"You see, we need fathering still. All of us. More than we know. There are many places in us yet orphaned, many places that need initiation into manhood. This is as true of the seventy-year-old man as it is of the sixteen-year-old boy. We are Unfinished Men. And in truth, the Father has been fathering us for a long time now or, at least, trying to. What I'm suggesting is a new way of looking at your life as a man. To see your life as a process of initiation into masculine maturity, and your Father doing the initiating."
Life is a journey, and all of us are on it. All of us need to be one it. This life has been given to us so that we can become like Christ, and that is a process that takes a lifetime. Our lives are not meant to be adventures and battles that are done when we get married and have a couple of kids, being set aside for responsibility. We were created to live fully alive, a life of battling for truth, and living adventurously for God's glory, as we strive to be more like Him. And this is what God is wanting to lead us into.
Not one of us is perfectly like Christ, and we won't be until we take our final breath and meet Him in glory. But God is working to initiate us daily into Christlikeness. Every day we move closer to the goal. But we need God to take us there.
"We need fathering. We need initiation. In order to get there, we must embrace in our heart of hearts three truths given to us n Scripture. First, you have been brought home, through the work of Christ, to your true Father. Given the Spirit of sonship and, with it, the full rights of a son. Second, you are free from the constraints of your earthly family, free to follow God, free to become the man you were born to be, to surpass your family’s legacy. Third, the premise of this book: acting as a true Father, and you his true son, God is no raising you up as a son."
Galatians 5.1 says, "It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery." Philippians 1.6 tells us, "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." Christ set us free so that we could be free, and God is at work in us to mold us into the Men of God we were created to be. This is the desire of each of our hearts, and that heart has been set free in Christ.
In the movie Brave Heart there is a scene at the beginning where the young William Wallace has a dream. His father has been killed in battle, but in the dream he is alive and next to him and tells William, "Your heart is free. Have the courage to follow it." This is what God is saying to each of us. Your heart has been set free by Christ, and God is leading you into the life your heart longs for. Do you have the courage to follow Him?
"Our father has come for us, and our initiation is under way."
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Friday, July 26, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 2: True Son of a True Father, part 3
"Most men... understand that Christianity is an offer of forgiveness, made available to us through the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross... What they don't seem to grasp is, there is more. That forgiveness was made available to each of us so that we might come home to the Father. Forgiveness is not the goal. Coming home to the Father is the goal. So a man who calls himself a Christian, attends church, and has some hope of heaven when he dies has not received the lion's share of what God intended him to receive through the work of Christ. He will find himself living still very much alone, stuck in his journey, wondering why he cannot become the man he longs to be. He has not come into sonship."
As I typed that my mind went to the scene in The Lion King where Simba comes face to face with Mufasa in the clouds and his father tells him, "You are more than what you have become." That is true of us, and most of the men in the Church. We have missed the point of all of this, and in so doing, find ourselves board and restless, longing for something more.
In Wild at Heart John talked about how much of what has been presented to us is that we are to be well behaved, really nice guys. But that isn't what we were made for, and it isn't what we crave. We were made to be powerful and dangerous men. Men who stand up for truth, live in righteousness, fight the good fight of faith, defend the defenseless, and live passionately from true strength. That is the point, and that is what God both created us for, and is inviting us into through the redemption of Christ. We are more than what we have become.
"You are the son of a kind, strong, and engaged Father, a Father wise enough to guide you in the Way, generous enough to provide for your journey. His first act of provision happened before you were even born, when he rescued you through the life, death, and resurrection of our elder brother, Jesus of Nazareth. Then he called you to himself - perhaps is calling you even now - to come home to him through faith in Christ."
Regardless of what your earthly father did or didn't do, there is a true Father in God, who will more than make up for his shortcomings. The greatest things my dad did for me was to make sure I was in church every Sunday, and disciplined me when I did something wrong. I learned about God, and I learned how to act in society. And these two things enabled me to learn and grow.
"You see, our deepest convictions about ourselves, about life, and about God are handed to us by our families when we are young... Being a father is a noble undertaking, and a terrifically hard one. A 'hazardous conquest,' as Gabriel Marcel wrote, 'which is achieved step by step over difficult country full of ambushes.' If our earthly fathers faltered along the way, it may have been that the country they were asked to ravel was more difficult than we know. The longer we live, the more I think we will see our fathers' failures with compassion, and - I hope - we will see all that was good in what they were able to offer. A good father was meant to teach us truly about our Father God, and teach us to walk with him. For the day will come, sooner or later, when the son will no longer have his earthly father by his side (if ever he did have him there), and he must go on with God. So, one way or another, our lives find their fulfillment in union with our heavenly Father. This is central to Jesus' teaching."
At some point in every man's journey, they only father he will have is God. I performed a funeral last year and one of the man's sons said the thing he would miss most was having someone to call who knew exactly what he was talking about. As I spoke to them that day I said something along the lines of, "Even though your earthly father is gone, you are not fatherless. You have a heavenly father."
The most important thing any father can do is point his children to God. As I've been studying the Bible, recently I've found what I believe is the most crucial teaching in Scripture, and therefore the most important lesson for me to teach my children. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight" (Proverbs 3.5-60). Teaching them to fully trust in God, and knowing that when they do, He will guide them, is a lesson that will get them through everything they encounter, and it will stay with them even after I am gone.
We were made to live with this trust, this dependence upon God. When we realize this and actually begin to live like it, things can happen. "A radical shift has taken place for those of us who have come to faith in Christ. We have been embraced by our Father in heaven. He has taken us into his family. We are his sons. We really are. We have his Spirit in our hearts (rom. 8:15). We have a new legacy, for we shall be like him (rom. 8:29). We are free now to love our families here on earth, for we need not live under any of the false guilt, false pressures, false inheritances. Our view of ourselves as men can be healed. Our view of the life before us can be renewed. We are free now to take up our journeys with a Father who cares, who understands, who is committed to see us through. Our initiation can commence."
We are more than what we have become, and God isn't satisfied to leave us like that.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
As I typed that my mind went to the scene in The Lion King where Simba comes face to face with Mufasa in the clouds and his father tells him, "You are more than what you have become." That is true of us, and most of the men in the Church. We have missed the point of all of this, and in so doing, find ourselves board and restless, longing for something more.
In Wild at Heart John talked about how much of what has been presented to us is that we are to be well behaved, really nice guys. But that isn't what we were made for, and it isn't what we crave. We were made to be powerful and dangerous men. Men who stand up for truth, live in righteousness, fight the good fight of faith, defend the defenseless, and live passionately from true strength. That is the point, and that is what God both created us for, and is inviting us into through the redemption of Christ. We are more than what we have become.
"You are the son of a kind, strong, and engaged Father, a Father wise enough to guide you in the Way, generous enough to provide for your journey. His first act of provision happened before you were even born, when he rescued you through the life, death, and resurrection of our elder brother, Jesus of Nazareth. Then he called you to himself - perhaps is calling you even now - to come home to him through faith in Christ."
Regardless of what your earthly father did or didn't do, there is a true Father in God, who will more than make up for his shortcomings. The greatest things my dad did for me was to make sure I was in church every Sunday, and disciplined me when I did something wrong. I learned about God, and I learned how to act in society. And these two things enabled me to learn and grow.
"You see, our deepest convictions about ourselves, about life, and about God are handed to us by our families when we are young... Being a father is a noble undertaking, and a terrifically hard one. A 'hazardous conquest,' as Gabriel Marcel wrote, 'which is achieved step by step over difficult country full of ambushes.' If our earthly fathers faltered along the way, it may have been that the country they were asked to ravel was more difficult than we know. The longer we live, the more I think we will see our fathers' failures with compassion, and - I hope - we will see all that was good in what they were able to offer. A good father was meant to teach us truly about our Father God, and teach us to walk with him. For the day will come, sooner or later, when the son will no longer have his earthly father by his side (if ever he did have him there), and he must go on with God. So, one way or another, our lives find their fulfillment in union with our heavenly Father. This is central to Jesus' teaching."
At some point in every man's journey, they only father he will have is God. I performed a funeral last year and one of the man's sons said the thing he would miss most was having someone to call who knew exactly what he was talking about. As I spoke to them that day I said something along the lines of, "Even though your earthly father is gone, you are not fatherless. You have a heavenly father."
The most important thing any father can do is point his children to God. As I've been studying the Bible, recently I've found what I believe is the most crucial teaching in Scripture, and therefore the most important lesson for me to teach my children. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight" (Proverbs 3.5-60). Teaching them to fully trust in God, and knowing that when they do, He will guide them, is a lesson that will get them through everything they encounter, and it will stay with them even after I am gone.
We were made to live with this trust, this dependence upon God. When we realize this and actually begin to live like it, things can happen. "A radical shift has taken place for those of us who have come to faith in Christ. We have been embraced by our Father in heaven. He has taken us into his family. We are his sons. We really are. We have his Spirit in our hearts (rom. 8:15). We have a new legacy, for we shall be like him (rom. 8:29). We are free now to love our families here on earth, for we need not live under any of the false guilt, false pressures, false inheritances. Our view of ourselves as men can be healed. Our view of the life before us can be renewed. We are free now to take up our journeys with a Father who cares, who understands, who is committed to see us through. Our initiation can commence."
We are more than what we have become, and God isn't satisfied to leave us like that.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Monday, July 22, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 2: True Son of a True Father, part 2
"As I explained in Wild at Heart, a boy derives his identity, his masculinity, and the answers to his deepest questions about himself from his father. It is a double-edged sword. What was created by God to be a good, powerful, and beautiful thing has become for many men a sort of deathblow. A verdict pronounced over their life. For the deepest wound a man carries is his father wound. Whether through violence, or rejection, or passivity, or abandonment, most men did not receive the love and validation they needed as boys from their fathers. They received something else - a wound. For if your father had the power to validate, then he also had the power to invalidate."
These words are so true. Just yesterday in church my pastor spoke on James 3 and the power of the tongue. It carries the power to do tremendous good, and at the same time, tremendous harm. Sons are given to fathers so that they may be built up into the men they were born to be. They are to learn right and wrong, the fear of God, and how to stand for justice from their fathers. They are to be told they are powerful, and have what it takes. Fathers have the power to affirm this, but the flip side of that is the power to crush hope. The tongue that can answer with a confidence building "Yes" can destroy with negativity, or silence. And sadly, too many sons have fathers that do the later. But there is more than just the wound.
"in addition to the wound, there is a sort of legacy we feel we have inherited from our fathers, a sort of primal bond, an inseverable tie to our fathers and what they were as men....The enemy is there in a moment, saying, You see, you are no different than him. You are your father's son"
A few weeks ago my dad and I were talking, and not one of those conversations you look forward to. Somehow we got onto the subject of family, and he said something I will never forget. "All Gunsalus' do is get divorced and have kids with women they aren't married to." Looking back at the past three generations of my family that's pretty much what has happened. My dad said that was a big part of the reason he was committed to staying with my mom. He was determined not get divorced. But that is the legacy he feels our family name carries with it. And it is a legacy I am determined to change. That will not be what is said at the end of my life.
My dad doesn't seem happy. In this conversation I told him, "I don't want to just get through life. I want to enjoy it, and I don't feel like you have." He works a job he hates, has no real hobbies, and in some ways I feel like him. Stuck doing something that doesn't challenge me, with no time or money to do the things I enjoy, and for a while I saw myself becoming just like him. And it scared me.
"Because in some deep, primal way, when we look at our fathers we fear that they are what we are and what we will become. Our destiny. We might never have put words to this primal fear, but look at it this way: how many men have spent years of their lives trying not to be like their fathers? Or trying to cover up fort them, defend them? And why is that? How many embittered mothers - knowing by intuition exactly where to aim the blow - have told their sons, 'You're just like your father.' And why is that such a piercing stab? A few fortunate men have fathers they want to be like... Sometimes men oversimplify the truth about their fathers in order to preserve an image of them unsupported by reality."
Many can relate to this, many of us have felt this. "Do you like who your father is, or was, as a man? Do you want to be just like him? More to our immediate need, can he lead you now on your journey, provide masculine initiation? Place yourself on the spectrum from 'I want to be just like him, he is showing me how' to 'Good guy, but not what I want to be as a man,' to 'Checked out for the most part. I don't want much to do with him,' to 'An evil man. May God deliver me from his legacy.'" Where do you fall? I've known guys who fall into every category. I know which one I want my sons to say of me. I want to leave them with a legacy they are proud to carry on. I want them to know who they are as men. And I want to leave them with validation, not a wound. But not all of us have been so lucky.
"Most men feel sentenced by their fathers in three ways. We feel sentenced by the wound, by what we got from them in answer to our deepest Question (Do i have what it takes?). We feel sentenced by the fact that there is now no one to lead us on in our need for masculine initiation. And we feel sentenced somehow to a bound we feel with our fathers - their sins, their failures, what they were as men. It feels like the hand you have been dealt. As if you might, with effort, make it a little farther than he, but you will always be his son. After all, there are those sayings, such as 'The apple doesn't fall far from the tree." If the family tree is a source of pride to us, then we can move on with confidence. But if it is not, we must realize that we can come out from under its shadow."
No matter who your father was, or what he did or failed to do, God has something to say. He has the final word in all of this. And as we move forward we'll see what He has to say.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
These words are so true. Just yesterday in church my pastor spoke on James 3 and the power of the tongue. It carries the power to do tremendous good, and at the same time, tremendous harm. Sons are given to fathers so that they may be built up into the men they were born to be. They are to learn right and wrong, the fear of God, and how to stand for justice from their fathers. They are to be told they are powerful, and have what it takes. Fathers have the power to affirm this, but the flip side of that is the power to crush hope. The tongue that can answer with a confidence building "Yes" can destroy with negativity, or silence. And sadly, too many sons have fathers that do the later. But there is more than just the wound.
"in addition to the wound, there is a sort of legacy we feel we have inherited from our fathers, a sort of primal bond, an inseverable tie to our fathers and what they were as men....The enemy is there in a moment, saying, You see, you are no different than him. You are your father's son"
A few weeks ago my dad and I were talking, and not one of those conversations you look forward to. Somehow we got onto the subject of family, and he said something I will never forget. "All Gunsalus' do is get divorced and have kids with women they aren't married to." Looking back at the past three generations of my family that's pretty much what has happened. My dad said that was a big part of the reason he was committed to staying with my mom. He was determined not get divorced. But that is the legacy he feels our family name carries with it. And it is a legacy I am determined to change. That will not be what is said at the end of my life.
My dad doesn't seem happy. In this conversation I told him, "I don't want to just get through life. I want to enjoy it, and I don't feel like you have." He works a job he hates, has no real hobbies, and in some ways I feel like him. Stuck doing something that doesn't challenge me, with no time or money to do the things I enjoy, and for a while I saw myself becoming just like him. And it scared me.
"Because in some deep, primal way, when we look at our fathers we fear that they are what we are and what we will become. Our destiny. We might never have put words to this primal fear, but look at it this way: how many men have spent years of their lives trying not to be like their fathers? Or trying to cover up fort them, defend them? And why is that? How many embittered mothers - knowing by intuition exactly where to aim the blow - have told their sons, 'You're just like your father.' And why is that such a piercing stab? A few fortunate men have fathers they want to be like... Sometimes men oversimplify the truth about their fathers in order to preserve an image of them unsupported by reality."
Many can relate to this, many of us have felt this. "Do you like who your father is, or was, as a man? Do you want to be just like him? More to our immediate need, can he lead you now on your journey, provide masculine initiation? Place yourself on the spectrum from 'I want to be just like him, he is showing me how' to 'Good guy, but not what I want to be as a man,' to 'Checked out for the most part. I don't want much to do with him,' to 'An evil man. May God deliver me from his legacy.'" Where do you fall? I've known guys who fall into every category. I know which one I want my sons to say of me. I want to leave them with a legacy they are proud to carry on. I want them to know who they are as men. And I want to leave them with validation, not a wound. But not all of us have been so lucky.
"Most men feel sentenced by their fathers in three ways. We feel sentenced by the wound, by what we got from them in answer to our deepest Question (Do i have what it takes?). We feel sentenced by the fact that there is now no one to lead us on in our need for masculine initiation. And we feel sentenced somehow to a bound we feel with our fathers - their sins, their failures, what they were as men. It feels like the hand you have been dealt. As if you might, with effort, make it a little farther than he, but you will always be his son. After all, there are those sayings, such as 'The apple doesn't fall far from the tree." If the family tree is a source of pride to us, then we can move on with confidence. But if it is not, we must realize that we can come out from under its shadow."
No matter who your father was, or what he did or failed to do, God has something to say. He has the final word in all of this. And as we move forward we'll see what He has to say.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Saturday, July 20, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 2: True Son of a True Father, part 1
"You are the son of a kind, strong, and engaged Father, a Father wise enough to guide you in the Way, generous enough to provide for your journey, offering to walk with you every step. This is perhaps the hardest thing for us to believe - really believe, down deep in our hearts, so that it changes us forever, changes the way we approach each day... I believe this is the core issue of our shared dilemma as men. We just don't believe it. Our core assumptions about the world boil down to this: we are on our own to make life work. We are not watched over. We are not cared for... When we are hit with a problem, we have to figure it out ourselves, or just take the hit. If anything good is going to come our way, we're the ones who are going to have to arrange for it. Many of us have called upon God as Father, but, frankly, he doesn't seem to have heard. We're not sure why. Maybe we didn't do it right. Maybe he's about more important matters. Whatever the reason, our experience of this world has framed our approach to life. We believe we are fatherless."
All of us, no exceptions, relate our earthly father's to God. All of us relate to God and view God in a similar fashion as we see our earthly fathers. It doesn't always stay that way, but our initial thought of God as father, comes from what we experienced with our dads. How has it shaped you and your view of God?
For me, I have gone through times when I've tried to talk to God but feel that He is distant and uninterested in what I have to say. Other times I have felt like God wants nothing to do with me because He's angry over something I did wrong. And I've been through times where I've felt God is distant, and loves everyone else more than me. And I'm finally at a point where I can admit that I've felt all of this from my dad.
Fathers, you are the model your children have of God. How they see and relate to you is how they will see and relate to God. And if no one comes along and shows them differently, it is how they will see God for their lives. I've met a lot of people who can't grasp the idea of God as a loving father because it isn't what they experienced growing up. The words love and father don't go together. And for men, the idea of a father guiding us, and teaching us how to be a man is an even more nonexistent thought.
"The hardest, gladdest thing in the world is to Father! from a full heart... the refusal to look up to God as our father is the one central wrong in the whole human affair; the inability, the one central misery." Let's look at The Patriot again. As Benjamin Martin and his two younger sons are preparing to ambush the British troops taking the oldest son to be executed he asks them, "What did I tell you fella's about shooting?" The both reply, "Aim small, miss small." In shooting, accuracy is a pretty important thing, especially in a fire fight where your life is dependent upon hitting the other person before they can hit you. If you aim big, you can miss big. Pointing you gun in the general direction of your target and pulling the trigger could hit them, but more than likely it's going miss pretty significantly. But if you aim, small, if you aim specifically at the heart, if you don't hit it, you'll hit some other vital organ right around the heart. Aim small, miss small.
Refusing to look up to God as our father is aiming big. It's trying to hit the target by aiming at everything else, or just taking a guess at what you need to hit and firing. But when we do look at God, when we open ourselves to the vulnerability of allowing God to show us what a real father is, we aim small. We might not hit it exactly on the first shot, but we are close, and we are headed in the right direction.
"You have a good Father. He is better than you thought. He cares. He really does. He's kind and generous. He's out for your bet. This is absolutely central to the teaching of Jesus, though I have to admit, it never really struck a chord in me until I began to think through the need for masculine initiation, and came straight up against the question, But who will do the initiating? Most of our fathers are gone, or checked out, or uninitiated men themselves. There are a few men, a very few, who have fathers initiating them in substantive ways. Would that we are were so lucky. And, some guys have found a mentor, but they also are hard to come by. Especially those who understand masculine initiation. So, again, I still find myself wondering, Where can we find a true father to initiate us? Then pow - the lights begin to come on. Maybe this is what Jesus was getting at. That is the way of any real discovery - we find ourselves in need, and then the answer that has actually been before us form some time suddenly matters, suddenly makes sense."
Look through the Bible, and see how many times it refers to God as "your Father" or "our Father" or "the Father". Read and the Gospels and see how many times Jesus says something along the lines of "You have heard... But I say...". Look at the life of Jesus. Jesus came to earth to show us what God is like, teach us about who God is and what God desires of us, and clear the path back to God. In Him we see that God is a loving Father, and we see that so much of what the people thought was skewed from what God originally had in mind.
God wants to initiate us as men. God has been trying to for our entire lives, but somewhere along the way something happened to misdirect us. We came to see God in a way that doesn't line up with who He really is. We've had men who haven't been initiated and don't know how to initiate us, do the best they can, in the best cases, and in the worst, nothing at all, and it has hindered our own journey. But God is working to get us back on the path. He knows that this is what we long for, because that is what He created us to do.
"The deepest search in life, it seemed to me, the thing that in one way or another was central to all living was man's search to find a father, not merely the father of his flesh, not merely the lost father of his youth, but the image of strength and wisdom external to his need and superior to his hunger, to which the belief and power of his own life could be united." And that is what God will fulfill and provide. It is something only He can provide. And once we see Him as the Father that He is, we can be initiated into the men we are created to be.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
All of us, no exceptions, relate our earthly father's to God. All of us relate to God and view God in a similar fashion as we see our earthly fathers. It doesn't always stay that way, but our initial thought of God as father, comes from what we experienced with our dads. How has it shaped you and your view of God?
For me, I have gone through times when I've tried to talk to God but feel that He is distant and uninterested in what I have to say. Other times I have felt like God wants nothing to do with me because He's angry over something I did wrong. And I've been through times where I've felt God is distant, and loves everyone else more than me. And I'm finally at a point where I can admit that I've felt all of this from my dad.
Fathers, you are the model your children have of God. How they see and relate to you is how they will see and relate to God. And if no one comes along and shows them differently, it is how they will see God for their lives. I've met a lot of people who can't grasp the idea of God as a loving father because it isn't what they experienced growing up. The words love and father don't go together. And for men, the idea of a father guiding us, and teaching us how to be a man is an even more nonexistent thought.
"The hardest, gladdest thing in the world is to Father! from a full heart... the refusal to look up to God as our father is the one central wrong in the whole human affair; the inability, the one central misery." Let's look at The Patriot again. As Benjamin Martin and his two younger sons are preparing to ambush the British troops taking the oldest son to be executed he asks them, "What did I tell you fella's about shooting?" The both reply, "Aim small, miss small." In shooting, accuracy is a pretty important thing, especially in a fire fight where your life is dependent upon hitting the other person before they can hit you. If you aim big, you can miss big. Pointing you gun in the general direction of your target and pulling the trigger could hit them, but more than likely it's going miss pretty significantly. But if you aim, small, if you aim specifically at the heart, if you don't hit it, you'll hit some other vital organ right around the heart. Aim small, miss small.
Refusing to look up to God as our father is aiming big. It's trying to hit the target by aiming at everything else, or just taking a guess at what you need to hit and firing. But when we do look at God, when we open ourselves to the vulnerability of allowing God to show us what a real father is, we aim small. We might not hit it exactly on the first shot, but we are close, and we are headed in the right direction.
"You have a good Father. He is better than you thought. He cares. He really does. He's kind and generous. He's out for your bet. This is absolutely central to the teaching of Jesus, though I have to admit, it never really struck a chord in me until I began to think through the need for masculine initiation, and came straight up against the question, But who will do the initiating? Most of our fathers are gone, or checked out, or uninitiated men themselves. There are a few men, a very few, who have fathers initiating them in substantive ways. Would that we are were so lucky. And, some guys have found a mentor, but they also are hard to come by. Especially those who understand masculine initiation. So, again, I still find myself wondering, Where can we find a true father to initiate us? Then pow - the lights begin to come on. Maybe this is what Jesus was getting at. That is the way of any real discovery - we find ourselves in need, and then the answer that has actually been before us form some time suddenly matters, suddenly makes sense."
Look through the Bible, and see how many times it refers to God as "your Father" or "our Father" or "the Father". Read and the Gospels and see how many times Jesus says something along the lines of "You have heard... But I say...". Look at the life of Jesus. Jesus came to earth to show us what God is like, teach us about who God is and what God desires of us, and clear the path back to God. In Him we see that God is a loving Father, and we see that so much of what the people thought was skewed from what God originally had in mind.
God wants to initiate us as men. God has been trying to for our entire lives, but somewhere along the way something happened to misdirect us. We came to see God in a way that doesn't line up with who He really is. We've had men who haven't been initiated and don't know how to initiate us, do the best they can, in the best cases, and in the worst, nothing at all, and it has hindered our own journey. But God is working to get us back on the path. He knows that this is what we long for, because that is what He created us to do.
"The deepest search in life, it seemed to me, the thing that in one way or another was central to all living was man's search to find a father, not merely the father of his flesh, not merely the lost father of his youth, but the image of strength and wisdom external to his need and superior to his hunger, to which the belief and power of his own life could be united." And that is what God will fulfill and provide. It is something only He can provide. And once we see Him as the Father that He is, we can be initiated into the men we are created to be.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Saturday, July 13, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 1: The Masculine Journey, part 4
The Masculine Journey is not something that John Eldredge just came up with. He has given names to the stages that are seen in the lives of Biblical men. He shares briefly about both David and Jesus, and how these stages are seen in their lives. This is something that goes back thousands of years. Ever since men have walked the earth, they have been on this journey. There have always been some who have done this well, and others who have failed. But the more advanced we get as a society, the worse we seem to do about this. The farther we get from the beginning, the farther from Eden, the more corrupt and selfish people seem to be.
We were made to walk through these stages, and we see them everywhere. John points out a few movies, The Prince of Egypt, The Lord of the Rings, and The Lion King. To them I would add Batman Begins, Brave Heart, and Second Hand Lions. There are others in addition to these that show men at different parts of the journey. Some do it well, and some fail. But in all of these something is stirred within us, knowing that we were made for something more.
"Thus our journey of masculine initiation. Now, we don't know much about stages of development in our instant culture. We have someone else make our coffee for us. We no longer have to wait to have our photos developed... We don't have to wait to get in touch with someone... We don't need to wait for our leather jackets or our jeans or caps to age to get that rugged look - they come that way now, prefaded, tattered. Character that can be bought and worn immediately. But God is a God of process. If you want an oak tree, he has you start with an acorn... If you want a man, you must begin with the boy. God ordained the stages of masculine development. They are woven into the fabric of our being, just as the laws of nature are woven into the fabric of the earth."
We have to realize that this will take time. This will take effort. This will require something of us. We are going to be tested. But the character that is developed will be earned. It will mean something. It will have real value. And this is something we desperately need.
"The result of having abandoned masculine initiation is a world of unfinished, uninitiated men. But it doesn't have to be this way. We needn't wander in a fog. We don't have to live alone, striving, sulking, uncertain, angry. We don't have to figure life out for ourselves. There is another way. Wherever we are in the journey, our initiation, can begin in earnest."
We have a map, we have a heading. Let's break camp and move out. This journey will not be easy, but we are in this together, and we will emerge on the other side, Men of God.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
We were made to walk through these stages, and we see them everywhere. John points out a few movies, The Prince of Egypt, The Lord of the Rings, and The Lion King. To them I would add Batman Begins, Brave Heart, and Second Hand Lions. There are others in addition to these that show men at different parts of the journey. Some do it well, and some fail. But in all of these something is stirred within us, knowing that we were made for something more.
"Thus our journey of masculine initiation. Now, we don't know much about stages of development in our instant culture. We have someone else make our coffee for us. We no longer have to wait to have our photos developed... We don't have to wait to get in touch with someone... We don't need to wait for our leather jackets or our jeans or caps to age to get that rugged look - they come that way now, prefaded, tattered. Character that can be bought and worn immediately. But God is a God of process. If you want an oak tree, he has you start with an acorn... If you want a man, you must begin with the boy. God ordained the stages of masculine development. They are woven into the fabric of our being, just as the laws of nature are woven into the fabric of the earth."
We have to realize that this will take time. This will take effort. This will require something of us. We are going to be tested. But the character that is developed will be earned. It will mean something. It will have real value. And this is something we desperately need.
"The result of having abandoned masculine initiation is a world of unfinished, uninitiated men. But it doesn't have to be this way. We needn't wander in a fog. We don't have to live alone, striving, sulking, uncertain, angry. We don't have to figure life out for ourselves. There is another way. Wherever we are in the journey, our initiation, can begin in earnest."
We have a map, we have a heading. Let's break camp and move out. This journey will not be easy, but we are in this together, and we will emerge on the other side, Men of God.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Thursday, July 11, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 1: The Masculine Journey, part 3
"If I were to sketch out for you the masculine journey in broad strokes, I believe this is how it unfolds, or better how it was meant to unfold: Boyhood to Cowboy to Warrior to Lover to King to Sage. All in the course of about eighty years or so, give or take a decade or two."
That is what the masculine life is supposed to look like. Each one of these will be discussed in greater detail in coming chapters and posts, but to start we need a glimpse of where we are headed. Remember this book acts like a map. We get to see the big landmarks on paper, and the details of each come when we get to them in person.
But before that it is important to know that "one cannot pin an exact age to each stage. They overlap, and there are aspects of each stage in every other. Watch a boy for an afternoon, and you'll see the Warrior, the Cowboy, the King. Yet he is a boy, and it is as a boy he must live during those years. Great damage is done if we ask a boy to become a King too soon, as is the case when a father abandons his family, walking out the door with the parting words, 'You're the man of the house now.'... He has not yet been a Warrior, nor a Lover, and he is in no way ready to become a King."
A few months ago I was watching The Patriot with my wife and I thought about that line. Mel Gibson plays Benjamin Martin, a plantation owner in South Carolina during the American Revolution. His oldest son, Gabriel, joins the continental army and is later captured by the British. Benjamin is a warrior, but has tried to run from his past because he is ashamed of his actions in a previous battle. But in order to save his son he must take up his weapons and fight again.
He takes two of his younger sons, one in his early teens, the other probably around nine, and instructs them on the order of their targets. The older son is ready for battle, knowing he has a job to do, but in the face of the younger son we see fear. As he takes aim he is fighting back tears. He is still the beloved son, and is not ready to become a warrior yet.
And it is because of his father's refusal to play his part that he is forced into this stage too soon. You see as Gabriel was being tied up to be led off the second son, Thomas, tried to free him. He saw that his father was not acting, and took matters into his own hands. The eager young warrior had no king to lead and guide him and so he rushed into battle, only to be shot and killed.
When fathers fail, boys either are forced into roles they are not ready for, or they end up dead. Sometimes it's both. Boys must be guided because "there is a path that must be taken. There is a Way. Not a formula. A Way. Each stage has its lessons to be learned, and each stage can be wounded, cut short, leaving the growing man with an undeveloped soul. Then we wonder why he folds suddenly when he is forty-five." The midlife crisis is the result of an unfinished man. A man who was forced to grow up too fast, and never given the chance to take the journey he was created for.
This journey begins with "Boyhood, a time of wonder and exploration... it is the time of being the Beloved Son... A time of affirmation... Before and beneath that Question [Do I have what it takes?] and a man's search for validation lies a deeper need - to know that he is prized, delighted in, that he is the Beloved Son. Our need for a father's love."
This is where the journey must begin. Without this the boy moves on with uncertainty and no identity to fall back on. He will look for love in the wrong places and come up short and empty every time, wondering why he isn't enough. His life must begin with the delight of his father, not in a way that pampers and spoils him, because if that happens he will be soft, weak, and selfish, but in a way that affirms his strength and destiny.
"The Cowboy stage comes next, the period of adolescence, and it runs into the late teens to early twenties. It is a time of learning the lessons of the field, a time of great adventures and testing, and also a time for hard work... A time of daring and danger, a time of learning that he does, indeed, have what it takes."
This is where parents must begin to let go. They have to start letting their sons have some freedom. If they don't then the boys question goes unanswered, or answered with a no, and he is crippled. He must be allowed to make mistakes, and be taught from them. He must be given chances to work, to see that it is good, and that life does involve responsibilities. But at the same time he must be taught that life is not all about work, that we were created for adventure. If this stage is not handled correctly then the boy cannot move on, he will be picked off almost instantly.
"Some time in his late teens there emerges the young Warrior, and this phase lasts well into his thirties. Again, the stages overlap... Whether six or sixty, a man will always be a Warrior, for he bears the image of a warrior God... The Warrior gets a cause and, hopefully, a king... He encounters evil face-to-face, and learns to defeat it. The young warrior learns the rigors of discipline - especially that inner discipline and resolution of spirit you see in Jesus... That he gets a mission is crucial, and that he learns to battle the kingdom of darkness is even more crucial. Passivity and masculinity are mutually exclusive, fundamentally at odds with one another. To be a man he must learn to live with courage, take action, go into battle
In the Cowboy stage he learned he had strength and it grew, here as a Warrior he learns to use it properly. For that to happen he needs a king to train him. If his father is absent, or refuses to play his part, another man must step in and mentor the young warrior. He must be taught to use his strength, and to control it when necessary. He must be taught who the enemy is and how to engage him. He must see what his strength is capable of, and realize that he is a force for good. And only then is he ready to move on. If he never learns to be a warrior, he cannot proceed on the journey because the way is fierce.
"This is typically the time when he also become a Lover, though it would be best for him and for her if he lived as a Warrior for some time first... too many young men do not get their Question answered as a young Cowboy, and as an uncertain warrior they have no mission to their lives. They end up taking all that to the woman, hoping in her to find validation and a reason for living... A Lover comes to offer his strength to a woman, not to get it from her. But the time of the Lover is not foremost about the woman. It is the time when a young man discover the Way of the Heart - that poetry and passion are far more closer to the Truth than are mere reason and proposition. He awakens to beauty, to life... Service for God is overshadowed by intimacy with God."
This stage is about offering himself and all that he has. If he has not come through the other stages he has nothing to offer, and selfishly takes for himself. If he hasn't discovered his strength and learned how to use it properly, he cannot offer it to a woman, or delight in her, or the children that result from their union, which leads to the destructive cycle all over again. If he has not learned to serve God then he can never have an intimacy with Him.
But as a Warrior becomes a Lover he becomes aware of the beauty of life. He begins to see what he has fought for, who he has served, and his life becomes focused on the who, not the what. He finds his wife, and more importantly, he connects deeply with God. Note that this is not the first time he is aware of God. As a beloved son, his father must teach him about God, and set his feet on the paths of righteousness. As the cowboy he learns more about God and what He expects for his life. As a warrior his faith becomes his own, and he sets out in service, following his calling. And now as a lover, more mature and able to understand more clearly, God revels deep and beautiful things about Himself. He begins to know God personally and lives to know God more.
"Then - and only then - is he ready to become a King, ready to rule a kingdom. The crisis of leadership in our churches, businesses, and governments is largely due to this one dilemma: men have been given power, but they are unprepared to handle it. The time of ruling is a tremendous test of character, for the king will be sorely tested to use his influence in humility, for the benefit of others... A true King comes into authority and knows that the privilege is not so he can now arrange for his comfort... this is the time of ruling over a kingdom. Hopefully, he draws around him a company of young warrior, for he is now a father to younger men."
Only a man who has learned how to use his strength in the service of others, learned to give of himself, and learned to connect intimately with God is fit to rule. A selfish, pampered boy in a man's body has no business in a position of authority. This type of individual is in power simply for his own benefit and gain. But a real man, a man who is fit to be King, knows how to lead, how to fight, and how to work. He will use his power and influence for the good of all, and will sacrifice his own desires for his people.
It is crucial for a King to lead Warriors. It is at this point in the masculine journey that a man begins to train those at stages behind him. He will have his own son to delight in, he will have Cowboys and Warriors to mentor, he will have those in the Lover phase to guide. In order to do that he must have gone through the stages himself. A King must be a true man if he is to do any good, and in order to do good, he must know how to connect with God.
"Finally, we have the Sage, the gray-haired father with a wealth of knowledge and experience, whose mission now is to counsel others. His kingdom may shrink... But his influence ought to increase. This is not the time to pack off to Phoenix or Leisure World - the kingdom needs him now as an elder at the gates... His time is spent mentoring younger men, especially Kings... At a time in life when most men feel their time has passed, this could be the period of their greatest contribution."
This is a life long journey that doesn't end until we return to the dust from which we came. Retirement, stepping down from the throne, does not mean we are done. As long as we are still breathing, we still have an essential role to play. The Sage has lived life, he has gone through all of these stages, and he is full of wisdom that must be passed on. The responsibilities of leading the kingdom have been passed to another, and now he is free to fully invest in younger men.
It is crucial that we finish strong. It is possible to wrestle hard the entire match and lose because you let up in the final ten seconds. Men, it is crucial that we resolve to live to the fullest right up to the end. Our job is never done, it changes, but it is never done.
These are the stages we must go through, "and they all come together to make a whole and holy man." Without one of them everything falls apart. And so let us journey together, no matter what stage you are in, let us press on, wrestle hard, and finish well.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
That is what the masculine life is supposed to look like. Each one of these will be discussed in greater detail in coming chapters and posts, but to start we need a glimpse of where we are headed. Remember this book acts like a map. We get to see the big landmarks on paper, and the details of each come when we get to them in person.
But before that it is important to know that "one cannot pin an exact age to each stage. They overlap, and there are aspects of each stage in every other. Watch a boy for an afternoon, and you'll see the Warrior, the Cowboy, the King. Yet he is a boy, and it is as a boy he must live during those years. Great damage is done if we ask a boy to become a King too soon, as is the case when a father abandons his family, walking out the door with the parting words, 'You're the man of the house now.'... He has not yet been a Warrior, nor a Lover, and he is in no way ready to become a King."
A few months ago I was watching The Patriot with my wife and I thought about that line. Mel Gibson plays Benjamin Martin, a plantation owner in South Carolina during the American Revolution. His oldest son, Gabriel, joins the continental army and is later captured by the British. Benjamin is a warrior, but has tried to run from his past because he is ashamed of his actions in a previous battle. But in order to save his son he must take up his weapons and fight again.
He takes two of his younger sons, one in his early teens, the other probably around nine, and instructs them on the order of their targets. The older son is ready for battle, knowing he has a job to do, but in the face of the younger son we see fear. As he takes aim he is fighting back tears. He is still the beloved son, and is not ready to become a warrior yet.
And it is because of his father's refusal to play his part that he is forced into this stage too soon. You see as Gabriel was being tied up to be led off the second son, Thomas, tried to free him. He saw that his father was not acting, and took matters into his own hands. The eager young warrior had no king to lead and guide him and so he rushed into battle, only to be shot and killed.
When fathers fail, boys either are forced into roles they are not ready for, or they end up dead. Sometimes it's both. Boys must be guided because "there is a path that must be taken. There is a Way. Not a formula. A Way. Each stage has its lessons to be learned, and each stage can be wounded, cut short, leaving the growing man with an undeveloped soul. Then we wonder why he folds suddenly when he is forty-five." The midlife crisis is the result of an unfinished man. A man who was forced to grow up too fast, and never given the chance to take the journey he was created for.
This journey begins with "Boyhood, a time of wonder and exploration... it is the time of being the Beloved Son... A time of affirmation... Before and beneath that Question [Do I have what it takes?] and a man's search for validation lies a deeper need - to know that he is prized, delighted in, that he is the Beloved Son. Our need for a father's love."
This is where the journey must begin. Without this the boy moves on with uncertainty and no identity to fall back on. He will look for love in the wrong places and come up short and empty every time, wondering why he isn't enough. His life must begin with the delight of his father, not in a way that pampers and spoils him, because if that happens he will be soft, weak, and selfish, but in a way that affirms his strength and destiny.
"The Cowboy stage comes next, the period of adolescence, and it runs into the late teens to early twenties. It is a time of learning the lessons of the field, a time of great adventures and testing, and also a time for hard work... A time of daring and danger, a time of learning that he does, indeed, have what it takes."
This is where parents must begin to let go. They have to start letting their sons have some freedom. If they don't then the boys question goes unanswered, or answered with a no, and he is crippled. He must be allowed to make mistakes, and be taught from them. He must be given chances to work, to see that it is good, and that life does involve responsibilities. But at the same time he must be taught that life is not all about work, that we were created for adventure. If this stage is not handled correctly then the boy cannot move on, he will be picked off almost instantly.
"Some time in his late teens there emerges the young Warrior, and this phase lasts well into his thirties. Again, the stages overlap... Whether six or sixty, a man will always be a Warrior, for he bears the image of a warrior God... The Warrior gets a cause and, hopefully, a king... He encounters evil face-to-face, and learns to defeat it. The young warrior learns the rigors of discipline - especially that inner discipline and resolution of spirit you see in Jesus... That he gets a mission is crucial, and that he learns to battle the kingdom of darkness is even more crucial. Passivity and masculinity are mutually exclusive, fundamentally at odds with one another. To be a man he must learn to live with courage, take action, go into battle
In the Cowboy stage he learned he had strength and it grew, here as a Warrior he learns to use it properly. For that to happen he needs a king to train him. If his father is absent, or refuses to play his part, another man must step in and mentor the young warrior. He must be taught to use his strength, and to control it when necessary. He must be taught who the enemy is and how to engage him. He must see what his strength is capable of, and realize that he is a force for good. And only then is he ready to move on. If he never learns to be a warrior, he cannot proceed on the journey because the way is fierce.
"This is typically the time when he also become a Lover, though it would be best for him and for her if he lived as a Warrior for some time first... too many young men do not get their Question answered as a young Cowboy, and as an uncertain warrior they have no mission to their lives. They end up taking all that to the woman, hoping in her to find validation and a reason for living... A Lover comes to offer his strength to a woman, not to get it from her. But the time of the Lover is not foremost about the woman. It is the time when a young man discover the Way of the Heart - that poetry and passion are far more closer to the Truth than are mere reason and proposition. He awakens to beauty, to life... Service for God is overshadowed by intimacy with God."
This stage is about offering himself and all that he has. If he has not come through the other stages he has nothing to offer, and selfishly takes for himself. If he hasn't discovered his strength and learned how to use it properly, he cannot offer it to a woman, or delight in her, or the children that result from their union, which leads to the destructive cycle all over again. If he has not learned to serve God then he can never have an intimacy with Him.
But as a Warrior becomes a Lover he becomes aware of the beauty of life. He begins to see what he has fought for, who he has served, and his life becomes focused on the who, not the what. He finds his wife, and more importantly, he connects deeply with God. Note that this is not the first time he is aware of God. As a beloved son, his father must teach him about God, and set his feet on the paths of righteousness. As the cowboy he learns more about God and what He expects for his life. As a warrior his faith becomes his own, and he sets out in service, following his calling. And now as a lover, more mature and able to understand more clearly, God revels deep and beautiful things about Himself. He begins to know God personally and lives to know God more.
"Then - and only then - is he ready to become a King, ready to rule a kingdom. The crisis of leadership in our churches, businesses, and governments is largely due to this one dilemma: men have been given power, but they are unprepared to handle it. The time of ruling is a tremendous test of character, for the king will be sorely tested to use his influence in humility, for the benefit of others... A true King comes into authority and knows that the privilege is not so he can now arrange for his comfort... this is the time of ruling over a kingdom. Hopefully, he draws around him a company of young warrior, for he is now a father to younger men."
Only a man who has learned how to use his strength in the service of others, learned to give of himself, and learned to connect intimately with God is fit to rule. A selfish, pampered boy in a man's body has no business in a position of authority. This type of individual is in power simply for his own benefit and gain. But a real man, a man who is fit to be King, knows how to lead, how to fight, and how to work. He will use his power and influence for the good of all, and will sacrifice his own desires for his people.
It is crucial for a King to lead Warriors. It is at this point in the masculine journey that a man begins to train those at stages behind him. He will have his own son to delight in, he will have Cowboys and Warriors to mentor, he will have those in the Lover phase to guide. In order to do that he must have gone through the stages himself. A King must be a true man if he is to do any good, and in order to do good, he must know how to connect with God.
"Finally, we have the Sage, the gray-haired father with a wealth of knowledge and experience, whose mission now is to counsel others. His kingdom may shrink... But his influence ought to increase. This is not the time to pack off to Phoenix or Leisure World - the kingdom needs him now as an elder at the gates... His time is spent mentoring younger men, especially Kings... At a time in life when most men feel their time has passed, this could be the period of their greatest contribution."
This is a life long journey that doesn't end until we return to the dust from which we came. Retirement, stepping down from the throne, does not mean we are done. As long as we are still breathing, we still have an essential role to play. The Sage has lived life, he has gone through all of these stages, and he is full of wisdom that must be passed on. The responsibilities of leading the kingdom have been passed to another, and now he is free to fully invest in younger men.
It is crucial that we finish strong. It is possible to wrestle hard the entire match and lose because you let up in the final ten seconds. Men, it is crucial that we resolve to live to the fullest right up to the end. Our job is never done, it changes, but it is never done.
These are the stages we must go through, "and they all come together to make a whole and holy man." Without one of them everything falls apart. And so let us journey together, no matter what stage you are in, let us press on, wrestle hard, and finish well.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 1: The Masculine Journey, part 2
We've all heard the expression "He's a self-made man". In our world it's something we hold up as a standard of masculinity. A guy who has defied all the odds on his own with now help and has made something of himself. We look at these guys with respect and in many ways we desire to be like them, but honestly they should be pitied.
A self-made man is really just "an orphaned man who figured how to master some part of life on his own." The father failed to be a daddy and no one stepped in to take his place. The boy was left on his own to try to make it, and so he has figured out what he is good at and used that to his advantage. It isn't his fault, he's done what he's had to, but that isn't the way it is supposed to be.
"We aren't meant to figure life out on our own. God wants to father us. The truth is, he has been fathering us for a long time - we just haven't had the eyes to see it. He wants to father us much more intimately, but we have to be in a pasture to receive it."
This can be difficult, but it is essential. A boy who has been abandoned to figure it out on his own is used to going it alone, not having anyone to watch his back, not having anyone to help him when things get overwhelming. He's trained himself to not need help, and when it comes he often rejects it out of pride, anger, hurt, and mistrust. But we have to learn to drop our guard if we are to men who are fully alive and living from true strength, not a few skills.
"First, we allow that we are unfinished men, partial men, mostly boy inside, and we need initiation." This is where the pride hinders us. We don't want to admit that we need help, that we need something from someone, that there is something we can't take care of ourselves.
"Second, we turn from our independence and all the ways we either charge at life or shrink from it; this may be one of the most basic and the most crucial ways a man repents." And this is where anger, hurt and mistrust come in to play. Anger doesn't want to change, it's stubborn and enjoys being angry. Anger blindly charges in to a situation doing much more harm than good.
The hurt and mistrust from the past are what cause us to shrink back from help that is offered. We feel that no one will ever help and not hurt us, that at some point they too will abandon us. These things cause us to shrink back, hide from anything that our one or two skills can't handle, or might not be able to handle. Anything that is a challenge we aren't sure to overcome we run from for fear of exposure.
"We must be willing to take an enormous risk, and open our hearts to the possibility that God is initiation us as men - maybe even in the very things in which we thought he'd abandoned us. We open ourselves up to being fathered. I'll admit it doesn't come easily."
We tend to associate God with our earthly father. If he was cold and distant that's how we see God. If he was angry and abusive we expect God to be the same way. If he was a constant critic who was never satisfied we feel God isn't either. It isn't easy to open up and trust someone you don't think will be there, or doesn't care. It isn't easy to be led by someone you don't believe has your best interest at heart, or to open up to someone you don't feel is a safe haven. "The more we've become accustomed to seeking life apart form God, the more 'abnormal and stressful' it seems 'to look for God directly.' Especially as a Father, fathering us."
We have to learn to see God in a new way, through His eyes, not ours. We must realize that unlike our earthly fathers, God cannot and does not fall short. He does not abandon, He does not criticize, He is not angry or abusive. He is the loving Father who picks us up when we fall down, who offers correction and encouragement when we mess up, and offers an intimacy that we all crave. But most of all God offers us initiation.
"A man's life is a process of initiation into true masculinity." In the beginning of the creation everything was perfect. Man lived from a true source of strength and identity in who he was to God. He learned from God, but then the day of his testing came, and he failed miserably. The relationship was broken, his strength was lost, and we've all been suffering ever since. But in this we see the love of God.
At that moment He began the story of restoration. He began working to heal and deliver fallen creation from sin. Everything is working to bring creation back to Eden, it is a process but it is leading back to the way things were meant to be. And in the same way our lives are a process that is leading us to where we were meant to be. Everything that happens is God initiating us into true masculinity.
"So much of what we misinterpret as hassles or trials or screw-ups on our part are in fact God fathering us, taking us through something in order to strengthen us, or heal us, or dismantle some unholy thing in us. In other words, initiate us - a distinctly masculine venture."
I have a friend, one of my brothers, who has recently been through a break up. He told me how he felt like he had screwed it all up. I told him, "No you didn't, it just wasn't supposed to work out." And in that he has begun to see how God is using this to bring healing from other things in the past. It's part of his initiation, and nothing is wasted with God.
In my own life, having to move back into my parents house at first seemed like the worst punishment ever. But in this time God has brought healing into my own life. He took me back to the place where hurt and anger happened so that He could break it all down. It's part of my initiation, and nothing is wasted with God.
The things we go through are not meant to destroy us, but to mold us into Christlikeness, and into Men of God. Sometimes it requires a world shattering moment to get us started. Other times it involves taking us to the place of pain in order to heal and strengthen. And other times it involves challenging us in ways we don't think we are capable of overcoming. But all of it is God working to make into the men He created us to be. This whole process of initiation, this life long journey, is taking us back to how it was all supposed to be, God made men.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
A self-made man is really just "an orphaned man who figured how to master some part of life on his own." The father failed to be a daddy and no one stepped in to take his place. The boy was left on his own to try to make it, and so he has figured out what he is good at and used that to his advantage. It isn't his fault, he's done what he's had to, but that isn't the way it is supposed to be.
"We aren't meant to figure life out on our own. God wants to father us. The truth is, he has been fathering us for a long time - we just haven't had the eyes to see it. He wants to father us much more intimately, but we have to be in a pasture to receive it."
This can be difficult, but it is essential. A boy who has been abandoned to figure it out on his own is used to going it alone, not having anyone to watch his back, not having anyone to help him when things get overwhelming. He's trained himself to not need help, and when it comes he often rejects it out of pride, anger, hurt, and mistrust. But we have to learn to drop our guard if we are to men who are fully alive and living from true strength, not a few skills.
"First, we allow that we are unfinished men, partial men, mostly boy inside, and we need initiation." This is where the pride hinders us. We don't want to admit that we need help, that we need something from someone, that there is something we can't take care of ourselves.
"Second, we turn from our independence and all the ways we either charge at life or shrink from it; this may be one of the most basic and the most crucial ways a man repents." And this is where anger, hurt and mistrust come in to play. Anger doesn't want to change, it's stubborn and enjoys being angry. Anger blindly charges in to a situation doing much more harm than good.
The hurt and mistrust from the past are what cause us to shrink back from help that is offered. We feel that no one will ever help and not hurt us, that at some point they too will abandon us. These things cause us to shrink back, hide from anything that our one or two skills can't handle, or might not be able to handle. Anything that is a challenge we aren't sure to overcome we run from for fear of exposure.
"We must be willing to take an enormous risk, and open our hearts to the possibility that God is initiation us as men - maybe even in the very things in which we thought he'd abandoned us. We open ourselves up to being fathered. I'll admit it doesn't come easily."
We tend to associate God with our earthly father. If he was cold and distant that's how we see God. If he was angry and abusive we expect God to be the same way. If he was a constant critic who was never satisfied we feel God isn't either. It isn't easy to open up and trust someone you don't think will be there, or doesn't care. It isn't easy to be led by someone you don't believe has your best interest at heart, or to open up to someone you don't feel is a safe haven. "The more we've become accustomed to seeking life apart form God, the more 'abnormal and stressful' it seems 'to look for God directly.' Especially as a Father, fathering us."
We have to learn to see God in a new way, through His eyes, not ours. We must realize that unlike our earthly fathers, God cannot and does not fall short. He does not abandon, He does not criticize, He is not angry or abusive. He is the loving Father who picks us up when we fall down, who offers correction and encouragement when we mess up, and offers an intimacy that we all crave. But most of all God offers us initiation.
"A man's life is a process of initiation into true masculinity." In the beginning of the creation everything was perfect. Man lived from a true source of strength and identity in who he was to God. He learned from God, but then the day of his testing came, and he failed miserably. The relationship was broken, his strength was lost, and we've all been suffering ever since. But in this we see the love of God.
At that moment He began the story of restoration. He began working to heal and deliver fallen creation from sin. Everything is working to bring creation back to Eden, it is a process but it is leading back to the way things were meant to be. And in the same way our lives are a process that is leading us to where we were meant to be. Everything that happens is God initiating us into true masculinity.
"So much of what we misinterpret as hassles or trials or screw-ups on our part are in fact God fathering us, taking us through something in order to strengthen us, or heal us, or dismantle some unholy thing in us. In other words, initiate us - a distinctly masculine venture."
I have a friend, one of my brothers, who has recently been through a break up. He told me how he felt like he had screwed it all up. I told him, "No you didn't, it just wasn't supposed to work out." And in that he has begun to see how God is using this to bring healing from other things in the past. It's part of his initiation, and nothing is wasted with God.
In my own life, having to move back into my parents house at first seemed like the worst punishment ever. But in this time God has brought healing into my own life. He took me back to the place where hurt and anger happened so that He could break it all down. It's part of my initiation, and nothing is wasted with God.
The things we go through are not meant to destroy us, but to mold us into Christlikeness, and into Men of God. Sometimes it requires a world shattering moment to get us started. Other times it involves taking us to the place of pain in order to heal and strengthen. And other times it involves challenging us in ways we don't think we are capable of overcoming. But all of it is God working to make into the men He created us to be. This whole process of initiation, this life long journey, is taking us back to how it was all supposed to be, God made men.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Thursday, July 4, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 1: The Masculine Journey, part 1
We've all had something we can't figure out. My most recent run in with one of these was this past January during muzzleloading season for deer. I had taken a buck early in the day and had dragged it out of the woods, now it was time to field dress it. This wasn't my first deer, but it was the first time I was field dressing alone, and it had been a few years since I had done this.
How hard can it be? Sharpe knife, dead animal, should be simple enough right? Yeah, not so much. I got the deer cut open, i got the pelvis broken in half, but everything seemed to be stuck inside. I'm trying to pull the guts out and they aren't wanting to budge, and I'm starting to get mad. Why isn't this working? Why is this so difficult?
It turns out I didn't cut everything I needed to when I opened up the deer. I hadn't cut everything loose that I was supposed to, and so nothing was coming out. I learned this later, but not in the woods when I needed it. I was mad. And so many of us are.
Things like my experience in the woods happens everyday. It also happens to me when I have to do something on a car and it doesn't work as its supposed to. Little things end up setting us off, they become the final straw. We are angry, but why?
"First, I'm hacked because there's no one here to show me how to do this... I'm also hacked because I can't do it myself, mad that I need help... I'm also ticked at God, because why does this have to be so hard?"
I think that pretty much sums it up. I had no idea why the guts weren't coming out of the deer, and my dad wasn't there to show me what I was doing wrong. I wasn't thrilled that I still needed his help to do this. I don't know that I was angry with God because I couldn't gut a deer, but I have been upset because other things have been so difficult. But why are we angry to begin with? Ultimately, "it's about fatherlessness."
The source of our anger really boils down to the fact that we've been left to figure this out on our own, and this doesn't work that way. "A boy has a lot to learn in his journey to become a man, and he becomes a man only through the active intervention of his father and the fellowship of men. It cannot happen any other way. To become a man - and to know that he has become a man - a boy must have a guide, a father."
The road to masculinity is a journey. Masculinity isn't something that a boy just picks up someday when he decides he feels like it. It isn't something that a boy figures out on his own. "This we must understand: masculinity is bestowed. A boy learns who he is and what he's made of from a man (or a company of men). this can't be learned in any other place. It can't be learned from other boys, and it can't be learned from the world of women." Masculinity is passed down from generation to generation. Boys are initiated, and men bestow the mantel to boys as they overcome the tests and trials they face. But for a long time this hasn't happened.
"You see, what we have now is a world of uninitiated men. Partial men. Boys, mostly, walking around in men's bodies, with men's jobs and families, finances, and responsibilities. The passing on of masculinity was never completed, if it was begun at all. The boy was never taken through the process of masculine initiation. that's why most of us are Unfinished Men. And therefore unable to pass on to our sons and daughters what they need to become whole and holy men and women themselves."
How many of our dad's were initiated? I'm guessing not many. My dad grew up without a father beginning in his mid teens. My grandpa had an affair and wasn't around, and when he was, my dad was angry because of what my grandpa did. And I think part of what happened with my grandpa was a result of uninitiation. His dad had left his mom when he was young, he never had a dad either. So those two generations hadn't had the initiation into the masculine journey, and because of it, has impacted me.
You can't lead someone somewhere you have never been. You can't give an answer that you don't have. And so, "boys are growing up into uncertain men because the core questions of their souls have gone unanswered, or answered badly. They grow into men who act, but their actions are not rooted in a genuine strength, wisdom, and kindness."
God wants to finish us, and He will, but it isn't something that happens instantly. "Masculine initiation is a journey, a process, a quest really, a story that unfolds over time... We need more than a moment, an event. We need a process, a journey, an epic story of many experiences woven together, building upon one another in a progression. We need initiation. And, we need a Guide."
This is what this study is about, the journey to masculinity, and being fathered by God. Let's press on together my brothers, this journey leads us to who we are created to be.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
How hard can it be? Sharpe knife, dead animal, should be simple enough right? Yeah, not so much. I got the deer cut open, i got the pelvis broken in half, but everything seemed to be stuck inside. I'm trying to pull the guts out and they aren't wanting to budge, and I'm starting to get mad. Why isn't this working? Why is this so difficult?
It turns out I didn't cut everything I needed to when I opened up the deer. I hadn't cut everything loose that I was supposed to, and so nothing was coming out. I learned this later, but not in the woods when I needed it. I was mad. And so many of us are.
Things like my experience in the woods happens everyday. It also happens to me when I have to do something on a car and it doesn't work as its supposed to. Little things end up setting us off, they become the final straw. We are angry, but why?
"First, I'm hacked because there's no one here to show me how to do this... I'm also hacked because I can't do it myself, mad that I need help... I'm also ticked at God, because why does this have to be so hard?"
I think that pretty much sums it up. I had no idea why the guts weren't coming out of the deer, and my dad wasn't there to show me what I was doing wrong. I wasn't thrilled that I still needed his help to do this. I don't know that I was angry with God because I couldn't gut a deer, but I have been upset because other things have been so difficult. But why are we angry to begin with? Ultimately, "it's about fatherlessness."
The source of our anger really boils down to the fact that we've been left to figure this out on our own, and this doesn't work that way. "A boy has a lot to learn in his journey to become a man, and he becomes a man only through the active intervention of his father and the fellowship of men. It cannot happen any other way. To become a man - and to know that he has become a man - a boy must have a guide, a father."
The road to masculinity is a journey. Masculinity isn't something that a boy just picks up someday when he decides he feels like it. It isn't something that a boy figures out on his own. "This we must understand: masculinity is bestowed. A boy learns who he is and what he's made of from a man (or a company of men). this can't be learned in any other place. It can't be learned from other boys, and it can't be learned from the world of women." Masculinity is passed down from generation to generation. Boys are initiated, and men bestow the mantel to boys as they overcome the tests and trials they face. But for a long time this hasn't happened.
"You see, what we have now is a world of uninitiated men. Partial men. Boys, mostly, walking around in men's bodies, with men's jobs and families, finances, and responsibilities. The passing on of masculinity was never completed, if it was begun at all. The boy was never taken through the process of masculine initiation. that's why most of us are Unfinished Men. And therefore unable to pass on to our sons and daughters what they need to become whole and holy men and women themselves."
How many of our dad's were initiated? I'm guessing not many. My dad grew up without a father beginning in his mid teens. My grandpa had an affair and wasn't around, and when he was, my dad was angry because of what my grandpa did. And I think part of what happened with my grandpa was a result of uninitiation. His dad had left his mom when he was young, he never had a dad either. So those two generations hadn't had the initiation into the masculine journey, and because of it, has impacted me.
You can't lead someone somewhere you have never been. You can't give an answer that you don't have. And so, "boys are growing up into uncertain men because the core questions of their souls have gone unanswered, or answered badly. They grow into men who act, but their actions are not rooted in a genuine strength, wisdom, and kindness."
God wants to finish us, and He will, but it isn't something that happens instantly. "Masculine initiation is a journey, a process, a quest really, a story that unfolds over time... We need more than a moment, an event. We need a process, a journey, an epic story of many experiences woven together, building upon one another in a progression. We need initiation. And, we need a Guide."
This is what this study is about, the journey to masculinity, and being fathered by God. Let's press on together my brothers, this journey leads us to who we are created to be.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)