Father Failure

"Now the sons of Eli were worthless men; they did not know the Lord and the custom of the priests with the people. When any man was offering a sacrifice, the priest’s servant would come while the meat was boiling, with a three-pronged fork in his hand. Then he would thrust it into the pan, or kettle, or caldron, or pot; all that the fork brought up the priest would take for himself. Thus they did in Shiloh to all the Israelites who came there. Also, before they burned the fat, the priest’s servant would come and say to the man who was sacrificing, 'Give the priest meat for roasting, as he will not take boiled meat from you, only raw.' If the man said to him, 'They must surely burn the fat first, and then take as much as you desire,' then he would say, 'No, but you shall give it to me now; and if not, I will take it by force.' Thus the sin of the young men was very great before the Lord, for the men despised the offering of the Lord." 1 Samuel 2.12-17

Eli the priest has two sons who serve as priests along with him. But the text tells us that they were worthless men who did not know God or the customs of the priest. They use their position to benefit themselves, hindering the people from proper worship. Their father failed to instruct them on who God was and how to serve before Him as priests. As they abused their power, he failed to discipline them for it, allowing them to drift further and further into sin.

Eli's failure is one that is seen over and over, father's failing to teach and correct their sons. It doesn't have to go to the extreme of allowing them to become abusive and threatening. It can be from simple neglect. I think Eli may have become very preoccupied with his work ministering before God, and neglected his sons. He valued the work of God over the work of parenting, not realizing that parenting is the work of God. He wasn't involved in his son's lives enough to teach them, and then when the problems arose he hadn't been involved enough to have them listen and submit to his correction.

Men, you may be following the example of Eli, and the example of Eli may be what you experienced growing up. You must break the cycle. If your dad wasn't involved in your life don't retreat from your own children because you aren't sure how to engage with them. Don't hide behind work, or a hobby, allowing it to have the moments that your children desperately crave and need. You are the only one that can be a father to your children. You are the only one who loves them enough to discipline them and correct them. If God has given you a family, take the role seriously because it is the most serious work you will ever engage in.

Let us sacrifice our careers for the sake of our children. Let us abandon a hobby for our children's well being. Let us be men who refuse to fail as fathers.

"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

To God alone be the Glory!

Strength and Honor

Let Them Go

"But Jacob did not send Joseph’s brother Benjamin with his brothers, for he said, "I am afraid that harm may befall him.'"  -Genesis 42.4

Jacob sends some of his sons to buy grain, some, not all.  Benjamin, the youngest, and Joseph's brother, is kept at home for fear that something may happen to him.  He isn't allowed to take to the road on this adventure with his brothers.  His father is worries and keeps him safely at home where he can keep an eye on him.

I understand Jacob wanting to protect his child, but here we have the first record of an over protective parent.  Jacob is worried something will happen to Benjamin, and he doesn't let him go.  

Men, we can't be everywhere at every moment with our children, we just can't, and it isn't healthy for us to be the helicopter dad that never let's the kid out of arms reach.  Yes, there are times and situations when that is exactly what you need to do, but we have to learn to let them go.

The day will come when they leave for the first day of Kindergarten, you can't be there with them.  They day will come when they go off to college, and you are staying home.  They graduate and move out of state, and you aren't moving in with them.  We have to be able to let go, and if we want our children to do well during these moments, we have to give them the opportunities to try before hand.

Now, of course, I urge wisdom and caution.  Know where your children are, who they are with, and what they are doing.  Jacob would have known, Benjamin's with his older brothers on the road to Egypt to buy grain.  Don't allow your children to engage in harmful and destructive behavior, and keep them away from those who seek to lead them astray.  But don't hold them back from the good experiences, encourage them to take them.  As you do they'll learn confidence so they are able to take the big steps when the time comes.

And if you're not sure how to begin my suggestion is prayer.  Start with something simple, "God, protect them from the things I can't keep them safe from.  Watch over them when I can't be there to do it."  Remember your children aren't yours, they are God's.  He has entrusted them to you, and He is always watching over them.

Men, don't hold your children back from living life, let them go.

"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

To God alone be the Glory!

Strength and Honor

Loving Your Children

"Now Israel loved Joseph more than all his sons, because he was the son of his old age; and he made him a varicolored tunic. His brothers saw that their father loved him more than all his brothers; and so they hated him and could not speak to him on friendly terms." -Genesis 37.3-4

Israel (Jacob), like his parents, Isaac and Rebekah, had a favorite child. No doubt he had learned from watching his parents that this was an ok practice and carried it on. His situation is slightly different however. For him growing up there were only two, so each child had a parent who loved them most. Israel has twelve sons and a daughter, so the ratio is thrown off a bit. And two be fair, it doesn't say that he didn't love his other children, just that he loved Joseph more than all of them.

I think this is something that happens a lot more often than people are willing to admit. There is one child that stands apart. Maybe they were the first born, maybe they are the youngest. Maybe they are the only son, or only daughter. Maybe it was a child you weren't supposed to be able to have, your miracle child. Whatever the reason it's clear that they are your favorite, and though you might not see it, the siblings feel it.

My wife made a comment a few weeks ago about how do you love all of your children the same, and I've thought about it a little since then. My answer, you don't, you love them each differently. And by differently, I mean uniquely. Each child is there own individual special being. Each one is different. Each one has different passions and desires. Each one has different gifts and talents. You love your children by loving their hearts. You take an interest in what they are interested in because their heart matters to you. You show them that just being together with them is what you want, even if it involves doing something you aren't crazy about.

I love to hike, camp, canoe, basically anything outdoors. I hate to work on cars, but if I have a child that enjoys it, then I'll learn to do it and enjoy it with them because it's something they enjoy. I'll learn to speak to them in their love language, and each one knows that they are loved and valued by dad for who they are. And had Israel taken this approach Joseph's brothers wouldn't have hated him.

Love your children uniquely in ways that show them you know them and care about what they care about. Make time together the point, showing them you value being with them, even if it's not something you yourself would choose to do. Love them for who they are, and love them all, not just the ones you have things in common with. Love them uniquely.

"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

To God alone be the Glory!

Strength and Honor

Deal With the Issues

"It came about while Israel was dwelling in that land, that Reuben went and lay with Bilhah his father’s concubine, and Israel heard of it." -Genesis 35.22

At some point one of Jacob's sons takes a liking to Bilhah, the maid that Rachel gave to her husband as a wife to bear children on her behalf. Reuben begins an affair with her, Israel hears about it, but that's all we get. He doesn't deal with the issue. We have no record of him confronting his son. We have no record of anything being done about it. We are simply told that Israel heard about it.

Men, when our children sin and get into destructive behavior we need to deal with the issue. In this family there is a history of just letting things slide and go unaddressed. The actions of the sons go unpunished, at times even unaddressed, by their father. And the more that they get away with, the more they are willing to try.

It began with slaughtering a city. Then it became this event of Reuben's. Coming up there is talk of murdering one of their own brothers. The more things that get overlooked, the bolder they get. And the same is true today.

Men, when we find our children, or anyone we care about, engaging in a destructive activity, whether physically or eternally, we must deal with it. We have been given strength by God to deal with these issues. It is our duty to protect our children. It is our duty to discipline and correct their behavior. Ignoring an issue and allowing it to go unaddressed does neither of them, and by doing this you actually show your children that you hate them.

Don't allow your children to run rampant and destroy their lives. And actually it isn't just their lives they are destroying with their actions, but others as well. If you love your children, biological or not, discipline them and deal with the issues. You might just rescue their soul from hell.

Man up, and deal with the issues.

"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

To God alone be the Glory!

Strength and Honor

Give Your Children an Identity

"Then they journeyed from Bethel; and when there was still some distance to go to Ephrath, Rachel began to give birth and she suffered severe labor. When she was in severe labor the midwife said to her, 'Do not fear, for now you have another son.' It came about as her soul was departing (for she died), that she named him Ben-oni; but his father called him Benjamin. So Rachel died and was buried on the way to Ephrath (that is, Bethlehem)." -Genesis 35.16-19

Jacob, now Israel, has been given a new identity by God. He has received his true name, one of honor. We see that Rachel is pregnant, and the time has come to give birth, which would be her last act on earth. As with all of Israel's other children, the mother names her son. With her dying breath she names him Ben-oni, which means "the son of my sorrow". That's the identity that his mother gave him. It's a reminder of shame, and a name of dishonor. How is a boy to grow up with a name like that?

But fortunately for the son, his father has recently received a new identity. He is a new man, and for the first time in his years as a father, Israel names his son. He steps in and names him Benjamin, "the son of my right hand". Benjamin is a name of strength and honor. It is a name with a solid identity foundation. He begins life not with a mark of shame, but of dignity. And that is what can happen when a father steps in and gives an identity to his children.

Men, what identity have you given to your children? This passage is about a son, but the same need is there with daughters. What have you named them? What have you called them and led them to believe about themselves? Have you named them "Ben-oni" filling them with shame? Or have you named them "Benjamin" giving them pride?

Men, you have incredible power over your children. You give them an identity, but the question is what identity do you give them? You can build them up or tear them down. If you have been given your true identity from God, you will build them up. You will help them see who they really are in God's eyes. You will help them see God as a loving father who can be trusted, not as an angry tyrant to be feared.

You will give your children an identity, what will it be?

"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

To God alone be the Glory!

Strength and Honor

Lack of Involvement

"When Esau was forty years old he married Judith the daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and Basemath the daughter of Elon the Hittite; and they brought grief to Isaac and Rebekah." -Genesis 26.34-35

Isaac's family is full of issues. Each parent has a favorite child, and the younger deceives his brother to get an upper hand. The older acts hastily and foolishly, trading the future for the moment. And we see no involvement from the parents in any of this. And then the time comes for marriage. Abraham was very intentional and very involved in the selection of a bride for his son. But here we see that Esau acts completely on his own. And his decision brings grief to his parents.

Men, when we aren't involved in the lives of our children, or young people in general, this is what happens. How many young girls had no man to show them how they should be treated, to tell them they are beautiful and captivating princesses to build them up, not get something from them? The decisions they make looking for love and validation grieve us.

How many boys walk around trying to prove themselves, living selfishly trying to get ahead and make a name for themselves? How many of them have no idea who they are, or how to use their strength on behalf of others because they never had anyone to show them how? How much grief have they caused?

Men, the only way it ends is if we get involved. Invest yourself into your children. Be their daddy, not just their father. And invest yourself in the lives of their friends. We live in a world of broken families, and fatherless children. Some through divorce, some through abandonment, and others through death, but fatherless all the same. They need a daddy to love them, and be involved in their lives.

I've thought about my own children someday, and the thought that has crossed my mind a lot is, "What if something happens to me, and I'm not around? Who will be there for them as a man?" I have life insurance, so my family will be taken care of, but they need more than money. This week I called one of my closest friends and asked him a huge favor. "If anything happens to me, would you be willing to be a male role model for my children?" You have no idea the relief that came over me when he said he would.

Men, if we don't get involved the destructive, grief filled, cycle will just continue. Get involved.

"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

To God alone be the Glory!

Strength and Honor