants of the land, among the Canaanites and the Perizzites; and my men being few in number, they will gather together against me and attack me and I will be destroyed, I and my household.' But they said, 'Should he treat our sister as a harlot?'" -Genesis 34.30-31

Simeon and Levi return, and their father has some words for them. He is upset because of their actions and the possible ramifications they could have on him. But here's the thing, it's all his fault. Jacob didn't act when he should have, and his sons took action because he wouldn't.

I wonder if Jacob might be feeling guilty. He should have acted and didn't. His sons acted, but not in the way they should have. A city is now dead. And Jacob could have changed all of this, had he simply acted. He's the face of the covenant now. God was with him, and would have been with him as he sought justice, and yet he does nothing.

Abraham took action, he led his men into battle to save Lot. Isaac took action as well, he moved on and kept digging wells. And now when it's Jacob's turn, he is silent and does nothing. But when his sons do something he confronts them. It was his place to act and he doesn't do a thing. They took the wrong course of action, and it's his fault.

Men, it's our place to teach our sons how to be men. It's our place to show them how to control their anger and flee from revenge. It's our place to show them that a man comforts the hurt, and seeks justice for the oppressed. It's our place to show them that a man acts, and show them how to act correctly. When we don't we leave them to figure it out for themselves, and without a man to guide them they most likely don't do things the way a man should.

Men, teach your sons to act and show them how. That way when they do they won't make you odious to the inhabitants of the land. They will know what a man is supposed to do, and they will have the courage to do it because they have watched and learned from you. Teach your sons to be men.

"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

To God alone be the Glory!

Strength and Honor

Dad, Play the Man

"Shechem also said to her father and to her brothers, 'If I find favor in your sight, then I will give whatever you say to me. Ask me ever so much bridal payment and gift, and I will give according as you say to me; but give me the girl in marriage.' But Jacob’s sons answered Shechem and his father Hamor with deceit, because he had defiled Dinah their sister." -Genesis 34.11-13

First Jacob does nothing about his daughter's rape. And now when he is confronted by her attacker and his father he remains silent. Shechem speaks directly to him and makes a request for her hand, and it is Dinah's brothers that speak up. Where is the father in all of this? Where is "he who strives with God"?

When dad refuses to act, sons feel the need to step up and take on the role that dad has left void. Jacob should be dealing with this situation. But we never see that he comforts his daughter, and not surprising, we don't see him seek justice on her behalf. When dad refuses to play the man, his sons will try. The problem is a boy is not ready to be a man yet, and great damage comes from making him grow up too fast.

The brothers aren't thinking clearly, they are blinded by anger, in this case hatred is probably more accurate. They have a plan to get revenge, their idea of justice, and without a father to guide them in how to properly take action here, bad things are about to unfold.

Men, if God has blessed you with a family, play the man. Protect and comfort your daughters. Lead and guide your sons. Your role is to make the world safe for them with your strength. Your role is to teach them how to live in society. Your role is to lead them into Christlikeness. If you remain silent, they are left to figure it out for themselves. They aren't equipped to be able to do that, that's why God gave them to you. Don't fail them. Play the man.

"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

To God alone be the Glory!

Strength and Honor

Daughters, a Precious Gift

"Now Jacob heard that he had defiled Dinah his daughter; but his sons were with his livestock in the field, so Jacob kept silent until they came in. Then Hamor the father of Shechem went out to Jacob to speak with him. Now the sons of Jacob came in from the field when they heard it; and the men were grieved, and they were very angry because he had done a disgraceful thing in Israel by lying with Jacob’s daughter, for such a thing ought not to be done." -Genesis 34.5-7

Here we find a story that is odd to me. Jacob's daughter is raped, and we see him do nothing. His sons are in the field, and instead of doing something he allows them to continue with their task until they return. In some ways there is wisdom in this. The situation is one that would rouse them to anger, justly, but might cause them to act rashly, which may be justice, but may be blood thirsty vengeance.

But when they finally do come in, we see that they are the angry ones, and from what we can gather, Jacob at the most is grieved, but possibly pretty indifferent. We've seen so much growth in his life, and yet now, when he is perhaps needed most as a father, we get nothing from him. And as we'll see later in Scripture, this same response happens again.

The very least Jacob should do is go to his daughter and wrap his arms around her. He needs to comfort her, and love her. And then he, as the leader, needs to seek justice. And I believe that is the order things must take place. I don't know of a good dad who wouldn't be feeling like justice first, I know what my reaction would be, but I don't think it's a good idea to write it out. But we must remember that a young girl has been violated. More than she needs justice she needs comfort and reassurance, and these can only come from her daddy.

Men, let us do what we can to prevent things like this from ever happening. Let us raise daughters to know their value and worth. Let us teach them about the priceless treasure they are, and the captivating beauty they possess. Let us be intentionally involved in the relationships they pursue, guiding them away from the people and situations that lead to this. I'm also a big believer in teaching daughters self-defense, so if need be they can fight off an attacker.

But most importantly let us pray. No matter what we do, no matter how involved we are, no matter what we teach, we simply can't be everywhere, or prevent everything. Sadly, this world is getting worse every minute, but even in this, prayer is the greatest weapon we have. And so I believe every father's daily prayer over his daughter should include, "God, keep her safe from the things I can't protect her from."

A daughter is a precious gift. God has lovingly placed His princess into your life to protect and guide back to Him. Don't fail her. Love, protect, and value her like the treasure she is.

"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

To God alone be the Glory!

Strength and Honor

Lack of Involvement

"When Esau was forty years old he married Judith the daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and Basemath the daughter of Elon the Hittite; and they brought grief to Isaac and Rebekah." -Genesis 26.34-35

Isaac's family is full of issues. Each parent has a favorite child, and the younger deceives his brother to get an upper hand. The older acts hastily and foolishly, trading the future for the moment. And we see no involvement from the parents in any of this. And then the time comes for marriage. Abraham was very intentional and very involved in the selection of a bride for his son. But here we see that Esau acts completely on his own. And his decision brings grief to his parents.

Men, when we aren't involved in the lives of our children, or young people in general, this is what happens. How many young girls had no man to show them how they should be treated, to tell them they are beautiful and captivating princesses to build them up, not get something from them? The decisions they make looking for love and validation grieve us.

How many boys walk around trying to prove themselves, living selfishly trying to get ahead and make a name for themselves? How many of them have no idea who they are, or how to use their strength on behalf of others because they never had anyone to show them how? How much grief have they caused?

Men, the only way it ends is if we get involved. Invest yourself into your children. Be their daddy, not just their father. And invest yourself in the lives of their friends. We live in a world of broken families, and fatherless children. Some through divorce, some through abandonment, and others through death, but fatherless all the same. They need a daddy to love them, and be involved in their lives.

I've thought about my own children someday, and the thought that has crossed my mind a lot is, "What if something happens to me, and I'm not around? Who will be there for them as a man?" I have life insurance, so my family will be taken care of, but they need more than money. This week I called one of my closest friends and asked him a huge favor. "If anything happens to me, would you be willing to be a male role model for my children?" You have no idea the relief that came over me when he said he would.

Men, if we don't get involved the destructive, grief filled, cycle will just continue. Get involved.

"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

To God alone be the Glory!

Strength and Honor

Like Father, Like Son

"So Isaac lived in Gerar. When the men of the place asked about his wife, he said, 'She is my sister,' for he was afraid to say, 'my wife,' thinking, 'the men of the place might kill me on account of Rebekah, for she is beautiful.'" -Genesis 26.6-7

Another famine takes place, and Isaac is moving so his family will survive. His initial plan is to head to Egypt, but God tells him not to, and makes the promise to him that He made to Abraham. I will give you this land, I will multiply you, all the nations of the earth will be blessed by your descendants.

So Isaac goes to Gerar, to King Abimelech. And once there we find Isaac in the same situation as his father, he passes his wife off as his sister to save his own skin. The sin of the father has been picked up by the son, and we see him following in his footsteps in an aspect of life he'd have been better off without.

Men, our actions speak so much louder than our words. The things our children watch us do will speak so much louder than the lessons we try and teach them. I'm reminded of the country song, "I've Been Watching You." It begins with a four year old saying a four letter word, and the dad asking, "Where'd you learn to talk like that?" To which the son replies, "He said I've been watching you dad, ain't that cool. I'm your buckaroo, I wanna be like you and eat all my food and grow as tall as you are. We got cowboy boots and camo pants, yeah we're just alike, hey ain't we dad. I wanna do everything you do, so I've been watching you."

That's the reality of it, our children watch everything we do, and learn by what we do. And just as the negative traits we hate about ourselves are seen, the good ones can be as well. Verse two of the song goes like this.

We got back home and I went to the barn
I bowed my head and I prayed real hard
Said Lord please help me help my stupid self
Then this side of bedtime later that night
Turning on my son's Scooby Doo nightlight
He crawled out of bed and he got down on his knees
He closed his little eyes, folded his little hands
And spoke to God like he was talking to a friend
And I said son now where'd you learn to pray like that

He said I've been watching you dad, ain't that cool
I'm your buckaroo, I wanna be like you
And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are
We like fixing things and holding mama's hand
Yeah we're just alike, hey ain't we dad
I wanna do everything you do
So I've been watching you

With God's help we can pass down the good traits and not the bad ones. Our children can watch us overcome the sins in our own life and see that it is possible to over come them and live righteously. They'll see their father do battle against evil and win. They'll see that his life is about something bigger than himself, and they'll want to be part of that as well. And you'll see like father, like son in a whole new light.

Which image are you going to pass down? What do you want your son to be like?

"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

To God alone be the Glory!

Strength and Honor

No Favorites

"Now Isaac loved Esau, because he had a taste for game, but Rebekah loved Jacob." -Genesis 25.28

The beginning of family struggles, the father loves one of his children more than the other. The two of them share a special bond, and it's easy for them to share and relate. The father naturally draws to the one son, but at the expense of the other. Sometimes it's just neglect, but often it turns into abuse.

Esau was the athlete, and Jacob was the artist. And Isaac prized athleticism. I doubt Jacob was called names by his father, but there is no doubt that he knew his father preferred his brother over him. You have to wonder what his father never knew about him, the talents he never got to share or develop, all because his father related better to his brother.

How many of us were over looked by our fathers because we didn't fit their idea of a man? How many of us were put down by a father who wanted an all star quarterback, instead of a world class pianist? How many of us have struggled with identity and self worth because of it?

A man doesn't favor one child over another. He learns to communicate and relate to them in ways that speak to each one. He learns the heart of each of his children and speaks affirmation into each child's heart. He helps each of his children see their gifts and talents and encourages them to develop their passions. He has no favorites, he loves each of them as they are, not how he would have them be. And part of it, is knowing yourself, and living life to the fullest yourself, not vicariously through them.

Let your children be themselves, and love the for who they are.

"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

To God alone be the Glory!

Strength and Honor

A Father's Faith

"Abraham took the wood of the burnt offering and laid it on Isaac his son, and he took in his hand the fire and the knife. So the two of them walked on together. Isaac spoke to Abraham his father and said, 'My father!' And he said, 'Here I am, my son.' And he said, 'Behold, the fire and the wood, but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?' Abraham said, 'God will provide for Himself the lamb for the burnt offering, my son.' So the two of them walked on together." -Genesis 22.6-8

Father and son have come to Mt. Moriah, and after loading up they begin their trek to the top. The son knows they are there to offer a sacrifice. They have wood, fire, and the knife, but something is missing, the lamb to offer. So the son asks his father, "Where is the lamb?" His father knows what God has told him, offer your son. But he also knows that this is the son of promise. This is the son that God has made a covenant to bless the world through. And so the father replies, "God will provide the lamb." And the two continue on together.

We see here the faith of a father. God has made a promise, and then has asked for the fulfillment of that promise to be sacrificed. But he has faith in God that the promise will still be fulfilled, somehow. And we see in the father, the reassurance to his son, that God will provide the lamb.

Father's we don't have all the answers. We don't know what God is up to, or how He is going to work. But our children look to us for comfort and guidance. They look to us for security. It is our job to provide it. It is our job to trust the Father. God's will may come with difficult requests. We may find ourselves, time and again, in difficult situations with very few answers. But it is not our job to have every answer. It is our job to trust God.

Our children will learn that God is dependable and trust worthy from us. They will learn faith and confidence in God from us. What example are you setting? Do you have faith in God to provide, or are you overcome with worry and doubt?

God will provide, have faith and trust Him. Your children are watching you, and they will learn from what they see. As their father, set an example of faith.

"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

To God alone be the Glory!

Strength and Honor

Lead Your Family

"When morning dawned, the angels urged Lot, saying, 'Up, take your wife and your two daughters who are here, or you will be swept away in the punishment of the city.' But he hesitated. So the men seized his hand and the hand of his wife and the hands of his two daughters, for the compassion of the Lord was upon him; and they brought him out, and put him outside the city."  Genesis 19.15-16

Lot moved to a city full of wickedness.  But God is going to save him.  He is told to gather his family and flee, but when the time came, he hesitated.  For whatever reason Lot is afraid to leave even though he has been warned of the coming disaster.  And his hesitance destroys his family.

His wife turns back to look at the city and becomes a pillar of salt.  After a brief stay in a neighboring city he takes his daughters to a cave in the mountains.  When they realize they won't marry, they get their father drunk and commit incest in order to preserve the family line.  What would have happened if he had never hesitated?

Men, we must lead our families.  Our hesitation may not lead to the same fate as Lot did, but if we fail to lead we let our families down.  How many heart broken wives are out there because their husbands won't initiate?  How many children are orphaned because of fathers who won't engage?  How much damage has been caused by men who won't lead their families?

What do you want for your family?  What do you want the future to hold for your children?  How do you want your wife to feel?  You have a lot to do with that, for good or bad.  If you lead them correctly, you leave a solid foundation for them to build on.  But every hesitation, weakens it until its at the point where anything built on it crumbles.

Will you lead?

"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

To God alone be the Glory!

Strength and Honor

Lay a Solid Foundation

"For I have chosen him, so that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing righteousness and justice, so that the Lord may bring upon Abraham what He has spoken about him." -Genesis 18.19

God made a covenant with Abraham, that in him all the families of the earth would be blessed. Abraham was just one man, but he marks the beginning of a family, a nation, and from his line the Messiah would come, and save the world from sin. Abraham was the beginning, the one that God began to speak with and teach. And it was Abraham's responsibility to teach his family about God, and lead them in following Him, so that the blessings could come. God had made promises to Abraham about his descendants, but they could only be fulfilled if Abraham's descendants followed God.

As men, we have the responsibility to lead our families and instruct our children to love and fear God. As husbands and fathers, we are to be the leaders, the head of the household. We are to set the example by living righteously, and acting justly. Our children's first impression of God will be what they see in us. Our children's initial love of God will come form the priority we place. And the legacy we leave we be measured most by our children.

What can God do with a family led by a man of God? The father's ceiling is simply the foundation his children can build upon. So how strong is it? Is it solid and ready for construction to begin? Or is it in serious need of repair? The later hinders them, and holds them back. Things they may have been able to accomplish for the Kingdom won't be because of the work they had to do that wasn't theirs to fix.

It is the role of a man to lay a solid foundation for his family by leading them in the paths of righteousness. A man must know God, and have a personal and intimate relationship with God if he is ever to do this. His life must be dedicated to following God and growing closer to Him daily. And if he does this, and teaches his children to do the same, they will far surpass anything their father did for for the Kingdom, and that is our hope.

We lay the foundation for the next generation, how strong is it?

"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

To God alone be the Glory!

Strength and Honor

Because of the father

"Then the Lord said to Noah, 'Enter the ark, you and all your household, for you alone I have seen to be righteous before Me in this time.'" -Genesis 7.1

Here we get to look at something interesting that I hadn't thought about until college. We are told that Noah found favor in the eyes of God (Genesis 6.8) And here we are told that Noah alone is righteous before God. We aren't told that his sons were righteous men. The word "alone" used here is the same word used in Genesis 2.18, when God said it is not good for the man to be alone. It shows that he is the only one, that he is completely by himself. And we have the same word used here about Noah's righteousness.

So if his sons aren't righteous men, why does God save them from the flood? My immediate thought is because of their righteous father. As we work through the Bible we'll see over and over the mercy of God upon the righteous, and how it affects others as well. The righteousness of the father, saved the lives of his sons.

Now I have to clarify this, a father's relationship with God will not get his children into heaven. Everyone stands alone on judgment day unless Christ is standing with you. No matter how close of a relationship you have with God, your relationship will not save your children from Hell. You must teach them to love and fear God.

But I believe that God protects the children of a righteous man, because their father is righteous. The Bible tells us that the prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much (James 5.16). Again, this doesn't mean that nothing bad will ever happen to your children just because you walk with God and pray for them. They still have free will, as do others, and God allows free will to unfold. But to an extent, I believe God protects the children of a righteous man when he covers them in prayer.

Noah's sons may have loved and served God, but based on the language, I kind of doubt they did before the flood. But yet they are saved from destruction because of their father. God's mercy abounds to the righteous, and it may just save your child's life at some point. Your righteous life affects more than just you, as does the lack of righteousness. Will you choose to be righteous?

"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

To God alone be the Glory!

Strength and Honor

The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 3: Boyhood, part 1

"We begin our journey into sonship by looking backward, to what our lives as boys were like, and, more important, what they were meant to be. For so much of the way we now approach life as men was set in motion in our youth - some of it for good, and some not so good. We want to recover what was good, and find healing for all that was not. Boyhood is a time of exploration and wonder, and to be a boy is to be an explorer, from the time when the little guy figures out how to crawl up the stairs (he is gone in a flash), to the time he discovers that if he jumps over the back fence he can get down to Jimmy's house, where they have a secret fort. When God set Adam in the Garden of Eden, he set his son in a world that was, at the very same moment, safe and secure yet full of mystery and adventure. There was no reason whatsoever to be afraid, and every reason to dare... Evil is - for now - held at bay. Such is the world God intended for the boy. And that world is created under the sheltering strength of a father who makes you feel safe. For this is the time in life when we were meant to come into the knowledge that we are the Beloved Son, the apple of our father's eye."

I don't play a lot of video games. Growing up my dad said there would never be a Nintendo in his house and that I should go play outside. I loved going to my cousin's house because they had one. Eventually my little brother and I got one, and when my wife and I got married we decided to spend gift cards we had gotten from the wedding on a Wii. Again, I don't play that much, but there is one game I absolutely love, and here you get see part of my geek side (which really isn't all that big). My favorite video game is called "Aragorn's Quest" and it follows the story of the Lord of the Ring's movies. It's the only Lord of the Ring's game available for Wii. But my favorite part of the game isn't the aspects of the movie story.

A large chunk of it, and the part that I love most, is the story behind the story. In between levels of the game you play as a young hobbit child, Frodo Gamgee, the son of Samwise, and as this character you are free to run around and explore the Shire. I could spend, (and sadly probably have) hours playing this part of the game. Something about it connects with me, and this desire of being the beloved son. My heart longs for a place like the Shire, a place of serenity and peace. A place to work and explore, and just enjoy the fellowship of close friends. It's pretty much an Eden. I have spent hours working on the layout of a dream for the future, a piece of land, my own little Shire, where I can enjoy that peace and work, where my children can grow up and explore.

Boyhood was meant to be like that, a time of no worries, just exploration and adventures. A time of figuring out and learning. A time of wonder and amazement at creation and the Creator. It is a time to learn that we are prized by our father's, and in that by our Father. It is a time of knowing that you are safe and protected, not simply from harm, but from worry. In college I was involved with a ministry in a local elementary school. One day one of the kids, a first or second grader, told me they were under a lot of stress. My mind was immediately thinking, "You shouldn't even know that word." This stage of life I believe is meant to be the closest we get to Eden on this earth. But it is only that when if there is a strong father to make it so.

"Safe in your father's arms - that is what it feels like to be the Beloved Son." I'm a bigger guy, not fat, but athletically built. My wife is a petite lady, and I love it. When I hug her I can fully envelope her with my arms and broad shoulders. If something happened where I had to shield her with my body to keep her safe I would be able to. And when we have young children, I'll be able to do the same with them. Whenever they are being hugged by their daddy they will know that they are safe. Whenever dad is around they will know that nothing can harm them, that dad won't let anyone touch them, and that dad will always be there to keep them safe.

"The saftey that a father's strength provides allows a boy to be a boy, creates the universe for a boy's heart to come fully alive... When a boy has this confidence, this security and safety created by masculine strength over him, the whole world opens before him. He is able to live as a boy - an explorer and adventurer."

This is where the journey begins, safe and secure in the strong and powerful arms of a loving father. Without this security the journey cannot take place. There is a song I heard late in high school as I was preparing to head off to college. As with any big transition in life there are mixed emotions. Fear and excitement, panic and joy. But this song really spoke to me and this need to be the Beloved Son of God.

Lately I've been winning battles left and right
But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I'm amazing
Strong beyond my years
But they don't see inside of me
I'm hiding all the tears

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
'Cause deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child

Unafraid because His armor is the best
But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest
People say that I'm amazing
Never face retreat
But they don't see the enemies
That lay me at His feet

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and and cry for just a while
'Cause deep inside this armor
the warrior is a child

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and look up for a smile
'Cause deep inside this armor
Deep inside this armor
Deep inside this armor
The Warrior is a Child

No matter how strong, or how old a man gets, there are always times when he needs to be picked up and protected by his daddy. The Beloved Son knows his father's strength, love, and protection, and knows at all times, that the Father will be there.

"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

To God alone be the Glory!

Strength and Honor

The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 2: True Son of a True Father, part 3

"Most men... understand that Christianity is an offer of forgiveness, made available to us through the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross... What they don't seem to grasp is, there is more. That forgiveness was made available to each of us so that we might come home to the Father. Forgiveness is not the goal. Coming home to the Father is the goal. So a man who calls himself a Christian, attends church, and has some hope of heaven when he dies has not received the lion's share of what God intended him to receive through the work of Christ. He will find himself living still very much alone, stuck in his journey, wondering why he cannot become the man he longs to be. He has not come into sonship."

As I typed that my mind went to the scene in The Lion King where Simba comes face to face with Mufasa in the clouds and his father tells him, "You are more than what you have become." That is true of us, and most of the men in the Church. We have missed the point of all of this, and in so doing, find ourselves board and restless, longing for something more.

In Wild at Heart John talked about how much of what has been presented to us is that we are to be well behaved, really nice guys. But that isn't what we were made for, and it isn't what we crave. We were made to be powerful and dangerous men. Men who stand up for truth, live in righteousness, fight the good fight of faith, defend the defenseless, and live passionately from true strength. That is the point, and that is what God both created us for, and is inviting us into through the redemption of Christ. We are more than what we have become.

"You are the son of a kind, strong, and engaged Father, a Father wise enough to guide you in the Way, generous enough to provide for your journey. His first act of provision happened before you were even born, when he rescued you through the life, death, and resurrection of our elder brother, Jesus of Nazareth. Then he called you to himself - perhaps is calling you even now - to come home to him through faith in Christ."

Regardless of what your earthly father did or didn't do, there is a true Father in God, who will more than make up for his shortcomings. The greatest things my dad did for me was to make sure I was in church every Sunday, and disciplined me when I did something wrong. I learned about God, and I learned how to act in society. And these two things enabled me to learn and grow.

"You see, our deepest convictions about ourselves, about life, and about God are handed to us by our families when we are young... Being a father is a noble undertaking, and a terrifically hard one. A 'hazardous conquest,' as Gabriel Marcel wrote, 'which is achieved step by step over difficult country full of ambushes.' If our earthly fathers faltered along the way, it may have been that the country they were asked to ravel was more difficult than we know. The longer we live, the more I think we will see our fathers' failures with compassion, and - I hope - we will see all that was good in what they were able to offer. A good father was meant to teach us truly about our Father God, and teach us to walk with him. For the day will come, sooner or later, when the son will no longer have his earthly father by his side (if ever he did have him there), and he must go on with God. So, one way or another, our lives find their fulfillment in union with our heavenly Father. This is central to Jesus' teaching."

At some point in every man's journey, they only father he will have is God. I performed a funeral last year and one of the man's sons said the thing he would miss most was having someone to call who knew exactly what he was talking about. As I spoke to them that day I said something along the lines of, "Even though your earthly father is gone, you are not fatherless. You have a heavenly father."

The most important thing any father can do is point his children to God. As I've been studying the Bible, recently I've found what I believe is the most crucial teaching in Scripture, and therefore the most important lesson for me to teach my children. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight" (Proverbs 3.5-60). Teaching them to fully trust in God, and knowing that when they do, He will guide them, is a lesson that will get them through everything they encounter, and it will stay with them even after I am gone.

We were made to live with this trust, this dependence upon God. When we realize this and actually begin to live like it, things can happen. "A radical shift has taken place for those of us who have come to faith in Christ. We have been embraced by our Father in heaven. He has taken us into his family. We are his sons. We really are. We have his Spirit in our hearts (rom. 8:15). We have a new legacy, for we shall be like him (rom. 8:29). We are free now to love our families here on earth, for we need not live under any of the false guilt, false pressures, false inheritances. Our view of ourselves as men can be healed. Our view of the life before us can be renewed. We are free now to take up our journeys with a Father who cares, who understands, who is committed to see us through. Our initiation can commence."

We are more than what we have become, and God isn't satisfied to leave us like that.

"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

To God alone be the Glory!

Strength and Honor

The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 2: True Son of a True Father, part 2

"As I explained in Wild at Heart, a boy derives his identity, his masculinity, and the answers to his deepest questions about himself from his father. It is a double-edged sword. What was created by God to be a good, powerful, and beautiful thing has become for many men a sort of deathblow. A verdict pronounced over their life. For the deepest wound a man carries is his father wound. Whether through violence, or rejection, or passivity, or abandonment, most men did not receive the love and validation they needed as boys from their fathers. They received something else - a wound. For if your father had the power to validate, then he also had the power to invalidate."

These words are so true. Just yesterday in church my pastor spoke on James 3 and the power of the tongue. It carries the power to do tremendous good, and at the same time, tremendous harm. Sons are given to fathers so that they may be built up into the men they were born to be. They are to learn right and wrong, the fear of God, and how to stand for justice from their fathers. They are to be told they are powerful, and have what it takes. Fathers have the power to affirm this, but the flip side of that is the power to crush hope. The tongue that can answer with a confidence building "Yes" can destroy with negativity, or silence. And sadly, too many sons have fathers that do the later. But there is more than just the wound.

"in addition to the wound, there is a sort of legacy we feel we have inherited from our fathers, a sort of primal bond, an inseverable tie to our fathers and what they were as men....The enemy is there in a moment, saying, You see, you are no different than him. You are your father's son"

A few weeks ago my dad and I were talking, and not one of those conversations you look forward to. Somehow we got onto the subject of family, and he said something I will never forget. "All Gunsalus' do is get divorced and have kids with women they aren't married to." Looking back at the past three generations of my family that's pretty much what has happened. My dad said that was a big part of the reason he was committed to staying with my mom. He was determined not get divorced. But that is the legacy he feels our family name carries with it. And it is a legacy I am determined to change. That will not be what is said at the end of my life.

My dad doesn't seem happy. In this conversation I told him, "I don't want to just get through life. I want to enjoy it, and I don't feel like you have." He works a job he hates, has no real hobbies, and in some ways I feel like him. Stuck doing something that doesn't challenge me, with no time or money to do the things I enjoy, and for a while I saw myself becoming just like him. And it scared me.

"Because in some deep, primal way, when we look at our fathers we fear that they are what we are and what we will become. Our destiny. We might never have put words to this primal fear, but look at it this way: how many men have spent years of their lives trying not to be like their fathers? Or trying to cover up fort them, defend them? And why is that? How many embittered mothers - knowing by intuition exactly where to aim the blow - have told their sons, 'You're just like your father.' And why is that such a piercing stab? A few fortunate men have fathers they want to be like... Sometimes men oversimplify the truth about their fathers in order to preserve an image of them unsupported by reality."

Many can relate to this, many of us have felt this. "Do you like who your father is, or was, as a man? Do you want to be just like him? More to our immediate need, can he lead you now on your journey, provide masculine initiation? Place yourself on the spectrum from 'I want to be just like him, he is showing me how' to 'Good guy, but not what I want to be as a man,' to 'Checked out for the most part. I don't want much to do with him,' to 'An evil man. May God deliver me from his legacy.'" Where do you fall? I've known guys who fall into every category. I know which one I want my sons to say of me. I want to leave them with a legacy they are proud to carry on. I want them to know who they are as men. And I want to leave them with validation, not a wound. But not all of us have been so lucky.

"Most men feel sentenced by their fathers in three ways. We feel sentenced by the wound, by what we got from them in answer to our deepest Question (Do i have what it takes?). We feel sentenced by the fact that there is now no one to lead us on in our need for masculine initiation. And we feel sentenced somehow to a bound we feel with our fathers - their sins, their failures, what they were as men. It feels like the hand you have been dealt. As if you might, with effort, make it a little farther than he, but you will always be his son. After all, there are those sayings, such as 'The apple doesn't fall far from the tree." If the family tree is a source of pride to us, then we can move on with confidence. But if it is not, we must realize that we can come out from under its shadow."

No matter who your father was, or what he did or failed to do, God has something to say. He has the final word in all of this. And as we move forward we'll see what He has to say.

"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

To God alone be the Glory!

Strength and Honor

The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 2: True Son of a True Father, part 1

"You are the son of a kind, strong, and engaged Father, a Father wise enough to guide you in the Way, generous enough to provide for your journey, offering to walk with you every step. This is perhaps the hardest thing for us to believe - really believe, down deep in our hearts, so that it changes us forever, changes the way we approach each day... I believe this is the core issue of our shared dilemma as men. We just don't believe it. Our core assumptions about the world boil down to this: we are on our own to make life work. We are not watched over. We are not cared for... When we are hit with a problem, we have to figure it out ourselves, or just take the hit. If anything good is going to come our way, we're the ones who are going to have to arrange for it. Many of us have called upon God as Father, but, frankly, he doesn't seem to have heard. We're not sure why. Maybe we didn't do it right. Maybe he's about more important matters. Whatever the reason, our experience of this world has framed our approach to life. We believe we are fatherless."

All of us, no exceptions, relate our earthly father's to God. All of us relate to God and view God in a similar fashion as we see our earthly fathers. It doesn't always stay that way, but our initial thought of God as father, comes from what we experienced with our dads. How has it shaped you and your view of God?

For me, I have gone through times when I've tried to talk to God but feel that He is distant and uninterested in what I have to say. Other times I have felt like God wants nothing to do with me because He's angry over something I did wrong. And I've been through times where I've felt God is distant, and loves everyone else more than me. And I'm finally at a point where I can admit that I've felt all of this from my dad.

Fathers, you are the model your children have of God. How they see and relate to you is how they will see and relate to God. And if no one comes along and shows them differently, it is how they will see God for their lives. I've met a lot of people who can't grasp the idea of God as a loving father because it isn't what they experienced growing up. The words love and father don't go together. And for men, the idea of a father guiding us, and teaching us how to be a man is an even more nonexistent thought.

"The hardest, gladdest thing in the world is to Father! from a full heart... the refusal to look up to God as our father is the one central wrong in the whole human affair; the inability, the one central misery." Let's look at The Patriot again. As Benjamin Martin and his two younger sons are preparing to ambush the British troops taking the oldest son to be executed he asks them, "What did I tell you fella's about shooting?" The both reply, "Aim small, miss small." In shooting, accuracy is a pretty important thing, especially in a fire fight where your life is dependent upon hitting the other person before they can hit you. If you aim big, you can miss big. Pointing you gun in the general direction of your target and pulling the trigger could hit them, but more than likely it's going miss pretty significantly. But if you aim, small, if you aim specifically at the heart, if you don't hit it, you'll hit some other vital organ right around the heart. Aim small, miss small.

Refusing to look up to God as our father is aiming big. It's trying to hit the target by aiming at everything else, or just taking a guess at what you need to hit and firing. But when we do look at God, when we open ourselves to the vulnerability of allowing God to show us what a real father is, we aim small. We might not hit it exactly on the first shot, but we are close, and we are headed in the right direction.

"You have a good Father. He is better than you thought. He cares. He really does. He's kind and generous. He's out for your bet. This is absolutely central to the teaching of Jesus, though I have to admit, it never really struck a chord in me until I began to think through the need for masculine initiation, and came straight up against the question, But who will do the initiating? Most of our fathers are gone, or checked out, or uninitiated men themselves. There are a few men, a very few, who have fathers initiating them in substantive ways. Would that we are were so lucky. And, some guys have found a mentor, but they also are hard to come by. Especially those who understand masculine initiation. So, again, I still find myself wondering, Where can we find a true father to initiate us? Then pow - the lights begin to come on. Maybe this is what Jesus was getting at. That is the way of any real discovery - we find ourselves in need, and then the answer that has actually been before us form some time suddenly matters, suddenly makes sense."

Look through the Bible, and see how many times it refers to God as "your Father" or "our Father" or "the Father". Read and the Gospels and see how many times Jesus says something along the lines of "You have heard... But I say...". Look at the life of Jesus. Jesus came to earth to show us what God is like, teach us about who God is and what God desires of us, and clear the path back to God. In Him we see that God is a loving Father, and we see that so much of what the people thought was skewed from what God originally had in mind.

God wants to initiate us as men. God has been trying to for our entire lives, but somewhere along the way something happened to misdirect us. We came to see God in a way that doesn't line up with who He really is. We've had men who haven't been initiated and don't know how to initiate us, do the best they can, in the best cases, and in the worst, nothing at all, and it has hindered our own journey. But God is working to get us back on the path. He knows that this is what we long for, because that is what He created us to do.

"The deepest search in life, it seemed to me, the thing that in one way or another was central to all living was man's search to find a father, not merely the father of his flesh, not merely the lost father of his youth, but the image of strength and wisdom external to his need and superior to his hunger, to which the belief and power of his own life could be united." And that is what God will fulfill and provide. It is something only He can provide. And once we see Him as the Father that He is, we can be initiated into the men we are created to be.

"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

To God alone be the Glory!

Strength and Honor