"Our society produces plenty of boys, but very few men. There are two simple reasons: we don't know how to initiate boys into men;and second, we're not sure we really want to." This statement reveals a fact. We are a society full of boys and there are less men everyday. The reason for this is that we no longer know how to initiate boys to manhood, and even if we did, we aren't really sure we want to do it.
"A man is a dangerous thing." That is clear, and because of that society isn't sure it wants more of them. But the danger comes and is an issue because there are too few men. Right now I'm thinking of the movie, Courageous, that was done by a church in Georgia focusing on this same issue. In the movie there is a scene where four cops, all partners, and a new man they have met, are sitting in the backyard and one of them asks, "When did you first think of yourself as a man?"
The youngest one says, "I don't know. Maybe when I moved out, or turned 21." Another one says, "When I got my license." (It's been a while since I've seen it, but I know those are the things that are mentioned.) But the new guy, Javier, says, "When my father told me I was."
How often does this still happen? I don't know that my dad ever said that to me. And honestly, I've only within the last year or so started to think of myself as a man. It's only been within that time that I've really felt that I am a man. "Most men have never been initiated into manhood. They have never had anyone show them how to do it, and especially, how to fight for their heart. The failure of so many fathers, the emasculating culture, and the passive church have left men without direction."
In order for a boy to become a man, to know that he is one, the core questions on his heart must be answered. He must see and know that he is dangerous. He must be given the opportunity to see and know that he has what it takes. "A man's core question does not got away. He may try for years to shove it out of his awareness, and just 'get on with life.' But it does not go away. It is a hunger so essential to our souls that it will compel us to find a resolution. In truth it drives everything we do."
Until a boy has an answer, everything he does works towards trying to find one. And without a man to guide his search he ends up looking in the wrong places. Some turn to the quest for wealth, but money never satisfies. Others look to achieve success, but that also leaves them empty. Some turn to sexuality, either to woman/pornography, because this at least makes them feel like a man, or others to homosexuality, trying to fill the void of masculine love. None of these work, and all of them leave a boy struggling to find an answer.
Strength that is never channeled is a dangerous thing. It's like an unstable nuclear reactor that is simply waiting to go off. Look at the recent violence in this America. My mind keeps thinking to the Sandy Hook tragedy. One of the biggest things I've noticed is the lack of mention of this young man's father. I'm not saying that the presence of a man in his life would have prevented the shooting, and I am not trying to be insensitive if I seem to be, but I have to wonder what would have happened if there had been a man in his life to guide him?
A boy needs a man in his life. Boys must be initiated into manhood by men. Boys must be taught how to use their strength, men must answer and affirm the questions on their hearts. A man must call a boy to be a man, teach him how to be one, and then affirm that he is one.
As a society, we must learn how to initiate boys into manhood, and we must not simply allow it, but desire and encourage it. We need more men.
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Friday, March 29, 2013
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Wild at Heart, Chapter 5: The Battle for a Man's Heart, part 1 follow up
As I've thought about today's post over the past few hours I feel like I need to clarify something. I am not looking for a fight, and I will not teach my sons, or any boys I have the opportunity to help guide into manhood, to do so. Masculine strength is not about beating people up. It isn't about picking a fight to prove a point or to get revenge. Masculine strength is about being able to stand up to someone when they are in the wrong.
I have no desire to fight anyone. But if the situation arose where I had to defend myself or someone else, I have the physical ability to do that. I have the ability to stand up when something is wrong or when someone is being mistreated. But I do not go around punching people to get my way, or bullying my way through life.
The reason society fears masculine strength is because most of what it sees is that strength used incorrectly. It sees that strength abused by boys who are looking for pleasure or vengeance. Boys who haven't been guided and taught have strength they don't know how to properly handle or correctly use.
John mentioned Jesus statement about turning the other cheek, and said, "You cannot turn a cheek you do not have." Many people take this teaching of Jesus to mean that Christian's must be passive and walked over, but that isn't at all what He is saying. Most people are right handed, and in order to strike someone on the right cheek with your dominate hand it must be a back handed slap. In the first century, and even today, this was a demeaning action. That is how a master strikes a slave.
When Jesus tells the first century Jews to turn the other cheek what is implied is that once you are struck and humiliated, you turn the other cheek to the one who struck you, forcing them to hit you like a man. A right handed hit to the left cheek is a punch, and that is how you hit a man. To turn the other cheek is to take it like a man. It isn't allowing yourself to be walked all over, it is forcing your opponent to treat you as an equal. In order to turn the other cheek, you have to be able to take the punch. That is what masculine strength does.
Masculine strength doesn't go around looking for a fight to pick, that is what boys who are trying to prove to themselves that they are tough do, and they only pick fights with people they are sure they can win. That is why a bully will back down when you stand up to them. Masculine strength is able to stand up.
As I've thought about this my mind keeps going to a quote from The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey. Right after the dwarves escape from the trolls and find their hoard of treasure, Gandalf hands a small sword to Bilbo. He is hesitant to take it, and tries to give it back saying that he has never used a sword before to which Gandalf says, "And I hope you never have to. And if you do remember this: true courage is about knowing not when to take a life, but when to spare one."
Masculine strength is about standing up against evil and oppression. It doesn't go looking for a fight, but if a fight comes it is ready and able to protect the defenseless.
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
I have no desire to fight anyone. But if the situation arose where I had to defend myself or someone else, I have the physical ability to do that. I have the ability to stand up when something is wrong or when someone is being mistreated. But I do not go around punching people to get my way, or bullying my way through life.
The reason society fears masculine strength is because most of what it sees is that strength used incorrectly. It sees that strength abused by boys who are looking for pleasure or vengeance. Boys who haven't been guided and taught have strength they don't know how to properly handle or correctly use.
John mentioned Jesus statement about turning the other cheek, and said, "You cannot turn a cheek you do not have." Many people take this teaching of Jesus to mean that Christian's must be passive and walked over, but that isn't at all what He is saying. Most people are right handed, and in order to strike someone on the right cheek with your dominate hand it must be a back handed slap. In the first century, and even today, this was a demeaning action. That is how a master strikes a slave.
When Jesus tells the first century Jews to turn the other cheek what is implied is that once you are struck and humiliated, you turn the other cheek to the one who struck you, forcing them to hit you like a man. A right handed hit to the left cheek is a punch, and that is how you hit a man. To turn the other cheek is to take it like a man. It isn't allowing yourself to be walked all over, it is forcing your opponent to treat you as an equal. In order to turn the other cheek, you have to be able to take the punch. That is what masculine strength does.
Masculine strength doesn't go around looking for a fight to pick, that is what boys who are trying to prove to themselves that they are tough do, and they only pick fights with people they are sure they can win. That is why a bully will back down when you stand up to them. Masculine strength is able to stand up.
As I've thought about this my mind keeps going to a quote from The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey. Right after the dwarves escape from the trolls and find their hoard of treasure, Gandalf hands a small sword to Bilbo. He is hesitant to take it, and tries to give it back saying that he has never used a sword before to which Gandalf says, "And I hope you never have to. And if you do remember this: true courage is about knowing not when to take a life, but when to spare one."
Masculine strength is about standing up against evil and oppression. It doesn't go looking for a fight, but if a fight comes it is ready and able to protect the defenseless.
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Wild at Heart, Chapter 5: The Battle for a Man's Heart, part 1
We live in a world where masculinity is constantly under attack. We have all been wounded, and each wound has been a well placed shot at our strength. The reason for this is that our strength is the part of us that gives life. But this part of us is also dangerous, and because of that the world works to control it. "Our culture has turned against the masculine essence, aiming to cut it off early."
This chapter opens with a story about John's son as a first grader who gets pushed down by a bully. The instructions that John gives his son are the same I would give mine. If it happens again, get up and hit him. And the results that follow would be suspension, if not expulsion, and maybe a few lawsuits. Not to mention as a pastor I'd never hear the end of it from people. But with all of that in mind, I'd still give my son the same advice. "We do not want to teach boys that bullies should never be resisted, and we do not want to teach bullies that they can get away with it." This has happened far too much, and more and more we see the results of it.
People take guns into public places and unload them into innocent people. But do you know when they stop? When they meet resistance. There was a mall shooting in Oregon a few months ago, and there was a man there shopping with a concealed carry permit and his weapon. He heard the shots, got behind cover, took aim, but never shot because he saw people behind the shooter and was unwilling to take the risk of missing and hitting someone. But the shooter saw him, and then took his own life.
"You cannot teach a boy to use his strength by stripping him of it." But this is what society has tried to do. It has worked to emasculate boys and make them polite and moral. The Church has done something similar, telling men to be passive and forgiving, to turn the other cheek. I am all for forgiveness, and I do not advocate violence in any way "But we must not strip a man of strength and call it sanctification." "You will emasculate him for life. From that point on all will be passive and fearful. He will grow up never knowing how to stand his ground... It may look moral, it may look like turning the other cheek, but it is merely weakness. You cannot turn a cheek you do not have."
Boys have to be taught how to use their strength properly and with wisdom and control. When I was little there was a kid at Church who was constantly picking on me. My dad told me to punch him. One day I did, it was a lousy punch, but after that he stopped. I know my strength and how to use it. I was a wrestler, and if I had to I could defend myself, or my wife, with my bare hands. But I don't go around punching everyone I have a disagreement with. I know how to control my strength and use it properly. The reason society fears the strength of boys, is because there are very few men to teach them how to properly use it. There are very few men to teach them the wisdom and context of their power.
"There is the widely held idea that the aggressive nature in boys is bad, and so they must be made safe, they must be made more like girls." John points out how a lot of this came from the Columbine shooting. The several that have happened since then haven't helped. Yes, boys are different, they are aggressive, but that aggression isn't a bad thing if it is properly trained. John shares other examples from Columbine, "Seth Houy threw his body over a terrified girl to shield her from the bullets; fifteen-year-old Daniel Rohrbough paid with his life when, at mortal risk to himself, he held a door open so others could escape." What about the men who took back flight 93 on September 11, 2001? Boys who have been stripped of their strength don't grow up to be men who can do things like that. Instead they are the one's who run away to save themselves.
We need more men. We need a society that stops emasculating boys so that there are men who stand up against evil. Society realizes that men are dangerous, and that's what scares them. The strength of men that makes them dangerous "That strength so essential to men is also what makes them heroes... God made men the way they are because we desperately need them to be the way they are. Yes, a man is a dangerous thing, so is a scalpel. It can wound or it can save your life. You don't make it safe by making it dull; you put it in the hands of someone who knows what he's doing."
If society insists on making boys safe, the problems aren't going to go away. How long has it been trying to do this already? And how much worse have things gotten? The solution is not to make the scalpel dull, but to put it in the hands of a skilled surgeon. We don't make boys more like girls, we entrust them to men so that they can learn how to be men. A dull scalpel is a useless piece of metal, and a man with no strength is just taking up space.
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
This chapter opens with a story about John's son as a first grader who gets pushed down by a bully. The instructions that John gives his son are the same I would give mine. If it happens again, get up and hit him. And the results that follow would be suspension, if not expulsion, and maybe a few lawsuits. Not to mention as a pastor I'd never hear the end of it from people. But with all of that in mind, I'd still give my son the same advice. "We do not want to teach boys that bullies should never be resisted, and we do not want to teach bullies that they can get away with it." This has happened far too much, and more and more we see the results of it.
People take guns into public places and unload them into innocent people. But do you know when they stop? When they meet resistance. There was a mall shooting in Oregon a few months ago, and there was a man there shopping with a concealed carry permit and his weapon. He heard the shots, got behind cover, took aim, but never shot because he saw people behind the shooter and was unwilling to take the risk of missing and hitting someone. But the shooter saw him, and then took his own life.
"You cannot teach a boy to use his strength by stripping him of it." But this is what society has tried to do. It has worked to emasculate boys and make them polite and moral. The Church has done something similar, telling men to be passive and forgiving, to turn the other cheek. I am all for forgiveness, and I do not advocate violence in any way "But we must not strip a man of strength and call it sanctification." "You will emasculate him for life. From that point on all will be passive and fearful. He will grow up never knowing how to stand his ground... It may look moral, it may look like turning the other cheek, but it is merely weakness. You cannot turn a cheek you do not have."
Boys have to be taught how to use their strength properly and with wisdom and control. When I was little there was a kid at Church who was constantly picking on me. My dad told me to punch him. One day I did, it was a lousy punch, but after that he stopped. I know my strength and how to use it. I was a wrestler, and if I had to I could defend myself, or my wife, with my bare hands. But I don't go around punching everyone I have a disagreement with. I know how to control my strength and use it properly. The reason society fears the strength of boys, is because there are very few men to teach them how to properly use it. There are very few men to teach them the wisdom and context of their power.
"There is the widely held idea that the aggressive nature in boys is bad, and so they must be made safe, they must be made more like girls." John points out how a lot of this came from the Columbine shooting. The several that have happened since then haven't helped. Yes, boys are different, they are aggressive, but that aggression isn't a bad thing if it is properly trained. John shares other examples from Columbine, "Seth Houy threw his body over a terrified girl to shield her from the bullets; fifteen-year-old Daniel Rohrbough paid with his life when, at mortal risk to himself, he held a door open so others could escape." What about the men who took back flight 93 on September 11, 2001? Boys who have been stripped of their strength don't grow up to be men who can do things like that. Instead they are the one's who run away to save themselves.
We need more men. We need a society that stops emasculating boys so that there are men who stand up against evil. Society realizes that men are dangerous, and that's what scares them. The strength of men that makes them dangerous "That strength so essential to men is also what makes them heroes... God made men the way they are because we desperately need them to be the way they are. Yes, a man is a dangerous thing, so is a scalpel. It can wound or it can save your life. You don't make it safe by making it dull; you put it in the hands of someone who knows what he's doing."
If society insists on making boys safe, the problems aren't going to go away. How long has it been trying to do this already? And how much worse have things gotten? The solution is not to make the scalpel dull, but to put it in the hands of a skilled surgeon. We don't make boys more like girls, we entrust them to men so that they can learn how to be men. A dull scalpel is a useless piece of metal, and a man with no strength is just taking up space.
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Wild at Heart, Chapter 4: The Wound, part 2
"Do I have what it takes? Am I powerful? Until a man knows he's a man he will forever be trying to prove he is one, while at the same time shrinking from anything that might reveal he is not." In the past few years I've really started to pick up on this. I've noticed some of it in my own life, and I've picked up on a lot of it in the lives of guys I've interacted with. Some of them I know, and have some knowledge of the wounds they carry. With others I'm starting to be able to put pieces together. All of them trying to appear as men, some doing better than others, but many simply putting up a front. So we have to ask, Where does masculinity come from?
"Masculinity is bestowed. A boy learns who he is and what he's got from a man, or a company of men. He cannot learn it any other place. He cannot learn it from other boys, and he cannot learn it from the world of women." This is why a dad is so crucial in the life of a son, and this is why we have so few men today. We have a world of fathers, but very few dads. A father simply provides the genetic material, but a dad invests time and energy. A dad teaches and bestows masculinity on his son as he leads him on this journey into manhood.
One of the things my wife and I talked about before we got married was naming our children. I had shared with her this section of the book, and how important the meaning of names is to me based on that. She's given her approval on the names I've picked out for our sons. I want their names to mean something, and come from somewhere meaningful. For the first boy I pray God blesses me with, his first name comes from one of my best friends and the middle name is from the son of a family that has been like a second family to me. The meaning of the name is "Mighty, Man of God". Son number two comes from another best friend and my dad/grandpa and means, "Exalted by God, Mighty Leader". The names themselves give a sense of power and dependence upon God, but they are simply a start.
Naming is simply the beginning. A man must actively intervene in the life of a boy to answer the questions on his heart and let him know that he is powerful and that he does have what it takes. It must come from a man because that is the only place it can come from. Father's you must be dads to your sons, and in the event that there is a boy with no dad, we must step in as men.
Femininity can never bestow masculinity. Many boys actually become emasculated by women if there is no man to intervene. I actually watched this happen at one of the churches I was at. At the time I wasn't prepared to step in, and in some ways I failed him, and if you ever read this, I am deeply sorry for that. Since then as I have grown I have felt a deep need to help guide boys into manhood, it's part of the reason this blog has been so heavily on my heart. My wife and I have talked a lot about being the safe place for our kids friends to hang out at (If you've ever seen Boy Meets World, we want to be what the Matthews were to Shawn Hunter).
A man must invite a boy into a man's world. He must invite him to be dangerous, and teach him how to properly use his strength and power, so that the boy can be affirmed as a man. For a boy to become a man, testing is essential. "The ancient societies believed that a boy becomes a man only through ritual and effort- only through the 'active intervention of the older men." John's follow up book, The Way of the Wild Heart, focuses heavily on this aspect of the journey. It is the job of the dad to arrange these tests and trials, and to be there to guide and teach through them.
This initiation, or rite of passage, into manhood is something that we have lost. I've talked a little on this subject to Jeremy, (the backpacking one) about how we can do this for our sons some day, as well as other boys we have the opportunity to teach and guide (If you have done anything like this either as a dad or a son, please comment below or email me to give any suggestions or insights on how to go about this).
In all of this I don't want to disregard the moms out there, especially the single mothers in our society. I have the greatest respect for the sacrifices you make for your children. A mother does play an important role in the life of her son. She is there to love and nurture him. John points out that a boy runs to his mother when he falls and scrapes his knee. But there comes a time when a mom has to let go, and she has to let her son be dangerous or she will emasculate him and eventually drive him away from her.
When a father is absent, angry, or abusive, he wounds his children. To a son the questions on his heart either go unanswered, or get a loud "NO!". "Every man carries a wound." No father is perfect, as much as I want to be someday, I know I'm going to make mistakes. But I can promise that I will be present and involved. I can promise that I will build them up and guide them into manhood, by affirming them and testing them to help them see and understand that they are powerful and dangerous men of God. And whenever possible, I will intervene in the life of a boy with no dad, and work to stitch up the wounds he has received. And I ask you men out there, will you join me? We cannot stop the wounds from happening, but we can stitch them up so they become scars that we show off.
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
"Masculinity is bestowed. A boy learns who he is and what he's got from a man, or a company of men. He cannot learn it any other place. He cannot learn it from other boys, and he cannot learn it from the world of women." This is why a dad is so crucial in the life of a son, and this is why we have so few men today. We have a world of fathers, but very few dads. A father simply provides the genetic material, but a dad invests time and energy. A dad teaches and bestows masculinity on his son as he leads him on this journey into manhood.
One of the things my wife and I talked about before we got married was naming our children. I had shared with her this section of the book, and how important the meaning of names is to me based on that. She's given her approval on the names I've picked out for our sons. I want their names to mean something, and come from somewhere meaningful. For the first boy I pray God blesses me with, his first name comes from one of my best friends and the middle name is from the son of a family that has been like a second family to me. The meaning of the name is "Mighty, Man of God". Son number two comes from another best friend and my dad/grandpa and means, "Exalted by God, Mighty Leader". The names themselves give a sense of power and dependence upon God, but they are simply a start.
Naming is simply the beginning. A man must actively intervene in the life of a boy to answer the questions on his heart and let him know that he is powerful and that he does have what it takes. It must come from a man because that is the only place it can come from. Father's you must be dads to your sons, and in the event that there is a boy with no dad, we must step in as men.
Femininity can never bestow masculinity. Many boys actually become emasculated by women if there is no man to intervene. I actually watched this happen at one of the churches I was at. At the time I wasn't prepared to step in, and in some ways I failed him, and if you ever read this, I am deeply sorry for that. Since then as I have grown I have felt a deep need to help guide boys into manhood, it's part of the reason this blog has been so heavily on my heart. My wife and I have talked a lot about being the safe place for our kids friends to hang out at (If you've ever seen Boy Meets World, we want to be what the Matthews were to Shawn Hunter).
A man must invite a boy into a man's world. He must invite him to be dangerous, and teach him how to properly use his strength and power, so that the boy can be affirmed as a man. For a boy to become a man, testing is essential. "The ancient societies believed that a boy becomes a man only through ritual and effort- only through the 'active intervention of the older men." John's follow up book, The Way of the Wild Heart, focuses heavily on this aspect of the journey. It is the job of the dad to arrange these tests and trials, and to be there to guide and teach through them.
This initiation, or rite of passage, into manhood is something that we have lost. I've talked a little on this subject to Jeremy, (the backpacking one) about how we can do this for our sons some day, as well as other boys we have the opportunity to teach and guide (If you have done anything like this either as a dad or a son, please comment below or email me to give any suggestions or insights on how to go about this).
In all of this I don't want to disregard the moms out there, especially the single mothers in our society. I have the greatest respect for the sacrifices you make for your children. A mother does play an important role in the life of her son. She is there to love and nurture him. John points out that a boy runs to his mother when he falls and scrapes his knee. But there comes a time when a mom has to let go, and she has to let her son be dangerous or she will emasculate him and eventually drive him away from her.
When a father is absent, angry, or abusive, he wounds his children. To a son the questions on his heart either go unanswered, or get a loud "NO!". "Every man carries a wound." No father is perfect, as much as I want to be someday, I know I'm going to make mistakes. But I can promise that I will be present and involved. I can promise that I will build them up and guide them into manhood, by affirming them and testing them to help them see and understand that they are powerful and dangerous men of God. And whenever possible, I will intervene in the life of a boy with no dad, and work to stitch up the wounds he has received. And I ask you men out there, will you join me? We cannot stop the wounds from happening, but we can stitch them up so they become scars that we show off.
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Friday, March 22, 2013
Wild at Heart, Chapter 4: The Wound, part 1
"Every boy in his journey to become a man takes an arrow in the center of his heart, in the place of his strength... Every man carries a wound."
I'm still trying to figure out how to tackle this chapter. At first glace there didn't seem to be all that much here, but on my second read through my mind struggled to wrap itself around the subject. There is a lot here, and if I remember correctly there is more to come on this, and a lot of this chapter talks about more than the wound. But this is something that every man faces. All of us are wounded at some point, some multiple times. Some of us stitch them up and heal, others cover them with a band-aid and hide it from the world.
All men have been wounded. Some from a father, others from other men, some even from their mother. As I look at my wounds, mainly they have come from coaches and bosses.
I wrestled, a sport I loved and picked up quickly. I worked hard and I was pretty good. I had a goal to be a State Champion, and honestly, I think I had a decent shot at it, but I never got the chance to find out. Long story short I ended up losing my spot in the line up three weeks before the post season began to a kid who had never made his weight, had missed most of the practices, and was boarder line academically ineligible. I never wrestled another match.
The first church I worked at I wasn't ready for. I was a full time college student who, at 19, thought he knew everything about ministry and the Church. The guy I worked for wasn't very helpful. Had a lot of expectations that a full time staff member would have had difficulty meeting in that situation, and offered no help. I remember him telling me, "This is what I expect, I've never been a youth pastor I don't know how to help you" and left me to figure it out, and fail.
I worked for another guy in another church. At this point in my life I had a degree, had matured and started to learn who God really is and what He had intended for His Church. I had an idea what I was doing at this point, and things were happening with the teens and young adults that I was in charge of, but I wasn't doing things like they had been done for the last 50 years. I was confident and didn't need a ton of help or insight(if I had I would have asked for it). At the same time I was still figuring out life. I was on my own for the first time, in a new city in a new state, where I knew no one. Skipping a lot of details, I asked some questions that didn't go over too well because they challenged things. Money was tight, $20,000+ in the red, and so I was let go. In that meeting I was told I had "Character flaws" because of something that I hadn't done eight months prior when I was still very new.
Finally, I was a lead pastor at age 24, (who's idea was that?) and during a January board meeting this lady unloaded on me, and two of the other three people in the room quickly joined her. It was one of the most difficult hours of my life. I had very little idea of what to do, I was in a struggling Church doing the best I knew how, and now I was being told everything I was doing wasn't good enough, and that I was failing at the one thing I was supposed to be doing.
These are my main wounds, you have yours and they have similar stories. Some of them are more subtle, an absent father who was never there, which I am grateful I never had to experience. But all of them go right to the heart. All of them cause us to question ourselves and attack our confidence. All of them try to question our masculinity.
We all have wounds, and for some of us, they haven't had the chance to become scars. Some of us, as I said, have put a band-aid over it and covered it up as we put on a front to hide it. The wound doesn't heal, and you have a boy who puts up a front hoping that no one will see through it, and dreading that something might tear it down. I've met a lot of them.
But there are some who have been healed from their wounds. Some who have allowed a man to come and stitch up the wound so that it can really heal. I had another coach, Deke, who was more like a big brother. He was supportive of my decision not to continue in the sport that we both love, and helped me through the rest of my junior year. I remember the night when I was with my one mentor Jeremy (different guy from the earlier post) at an over night teen event. We had finished talking with the teens about the events of the coming day, and after they left he and I just started talking. I was getting ready to graduate in a few months, and I don't remember everything he said, but it was kind of like the scene at the end of Good Will Hunting where Matt Damon's character finally gets it. It wasn't that intense but he helped bring healing to my first church job experience.
And for the last two I've had another mentor, Doug, who has poured more confidence and encouragement into me than any other human being, except for my wife. I talked with him a lot while in Michigan, and after I came back. Just a few months ago we were with a group of pastors and as he introduced me he still was encouraging me past that event. The day after that board meeting I called him, and he spoke so much confidence and encouragement into me.
I've taken several arrows to the chest, and I'm sure more will be fired, but my wounds have been stitched up, and because of the men in my life (the three I mentioned are just some I wrote a post on Father's Day a few years ago on my other blog listing most of the ones who have impacted me the most), I have confidence in my masculinity that acts as armor against them.
We all have wounds, have your's been stitched up or simply coverd?
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
I'm still trying to figure out how to tackle this chapter. At first glace there didn't seem to be all that much here, but on my second read through my mind struggled to wrap itself around the subject. There is a lot here, and if I remember correctly there is more to come on this, and a lot of this chapter talks about more than the wound. But this is something that every man faces. All of us are wounded at some point, some multiple times. Some of us stitch them up and heal, others cover them with a band-aid and hide it from the world.
All men have been wounded. Some from a father, others from other men, some even from their mother. As I look at my wounds, mainly they have come from coaches and bosses.
I wrestled, a sport I loved and picked up quickly. I worked hard and I was pretty good. I had a goal to be a State Champion, and honestly, I think I had a decent shot at it, but I never got the chance to find out. Long story short I ended up losing my spot in the line up three weeks before the post season began to a kid who had never made his weight, had missed most of the practices, and was boarder line academically ineligible. I never wrestled another match.
The first church I worked at I wasn't ready for. I was a full time college student who, at 19, thought he knew everything about ministry and the Church. The guy I worked for wasn't very helpful. Had a lot of expectations that a full time staff member would have had difficulty meeting in that situation, and offered no help. I remember him telling me, "This is what I expect, I've never been a youth pastor I don't know how to help you" and left me to figure it out, and fail.
I worked for another guy in another church. At this point in my life I had a degree, had matured and started to learn who God really is and what He had intended for His Church. I had an idea what I was doing at this point, and things were happening with the teens and young adults that I was in charge of, but I wasn't doing things like they had been done for the last 50 years. I was confident and didn't need a ton of help or insight(if I had I would have asked for it). At the same time I was still figuring out life. I was on my own for the first time, in a new city in a new state, where I knew no one. Skipping a lot of details, I asked some questions that didn't go over too well because they challenged things. Money was tight, $20,000+ in the red, and so I was let go. In that meeting I was told I had "Character flaws" because of something that I hadn't done eight months prior when I was still very new.
Finally, I was a lead pastor at age 24, (who's idea was that?) and during a January board meeting this lady unloaded on me, and two of the other three people in the room quickly joined her. It was one of the most difficult hours of my life. I had very little idea of what to do, I was in a struggling Church doing the best I knew how, and now I was being told everything I was doing wasn't good enough, and that I was failing at the one thing I was supposed to be doing.
These are my main wounds, you have yours and they have similar stories. Some of them are more subtle, an absent father who was never there, which I am grateful I never had to experience. But all of them go right to the heart. All of them cause us to question ourselves and attack our confidence. All of them try to question our masculinity.
We all have wounds, and for some of us, they haven't had the chance to become scars. Some of us, as I said, have put a band-aid over it and covered it up as we put on a front to hide it. The wound doesn't heal, and you have a boy who puts up a front hoping that no one will see through it, and dreading that something might tear it down. I've met a lot of them.
But there are some who have been healed from their wounds. Some who have allowed a man to come and stitch up the wound so that it can really heal. I had another coach, Deke, who was more like a big brother. He was supportive of my decision not to continue in the sport that we both love, and helped me through the rest of my junior year. I remember the night when I was with my one mentor Jeremy (different guy from the earlier post) at an over night teen event. We had finished talking with the teens about the events of the coming day, and after they left he and I just started talking. I was getting ready to graduate in a few months, and I don't remember everything he said, but it was kind of like the scene at the end of Good Will Hunting where Matt Damon's character finally gets it. It wasn't that intense but he helped bring healing to my first church job experience.
And for the last two I've had another mentor, Doug, who has poured more confidence and encouragement into me than any other human being, except for my wife. I talked with him a lot while in Michigan, and after I came back. Just a few months ago we were with a group of pastors and as he introduced me he still was encouraging me past that event. The day after that board meeting I called him, and he spoke so much confidence and encouragement into me.
I've taken several arrows to the chest, and I'm sure more will be fired, but my wounds have been stitched up, and because of the men in my life (the three I mentioned are just some I wrote a post on Father's Day a few years ago on my other blog listing most of the ones who have impacted me the most), I have confidence in my masculinity that acts as armor against them.
We all have wounds, have your's been stitched up or simply coverd?
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Wild at Heart, Chapter 3: The Question that Haunts Every Man, part 2
"Desire reveals design, and design reveals destiny." Plain and simple we were made for more than a cage. Battle, adventure, and beauty are our desires, and those are so much more than anger, sports, and porn. YOU were made for something greater. And not only that, but you have what it takes to be something greater.
But since the beginning of time men have failed to be men. We've been passive, cowardly, and violent, and we've tried to cover it up. We wonder if we really are men, we doubt we are, and we're afraid that everyone is going to find out. We are afraid to fail and so we don't take risks.
"We are hiding, every last one of us." As I read that I thought of the movie, Night at the Museum 2. General Custer is one of the characters and he's a classic poser. The entire movie he talks a big game boasting about his hair and what a great general he is. But when the time for battle comes, he announces the charge and then we find him hiding behind a pile of museum items, out of the battle. When he is confronted by Larry the night guard he brings up his failure at Little Big Horn, and because of that he hides, afraid to join the battle. He doesn't believe he has what it takes. At this point they look out over the battle that is taking place, and see that their allies are struggling. Custer says, "They need a leader." And after a few words of encouragement from Larry he joins the battle, and in the end they are victorious.
Our desires are what we were made to do. So I need to ask, what are your's? Be honest, no one needs to know but you. What are the deepest desires of your heart. Dream big and dig deep. What do you desire? No I have to ask, what is stopping you from going for it?
We were given a world to "explore, build and conquer" but risk and danger keep us from doing that. We were born into a world at war with battle lines already drawn up, but we refuse to take sides and instead only fight the ones we are sure to win. And we are in need of beauty. Eve was taken from Adam's side. I've heard that the Hebrew word used for "rib" actually means that God pulled the feminine part out of Adam. Now it takes a man and a woman together to show the full image of God, thus why marriage is between a man and a women, the two halves come together to create the full image of God. We need the beauty, but we don't think we can win her, so we don't even try.
All of these deny our true nature, and when we "deny our nature we go passive." We pose and act like we have it all together, but it's all a front and we know it. But the thing that drives us to keep it up is the fear of being found out. And so to protect ourselves we run and hide, sometimes literally, and other times in our anger or addictions. But we were made for more than this, we were made for something real.
"God believes in you!" God made you to come through, and believes that you can. He has given you a fierce, warriors heart. But before we can believe that, and begin to live like it, there is something else we have to deal with.
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
But since the beginning of time men have failed to be men. We've been passive, cowardly, and violent, and we've tried to cover it up. We wonder if we really are men, we doubt we are, and we're afraid that everyone is going to find out. We are afraid to fail and so we don't take risks.
"We are hiding, every last one of us." As I read that I thought of the movie, Night at the Museum 2. General Custer is one of the characters and he's a classic poser. The entire movie he talks a big game boasting about his hair and what a great general he is. But when the time for battle comes, he announces the charge and then we find him hiding behind a pile of museum items, out of the battle. When he is confronted by Larry the night guard he brings up his failure at Little Big Horn, and because of that he hides, afraid to join the battle. He doesn't believe he has what it takes. At this point they look out over the battle that is taking place, and see that their allies are struggling. Custer says, "They need a leader." And after a few words of encouragement from Larry he joins the battle, and in the end they are victorious.
Our desires are what we were made to do. So I need to ask, what are your's? Be honest, no one needs to know but you. What are the deepest desires of your heart. Dream big and dig deep. What do you desire? No I have to ask, what is stopping you from going for it?
We were given a world to "explore, build and conquer" but risk and danger keep us from doing that. We were born into a world at war with battle lines already drawn up, but we refuse to take sides and instead only fight the ones we are sure to win. And we are in need of beauty. Eve was taken from Adam's side. I've heard that the Hebrew word used for "rib" actually means that God pulled the feminine part out of Adam. Now it takes a man and a woman together to show the full image of God, thus why marriage is between a man and a women, the two halves come together to create the full image of God. We need the beauty, but we don't think we can win her, so we don't even try.
All of these deny our true nature, and when we "deny our nature we go passive." We pose and act like we have it all together, but it's all a front and we know it. But the thing that drives us to keep it up is the fear of being found out. And so to protect ourselves we run and hide, sometimes literally, and other times in our anger or addictions. But we were made for more than this, we were made for something real.
"God believes in you!" God made you to come through, and believes that you can. He has given you a fierce, warriors heart. But before we can believe that, and begin to live like it, there is something else we have to deal with.
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Wild at Heart, Chapter 3: The Question that Haunts Every Man, part 1
"For after years of living in a cage, a lion no longer even believes it is a lion... and a man no longer believes he is a man."
I've felt this way a lot in the last few years. Jobs have ended and new ones haven't opened up. Having to move my wife into my parent's basement simply so she has a roof over her head. Being unable to provide the simplest things for her doesn't help me feel very manly. Being stuck in dead end jobs that I'm uninterested in and have absolutely no passion for doesn't help. Not having the time or the space to do what I most love sucks the life out me.
We've all been there, and if it goes on long enough, we begin to accept it as the life we've been given. We set aside our dreams and aspirations because we've decided to set our passions aside and simply exist. I just thought of the line from the song Eye of the Tiger, "So many times it happens too fast, you trade your passion for glory...", that's where many are at. We do our duty, and go through life miserable and dead, at least inwardly. We are unsatisfied with our jobs, our relationships, and our lives in general.
But in all of this our desires are still there. The yearning for battle, adventure, and beauty never goes away. It's built into our core design. But since we've been caged for so long it doesn't look like it was supposed to. Instead of battles we channel our built in aggression to anger against people who don't deserve it. The smallest things make us snap because there is so much built up inside of us. Our core desire has gone unfulfilled and it works itself out in a destructive way.
In place of adventure we live vicariously through others. John talks about sports addicts who are glued to the TV every minute of the weekend. Or think about the guy who pushes his kid to the breaking point as he tries to live vicariously through him. And in place of beauty, which requires the strength that the challenges of adventure and battle are to prepare men to rescue, they turn to the safety of pornography. Porn is something that will never tell you "No" or "Slow down". It will never leave you for a better looking or richer guy. It is the beauty without the requirements, and as John points out, "more than anything else in a lost man's life, it makes him feel like a man without ever requiring a thing from him."
As caged beasts we don't believe we really are men. Our question of "Do I have what it takes?" is answered with an "I don't know" and rather than find out we play it safe. We turn to shallow imitations that never fully satisfy. Think about it, does snapping in anger end after you've done it once or twice? No it simply fuels it so the next time is bigger and meaner. Does your teams sports championship meet the desire? No it simply fuels your passion for the next season to start with hopes of a repeat. And what about porn? I'm not going to look up how much business it does a year because I don't know what would pop up, but I don't think saying it's a multi-billion dollar a year industry is a risk.
These imitations don't fully satisfy us, because they can't. They don't meet our true needs, and rather than building and molding us into men of God, they simply remind us of the fact that we are huge posers. And out biggest fear is that someone is going to find out. "Every man feels that the world is asking him to be something he doubts very much he has it in him to be." It all comes down to this fact. We really don't feel like men at all. We don't believe that we have strength to offer, the little we do have we don't feel is enough.
We were made for more than this. We yearn for more than this. But we don't believe we have what it takes. We haven't been tested, we haven't been initiated (more on this later), we've never been affirmed by men. And so the world is left with tame, caged men. "Every man dies. Not every man really lives." We were made to really live. "...Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past, you must fight just to keep them alive."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
I've felt this way a lot in the last few years. Jobs have ended and new ones haven't opened up. Having to move my wife into my parent's basement simply so she has a roof over her head. Being unable to provide the simplest things for her doesn't help me feel very manly. Being stuck in dead end jobs that I'm uninterested in and have absolutely no passion for doesn't help. Not having the time or the space to do what I most love sucks the life out me.
We've all been there, and if it goes on long enough, we begin to accept it as the life we've been given. We set aside our dreams and aspirations because we've decided to set our passions aside and simply exist. I just thought of the line from the song Eye of the Tiger, "So many times it happens too fast, you trade your passion for glory...", that's where many are at. We do our duty, and go through life miserable and dead, at least inwardly. We are unsatisfied with our jobs, our relationships, and our lives in general.
But in all of this our desires are still there. The yearning for battle, adventure, and beauty never goes away. It's built into our core design. But since we've been caged for so long it doesn't look like it was supposed to. Instead of battles we channel our built in aggression to anger against people who don't deserve it. The smallest things make us snap because there is so much built up inside of us. Our core desire has gone unfulfilled and it works itself out in a destructive way.
In place of adventure we live vicariously through others. John talks about sports addicts who are glued to the TV every minute of the weekend. Or think about the guy who pushes his kid to the breaking point as he tries to live vicariously through him. And in place of beauty, which requires the strength that the challenges of adventure and battle are to prepare men to rescue, they turn to the safety of pornography. Porn is something that will never tell you "No" or "Slow down". It will never leave you for a better looking or richer guy. It is the beauty without the requirements, and as John points out, "more than anything else in a lost man's life, it makes him feel like a man without ever requiring a thing from him."
As caged beasts we don't believe we really are men. Our question of "Do I have what it takes?" is answered with an "I don't know" and rather than find out we play it safe. We turn to shallow imitations that never fully satisfy. Think about it, does snapping in anger end after you've done it once or twice? No it simply fuels it so the next time is bigger and meaner. Does your teams sports championship meet the desire? No it simply fuels your passion for the next season to start with hopes of a repeat. And what about porn? I'm not going to look up how much business it does a year because I don't know what would pop up, but I don't think saying it's a multi-billion dollar a year industry is a risk.
These imitations don't fully satisfy us, because they can't. They don't meet our true needs, and rather than building and molding us into men of God, they simply remind us of the fact that we are huge posers. And out biggest fear is that someone is going to find out. "Every man feels that the world is asking him to be something he doubts very much he has it in him to be." It all comes down to this fact. We really don't feel like men at all. We don't believe that we have strength to offer, the little we do have we don't feel is enough.
We were made for more than this. We yearn for more than this. But we don't believe we have what it takes. We haven't been tested, we haven't been initiated (more on this later), we've never been affirmed by men. And so the world is left with tame, caged men. "Every man dies. Not every man really lives." We were made to really live. "...Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past, you must fight just to keep them alive."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Wild at Heart, Chapter 2: The Wild One Whose Image We Bear, part 2
As I'm reading this book this time around I'm beginning to pick up on how much the feminine heart is mentioned. Right now I'm a year and a half into marriage, and am still learning to be a husband. I'm discovering more and more of what a Man of God looks like as a husband. And in the final pages of chapter two I'm reminded of something crucial. My primary relationship is to God.
As a man my desire is for a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue. And God uses these desires to help me relate to Him, and draw closer to Him. God wants to be loved by me and be my priority. He says in Scripture that He will be found by me when I seek Him with all my heart (Jeremiah 29.13). Not when I have heartily decide to maybe pray, but when my prayer is fervently crying out to Him. I think back to when my wife and I just started dating, I pursued her. I would send texts and call. I would ask her on dates, and I would write notes. She was the only one I focused on as I fought to win her heart. God wants the same thing from us. God wants us to fight for Him, He wants us to focus our desire for battle on Him.
God also wants to share this adventure with us. God created people to have fellowship with Him. He created us to exist in a relationship with Him. He wants to be part of our lives. He has invited us to pray and communicate with Him, and has given us the honor of being able to worship Him. He didn't need us, He holds the universe in His hand and calls the stars by name, compared to that does our worship seem that significant? But He did make us, and He greatly desires to be part of our lives, to share the adventure that He has given us to live.
God has tremendous beauty to unveil. Spring is almost here, take a minute and simply take it all in. The new life, the bright colors, the fantastic scents. During the summer take some time to admire the stars. Get somewhere that you can really see them, and just take in the fact that the ones you can see are just some of the ones in the galaxy you live in that are visible to you, and that there are hundreds of billions of other galaxies out there each with hundreds of millions of stars. In the fall God shows off again as the treas show their true colors, new scents fill the air. And even in winter have you ever noticed how snow sparkles? How you ever taken in how clean and refreshing a fresh blanket of snow is? Have you seen the moon on a clear winter night? All of this pales in comparison to the beauty of the one who not only created it, but thought it all up. These are simply the glimpses God has given us of what is to come. And His beauty goes beyond what is seen. His love and His holiness, I'm not going to try to put words to.
God speaks to us, He relates to us in ways that speak to us and make our hearts come alive. He made us that way. To men He invites us to fight for Him, adventure with Him, and take in the beauty He reveals to us.
To women, who long to be fought for, invited to share in the adventure, and unveil their beauty, God is a warrior who fights for your heart. He longs to rescue you, to be your prince, your knight in shining armor. He invites you to live an adventure with Him as you discover His calling on your life. And above all He invites you to unveil your beauty, the beauty He created you to be, as His beloved.
As I relate to God as a man, I become a better husband. As I learn to fight for God's heart I learn how to fight for the heart of my wife. It isn't enough that I got her to marry me, I must continue to fight for her daily, to show her that I still love her heart and will do whatever is needed to keep it. As I live this adventure with God I am swept up in a journey that God has given me a wife to share in. And as I am captivated by God, I see more of His beauty in my wife, the finishing touch of creation. Plain and simple, the closer I get to God the better of a husband I will be. Because the way that I relate to God is how I am to relate to my wife.
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
As a man my desire is for a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue. And God uses these desires to help me relate to Him, and draw closer to Him. God wants to be loved by me and be my priority. He says in Scripture that He will be found by me when I seek Him with all my heart (Jeremiah 29.13). Not when I have heartily decide to maybe pray, but when my prayer is fervently crying out to Him. I think back to when my wife and I just started dating, I pursued her. I would send texts and call. I would ask her on dates, and I would write notes. She was the only one I focused on as I fought to win her heart. God wants the same thing from us. God wants us to fight for Him, He wants us to focus our desire for battle on Him.
God also wants to share this adventure with us. God created people to have fellowship with Him. He created us to exist in a relationship with Him. He wants to be part of our lives. He has invited us to pray and communicate with Him, and has given us the honor of being able to worship Him. He didn't need us, He holds the universe in His hand and calls the stars by name, compared to that does our worship seem that significant? But He did make us, and He greatly desires to be part of our lives, to share the adventure that He has given us to live.
God has tremendous beauty to unveil. Spring is almost here, take a minute and simply take it all in. The new life, the bright colors, the fantastic scents. During the summer take some time to admire the stars. Get somewhere that you can really see them, and just take in the fact that the ones you can see are just some of the ones in the galaxy you live in that are visible to you, and that there are hundreds of billions of other galaxies out there each with hundreds of millions of stars. In the fall God shows off again as the treas show their true colors, new scents fill the air. And even in winter have you ever noticed how snow sparkles? How you ever taken in how clean and refreshing a fresh blanket of snow is? Have you seen the moon on a clear winter night? All of this pales in comparison to the beauty of the one who not only created it, but thought it all up. These are simply the glimpses God has given us of what is to come. And His beauty goes beyond what is seen. His love and His holiness, I'm not going to try to put words to.
God speaks to us, He relates to us in ways that speak to us and make our hearts come alive. He made us that way. To men He invites us to fight for Him, adventure with Him, and take in the beauty He reveals to us.
To women, who long to be fought for, invited to share in the adventure, and unveil their beauty, God is a warrior who fights for your heart. He longs to rescue you, to be your prince, your knight in shining armor. He invites you to live an adventure with Him as you discover His calling on your life. And above all He invites you to unveil your beauty, the beauty He created you to be, as His beloved.
As I relate to God as a man, I become a better husband. As I learn to fight for God's heart I learn how to fight for the heart of my wife. It isn't enough that I got her to marry me, I must continue to fight for her daily, to show her that I still love her heart and will do whatever is needed to keep it. As I live this adventure with God I am swept up in a journey that God has given me a wife to share in. And as I am captivated by God, I see more of His beauty in my wife, the finishing touch of creation. Plain and simple, the closer I get to God the better of a husband I will be. Because the way that I relate to God is how I am to relate to my wife.
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Wild at Heart, Chapter 2: The Wild One Whose Image We Bear, part 1
"A man has to know where he comes from, and what he's made of." The Bible tells us in Genesis 1 that we are made in the image of God. But as John points out, "In a man's search for strength, telling him that he's made in the image of God may not sound like a whole lot of encouragement at first. To most men, God is either distant or he is weak."
He then asks a question, "what is your image of Jesus as a man?" Many picture the white guy with flowing hair staring slightly heavenward. Maybe you have the image of a scrawny, almost feminine looking, crucified Jesus in a loin cloth. Or maybe it's the one where He's standing with some sheep by a stream, a lamb across his shoulders. Gentle, meek, and kind of a wuss. But that wasn't Jesus.
We're told that Joseph, the man who stepped in as an earthly father to Jesus, was a carpenter. In Israel there aren't a ton of trees, but there is an excess of stone. Jesus would have learned the trade of carpentry from Joseph, which would have included, more than likely, stone masonry. You have a man who has worked daily for close to three decades. His hand would have been calloused and strong. His muscles would have been firm and powerful. You have a man who has worked, and his body would reflect that work.
Then factor in the events that take place on the road to Golgotha. First Jesus is stripped and beaten very brutally, to the point where He isn't even recognized, and yet He is still standing up. Then he is given a cross that weighed around 300 pounds to carry to the place where he will be executed. He struggles beneath it's weight as He walks the smooth stone streets, eventually a bystander is grabbed and forced to take the cross. As he continues on there are women mourning that He comforts, and once he has been nailed to the cross, He still puts coherent sentences together. Do any of the pictures of Jesus you've seen portray a man who could do that?
"I am not advocating a sort of 'macho man' image. I'm not suggesting we all head off to the gym and then to the beach to kick sand in the faces of wimpy Pharisees. I am attempting to rescue us from a very, very mistaken image we have of God - especially of Jesus - and therefore of men as his image-bearers."
Jesus was a man's man, plain and simple. He knew hard work, and was respected by other men who worked. He commands the elements of nature as well as the heavenly army. And when He returns it will be at the head of His army, sword at His side, mounted on a stallion, ready for battle. He didn't shy away from injustice or those in authority, but righteously dealt with problems as they arose. "No question about it - there is something fierce in the heart of God."
"The whole creation is unapologetically wild. God loves it that way." Think about creation, waterfalls, thunderstorms, lions, tigers, and bears. It is a world full of risk, and danger, the elements that are essential for adventure. "Yet this is the world God has made - a world that requires us to live with risk. Because God wants us to live by faith." A world that contains no risk, demands no faith. God created a world full of adventures to be had, and set us free to explore it Adventure is a gift from God's heart to ours, "there is definitely something wild in the heart of God."
"Ana all his wildness and all his fierceness are inseparable from his romantic heart... God is a romantic at heart, and he has his own bride to fight for. He is a jealous lover, and his jealousy is for the hearts of his people and for their freedom." The cross is really a love story. God wanting His creation back so badly that He enters into it and dies for it. The Bible tells us that the greatest love is to lay down your life (John 15.13). That is the love of God. And in that we see His heart.
He boldly goes to the cross, faces the hardships, endures the pain. He is fierce in battle. He takes great risk in the cross, knowing that in spite of all of this people that He died for will reject Him, reduce Him simply to a human martyr, and even deny His existence. But He still goes. And in the cross we see His love and compassion. He is willing to pay any price to rescue those He loves. This is the image we were created from as men. This is God, and we are created and called to be like Him.
"And this is our true Father, the stock from which the heart of a man is drawn. Strong, courageous love... Be fierce, be wild, be passionate."
To God alone be the Glory!
Peace be with you
He then asks a question, "what is your image of Jesus as a man?" Many picture the white guy with flowing hair staring slightly heavenward. Maybe you have the image of a scrawny, almost feminine looking, crucified Jesus in a loin cloth. Or maybe it's the one where He's standing with some sheep by a stream, a lamb across his shoulders. Gentle, meek, and kind of a wuss. But that wasn't Jesus.
We're told that Joseph, the man who stepped in as an earthly father to Jesus, was a carpenter. In Israel there aren't a ton of trees, but there is an excess of stone. Jesus would have learned the trade of carpentry from Joseph, which would have included, more than likely, stone masonry. You have a man who has worked daily for close to three decades. His hand would have been calloused and strong. His muscles would have been firm and powerful. You have a man who has worked, and his body would reflect that work.
Then factor in the events that take place on the road to Golgotha. First Jesus is stripped and beaten very brutally, to the point where He isn't even recognized, and yet He is still standing up. Then he is given a cross that weighed around 300 pounds to carry to the place where he will be executed. He struggles beneath it's weight as He walks the smooth stone streets, eventually a bystander is grabbed and forced to take the cross. As he continues on there are women mourning that He comforts, and once he has been nailed to the cross, He still puts coherent sentences together. Do any of the pictures of Jesus you've seen portray a man who could do that?
"I am not advocating a sort of 'macho man' image. I'm not suggesting we all head off to the gym and then to the beach to kick sand in the faces of wimpy Pharisees. I am attempting to rescue us from a very, very mistaken image we have of God - especially of Jesus - and therefore of men as his image-bearers."
Jesus was a man's man, plain and simple. He knew hard work, and was respected by other men who worked. He commands the elements of nature as well as the heavenly army. And when He returns it will be at the head of His army, sword at His side, mounted on a stallion, ready for battle. He didn't shy away from injustice or those in authority, but righteously dealt with problems as they arose. "No question about it - there is something fierce in the heart of God."
"The whole creation is unapologetically wild. God loves it that way." Think about creation, waterfalls, thunderstorms, lions, tigers, and bears. It is a world full of risk, and danger, the elements that are essential for adventure. "Yet this is the world God has made - a world that requires us to live with risk. Because God wants us to live by faith." A world that contains no risk, demands no faith. God created a world full of adventures to be had, and set us free to explore it Adventure is a gift from God's heart to ours, "there is definitely something wild in the heart of God."
"Ana all his wildness and all his fierceness are inseparable from his romantic heart... God is a romantic at heart, and he has his own bride to fight for. He is a jealous lover, and his jealousy is for the hearts of his people and for their freedom." The cross is really a love story. God wanting His creation back so badly that He enters into it and dies for it. The Bible tells us that the greatest love is to lay down your life (John 15.13). That is the love of God. And in that we see His heart.
He boldly goes to the cross, faces the hardships, endures the pain. He is fierce in battle. He takes great risk in the cross, knowing that in spite of all of this people that He died for will reject Him, reduce Him simply to a human martyr, and even deny His existence. But He still goes. And in the cross we see His love and compassion. He is willing to pay any price to rescue those He loves. This is the image we were created from as men. This is God, and we are created and called to be like Him.
"And this is our true Father, the stock from which the heart of a man is drawn. Strong, courageous love... Be fierce, be wild, be passionate."
To God alone be the Glory!
Peace be with you
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Wild at Heart, Chapter 1: Wild at Heart part 2
To find out what a man is, and especially a Man of God, we must explore our hearts; and God has given us the invitation to do so. As John points out there are three desires written on the heart of every man: A battle to fight, an adventure to life, and a beauty to rescue. Each of these will be looked at more in depth later, but we need an brief introduction to each before we begin.
A Battle to Fight
"Aggression is part of the masculine design,we are hardwired for it." Simple fact, men are aggressive. I wrestled back in the day, and I loved it. When I got to the point where I didn't get nervous before matches and just did it for fun my mentality was to beat up on the guy for six minutes. I didn't go for the pin, I went for the tech fall (beating your opponent by at least 15 points). I was there to dominate, and I love sport because you can.
Aggression is part of who we are, God made us that way. The Bible says both that we are made in the image of God (Genesis 1), and that "the Lord is a warrior; the Lord is His name" (Exodus 15.3). Man, made in the image of God, is a warrior. Warriors need a battle to fight, and life provides them constantly. Daily we face battles, some for our integrity, others for our marriage, and the rest for various other things. Sometimes the battles are literal life or death fights, and other times they are battles of the mind and spirit. But no matter the battle the man must be fierce if he is to simply survive, let alone be victorious.
"Life needs a man to be fierce -and fiercely devoted. The wounds he will take throughout his life will cause him to lose heart if all he has been trained to be is soft." The battles will come, and the man must be ready for them. The closer a man is to God the greater the battles are. The Man of God cannot afford to be soft, he must be the fierce warrior that he was created to be. "Like it or not, there is something fierce in the heart of every man."
An Adventure to Live
Part of me wants to list this one first, but I'm simply following the book. "Adventure is written into the heart of a man. And it's not just about having 'fun.' Adventure requires something of us, puts us to the test. Though we may fear the test, at the same time we yearn to be tested, to discover that we have what it takes."
All of us like to be pushed, because all of us love the satisfaction that comes from completing a task or overcoming an obstacle. The reason I would put this first is that I believe the adventure is what prepares us for the battles we will face. The last post shared the questions we all ask in our search for identity, and adventure presents us with the challenges that bring us the answers to those questions. We need adventure in our life, not as a "macho-man pep rally" but as part of the quest for authentic masculinity.
A Beauty to Rescue
Without this final part the previous two ultimately aren't worth doing. There has to be someone to fight for. There has to be someone to adventure with. "There is nothing so inspiring to a man as a beautiful woman." If you ever have the opportunity to watch a group of high school boys notice how much harder they work if there are girls around. In the presence of a young lady they will run faster, lift more, and work harder, even if she isn't looking at them. If she isn't there they goof around and whatever they are doing either takes twice as long or only gets half way done.
"A man wants to be the hero to the beauty... The battle itself is never enough; a man years for romance." Without the beauty what is there to fight for? Without the beauty what is the point of living in adventure? God Himself said, "It is not good for the man to be alone." In Proverbs it says, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord."
And within this beauty is a separate heart, the other side of God's heart. Since she too is made in the image of the one God she has similar desires, but they are unique because she is the other half of God's image. She desires to be fought for, she wants to be pursued. Every woman wants to share in an adventure, she is not the adventure, but a traveling companion. Every woman wants to have a beauty to unveil, not to conjure, but to reveal. She is captivating and needs to know that her hero knows that.
The reason I spent so much time in this first chapter is that I was stuck on this part. Yes I've been fighting battles for a long time now, and yes my heart longs for adventure, I want to be tested and it feels like no one is willing to test me. But the biggest thing for me right now is the beauty in my life.
I have found a good thing and obtained favor from the Lord in my wife, but I have failed to be her hero. I've never had this type of relationship with anyone before, and in so many ways I'm still learning how to be a husband. But this is the area that God is focusing me on right now.
My wife is the most beautiful woman in the world, I have no idea how I got her. But over the past year I have failed to show her that she captivates me. I've failed to let her unveil her true beauty. I've failed to fight for her heart. Because of this there has been hurt in her life. There have been things from the past that have continued to hurt her because I have failed to protect her. I'm tired of this. I want to be her hero. I will be her hero.
I don't know what God is working on in your life, but if you are on this journey with me, we will work towards recovering our hearts together. We will get our hearts back. Stay with me, my brothers, as we become Men of God.
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
A Battle to Fight
"Aggression is part of the masculine design,we are hardwired for it." Simple fact, men are aggressive. I wrestled back in the day, and I loved it. When I got to the point where I didn't get nervous before matches and just did it for fun my mentality was to beat up on the guy for six minutes. I didn't go for the pin, I went for the tech fall (beating your opponent by at least 15 points). I was there to dominate, and I love sport because you can.
Aggression is part of who we are, God made us that way. The Bible says both that we are made in the image of God (Genesis 1), and that "the Lord is a warrior; the Lord is His name" (Exodus 15.3). Man, made in the image of God, is a warrior. Warriors need a battle to fight, and life provides them constantly. Daily we face battles, some for our integrity, others for our marriage, and the rest for various other things. Sometimes the battles are literal life or death fights, and other times they are battles of the mind and spirit. But no matter the battle the man must be fierce if he is to simply survive, let alone be victorious.
"Life needs a man to be fierce -and fiercely devoted. The wounds he will take throughout his life will cause him to lose heart if all he has been trained to be is soft." The battles will come, and the man must be ready for them. The closer a man is to God the greater the battles are. The Man of God cannot afford to be soft, he must be the fierce warrior that he was created to be. "Like it or not, there is something fierce in the heart of every man."
An Adventure to Live
Part of me wants to list this one first, but I'm simply following the book. "Adventure is written into the heart of a man. And it's not just about having 'fun.' Adventure requires something of us, puts us to the test. Though we may fear the test, at the same time we yearn to be tested, to discover that we have what it takes."
All of us like to be pushed, because all of us love the satisfaction that comes from completing a task or overcoming an obstacle. The reason I would put this first is that I believe the adventure is what prepares us for the battles we will face. The last post shared the questions we all ask in our search for identity, and adventure presents us with the challenges that bring us the answers to those questions. We need adventure in our life, not as a "macho-man pep rally" but as part of the quest for authentic masculinity.
A Beauty to Rescue
Without this final part the previous two ultimately aren't worth doing. There has to be someone to fight for. There has to be someone to adventure with. "There is nothing so inspiring to a man as a beautiful woman." If you ever have the opportunity to watch a group of high school boys notice how much harder they work if there are girls around. In the presence of a young lady they will run faster, lift more, and work harder, even if she isn't looking at them. If she isn't there they goof around and whatever they are doing either takes twice as long or only gets half way done.
"A man wants to be the hero to the beauty... The battle itself is never enough; a man years for romance." Without the beauty what is there to fight for? Without the beauty what is the point of living in adventure? God Himself said, "It is not good for the man to be alone." In Proverbs it says, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord."
And within this beauty is a separate heart, the other side of God's heart. Since she too is made in the image of the one God she has similar desires, but they are unique because she is the other half of God's image. She desires to be fought for, she wants to be pursued. Every woman wants to share in an adventure, she is not the adventure, but a traveling companion. Every woman wants to have a beauty to unveil, not to conjure, but to reveal. She is captivating and needs to know that her hero knows that.
The reason I spent so much time in this first chapter is that I was stuck on this part. Yes I've been fighting battles for a long time now, and yes my heart longs for adventure, I want to be tested and it feels like no one is willing to test me. But the biggest thing for me right now is the beauty in my life.
I have found a good thing and obtained favor from the Lord in my wife, but I have failed to be her hero. I've never had this type of relationship with anyone before, and in so many ways I'm still learning how to be a husband. But this is the area that God is focusing me on right now.
My wife is the most beautiful woman in the world, I have no idea how I got her. But over the past year I have failed to show her that she captivates me. I've failed to let her unveil her true beauty. I've failed to fight for her heart. Because of this there has been hurt in her life. There have been things from the past that have continued to hurt her because I have failed to protect her. I'm tired of this. I want to be her hero. I will be her hero.
I don't know what God is working on in your life, but if you are on this journey with me, we will work towards recovering our hearts together. We will get our hearts back. Stay with me, my brothers, as we become Men of God.
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Friday, March 1, 2013
Wild at Heart, Chapter 1: Wild at Heart part 1
Over the last few days I've read this first chapter three times. Each time through I've worked with it a little differently. On the first read through I took a highlighter (I used a pen last year) to mark the things that stood out to me. Second glance I made notes on 3x5 cards. Third time was slower, smaller sections, and trying to condense the essentials on to a single 3x5 card. This method has taken time, and that time has given me a lot of time to think and reflect on the text.
I'll be honest I'm at an interesting point in life to be doing this. I'm at a point when I probably feel least like a man than I ever have before, but I think that's why I have been led to begin this now. It's at a time when I feel like I have as little credibility in this area as possible.
I'm still not totally sure how to tackle this, being a man I know how we think and about the time we spend reading stuff like this, so I want to keep it short and simple (as I fill the first several sentences with background that probably isn't all that important). And so I'm going to break this chapter up and just tackle a few pages at a time.
Three ideas stand out to me in the first pages of chapter 1: Wilderness, Adventure, Identity.
These three things are central to the whole idea of being a man. When we look at the creation story in Genesis we see that man was made in the wilderness and then placed in the garden to work it. From the very beginning we were made in the unknown, unexplored, terrain of the world. "The core of a man's heart is undomesticated, and that is good."
The wilderness is where adventure takes place. This is defined differently for each individual. For me adventure is found in nature. Backpacking, canoeing, camping, hiking, wading, stuff like that are moments I long for and can't get enough of. For someone else working on a car is an adventure. Putting something together, building it and watching it come together drives them to see what they can do. And the joy and excitement they have when the machine actually starts, makes all the work worth it. (We'll look more at Adventure in an upcoming post.)
Adventure leads to identity. All of us are born with questions on our hearts, "Who am I? What am I made of? What am I destined for?" I've asked these questions so much over the last few years. Searching for these answers hasn't been the easiest, figuring out how to hasn't been either. I have a longing for nature and the wilderness to be alone and able to sort through things, but the opportunities haven't been that opportune.
And all of this seems so hard to come by at times. All of it seems to be under attack. "Society at large can't make up its mind about men", and because of that we lack real men more than ever. But the reason that this attack has even begun is because men are dangerous, especially a Man of God. The enemy wants us separated from the wilderness, bogged down with no time for adventures, so that our true identity becomes hidden. Because without our true identity as a Man of God, we are just hollow shells that are here to be productive until we die.
That isn't the life I want, and I highly doubt that you do either. We were made for more than that.
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
I'll be honest I'm at an interesting point in life to be doing this. I'm at a point when I probably feel least like a man than I ever have before, but I think that's why I have been led to begin this now. It's at a time when I feel like I have as little credibility in this area as possible.
I'm still not totally sure how to tackle this, being a man I know how we think and about the time we spend reading stuff like this, so I want to keep it short and simple (as I fill the first several sentences with background that probably isn't all that important). And so I'm going to break this chapter up and just tackle a few pages at a time.
Three ideas stand out to me in the first pages of chapter 1: Wilderness, Adventure, Identity.
These three things are central to the whole idea of being a man. When we look at the creation story in Genesis we see that man was made in the wilderness and then placed in the garden to work it. From the very beginning we were made in the unknown, unexplored, terrain of the world. "The core of a man's heart is undomesticated, and that is good."
The wilderness is where adventure takes place. This is defined differently for each individual. For me adventure is found in nature. Backpacking, canoeing, camping, hiking, wading, stuff like that are moments I long for and can't get enough of. For someone else working on a car is an adventure. Putting something together, building it and watching it come together drives them to see what they can do. And the joy and excitement they have when the machine actually starts, makes all the work worth it. (We'll look more at Adventure in an upcoming post.)
Adventure leads to identity. All of us are born with questions on our hearts, "Who am I? What am I made of? What am I destined for?" I've asked these questions so much over the last few years. Searching for these answers hasn't been the easiest, figuring out how to hasn't been either. I have a longing for nature and the wilderness to be alone and able to sort through things, but the opportunities haven't been that opportune.
And all of this seems so hard to come by at times. All of it seems to be under attack. "Society at large can't make up its mind about men", and because of that we lack real men more than ever. But the reason that this attack has even begun is because men are dangerous, especially a Man of God. The enemy wants us separated from the wilderness, bogged down with no time for adventures, so that our true identity becomes hidden. Because without our true identity as a Man of God, we are just hollow shells that are here to be productive until we die.
That isn't the life I want, and I highly doubt that you do either. We were made for more than that.
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
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