“Hopefully by now - having passed through some experience of the other stages, and this one, too - the heart of the man has been awakened, come alive. Hopefully by now he is becoming a passionate man, a lover of beauty, haunted by the Great Romancer. Love, Beauty, Romance, Sexuality. It seems that when these are taking their place in a man's life, embraced, made whole and holy by God, then loving a woman comes quite naturally to a man... A man detached from his heart might attempt to do the right things toward a woman - valentines, flowers, a night on the town - but it will lack essential passion, and she won't enjoy it. Principles do not a Lover make."
And now we come to it at last, the relationship between a man and a woman. This is part of life, and a good part. But it must occur at the proper moment. You can marry the right person at the wrong time. Before a man enters into a relationship with a woman, he must first know who he is. He must know his identity in Christ, and he must know the love of God for him. Then, and only then, can he truly begin to love his wife.
Let's look at Scripture. Ephesians 5 says it clearly, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless" (verses 25-27).
Love your wives just as Christ loved the church. How did Christ love the church? He lived a perfect life, setting an example for them on how to live, and then He laid His own life down to die to save it. He died so that the church could have new life, and He lived showing them what the new life looked like. In order to love his wife as Christ loves the church a husband must be willing to both lay down his life, and to live in his God given identity. In order to do that he must have been the Beloved Son, and also be a Warrior. Beloved Sons know who they are, and Warriors stand firm and take back ground from the enemy. And sadly, when it comes to your wife, there will be a lot of ground to take back. Not because of her, but because she, as the reflection of beauty, has been so assaulted by the enemy.
"Now, a few words of warning. Loving a woman will prove to be your greatest test as a man, and probably your greatest battle." It will be a fierce fight, but it is a fight we must win. But it's amazing how many men enter into a marriage never expecting a battle.
"The great surprise is that she is broken. Often her brokenness will remain hidden until she becomes engaged, or married, and then wham - it all comes out. Why is that? You'd think now that she is safe, now that she knows she's loved, she would be in a better place. But that's just it - now that she is safe and loved, her soul can quit pushing it all down. Before she is pursued and wanted, she fears that she cannot be herself of no man will want her. Now that she is loved, her heart comes forth and with it the sorrow of her life. It presents an opportunity for healing, so long as the young man handles things well. (Your life and validation are found in God - hang on to that!) Learn to pray for her, tenderly when you are with her, and fiercely in your closet alone. You will need to fight the evil one for your wife, the historic demons that have assaulted her since her youth."
Your warrior's heart is essential, here. I can't stress that enough. And when your wife opens up and shares with you, it's because she trusts you to fight for her heart, it's because she believes you can, and she wants you to. She married you for your strength; give it to her now when she needs it most. And it is for this reason that a man must first know the love of God. Again, I can't stress this enough. Our strength comes from Him. We learn that we are loved from Him. And we learn to love from Him. The closer you are to God, the more you can love and fight for your wife.
And it is important to note that you won't always feel loving. And what you do in those moments says so much about you, and molds you. "Loving a woman when you are in love comes easily. Sure, sometimes awkwardly, in that there is much to be learned to be a Lover. But the motivation is fully in force when you are in love. Our development as men and Lovers comes in those times when things don't feel romantic at all."
Love isn't defined by the warm fuzzy feelings. Real love is seen in the hard times. It's what you do when it isn't easy, when it isn't what you really want to do. And when you do this, you begin to set her heart free. "You see, the Beauty is in there. She is in there. A real Lover makes love to the soul of a woman, not just her body. And her soul is lovely, whatever else might be going on. The beauty is there. And, to taste the fruit of your strength and courage and steadfastness, over years, as your wife begins to come into the healing and freedom God intends for her - ah, that is sweet fruit indeed. I know none sweeter."
This battle is fierce, but it is worth every moment of the fight. Remember, the woman is the reflection of God's beauty, and the freer her heart is, the more completely it can reflect His beauty. The more whole and complete you are the more whole and complete she can be. And when a man and a woman, whole and complete in who God created them to be, come together as one, you have something absolutely incredible. The fullest image of God that can occur this side of Heaven.
And so fight for her. Pursue her. John gives advice I heard before my wife and I were married. "'Try to out-bless God in blessing her.' Meaning, try to outdo the Great Romancer in finding ways to simply lavish upon your wife." You can't do it. But the heart of a Lover, loves to continue to try.
"The heart of a Lover simply wants to lavish her with love, with no thought of return. It does return, as her heart is filled with gratitude. Not because something is owed, but because her heart matters to you and your heart matters to her more than just about anything in the world. This is love we're talking about." Love her, and watch her love you. And in this you'll get a glimpse of God's love for you. The more you love her, the more you'll understand the love of God for you.
"Learning to be loved, and learning to love, learning to be romanced, and learning to romance - that is what this stage is all about. Not duty. Not merely discipline. But an awakening of our hearts to the Beauty and Love of God, and at the same time (we cannot wait until some later time), we offer our hearts as well - to God, to the women in our lives, to our sons and daughters, to others. This is a love story, after all... He is a great Romancer, and you shall be also."
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Showing posts with label Lover. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lover. Show all posts
Saturday, November 16, 2013
Friday, November 15, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 11: Raising the Lover, part 4
We've discussed wounds in the other stages, and this one is no different. However, I do feel that the wounds build on each other, just as the stages do, and the wounds of this stage are often the result of wounding in an earlier stage. This stage is either entered too early, or wounds result when a man tries to find healing here from previous wounds. When a man looks for healing in a woman the wound doesn't heal, it can't heal. She is only a reflection of beauty, not Beauty itself. And trying to find healing in her or from her, is like putting a band-aid on a six inch gash. Healing can only be found in God, and it is to Him that we must look.
"God will do this. He will actually bring women across your path who speaks to your longings, and your wounds, your fears even, in order to raise the issue so that he might heal. This can't be done in the abstract. It must involve those very places in our hearts and souls that have been wounded, or surrendered. It feels dangerous, and it is, but the surgery is needed, and until a man gets that healed he will be more and more vulnerable to a fall. So God will do what he needs to do in order to bring our heats to the surface."
Know, God is not leading you into sin, He doesn't do that. God is not giving you permission to lust or cheat. Rather God is trying to get you to rip off the band-aid, and let Him go to work cutting out the dead flesh and stitching up the wound. I had a friend who got out of a relationship feeling like it was his fault that it didn't work out. He didn't have any moral failures with the girl, but he kept feeling like it was his fault. As we talked he began to share some of the reasons, and in that I began to see how God was working to bring healing from the wounds of his past. But before God could go to work stitching up the wounds from the past, the band-aid had to be presently ripped off. This is the case with each of us.
And yes, it might seem dangerous, but don't forget we are Warriors, fully capable of facing danger and emerging victorious, especially when we are focused on being romanced by God. But still there is danger even in the healing. It is a risk to let God in, for us to journey back to the times in our life when we were cut the deepest, but we must go there, and this time we must come out victorious.
"It goes without saying that there is something in the soul of a man that makes him profoundly vulnerable to the Beauty... Over the ages men have handled this in basically one of two ways - surrender, or discipline. Surrender can be subtle, as when we let her in, when we allow ourselves to entertain the Beauty even though she is not ours. The lingering glance, the opening of our hearts to her. It can be blatant, as when we masturbate to a photo or a film, or give in to an affair. The damage is terrible, and many good men therefore choose discipline. Force yourself to look away, busy yourself with other things, fight it tooth and nail. Which is certainly better than surrender."
What are some ways you can fight? Don't put yourselves in a position first of all. Why would you walk knowingly into an ambush? If you have a problem with pornography, listen to praise and worship music all the time, especially when you're working on the computer. When all you hear is songs about God how can you focus no doing something that hurts your relationship with Him? If you're married, play with your wedding ring on your finger. Twist it around your finger, feel it, think about what it represents. If you aren't married, get a promise ring, a symbol of the commitment you're making. My wife used to work at a jewelry store, and they have a phenomenal ring there for men:
http://www.kay.com//en/kaystore/mens-wedding-band-bioblu27%C2%99-21090910399--1
Discipline in something we've worked to develop in earlier stages, and it is crucial that we do because we need it here. "But discipline without healing doesn't work real well over time, and it can do great damage to our hearts, which begin to feel like the enemy so we'll do what we can to kill them in order to avert disaster. There is another way. The way of holiness and healing and it involves what we do in that very moment, when our hearts are stirred by a Beauty."
John offers a prayer he wrote in his journal for moments like these, "O merciful God, come to me in this place, this very place in my heart. I give this to you. I choose you over Eve. I choose your love and friendship and beauty. I give my aching and longing and vulnerable heart to you. Come, and heal me here. Sanctify me. Make me whole and holy in this very place."
"Whole, and holy. That is what we need." Only then are we healed enough to be able to be disciplined without killing our hearts. Only then are we healed enough to fight the battle. What wounds are there in your heart? What past relationships or actions have wounded your heart? What band-aid have you covered them with? What is keeping you from experiencing the healing that God's stitches can bring?
Invite Christ in to bring healing. "Some of you men are still in an emotional tie with a woman you knew years ago. You must let her go - along with any photos, letters, mementos you are hanging on to... But you do not let her go with cynicism or resignation. You give that hurt place in your heart to God, invite him in to bring healing and holiness."
I've found fires to be a helpful tool here. Put everything in a box and seal it up. If need be give it to someone else to hold on to. Then pray and study, allow God to stitch up the wound, and then when your ready, when the healing has taken place, get the box, go outside, and celebrate with a fire. I've had one, and honestly it's one of the most freeing things I've experienced. Again, you don't want to do this with reluctance, because then it leads to regret. This must be a conscious and disciplined choice, and when it is, don't hesitate to bust out the matches and lighter fluid.
"And then there are the sexual issues, the holiness we need deep in our sexuality... Sometimes we have to be very specific to find the cleansing and relief we long for, going back and renouncing specific events, inviting the blood of Christ to cleanse our every sin away, that our sexuality may be made holy. We bring the cross of Christ between us and every woman we've ever had an emotional or sexual relationship with (read Gal. 6:14). This would include affairs over the Internet, and with pornography, and every misuse of your sexuality. And, brothers, if you are in an emotional or physical relationship with a woman other than your wife even now, you must walk away. You must walk away. No stalling, no excuse-making. You will not find healing, holiness, and strength until you do."
This takes a lot of prayer. Persistent, and specific prayer. I was kept from sexual sin, but I've had some emotional ties with girls before my wife. For a while they came up in my mind, especially when I was tired, but it was then that I really began to pray. Not simply "God get this out of my mind." But specifics, "God, forgive me for this... Cleanse this..." and not just once, but over and over until it is finished. It isn't always fun, some of these things you really just want to forget about, and know what, with this you can. I don't know the last time one of those thoughts came into my head. God has stitched it up and the wound is gone.
"And then there is the 'live moment,' when a beautiful woman crosses our path in person or in an image of some sort, and our hearts are stirred. how we handle that moment is critical. We do not surrender, we do not kill the longing. We give that very place over to Christ. That place in your heart, right there, right then, give to Jesus. Awakened by a beauty, we give that part of our hearts to God... Again? Yes again and again and again. That is how we are healed, made whole and holy and strong."
Bounce your eyes, and pray. Go back to the ring on your finger, it isn't just about your wife, or future wife, but about a commitment to God. And in all things, remember that the woman is simply a reflection of the beauty of God, instead of focusing on her, turn your attention to Him. Allow yourself to be swept up in the extravagance of His beauty.
"Finally, we must open our hearts to all the other ways God is bringing beauty into our lives. The beauty of a flower garden or moonlight on water, the beauty of music or a written word. Our souls crave Beauty, and if we do not find it we will be famished. We must take in Beauty, often, or we will be taken out by beauty."
My mind just thought of this, but I love what Paul says in Philippians 4.4-9, "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you."
All of those things are only true of God, and we are to rejoice in Him and dwell on Him. When we do He is near us and with us. And when He is with us, our hearts are healed. One of my favorite, and most crucial, moments in life happened when I had finally been healed from an emotional connection with a girl. I was watching Brave Heart and I heard a line that at that moment came from the mouth of God. "Your heart is free. Have the courage to follow it." In just a few months I would begin a relationship with my wife, and I was able to because my heart was free, and I courageously followed it. And I'm so glad I did.
I realize there is so much more that could be said here. In some ways I feel inadequate to talk about many of these areas because thanks to the grace of God, I haven't struggled with them. I hope what I have said here is clear and helpful, and as always there is an email at the bottom of the page if you want to converse more about this or any topic.
Allow God to remove the band-aid and stitch up the wounds. In the end you will find healing and hear Him tell you, "Your heart is free. Have the courage to follow it."
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
"God will do this. He will actually bring women across your path who speaks to your longings, and your wounds, your fears even, in order to raise the issue so that he might heal. This can't be done in the abstract. It must involve those very places in our hearts and souls that have been wounded, or surrendered. It feels dangerous, and it is, but the surgery is needed, and until a man gets that healed he will be more and more vulnerable to a fall. So God will do what he needs to do in order to bring our heats to the surface."
Know, God is not leading you into sin, He doesn't do that. God is not giving you permission to lust or cheat. Rather God is trying to get you to rip off the band-aid, and let Him go to work cutting out the dead flesh and stitching up the wound. I had a friend who got out of a relationship feeling like it was his fault that it didn't work out. He didn't have any moral failures with the girl, but he kept feeling like it was his fault. As we talked he began to share some of the reasons, and in that I began to see how God was working to bring healing from the wounds of his past. But before God could go to work stitching up the wounds from the past, the band-aid had to be presently ripped off. This is the case with each of us.
And yes, it might seem dangerous, but don't forget we are Warriors, fully capable of facing danger and emerging victorious, especially when we are focused on being romanced by God. But still there is danger even in the healing. It is a risk to let God in, for us to journey back to the times in our life when we were cut the deepest, but we must go there, and this time we must come out victorious.
"It goes without saying that there is something in the soul of a man that makes him profoundly vulnerable to the Beauty... Over the ages men have handled this in basically one of two ways - surrender, or discipline. Surrender can be subtle, as when we let her in, when we allow ourselves to entertain the Beauty even though she is not ours. The lingering glance, the opening of our hearts to her. It can be blatant, as when we masturbate to a photo or a film, or give in to an affair. The damage is terrible, and many good men therefore choose discipline. Force yourself to look away, busy yourself with other things, fight it tooth and nail. Which is certainly better than surrender."
What are some ways you can fight? Don't put yourselves in a position first of all. Why would you walk knowingly into an ambush? If you have a problem with pornography, listen to praise and worship music all the time, especially when you're working on the computer. When all you hear is songs about God how can you focus no doing something that hurts your relationship with Him? If you're married, play with your wedding ring on your finger. Twist it around your finger, feel it, think about what it represents. If you aren't married, get a promise ring, a symbol of the commitment you're making. My wife used to work at a jewelry store, and they have a phenomenal ring there for men:
http://www.kay.com//en/kaystore/mens-wedding-band-bioblu27%C2%99-21090910399--1
Discipline in something we've worked to develop in earlier stages, and it is crucial that we do because we need it here. "But discipline without healing doesn't work real well over time, and it can do great damage to our hearts, which begin to feel like the enemy so we'll do what we can to kill them in order to avert disaster. There is another way. The way of holiness and healing and it involves what we do in that very moment, when our hearts are stirred by a Beauty."
John offers a prayer he wrote in his journal for moments like these, "O merciful God, come to me in this place, this very place in my heart. I give this to you. I choose you over Eve. I choose your love and friendship and beauty. I give my aching and longing and vulnerable heart to you. Come, and heal me here. Sanctify me. Make me whole and holy in this very place."
"Whole, and holy. That is what we need." Only then are we healed enough to be able to be disciplined without killing our hearts. Only then are we healed enough to fight the battle. What wounds are there in your heart? What past relationships or actions have wounded your heart? What band-aid have you covered them with? What is keeping you from experiencing the healing that God's stitches can bring?
Invite Christ in to bring healing. "Some of you men are still in an emotional tie with a woman you knew years ago. You must let her go - along with any photos, letters, mementos you are hanging on to... But you do not let her go with cynicism or resignation. You give that hurt place in your heart to God, invite him in to bring healing and holiness."
I've found fires to be a helpful tool here. Put everything in a box and seal it up. If need be give it to someone else to hold on to. Then pray and study, allow God to stitch up the wound, and then when your ready, when the healing has taken place, get the box, go outside, and celebrate with a fire. I've had one, and honestly it's one of the most freeing things I've experienced. Again, you don't want to do this with reluctance, because then it leads to regret. This must be a conscious and disciplined choice, and when it is, don't hesitate to bust out the matches and lighter fluid.
"And then there are the sexual issues, the holiness we need deep in our sexuality... Sometimes we have to be very specific to find the cleansing and relief we long for, going back and renouncing specific events, inviting the blood of Christ to cleanse our every sin away, that our sexuality may be made holy. We bring the cross of Christ between us and every woman we've ever had an emotional or sexual relationship with (read Gal. 6:14). This would include affairs over the Internet, and with pornography, and every misuse of your sexuality. And, brothers, if you are in an emotional or physical relationship with a woman other than your wife even now, you must walk away. You must walk away. No stalling, no excuse-making. You will not find healing, holiness, and strength until you do."
This takes a lot of prayer. Persistent, and specific prayer. I was kept from sexual sin, but I've had some emotional ties with girls before my wife. For a while they came up in my mind, especially when I was tired, but it was then that I really began to pray. Not simply "God get this out of my mind." But specifics, "God, forgive me for this... Cleanse this..." and not just once, but over and over until it is finished. It isn't always fun, some of these things you really just want to forget about, and know what, with this you can. I don't know the last time one of those thoughts came into my head. God has stitched it up and the wound is gone.
"And then there is the 'live moment,' when a beautiful woman crosses our path in person or in an image of some sort, and our hearts are stirred. how we handle that moment is critical. We do not surrender, we do not kill the longing. We give that very place over to Christ. That place in your heart, right there, right then, give to Jesus. Awakened by a beauty, we give that part of our hearts to God... Again? Yes again and again and again. That is how we are healed, made whole and holy and strong."
Bounce your eyes, and pray. Go back to the ring on your finger, it isn't just about your wife, or future wife, but about a commitment to God. And in all things, remember that the woman is simply a reflection of the beauty of God, instead of focusing on her, turn your attention to Him. Allow yourself to be swept up in the extravagance of His beauty.
"Finally, we must open our hearts to all the other ways God is bringing beauty into our lives. The beauty of a flower garden or moonlight on water, the beauty of music or a written word. Our souls crave Beauty, and if we do not find it we will be famished. We must take in Beauty, often, or we will be taken out by beauty."
My mind just thought of this, but I love what Paul says in Philippians 4.4-9, "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you."
All of those things are only true of God, and we are to rejoice in Him and dwell on Him. When we do He is near us and with us. And when He is with us, our hearts are healed. One of my favorite, and most crucial, moments in life happened when I had finally been healed from an emotional connection with a girl. I was watching Brave Heart and I heard a line that at that moment came from the mouth of God. "Your heart is free. Have the courage to follow it." In just a few months I would begin a relationship with my wife, and I was able to because my heart was free, and I courageously followed it. And I'm so glad I did.
I realize there is so much more that could be said here. In some ways I feel inadequate to talk about many of these areas because thanks to the grace of God, I haven't struggled with them. I hope what I have said here is clear and helpful, and as always there is an email at the bottom of the page if you want to converse more about this or any topic.
Allow God to remove the band-aid and stitch up the wounds. In the end you will find healing and hear Him tell you, "Your heart is free. Have the courage to follow it."
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 11: Raising the Lover, part 3
"As I explained earlier, the Lover emerges around the time of the Warrior, those stages overlapping, and let me add he continues right through to the end of a man's life, for the King must be a Lover as he must be a Warrior, and the Sage is a Lover long after he has handed the fighting of battles over to younger men. So what we are cultivating here is something that will grow all your life. We are opening a door that must never be shut. And again, before we talk of loving a woman, let us first turn to the romance with God."
The reality of all of this comes down the fact that without God, all of this is meaningless. Eventually, we are unable to do the things we love to do, and when that happens what are we left with? I shared the clip from Second Hand Lions, how Hub fears being useless and helpless in a fight. Without the Beauty all he aspires to be is a Warrior, but there comes a time when it's no longer possible to go into battle. No matter what your passion is, there will come a time when you are unable to do it. Arthritis takes away your ability to play an instrument. A bad back or knee makes it impossible to work in your garden. A spouse or child dies. If that is your world, what happens?
Our first, and greatest loved must be for God. That relationship is the only thing that doesn't fade over time. It is the only thing that the older we get the more we can invest in it and the more we can enjoy it. And when everything else is lost we can hold on to our greatest passion and be grateful for the experience He gave us, not angry that they are in the past. And God wants this for us. He wants to speak to us in ways that are unique to us. "How has he been wooing you? What has stirred your heat over the years?... God has many such gifts for you, particular to you, and now that you have this stage of the Lover to watch for, eyes to look for the Romance, you'll begin to see them, too."
How has God been speaking to your heart? For me recently it's been with plants. I'll learn something about a different variety, one that blossoms earlier, or longer. I learn about a new unique plant that I didn't know I could grow in North East Ohio. I'll find ones that fruit at a different point that pollinate a variety that fruits at a different time so that I can enjoy fresh fruit longer and have better harvests because of the variety. And in all of this it's a chance to get a taste of the simplicity of life in the beginning. "Then the Lord God formed man of dust from the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being. 8 The Lord God planted a garden toward the east, in Eden; and there He placed the man whom He had formed... Then the Lord God took the man and put him into the garden of Eden to cultivate it and keep it"(Genesis 2.7-8, 15).
Gardening is never a hobby I planned on having, or loving as much as I do. "We cannot control what the Romancer is up to, but there is a posture we can take. There is an openness to this stage that will enable us to recognize and receive the wooing. So let me ask - are you willing to let go of your insistence to control, meaning, to allow for a life that exists beyond the realm of analysis, to let some portions of your life be impractical, to cease evaluating all things based on their utility and function? Coming closer to the heart, are you willing to let passion rise in you, though undoubtedly it may unnerve you? To permit the healing of some of your deepest wounds? To let yourself be run through as with a rapier by Beauty itself? Are you willing, at some point, to be undone? Then we may proceed. to enter into the Romance we must slow down, or we will miss the wooing... what was it that stirred your hear over the years? Go and get it back."
It's crucial that we remember that this is a process, and that the other party involved is a wonderfully complex individual. There will be aspects that confuse us and mystify us, and we have to be ok with that. We cannot try to rationalize God and reason everything out, it's not going to happen, and what kind of relationship is that? Is that what our wives want from us? Or instead do they want us to pursue them as the unveil the beauty the possess? It's the same way with God. It takes a willingness to be vulnerable, and courage to step into the unknown. but what is waiting for us is beauty and intimacy beyond our wildest imagination. It is something we must be willing to fight for, because it is something good worth having, but we have to remember that ultimately it isn't about the battle, but the Beauty that is being fought for.
"But life is not all about the battle. The Romance is always central. Listen again to David: though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident. One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD. (Ps. 27:3-4 NIV) He knows battle, knows what it is to have God come through for him. He does not fear it; he is confident as a seasoned warrior is confident. But, he does not make it his heart's desire. What he seeks is not battle - what he seeks is the romance with God."
That is what it all comes down to, the reason we prepare for battle and go to war is ultimately about winning the freedom to experience God. We will have to fight for it, and it's ok because we are Warriors, but life is not about the battle. One day battle will end, the enemy will be vanquished, and the war will be over. On that day all we will have to do is be fully caught up in the romance we have with God. We will enjoy intimacy with Him as we were created to. The fighting will be over, and the celebration will begin.
"For we must remember: the battle is for the Romance. What we fight for is the freedom and healing that allow us to have the intimacy with God we were created to enjoy. to drink from his river of delights... If a man does not find his life in God, he will become a very thirsty man, and thirsty men have been known to do some very stupid things."
A thirsty man will try to satisfy his thirst in any way he can, and ultimately in ways that do more harm than good. The best thing to quench your thirst is water, it's pure, clean, and refreshing. We have things that stand in, pop, sports drinks, juice, and all of them offer flavor and enjoyment, but none of them are nearly as refreshing as a cool glass of water. And it is the same way with us. Too often we see refreshment in things that cannot really satisfy, "there is a Beauty we long for calling to us through the beauty of the woman we are enchanted by. She is not the Beauty itself, only a messenger. If we never look beyond, we will try in vain to find it in her, causing both ourselves and the woman a great deal of pain."
And when this happens, there is need of healing.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
The reality of all of this comes down the fact that without God, all of this is meaningless. Eventually, we are unable to do the things we love to do, and when that happens what are we left with? I shared the clip from Second Hand Lions, how Hub fears being useless and helpless in a fight. Without the Beauty all he aspires to be is a Warrior, but there comes a time when it's no longer possible to go into battle. No matter what your passion is, there will come a time when you are unable to do it. Arthritis takes away your ability to play an instrument. A bad back or knee makes it impossible to work in your garden. A spouse or child dies. If that is your world, what happens?
Our first, and greatest loved must be for God. That relationship is the only thing that doesn't fade over time. It is the only thing that the older we get the more we can invest in it and the more we can enjoy it. And when everything else is lost we can hold on to our greatest passion and be grateful for the experience He gave us, not angry that they are in the past. And God wants this for us. He wants to speak to us in ways that are unique to us. "How has he been wooing you? What has stirred your heat over the years?... God has many such gifts for you, particular to you, and now that you have this stage of the Lover to watch for, eyes to look for the Romance, you'll begin to see them, too."
How has God been speaking to your heart? For me recently it's been with plants. I'll learn something about a different variety, one that blossoms earlier, or longer. I learn about a new unique plant that I didn't know I could grow in North East Ohio. I'll find ones that fruit at a different point that pollinate a variety that fruits at a different time so that I can enjoy fresh fruit longer and have better harvests because of the variety. And in all of this it's a chance to get a taste of the simplicity of life in the beginning. "Then the Lord God formed man of dust from the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being. 8 The Lord God planted a garden toward the east, in Eden; and there He placed the man whom He had formed... Then the Lord God took the man and put him into the garden of Eden to cultivate it and keep it"(Genesis 2.7-8, 15).
Gardening is never a hobby I planned on having, or loving as much as I do. "We cannot control what the Romancer is up to, but there is a posture we can take. There is an openness to this stage that will enable us to recognize and receive the wooing. So let me ask - are you willing to let go of your insistence to control, meaning, to allow for a life that exists beyond the realm of analysis, to let some portions of your life be impractical, to cease evaluating all things based on their utility and function? Coming closer to the heart, are you willing to let passion rise in you, though undoubtedly it may unnerve you? To permit the healing of some of your deepest wounds? To let yourself be run through as with a rapier by Beauty itself? Are you willing, at some point, to be undone? Then we may proceed. to enter into the Romance we must slow down, or we will miss the wooing... what was it that stirred your hear over the years? Go and get it back."
It's crucial that we remember that this is a process, and that the other party involved is a wonderfully complex individual. There will be aspects that confuse us and mystify us, and we have to be ok with that. We cannot try to rationalize God and reason everything out, it's not going to happen, and what kind of relationship is that? Is that what our wives want from us? Or instead do they want us to pursue them as the unveil the beauty the possess? It's the same way with God. It takes a willingness to be vulnerable, and courage to step into the unknown. but what is waiting for us is beauty and intimacy beyond our wildest imagination. It is something we must be willing to fight for, because it is something good worth having, but we have to remember that ultimately it isn't about the battle, but the Beauty that is being fought for.
"But life is not all about the battle. The Romance is always central. Listen again to David: though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident. One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD. (Ps. 27:3-4 NIV) He knows battle, knows what it is to have God come through for him. He does not fear it; he is confident as a seasoned warrior is confident. But, he does not make it his heart's desire. What he seeks is not battle - what he seeks is the romance with God."
That is what it all comes down to, the reason we prepare for battle and go to war is ultimately about winning the freedom to experience God. We will have to fight for it, and it's ok because we are Warriors, but life is not about the battle. One day battle will end, the enemy will be vanquished, and the war will be over. On that day all we will have to do is be fully caught up in the romance we have with God. We will enjoy intimacy with Him as we were created to. The fighting will be over, and the celebration will begin.
"For we must remember: the battle is for the Romance. What we fight for is the freedom and healing that allow us to have the intimacy with God we were created to enjoy. to drink from his river of delights... If a man does not find his life in God, he will become a very thirsty man, and thirsty men have been known to do some very stupid things."
A thirsty man will try to satisfy his thirst in any way he can, and ultimately in ways that do more harm than good. The best thing to quench your thirst is water, it's pure, clean, and refreshing. We have things that stand in, pop, sports drinks, juice, and all of them offer flavor and enjoyment, but none of them are nearly as refreshing as a cool glass of water. And it is the same way with us. Too often we see refreshment in things that cannot really satisfy, "there is a Beauty we long for calling to us through the beauty of the woman we are enchanted by. She is not the Beauty itself, only a messenger. If we never look beyond, we will try in vain to find it in her, causing both ourselves and the woman a great deal of pain."
And when this happens, there is need of healing.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 11: Raising the Lover, part 2
"When the boy becomes a teen, the heart of the Lover may come out in force, as an intense longing he knows not how to name, but nearly always attached to Beauty." At this point, as with the beginning of every other stage of the journey, a young man needs a guide to help channel him and focus him. In American culture the focus of this part of a young man’s life is geared towards girls, and this shows the failure of many father's to initiate their sons. Their search for beauty is taken to the girl, and more often than not she is simply an object.
But this is not what a man seeks primarily, and it is not what he looks at a woman as. In order to really love her one day, he must first be awakened to the source of Beauty. "Sometimes when the longing emerges in the young man he will take to music, or literature, either to enjoy them or as an artist himself. The young Lover David writes songs and poems to God during his nights out there in the wild, his heart so alive. A reminder that the young man had better also be a Cowboy, have lots of time out in the wild, feel caught up in epic adventures or the whole longing for Romance will be attached to a girl, for she will seem like the only adventure in his life."
I don't remember exactly when it happened, but at some point early in high school I began to take an interest in music. Up to that point I just didn't really care about it at all. Around the same time I began to read, a lot. And it was around then that I began to really discover God in new ways, but nowhere near the depth that I found later when I fully entered this stage. But it is crucial to remember that these stages overlap, and that we see glimpses of each of them all throughout a man's life.
And again, it's important that the stages build. It's important that a boy be given love from his father, that a young man be able to adventure and learn to work, as well as engage in battles. He needs to know that his life is about something bigger than simply finding a mate and having children with her so that life can continue, we have way too much of that. And at the same time it's important that a man know there is more to life than battle. The movie Man of Steel is released today, and in the movie we see that Krypton, Superman's home planet, genetically engineered their offspring for certain roles. General Zod, the main antagonist in the movie, was created to be a warrior. I don't want to give anything away if you haven't seen it, but there is a point in the movie where he says, "I was made to be a warrior, to fight for and defend my people. And now I have no people." If a man only knows battle, what happens when he can no longer fight? And what joy is there in a life of constant warfare?
"Remember, the value you place on Beauty speaks volumes to the boy and young man... Thus they come to see that beauty is something to pay attention to." Too much damage has been done by dads who push football, cars, and hunting onto their sons. We must also show them the beauty of the world. They need to be encouraged to pursue the arts, and pay attention to creation, and it starts with us. What is our reaction to it? Are we stopped in the morning by the vibrant colors of the sunrise? Do autumn leaves capture your attention? Let it, and teach your son to pay attention to the same.
"Talk about your romance with God. While I find that it takes an older teen, probably a young man in his early twenties, to begin to experience God as Romancer, you can pave the way by telling stories of how God has been romancing you. Intrigue them." When I got to this point in college, everything was new. I was experiencing God in ways I didn't know were possible, because I had never seen it before. Growing up, God was someone distant that we sang songs to, and prayed to. Intimacy with God was something foreign. It shouldn't be like that. In the Bible, God is often referred to as "My father's God" or some wording along that idea. I'm guessing that the sons saw in their dads something more than just Sunday morning. I'm thinking to get that sort of description, they saw a vibrant and intimate friendship between their father's and God, and so they knew that relationship with God was more than once a week ritual. They knew God was personal. I want my children to say "my father's God." I want them to see a friendship with God that they strive to have one day. Again, this is what this stage is primarily about.
And of course, we cannot neglect to talk about girls. After all, God has said that it is not good for a man to be alone, and that a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife. In Proverbs it says that he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. "When it comes to girls, the greatest gift you can give to the young man is to watch you love your wife. Jewelry, music, trips to romantic places for just the two of you. As you romance her, he'll get the idea. To see you in love is far more powerful than any other lesson... It's important that your sons see your physical affection, to see you kiss, cuddle on the couch, hold hands in public."
Just as you model a relationship with God to them, you model being a husband. They learn by watching you. They see how to love and respect a woman by watching you love and respect your wife. They learn that a woman is not just an object to satisfy a man, but a beauty to be loved, treasured, and fought for. "Teach him to love the heart, to look for the heart of a girl. This can't start in adolescence. It begins earlier, as your family naturally talks about the heart, shares from the heart with one another. Point out the beauties in movies and stories (and in the neighborhood) who don't seem to have much going on inside, teaching the young man that 'charm is deceptive, and [merely external] beauty is fleeting' (Prov. 31:30 NIV)... Teach him to pursue a woman."
Teach a young man to value what is really important; teach him to pursue what is lasting. Outward beauty will fade, but the heart only grows more beautiful with time. And teach your sons how to properly pursue a woman, not as an object, but as a beauty. Teach them how to fight for her heart, to learn about her, and how to treasure her.
And if we raise our sons this way, I think we'll see a change in our culture. John talks about how his sons seemed almost indifferent to girls because they weren't the center of their universe. They weren't what they were living for. Their lives were wrapped up in a much larger story, caught up in adventure. And when a man lives like this he has something truly incredible to offer a woman, he can invite her to share in the epic adventure of life with him.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
But this is not what a man seeks primarily, and it is not what he looks at a woman as. In order to really love her one day, he must first be awakened to the source of Beauty. "Sometimes when the longing emerges in the young man he will take to music, or literature, either to enjoy them or as an artist himself. The young Lover David writes songs and poems to God during his nights out there in the wild, his heart so alive. A reminder that the young man had better also be a Cowboy, have lots of time out in the wild, feel caught up in epic adventures or the whole longing for Romance will be attached to a girl, for she will seem like the only adventure in his life."
I don't remember exactly when it happened, but at some point early in high school I began to take an interest in music. Up to that point I just didn't really care about it at all. Around the same time I began to read, a lot. And it was around then that I began to really discover God in new ways, but nowhere near the depth that I found later when I fully entered this stage. But it is crucial to remember that these stages overlap, and that we see glimpses of each of them all throughout a man's life.
And again, it's important that the stages build. It's important that a boy be given love from his father, that a young man be able to adventure and learn to work, as well as engage in battles. He needs to know that his life is about something bigger than simply finding a mate and having children with her so that life can continue, we have way too much of that. And at the same time it's important that a man know there is more to life than battle. The movie Man of Steel is released today, and in the movie we see that Krypton, Superman's home planet, genetically engineered their offspring for certain roles. General Zod, the main antagonist in the movie, was created to be a warrior. I don't want to give anything away if you haven't seen it, but there is a point in the movie where he says, "I was made to be a warrior, to fight for and defend my people. And now I have no people." If a man only knows battle, what happens when he can no longer fight? And what joy is there in a life of constant warfare?
"Remember, the value you place on Beauty speaks volumes to the boy and young man... Thus they come to see that beauty is something to pay attention to." Too much damage has been done by dads who push football, cars, and hunting onto their sons. We must also show them the beauty of the world. They need to be encouraged to pursue the arts, and pay attention to creation, and it starts with us. What is our reaction to it? Are we stopped in the morning by the vibrant colors of the sunrise? Do autumn leaves capture your attention? Let it, and teach your son to pay attention to the same.
"Talk about your romance with God. While I find that it takes an older teen, probably a young man in his early twenties, to begin to experience God as Romancer, you can pave the way by telling stories of how God has been romancing you. Intrigue them." When I got to this point in college, everything was new. I was experiencing God in ways I didn't know were possible, because I had never seen it before. Growing up, God was someone distant that we sang songs to, and prayed to. Intimacy with God was something foreign. It shouldn't be like that. In the Bible, God is often referred to as "My father's God" or some wording along that idea. I'm guessing that the sons saw in their dads something more than just Sunday morning. I'm thinking to get that sort of description, they saw a vibrant and intimate friendship between their father's and God, and so they knew that relationship with God was more than once a week ritual. They knew God was personal. I want my children to say "my father's God." I want them to see a friendship with God that they strive to have one day. Again, this is what this stage is primarily about.
And of course, we cannot neglect to talk about girls. After all, God has said that it is not good for a man to be alone, and that a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife. In Proverbs it says that he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. "When it comes to girls, the greatest gift you can give to the young man is to watch you love your wife. Jewelry, music, trips to romantic places for just the two of you. As you romance her, he'll get the idea. To see you in love is far more powerful than any other lesson... It's important that your sons see your physical affection, to see you kiss, cuddle on the couch, hold hands in public."
Just as you model a relationship with God to them, you model being a husband. They learn by watching you. They see how to love and respect a woman by watching you love and respect your wife. They learn that a woman is not just an object to satisfy a man, but a beauty to be loved, treasured, and fought for. "Teach him to love the heart, to look for the heart of a girl. This can't start in adolescence. It begins earlier, as your family naturally talks about the heart, shares from the heart with one another. Point out the beauties in movies and stories (and in the neighborhood) who don't seem to have much going on inside, teaching the young man that 'charm is deceptive, and [merely external] beauty is fleeting' (Prov. 31:30 NIV)... Teach him to pursue a woman."
Teach a young man to value what is really important; teach him to pursue what is lasting. Outward beauty will fade, but the heart only grows more beautiful with time. And teach your sons how to properly pursue a woman, not as an object, but as a beauty. Teach them how to fight for her heart, to learn about her, and how to treasure her.
And if we raise our sons this way, I think we'll see a change in our culture. John talks about how his sons seemed almost indifferent to girls because they weren't the center of their universe. They weren't what they were living for. Their lives were wrapped up in a much larger story, caught up in adventure. And when a man lives like this he has something truly incredible to offer a woman, he can invite her to share in the epic adventure of life with him.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Monday, November 11, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 11: Raising the Lover, part 1
"When it comes to awakening, healing, maturing the Lover in a boy and in a man, I am almost at a loss for words... Truth be told, each of these chapters deserves a whole book in its own right, but this - so close to the heart, so close to the heart of God - alas, there is so much to say. For we enter the realm of mystery when we enter the realm of the Lover, and our hope is in the Great Romancer, who pursues us."
It bears reminding that this stage, as with all of them, is ultimately about God. As Beloved Sons we see and know Him as our powerful and loving Father. AS Cowboys we see experience Him as one who guides us into adventure, work, and an Epic Story. As Warriors we come to serve Him as our King, serving something bigger than ourselves. And now here, as Lovers, we come to an intimacy with God that is only possible at this point in the journey. He has been pursuing us our whole lives to bring us to this point.
There are things we can do in order to help our sons be ready for this moment, and things we can do to help ourselves heal and enter this stage as well. "The story of the Lover in any man's life is the story of love and beauty, romance and sexuality. Hopefully in that order." We all know that doesn't always take place, and it's becoming far more infrequent that it does. And when it doesn't happen in that order we must journey back and allow God to untangle it all.
Many of us need to do that. We need to allow God to father us as Beloved Sons so that we can heal and become Lovers of God. In the past year I've experienced a lot of that. It was only recently that I began to understand why things worked out the way they did, but the ultimate purpose was to allow God to father me as only He can. And having received this blessing, I am better able to help others experience it as well. And when the time comes, I am better able to father my sons.
"When he is a boy, the greatest gift he can be given is to know that his heart matters, matters very, very much. For one, it will encourage him to keep his heart as a living treasure, and not bury it so that forty years later he has to go on an archaeological dig to try to uncover it. Knowing his heart matters and matters deeply will also keep him from turning to the woman to know that he is beloved, a turn far too many of us have taken and from which many of us have not been able to find our way back. To live in a world of love when you are young enables you to love freely when you are grown."
The love of his father is crucial, because it is from the love that he finds there that his view of God will be shaped. If his heart is valued he won't hide it, but learn to live from it. His passions will come out, and he'll learn to live fully alive from the beginning. He'll see the love that his father has for him, exactly the way he is, how the things that he cares about his father also cares about, and he'll learn to see that in God as well. He'll see God as one who loves him deeply, and has his best interest at heart. He'll see that God gave him his passions, and wants him to live them out. And as a boy learns to love, and be loved by his father, he'll learn what it means to love and be loved by God.
"As for Beauty, when does the aesthetic conversion come? That is hard to say. I suppose it need not come at all if the boy has been raised with a Lover's heart all his life, for in that case what conversion is needed? And yet ... that is rare, if for no other reason than the stark reality that the love affair between man and God, and between man and woman, has an enemy, who ever seeks to ruin the Romance by shutting down the heart or trapping it in any way he can. On the other hand, we have undertaken this journey believing that we have a kind, strong, and engaged Father, a Father wise enough to guide us in the Way, generous enough to provide for our journey, offering to walk with us every step. What that means for this stage is that our Lover has been wooing us all our lives."
I think the thing here is that we come to identify God as the source of everything good, true, and beautiful. We become awakened to the depth and mystery of Him in ways we never have before. There is an enemy who doesn't want this to happen, he doesn't want us to find intimacy with God, and that is why we must first be warriors, so that we can fight for beauty. But we come to see that God desires this intimacy with us. We aren't pursuing someone who is playing hard to get and in the end breaks our hearts. We are fighting for a relationship with someone who desires deeper intimacy with us than we could have ever known. And here we see that "the Romancer has been wooing us all our lives, from when we were very young. There were things that pierced your heart as a boy - a special place, a book, a picture - and you might not have known it then, but that was God awakening the Lover in you."
As I read that I tried to think about my time as a boy, and honestly, I don't know of anything that hit me like that. But over the last few years I've started to become more aware of beauty. I've taken several hiking trips at the Ledges in the Cuyahoga Valley National Park. I've had the chance to wade, and canoe, some gorgeous rivers, and backpack some breathtaking beaches and sand dunes. I have a vision in my mind for a piece of ground some day. And in all of it I've really started to see God, and more importantly, have my heart stirred for Him in new ways. I've felt Him calling out my passions, and inviting me to live from the heart, fully alive.
And this is something I want my sons to know all their lives. "It would be good to cultivate creativity in the boys, and also wonder (the forerunner of romance)... Your attitude determines so much, for if he sees you embrace creativity and passion, and knows you admire it in him, the boy will blossom... Not every attempt of ours to raise any of the stages in our sons will be met with instant success. It takes time, and what rouses your heart may not rouse the heart of your son. So we must look for those things that do."
Just as God delights in our hearts, we must also delight in our the hearts of our sons, no matter what their passions are. We must teach them that they are important to us, we love what they love because they love it. Seeing this shows them they are loved, and prepares the way for them to fully and freely love God.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
It bears reminding that this stage, as with all of them, is ultimately about God. As Beloved Sons we see and know Him as our powerful and loving Father. AS Cowboys we see experience Him as one who guides us into adventure, work, and an Epic Story. As Warriors we come to serve Him as our King, serving something bigger than ourselves. And now here, as Lovers, we come to an intimacy with God that is only possible at this point in the journey. He has been pursuing us our whole lives to bring us to this point.
There are things we can do in order to help our sons be ready for this moment, and things we can do to help ourselves heal and enter this stage as well. "The story of the Lover in any man's life is the story of love and beauty, romance and sexuality. Hopefully in that order." We all know that doesn't always take place, and it's becoming far more infrequent that it does. And when it doesn't happen in that order we must journey back and allow God to untangle it all.
Many of us need to do that. We need to allow God to father us as Beloved Sons so that we can heal and become Lovers of God. In the past year I've experienced a lot of that. It was only recently that I began to understand why things worked out the way they did, but the ultimate purpose was to allow God to father me as only He can. And having received this blessing, I am better able to help others experience it as well. And when the time comes, I am better able to father my sons.
"When he is a boy, the greatest gift he can be given is to know that his heart matters, matters very, very much. For one, it will encourage him to keep his heart as a living treasure, and not bury it so that forty years later he has to go on an archaeological dig to try to uncover it. Knowing his heart matters and matters deeply will also keep him from turning to the woman to know that he is beloved, a turn far too many of us have taken and from which many of us have not been able to find our way back. To live in a world of love when you are young enables you to love freely when you are grown."
The love of his father is crucial, because it is from the love that he finds there that his view of God will be shaped. If his heart is valued he won't hide it, but learn to live from it. His passions will come out, and he'll learn to live fully alive from the beginning. He'll see the love that his father has for him, exactly the way he is, how the things that he cares about his father also cares about, and he'll learn to see that in God as well. He'll see God as one who loves him deeply, and has his best interest at heart. He'll see that God gave him his passions, and wants him to live them out. And as a boy learns to love, and be loved by his father, he'll learn what it means to love and be loved by God.
"As for Beauty, when does the aesthetic conversion come? That is hard to say. I suppose it need not come at all if the boy has been raised with a Lover's heart all his life, for in that case what conversion is needed? And yet ... that is rare, if for no other reason than the stark reality that the love affair between man and God, and between man and woman, has an enemy, who ever seeks to ruin the Romance by shutting down the heart or trapping it in any way he can. On the other hand, we have undertaken this journey believing that we have a kind, strong, and engaged Father, a Father wise enough to guide us in the Way, generous enough to provide for our journey, offering to walk with us every step. What that means for this stage is that our Lover has been wooing us all our lives."
I think the thing here is that we come to identify God as the source of everything good, true, and beautiful. We become awakened to the depth and mystery of Him in ways we never have before. There is an enemy who doesn't want this to happen, he doesn't want us to find intimacy with God, and that is why we must first be warriors, so that we can fight for beauty. But we come to see that God desires this intimacy with us. We aren't pursuing someone who is playing hard to get and in the end breaks our hearts. We are fighting for a relationship with someone who desires deeper intimacy with us than we could have ever known. And here we see that "the Romancer has been wooing us all our lives, from when we were very young. There were things that pierced your heart as a boy - a special place, a book, a picture - and you might not have known it then, but that was God awakening the Lover in you."
As I read that I tried to think about my time as a boy, and honestly, I don't know of anything that hit me like that. But over the last few years I've started to become more aware of beauty. I've taken several hiking trips at the Ledges in the Cuyahoga Valley National Park. I've had the chance to wade, and canoe, some gorgeous rivers, and backpack some breathtaking beaches and sand dunes. I have a vision in my mind for a piece of ground some day. And in all of it I've really started to see God, and more importantly, have my heart stirred for Him in new ways. I've felt Him calling out my passions, and inviting me to live from the heart, fully alive.
And this is something I want my sons to know all their lives. "It would be good to cultivate creativity in the boys, and also wonder (the forerunner of romance)... Your attitude determines so much, for if he sees you embrace creativity and passion, and knows you admire it in him, the boy will blossom... Not every attempt of ours to raise any of the stages in our sons will be met with instant success. It takes time, and what rouses your heart may not rouse the heart of your son. So we must look for those things that do."
Just as God delights in our hearts, we must also delight in our the hearts of our sons, no matter what their passions are. We must teach them that they are important to us, we love what they love because they love it. Seeing this shows them they are loved, and prepares the way for them to fully and freely love God.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Thursday, October 31, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 10: Lover, part 4
"The heart of the Lover never gets to awaken or develop in a man so long as he rejects the heart, chooses to remain in the world or analysis, dissection, and 'reason is everything.' The Lover is wounded in a man (often starting in his youth) when he looks to the woman for that primary love and validation his father was meant to bestow. It is often wounded deeply through the breakup of a young love affair. And it is wounded when he has a sexual encounter far too soon."
No stage is without its wounds, and as we saw in the last post, perhaps the greatest pain can be known here. When a man looks for validation from a woman that was never given to him by his father, there is wounding. When a man is focused more on the love of a woman than the love of God, there is wounding. And when a man engages in sexual intimacy, without the covenant of marriage, there is wounding. I think all three of these are caused by, and therefore can be softened, by a good, godly, father.
If a father treats his son as a Beloved Son, he has that validation and answer to his question. He has an identity that he can take into a relationship as a foundation. If a father has taught his son to love and serve God as a Cowboy, his Warriors heart will be focused on developing deep intimacy with God as he becomes a Lover. And when there is heartbreak, it will be seen from the eyes of "This just wasn't God's will." And if he has developed the heart of a Warrior, and a passion for living for God's truth and holiness, he will value and respect the standard of righteous sexuality.
"There are many reasons a man shies away from the world of the heart and from his own heart. It might be that he is shamed when he tries to go there by a father who thinks that art, creativity, and beauty 'are girl's stuff.' Thus, to him, the heart is a source of pain and embarrassment. He thinks a man cannot be a true man and live from the heart. It may be that he has simply never been invited to know his own heart."
How often are boys told to suck it up and not cry? From very young they are taught to show no emotion, because emotion is a sign of weakness. How often is a boy encouraged to follow his dreams? Or is he given a path that he needs to follow so his dad can live vicariously? Or is responsibility forced on him to the point where passion is buried and forgotten? We must teach our sons to be warrior poets. They must be encouraged to explore the arts, and above all, pursue what they are most passionate about. If they live from a heart of passion, they will be fully alive, and have so much to offer.
"No woman can satisfy this longing in a man's heart, and no good woman wants to try. When he makes her the center of his universe, it feels romantic for a while, but then the planets start to collide. It's not a big enough romance. He will find his heart awakening again when he opens his heart to God, and through he might have to journey there for a season, he'll find he has something to offer his woman again."
This stage is primarily about God, but so many have a misplaced focus. The best times of my marriage have been the times I have been closest to God. Those are the times I've had so much to offer my wife, so much love and affection. The more love I receive from God, the more I have to give to her. And the more I learn about how God loves me, and how to love Him, the more I know how to love my wife. The more I invest in God, the more I have to offer my wife.
"Finally, there are those of us who had sexual experiences before our wedding nights, and I've never met a man for whom the fruit of that was good."
I am blessed to not fall into that category. Sex is something incredible that God has given us. In the act of sex you have a man and a woman coming together as one, and working to create life. There is tremendous power there, and I know it's become cliché but, "With great power, comes great responsibility." In marriage, the two halves of God's heart, man and woman, come together and become one, physically, through sexual intimacy. Without the covenant of marriage the image is shattered and corrupted. And the intimacy between husband and wife is lost because it has been shared with others. God gave us a tremendous gift, which when exercised correctly, is an act of worship.
"Many men who would come alive as a Lover feel stuck, their hearts pinned down long ago through some heartbreak. So it would be good to pray: Father, God, awaken the Lover in me. Stir my heart. Romance me... Show me where I have chosen safety over and against coming alive. Show me where deep repentance needs to take place. Heal the Lover heart in me. Awaken me."
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
No stage is without its wounds, and as we saw in the last post, perhaps the greatest pain can be known here. When a man looks for validation from a woman that was never given to him by his father, there is wounding. When a man is focused more on the love of a woman than the love of God, there is wounding. And when a man engages in sexual intimacy, without the covenant of marriage, there is wounding. I think all three of these are caused by, and therefore can be softened, by a good, godly, father.
If a father treats his son as a Beloved Son, he has that validation and answer to his question. He has an identity that he can take into a relationship as a foundation. If a father has taught his son to love and serve God as a Cowboy, his Warriors heart will be focused on developing deep intimacy with God as he becomes a Lover. And when there is heartbreak, it will be seen from the eyes of "This just wasn't God's will." And if he has developed the heart of a Warrior, and a passion for living for God's truth and holiness, he will value and respect the standard of righteous sexuality.
"There are many reasons a man shies away from the world of the heart and from his own heart. It might be that he is shamed when he tries to go there by a father who thinks that art, creativity, and beauty 'are girl's stuff.' Thus, to him, the heart is a source of pain and embarrassment. He thinks a man cannot be a true man and live from the heart. It may be that he has simply never been invited to know his own heart."
How often are boys told to suck it up and not cry? From very young they are taught to show no emotion, because emotion is a sign of weakness. How often is a boy encouraged to follow his dreams? Or is he given a path that he needs to follow so his dad can live vicariously? Or is responsibility forced on him to the point where passion is buried and forgotten? We must teach our sons to be warrior poets. They must be encouraged to explore the arts, and above all, pursue what they are most passionate about. If they live from a heart of passion, they will be fully alive, and have so much to offer.
"No woman can satisfy this longing in a man's heart, and no good woman wants to try. When he makes her the center of his universe, it feels romantic for a while, but then the planets start to collide. It's not a big enough romance. He will find his heart awakening again when he opens his heart to God, and through he might have to journey there for a season, he'll find he has something to offer his woman again."
This stage is primarily about God, but so many have a misplaced focus. The best times of my marriage have been the times I have been closest to God. Those are the times I've had so much to offer my wife, so much love and affection. The more love I receive from God, the more I have to give to her. And the more I learn about how God loves me, and how to love Him, the more I know how to love my wife. The more I invest in God, the more I have to offer my wife.
"Finally, there are those of us who had sexual experiences before our wedding nights, and I've never met a man for whom the fruit of that was good."
I am blessed to not fall into that category. Sex is something incredible that God has given us. In the act of sex you have a man and a woman coming together as one, and working to create life. There is tremendous power there, and I know it's become cliché but, "With great power, comes great responsibility." In marriage, the two halves of God's heart, man and woman, come together and become one, physically, through sexual intimacy. Without the covenant of marriage the image is shattered and corrupted. And the intimacy between husband and wife is lost because it has been shared with others. God gave us a tremendous gift, which when exercised correctly, is an act of worship.
"Many men who would come alive as a Lover feel stuck, their hearts pinned down long ago through some heartbreak. So it would be good to pray: Father, God, awaken the Lover in me. Stir my heart. Romance me... Show me where I have chosen safety over and against coming alive. Show me where deep repentance needs to take place. Heal the Lover heart in me. Awaken me."
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 10: Lover, part 3
"Having said all this, we can now speak of falling in love with a woman. We must. For God has said a man's life is not good without her (Gen. 2:18), so no matter how bold an adventurer or brave a warrior, the man is not living as a man should live unless he makes room for a woman in his life. And, in most cases at this stage, it usually is a woman who comes to awaken the heart of a man."
Yes, this stage, as with every other part of the journey, is primarily about God. Ultimately our deepest relationship is to be with Him. But we must remember a key fact; man does not bear the full image of God. In Genesis 1 we read that, "God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them" (verse 27). It is only when a man and a woman come together in a marriage covenant that they form the full image of God. Both halves are unique and incomplete without the other.
I remember my first full time ministry assignment. I had a job in my field, and I was having some good success. I was able to have some adventures, but there was something missing, I was single. It wasn't that I needed a wife, but something was incomplete and I knew she was missing. Battle and adventure can't take the place of beauty. And God Himself said that man shouldn't be alone. We were created for intimacy in a human relationship; oneness that mirrors the relationship God desires with each of us. And it is in marriage that I have learned more about who God is, and how He loves me. And all of those lessons would be impossible without my wife.
"The awakening of his heart is essential if a man would truly love a woman. Look at things from her point of view. What does she long for in a man? Every little girl dreams of the day her prince will come... He pursues her, wins her heart, takes her into a great adventure and love story. And notice - what is the great sorrow of every woman in a disappointing marriage? Isn't it that he no longer pursues, no longer romances her? Life has been reduced to function and problem solving. What she longs for is what you are meant to become."
My wife sees me in ways I don't see myself yet, and she longs for me to be the man she sees. I remember when we first started dating I pursued her like my life depended on it. Two years of marriage, a beating from the Church, and being knocked around by life, and don’t' really feel like a man, and don't feel like I know how to pursue her any more. It isn't her; she's just as beautiful and captivating as ever. I want to be the man she desires, and sees. I want to be the Lover she deserves. There is so much working to destroy this, and prevent this. And this is why it is crucial for a man to be a Warrior first, so that he can endure the battle to rescue her.
"So when it comes to loving a woman, the great divide lies between men as Lovers and men as Consumers. Does he seek her out, long for her, because really he yearns for her to meet some need in his life - a need for validation (she makes him feel like a man), or mercy, or simply sexual gratification? That man is a Consumer... The Lover, on the other hand, wants to fight for her - he wants to protect her, make her life better, wants to fill her heart in every way he can. It is no chore for him to bring flowers, or music, spend hours talking together. Having his own heart awakened, he wants to know and love and free her heart."
Which one are you? I've met a lot of guys who fall into the Consumer group, and a lot of woman who have been consumed by them. Lovers are few and far between. And again, it takes a Warrior to be a Lover. It takes a man who knows how to put his life on the line for something greater than himself. It takes a man who knows how to sacrifice. And above all, it takes a man who is willing to risk everything.
"Of course the stage of the Lover brings with it great pain and suffering, because we are speaking of the heart, and the heart, as we all know, is vulnerable like nothing else. Resilient, thank God, but vulnerable. The heights of joy this stage ushers in are greater than any other, but with them comes the potential for sorrow as deep as the heights are high. That is why he must be a Warrior, and that is why he must find his greatest love in God."
God is constant. Even with a wife who is completely faithful, there is still the separation of death. This past year my wife and I went through a potential cancer scare, and for days I thought "What happens if I lose her?" There will be pain in marriage, its two imperfect people coming together. And there will be pain as a man searches for his wife. And that is why this stage is primarily about God. A man's first, and deepest love, must be God. That relationship shapes all others, especially a marriage.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Yes, this stage, as with every other part of the journey, is primarily about God. Ultimately our deepest relationship is to be with Him. But we must remember a key fact; man does not bear the full image of God. In Genesis 1 we read that, "God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them" (verse 27). It is only when a man and a woman come together in a marriage covenant that they form the full image of God. Both halves are unique and incomplete without the other.
I remember my first full time ministry assignment. I had a job in my field, and I was having some good success. I was able to have some adventures, but there was something missing, I was single. It wasn't that I needed a wife, but something was incomplete and I knew she was missing. Battle and adventure can't take the place of beauty. And God Himself said that man shouldn't be alone. We were created for intimacy in a human relationship; oneness that mirrors the relationship God desires with each of us. And it is in marriage that I have learned more about who God is, and how He loves me. And all of those lessons would be impossible without my wife.
"The awakening of his heart is essential if a man would truly love a woman. Look at things from her point of view. What does she long for in a man? Every little girl dreams of the day her prince will come... He pursues her, wins her heart, takes her into a great adventure and love story. And notice - what is the great sorrow of every woman in a disappointing marriage? Isn't it that he no longer pursues, no longer romances her? Life has been reduced to function and problem solving. What she longs for is what you are meant to become."
My wife sees me in ways I don't see myself yet, and she longs for me to be the man she sees. I remember when we first started dating I pursued her like my life depended on it. Two years of marriage, a beating from the Church, and being knocked around by life, and don’t' really feel like a man, and don't feel like I know how to pursue her any more. It isn't her; she's just as beautiful and captivating as ever. I want to be the man she desires, and sees. I want to be the Lover she deserves. There is so much working to destroy this, and prevent this. And this is why it is crucial for a man to be a Warrior first, so that he can endure the battle to rescue her.
"So when it comes to loving a woman, the great divide lies between men as Lovers and men as Consumers. Does he seek her out, long for her, because really he yearns for her to meet some need in his life - a need for validation (she makes him feel like a man), or mercy, or simply sexual gratification? That man is a Consumer... The Lover, on the other hand, wants to fight for her - he wants to protect her, make her life better, wants to fill her heart in every way he can. It is no chore for him to bring flowers, or music, spend hours talking together. Having his own heart awakened, he wants to know and love and free her heart."
Which one are you? I've met a lot of guys who fall into the Consumer group, and a lot of woman who have been consumed by them. Lovers are few and far between. And again, it takes a Warrior to be a Lover. It takes a man who knows how to put his life on the line for something greater than himself. It takes a man who knows how to sacrifice. And above all, it takes a man who is willing to risk everything.
"Of course the stage of the Lover brings with it great pain and suffering, because we are speaking of the heart, and the heart, as we all know, is vulnerable like nothing else. Resilient, thank God, but vulnerable. The heights of joy this stage ushers in are greater than any other, but with them comes the potential for sorrow as deep as the heights are high. That is why he must be a Warrior, and that is why he must find his greatest love in God."
God is constant. Even with a wife who is completely faithful, there is still the separation of death. This past year my wife and I went through a potential cancer scare, and for days I thought "What happens if I lose her?" There will be pain in marriage, its two imperfect people coming together. And there will be pain as a man searches for his wife. And that is why this stage is primarily about God. A man's first, and deepest love, must be God. That relationship shapes all others, especially a marriage.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 10: Lover, part 2
"We've heart ad infititum that men are rational beings, along with the supporting evidence that our brains work differently than do women's, and that is true. Spatial abstractions, logic, analysis - men tend to excel in these because we are more left- than right-brained, and the commissural fibers that connect the two hemispheres appear in women in ratios far higher than in men. Women have an interstate uniting both sides of their brains. Men have a game trail. Thus men tend to compartmentalize, a capacity that allows men to handle the atrocities of war, and administrate justice. It also makes them excellent chess players and auto mechanics. And yet ... I don't buy it. Too many men hide behind reason and logic. A man must grow beyond mere reason, or he will be stunted as a man, certainly as a Lover. No woman wants to be analyzed, and many marriages fail because the man insists on treating her as a problem to be solved, rather than a mystery to be known and loved."
Plain and simple, to be whole and complete, we have to embrace something beyond reason. We have to realize there will be things we can't figure out, or even explain. There will be times we will be speechless, and remain speechless. And we have to be ok with the mystery and wonder of the unknown. To some degree, we must lose ourselves in it. There are so many things in life that are beyond understanding, and so many more in faith.
"The Lover is awakened when a man comes to see that the poetic is far truer than the propositional and the analytical, and whatever physiology might say, I've seen it happen in many men." As I read this I kept thinking back to my college Theology class. Back then I wanted to be a pastor more than anything, I wanted to get out into a church and start changing the world. I had a great professor, one of the wisest and most passionate men I've ever met, and yet more often than not, during class I found myself looking out the window at on open field and the woods that surrounded it.
At this point in college I had experienced God personally, and, not meaning to sound proud, in ways many church goers have never imagined. I wasn't really interested in man's study about God; I wanted to know God personally. I would much rather have been out in that field with my Bible than in a class. And if I'm perfectly honest, I don't remember the last time I used anything from Theology class in real life. But the personal experiences I've had with God in the woods, or late night prayer sessions, those are the stories I share.
I'm not saying anything against education or the study of Theology, but again, let's think about which one I've used more, and which one had a deeper impact on me. "For that which draws us to the heart of God is that which often first lifts our own hearts above the mundane, awakens longing and desire. And it is that life, my brothers, the life of your heart, that God is most keenly after."
What would you rather have, a head knowledge of God, filled with words most of the people alive today can't understand, or a personal relationship, rooted in personal experiences with Him? What would you rather your children have? And it is here that we come to perhaps the point of not just the masculine journey, but of life overall. We are to be "not merely a Christian, but something more - a lover of God."
The point of this journey is not for us to be moral men, or really nice guys. We've looked at this countless times over the past few months. No boy aspires to that. But the point is for us to be powerful and dangerous men who passionately love God. Paul said this in 1 Corinthians 16.13-14, "Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love." Power, strength passion. We are to be Warrior poets. This is what God is after.
"I began to realize that he cared for my heart. God was pursuing me ... wooing me. My pursuit of beauty had turned around on me. It had become God's pursuit of me." This happened to me. When I first started college I was like just about every other religion major I've ever met, cocky, thinking I had it all figured out. Fortunately for me, I was one that God go a hold of (sadly not all of them can say this). As I was trying to gain the knowledge I would need to lead a Church, which for me at the beginning was just fine tuning a skill set, God was at work. It took a little over two years, but finally He got through to me. I don't have time to tell the story here, but when I finally woke up, God began to speak to me, and show me things about Him that I never knew a person needed to think about.
"A lover has been awakened by the Great Romancer. At this stage a man's relationship with God opens a new frontier. While in other realms God will remain Father, and Initiator, when the Lover begins to emerge God invites the man to become his 'intimate one.' This is the crucial stage. The danger for the Warrior is that life becomes defined by battle, and that is not good for the soul nor is it true to our story, for there is something deeper than battle and that, my friends, is Romance."
There is a scene from Secondhand Lions that I keep thinking about. Hub, Walter's uncle, is found every night out by the pond on their property, sleep walking. Garth, his brother tells Walter one night that he's "Looking for her. Jasmine." As the story unfolds we learn of the true love, the deep passion these two shared, but Garth refuses to tell Walter what happened to her. One night, out by the water, Walter wakes Hub up and asks him. He tells her "She died. Died in child birth. Her and the baby." Walter, knowing the love the two shared asks, as he fights back tears, "What did you do?" His reply, "I went back to the only life I knew, back to the Legion. For the next forty years there was always one more war to fight. Then I got old and came here. Here I am." Without beauty, there is nothing but battle, and you can only fight for so long. As the movie unfolds we see that Hub is restless, and searching for the next adventure, because there is no beauty in his life.
We were made for love and beauty. We were made for something more than just a head knowledge, ritualistic religion. We were made for a passionate relationship with God. "Ours is a love story. Anything short of it is a Christianity of dry bones."
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Plain and simple, to be whole and complete, we have to embrace something beyond reason. We have to realize there will be things we can't figure out, or even explain. There will be times we will be speechless, and remain speechless. And we have to be ok with the mystery and wonder of the unknown. To some degree, we must lose ourselves in it. There are so many things in life that are beyond understanding, and so many more in faith.
"The Lover is awakened when a man comes to see that the poetic is far truer than the propositional and the analytical, and whatever physiology might say, I've seen it happen in many men." As I read this I kept thinking back to my college Theology class. Back then I wanted to be a pastor more than anything, I wanted to get out into a church and start changing the world. I had a great professor, one of the wisest and most passionate men I've ever met, and yet more often than not, during class I found myself looking out the window at on open field and the woods that surrounded it.
At this point in college I had experienced God personally, and, not meaning to sound proud, in ways many church goers have never imagined. I wasn't really interested in man's study about God; I wanted to know God personally. I would much rather have been out in that field with my Bible than in a class. And if I'm perfectly honest, I don't remember the last time I used anything from Theology class in real life. But the personal experiences I've had with God in the woods, or late night prayer sessions, those are the stories I share.
I'm not saying anything against education or the study of Theology, but again, let's think about which one I've used more, and which one had a deeper impact on me. "For that which draws us to the heart of God is that which often first lifts our own hearts above the mundane, awakens longing and desire. And it is that life, my brothers, the life of your heart, that God is most keenly after."
What would you rather have, a head knowledge of God, filled with words most of the people alive today can't understand, or a personal relationship, rooted in personal experiences with Him? What would you rather your children have? And it is here that we come to perhaps the point of not just the masculine journey, but of life overall. We are to be "not merely a Christian, but something more - a lover of God."
The point of this journey is not for us to be moral men, or really nice guys. We've looked at this countless times over the past few months. No boy aspires to that. But the point is for us to be powerful and dangerous men who passionately love God. Paul said this in 1 Corinthians 16.13-14, "Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love." Power, strength passion. We are to be Warrior poets. This is what God is after.
"I began to realize that he cared for my heart. God was pursuing me ... wooing me. My pursuit of beauty had turned around on me. It had become God's pursuit of me." This happened to me. When I first started college I was like just about every other religion major I've ever met, cocky, thinking I had it all figured out. Fortunately for me, I was one that God go a hold of (sadly not all of them can say this). As I was trying to gain the knowledge I would need to lead a Church, which for me at the beginning was just fine tuning a skill set, God was at work. It took a little over two years, but finally He got through to me. I don't have time to tell the story here, but when I finally woke up, God began to speak to me, and show me things about Him that I never knew a person needed to think about.
"A lover has been awakened by the Great Romancer. At this stage a man's relationship with God opens a new frontier. While in other realms God will remain Father, and Initiator, when the Lover begins to emerge God invites the man to become his 'intimate one.' This is the crucial stage. The danger for the Warrior is that life becomes defined by battle, and that is not good for the soul nor is it true to our story, for there is something deeper than battle and that, my friends, is Romance."
There is a scene from Secondhand Lions that I keep thinking about. Hub, Walter's uncle, is found every night out by the pond on their property, sleep walking. Garth, his brother tells Walter one night that he's "Looking for her. Jasmine." As the story unfolds we learn of the true love, the deep passion these two shared, but Garth refuses to tell Walter what happened to her. One night, out by the water, Walter wakes Hub up and asks him. He tells her "She died. Died in child birth. Her and the baby." Walter, knowing the love the two shared asks, as he fights back tears, "What did you do?" His reply, "I went back to the only life I knew, back to the Legion. For the next forty years there was always one more war to fight. Then I got old and came here. Here I am." Without beauty, there is nothing but battle, and you can only fight for so long. As the movie unfolds we see that Hub is restless, and searching for the next adventure, because there is no beauty in his life.
We were made for love and beauty. We were made for something more than just a head knowledge, ritualistic religion. We were made for a passionate relationship with God. "Ours is a love story. Anything short of it is a Christianity of dry bones."
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Monday, October 28, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 10: Lover, part 1
It is natural, even easy at times, for a man to be a warrior. This characteristic is written deeply into our souls, and it is one that we long to play out from birth to death. But it is essential that we note that the stage of the Warrior is not where our journey ends. Yes, we will need to be warriors until the day we die, there will always be evil to battle, but we must continue to grow beyond the stage of Warrior. There is so much more in God's heart for us than to simply be soldiers who move from one battle to the next. "The great danger for the Warrior is not defeat, but success... We must not let the battle become everything."
There is more to life than battle and hardship. There is more to life than training and trials. There is also great beauty, and we must make sure we take time to soak it all in. "Now we come to a fork in the road in the masculine journey, a stage that is both essential and, sadly, often overlooked and bypassed by many a man. The stage of the Lover. By this I do not primarily mean that time in a young man's life when he falls in love with a girl. Though that is part of it, I don't believe it is the core of the stage or even its ultimate expression. I do hope that there will be a girl in the picture, and that she turns his world upside down. Eve is God's glorious intrusion into the world of Cowboys and Warriors, for nothing, absolutely nothing, disrupts like Eve, and she is meant to change their lives forever. However, there are movements in the young man's soul that would be best to take place before Eve steps into the picture, movements that often do take place but go unrecognized until she is there."
This stage, as we will see, is not primarily about a woman, it is crucial that we clarify that right at the beginning. This stage is about something so much greater. It's about God. This is about coming to a deeper, more passionate, and more intimate knowledge of and relationship with God. With each step of the journey we grow and mature, and with this maturity comes an ability to know and understand more about who God is. And as we understand Him more, we see more clearly who He really is. We begin to see His beauty, and are captivated by it.
"As we think over the stages of the masculine journey, we find that the boy begins to understand Good as he learns fight from wrong, and the Warrior fights for what is True, but when a man comes to see that the Beautiful is the best of the three, then is the Lover awakened... Awakening with his passion for a battle you will often find another longing emerging, a longing for ... he knows not what. An ache, often expressed in music, or perhaps poetry, a film or a book that stirs him like never before. his soul is undergoing a sort of second birth. He begins to notice. Sees moonlight on water for the very first time. Is stopped by certain movements in a song he loves. Pauses to realize that a snowflake or a flower is really altogether amazing... Now yes, it is often aroused by a woman... Woman is the personification of Beauty, and it often takes her to turn the young man's attention from adventure and battle, 'turn his head,' as the phrase has it, and his heart comes along for the turning, too... But often the awakening comes in the world of Nature, especially if the young man has been allowed a generous season in the Cowboy stage."
Has it happened for you? When? For me I think it really began in high school during a hunting trips. You begin to take in the sounds of the woods before anything is awake, and then when everything comes to life. In the spring you see the flowers and trees budding, in the fall there is color everywhere. Even in winter, when everything seems to be dead, the sparkle of sunlight on the snow is incredible. I've had the chance to watch some incredible sunrises and sunsets from the Pyramids and Delphi, the Sea of Galilee, and the Mediterranean and Aegean Seas, as well as the Kokosing River and Lake Erie. Nature is full of so much beauty.
And then, of course, you have to think about the woman. She is after all, the half of God's image that captures His beauty most clearly for us on earth. I'll never forget the first time I saw my wife, though it would be three years before we had our first date. I walked down the stairs of my on campus apartment, and she was sitting on the couch in our living room. She had her hair pulled back, and glasses on. And she looked stunning, which is funny because in college she really didn't try to look good (just a testament to her beauty). We lost touch once she graduated, but in September of 2010 she reached out to me, and I began to pursue her. We were married the following August. When I saw her enter the room on our wedding day, I couldn't breathe, and when her dad finally gave her to me all I was thinking was "I just want to stand here with her forever." I'll never forget that moment.
"This is very good for the Warrior, to be arrested by Beauty. It provides a great balance to his soul, lest he simply be a fighter. The Celts had a phrase, 'Never give a sword to a man who can't dance,' by which they meant if he is not also becoming a poet, be careful how much Warrior you allow a man to be." The line takes me the final moments of Brave Heart. You see men charging, and you hear the voice of William Wallace say, "In the year of our Lord 1314, patriots of Scotland, starving and outnumbered, charged the fields of Bannockburn. They fought like warrior poets. They fought like Scotsmen and they won their freedom." Early in the movie, after the funeral of Wallace's father and brother, he is seen with his uncle who allows him to hold his sword. He takes it back and tells him, "First learn to use this" pointing at his forehead, "then I'll teach you to use this" and holds up his sword.
There must be more to a man than the ability to fight, there must be a deep love and value for what is beautiful. We are more than Warriors; we must be Warrior Poets, Lovers of beauty.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
There is more to life than battle and hardship. There is more to life than training and trials. There is also great beauty, and we must make sure we take time to soak it all in. "Now we come to a fork in the road in the masculine journey, a stage that is both essential and, sadly, often overlooked and bypassed by many a man. The stage of the Lover. By this I do not primarily mean that time in a young man's life when he falls in love with a girl. Though that is part of it, I don't believe it is the core of the stage or even its ultimate expression. I do hope that there will be a girl in the picture, and that she turns his world upside down. Eve is God's glorious intrusion into the world of Cowboys and Warriors, for nothing, absolutely nothing, disrupts like Eve, and she is meant to change their lives forever. However, there are movements in the young man's soul that would be best to take place before Eve steps into the picture, movements that often do take place but go unrecognized until she is there."
This stage, as we will see, is not primarily about a woman, it is crucial that we clarify that right at the beginning. This stage is about something so much greater. It's about God. This is about coming to a deeper, more passionate, and more intimate knowledge of and relationship with God. With each step of the journey we grow and mature, and with this maturity comes an ability to know and understand more about who God is. And as we understand Him more, we see more clearly who He really is. We begin to see His beauty, and are captivated by it.
"As we think over the stages of the masculine journey, we find that the boy begins to understand Good as he learns fight from wrong, and the Warrior fights for what is True, but when a man comes to see that the Beautiful is the best of the three, then is the Lover awakened... Awakening with his passion for a battle you will often find another longing emerging, a longing for ... he knows not what. An ache, often expressed in music, or perhaps poetry, a film or a book that stirs him like never before. his soul is undergoing a sort of second birth. He begins to notice. Sees moonlight on water for the very first time. Is stopped by certain movements in a song he loves. Pauses to realize that a snowflake or a flower is really altogether amazing... Now yes, it is often aroused by a woman... Woman is the personification of Beauty, and it often takes her to turn the young man's attention from adventure and battle, 'turn his head,' as the phrase has it, and his heart comes along for the turning, too... But often the awakening comes in the world of Nature, especially if the young man has been allowed a generous season in the Cowboy stage."
Has it happened for you? When? For me I think it really began in high school during a hunting trips. You begin to take in the sounds of the woods before anything is awake, and then when everything comes to life. In the spring you see the flowers and trees budding, in the fall there is color everywhere. Even in winter, when everything seems to be dead, the sparkle of sunlight on the snow is incredible. I've had the chance to watch some incredible sunrises and sunsets from the Pyramids and Delphi, the Sea of Galilee, and the Mediterranean and Aegean Seas, as well as the Kokosing River and Lake Erie. Nature is full of so much beauty.
And then, of course, you have to think about the woman. She is after all, the half of God's image that captures His beauty most clearly for us on earth. I'll never forget the first time I saw my wife, though it would be three years before we had our first date. I walked down the stairs of my on campus apartment, and she was sitting on the couch in our living room. She had her hair pulled back, and glasses on. And she looked stunning, which is funny because in college she really didn't try to look good (just a testament to her beauty). We lost touch once she graduated, but in September of 2010 she reached out to me, and I began to pursue her. We were married the following August. When I saw her enter the room on our wedding day, I couldn't breathe, and when her dad finally gave her to me all I was thinking was "I just want to stand here with her forever." I'll never forget that moment.
"This is very good for the Warrior, to be arrested by Beauty. It provides a great balance to his soul, lest he simply be a fighter. The Celts had a phrase, 'Never give a sword to a man who can't dance,' by which they meant if he is not also becoming a poet, be careful how much Warrior you allow a man to be." The line takes me the final moments of Brave Heart. You see men charging, and you hear the voice of William Wallace say, "In the year of our Lord 1314, patriots of Scotland, starving and outnumbered, charged the fields of Bannockburn. They fought like warrior poets. They fought like Scotsmen and they won their freedom." Early in the movie, after the funeral of Wallace's father and brother, he is seen with his uncle who allows him to hold his sword. He takes it back and tells him, "First learn to use this" pointing at his forehead, "then I'll teach you to use this" and holds up his sword.
There must be more to a man than the ability to fight, there must be a deep love and value for what is beautiful. We are more than Warriors; we must be Warrior Poets, Lovers of beauty.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
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