"Having said all this, if I were to choose one quality above all others to guide a man into, so that he might become a good King, that secret would be friendship with God. For if he has this, it will compensate for whatever other deficiencies the man may have, and if he does not have this, no matter how gifted he might be, he will not become the King he could have been." Each stage has a central focus, a boiled down to one sentence goal. Here it is friendship with God. We are after something that can only come from a journey that has been walked with God every step of the way. And it is essential that we have this if we desire to rule well.
"One of the big lies of the King stage is the idea that now you ought to know enough to operate out of your own resources. Not true. You will be faced with new challenges, bigger challenges, and the stakes are much higher. Many lives hang in the balance when you are a King." This past week we shared how the more we grow and mature the more freedom God gives us in decision making. With each decision comes a choice, do we draw near to God and see what He thinks about this, or not?
1 John 2 says, "I write to you, fathers, because you have known him who is from the beginning." It repeats same phrase this twice, first in verses 13 and then again in 14. We see that "the fathers are the friends of God." There is something more than casual acquaintance, this is personal and real, something that has been forged through trial and hardship and has stood the test. "How many Kings do you know who act as if they know God, in the manner that friends know one another?" Probably very few, if any at all. But this is what I want to be said of me, that I was a friend of God. If we would be good Kings we must be.
"Allow me to make a distinction. I believe a man can be a good King over some aspect of this world - a home, a school, a church, a nation - without having to be an intimate friend of God. I'be mentioned Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, and Churchill. I don't know how deeply they walked with God, but they were good men and served as good Kings. However, if we would be men in full - as God created man to be - then we must find the fulfillment of our lives in relationship with God. A deep, intimate relationship... This is the reason for our existence - to walk with God."
Ultimately that's what it all comes down too. "If we would be Kings in the kingdom of God, help to bring about his rule here on this earth, then we must follow the Master. We must learn to walk with God. Perhaps the single greater weakness common to good men now acting as Kings is that they do not walk with God. They have learned some principles of leadership, they have their market analyses, they have their opinions, and they try to govern by these alone. They are not bad men, per se. But they live by a practical agnosticism, even men who are leaders in the church. I promise you, you cannot master enough principles to address every situation you will meet."
No matter how skilled or intelligent you are, something will hit you that you aren't prepared for. It is these times that people most often turn to God, when there is no other option left. But what would happen if a King has a friendship with God? I'm not going to say that the hard times won't come, because they will, but I am saying that you won't have to face them or make the decision on your own. Your closest friend will be with you as you decide together, and will stand by you for the outcome, even if its a hail of bullets.
"How will a man be able to rule what he has been given if he is not in this kind of relationship with God? He will - by default - lean on his own understanding, something he is warned against in Scripture (see Prov. 3:5)." That verse is one of the most profound teachings, if not the most profound, in the Bible. If we would only live by it.
"I urge friendship with God as essential for a King for two reasons. First, because a man in power is positioned to do great good or great damage, and he will not have the wisdom to address every situation. Humility demands he turn to God, and often. Remember - the heart of the King is yielded to God... But there is an even deeper reason than expedience. This is what a man was made for. To be a King and not know God intimately is like a son who runs part of the family business, but never talks to his father. Yes, we are here to serve as Kings. But that service was never meant to take the place of our relationship with God."
Our role as King is ultimately a role of service to The King. We are given power from Him and we will have to give an account to Him about how we have used it. Without knowing Him personally and being submitted to His will how can we use that power correctly? Even with good motives we can still fail because ultimately our purpose as Kings is to lead people closer to God. If we don't know Him how can we cuckoo this purpose?
Friendship with God is what we were made for, and it's what we're after. "How is this cultivated? Part of it is orientation... If you would become the friend of God, your orientation needs to be to walk with God through the day. It's a posture, where you are aware of god and asking, 'What are you up to here, God?' And, 'What is this about? How do you want me to handle this?' With this orientation, this posture, I would add an open heart... without a heart alive, awake and somewhat free, you cannot know God."
If we want to know God and be close to Him, we have to pay attention and be alert. God is always speaking, always teaching, always affirming. We need to be intentional about searching for the lessons. But there is one more thing.
"Finally, and pardon the obvious, but you must actually want it. Because unless you really do, you will not be able to fight for the time required to cultivate friendship with God... God doesn't offer his friendship to men who don't care enough to make room for it." If we would know God, we must want to. The relationship, as with any, must be prioritized. I know how busy life is, but this friendship isn't an option if we desire to be the best Kings possible. God has done everything possible to pursue us and make this friendship possible, but we must choose to respond for it to go anywhere.
You were born for this, "your life as a man is a process of initiation into masculinity, offered to you by your true Father. Through the course of that journey, in all the many events of the Beloved Son, the Cowboy, the Warrior, the Lover, whatever else you learn you will learn to walk with God, for he is walking with you." That is what a King does above all else, he walks with God, side by side as friends, and leads others in the way.
"Father, raise the King in me. Develops in me the heart of a King. Help me to rule well, in your name. Teach me to be a good King, like Jesus. Help me to rule well right where I am. But above all else, teach me to live as your friend... Show me how to cultivate an even deeper relationship with you. To be one with you, even as Jesus is one with you. In all things. And show me the men you want me to father... show me how to offer what they need. Teach me to initiate my sons as Kings."
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Saturday, November 30, 2013
Friday, November 29, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 13: Raising the King, part 4
"Speaking of the relationships a King needs, by this point in your life you ought to be a father to younger men... Who are the young men In your life?" Now we come to a crucial part in the journey, the part where the cycle begins again. We become Kings and then we begin to father others. Who are you initiating?
Too many get to this point and begin to withdraw. They go through the mid life crisis or fall into a sense of entitlement, and the destructive cycle begins all over again. It is time we took a stand and said enough! It's time we act like Kings, and kings rule for the sake of others. We must rule for the hearts of young men who will be lost if we don't.
"There are many men - as you well know - in desperate need of someone to show them the way. We reached this point of desolation - this period in time when most men are unfinished, uninitiated men who have no clue what to do with themselves - because as a culture and a church we abandoned masculine initiation. Now we must fight to get it back. Who will offer it, if not you?"
There is so much I want to say here. As I typed that out I kept thinking of the Basic series by Francis Chan. He's teaching about the basics of the faith in a series of DVD lessons and as he talks we see three young people on a journey. When they reach the destination and rest we find them going back to show others the way. That is the only way we find it, when we are led by someone who knows where they are going.
We are initiated so that we can initiate others. Sadly the ritual and tradition has been lost, but we must get it back. My dad didnt initiate me, because my grandpa didn't initiate him. And he didn't because my great grandpa didn't initiate him. I'm not sure how far back the cycle goes, but it's one I am determined to end. I am so grateful to John Eldredge for the work he has done that has helped me be fathered and initiated by God. And now that I know the way, or rather know part of the way, I must lead others in it. That's part of the reason this blog exists. And you have the same responsibility.
"Some of these boys and young men just need a father to speak affirmation into their hearts. You can help them feel like Beloved Sons." You can't fully initiate every man you ever meet, and God doesn't expect you to. But you can help each man begin to find his true identity so he can heal and begin the journey.
"Some are young Cowboys needing to be called into adventure." You can do this. Offer encouragement at sporting events, invite your son's friends along on adventures with you. Have them help with work projects, they'll learn valuable lessons and you'll begin to teach them about their strength.
"Others are Warriors needing a good King to follow. As King, you ought to have a round table of your own, with young Warriors around you." Help them find a cause to fight for, and train them for battle. Be a leader they want to follow, that they are willing to shed blood for. Give them a purpose bigger than themselves.
"Some of these fatherless men are even Kings and Sages -at least, in age - but they have been taken out by the enemy and by life, and they need a man to help them get back into the battle." I think with the experiences I've endured in the past few years this is an area where God is going to use me in the future. Helping men see that, yes life will knock you down, but "it's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward."
Only we can break the downward cycle we find ourselves in. God will initiate us so that we can initiate others, but we have to be intentional if we want to see change. Who is willing to join me? Who will join the phalanx and take back masculine initiation? Recently I added a picture, quote and invitation to the bottom of the blog, an invitation to follow it and join the phalanx. I would love to see hundreds of men as followers, not so I can brag about the number of people who read my thoughts, but so we can show the enemy that he has opposition when it comes to taking out men. We aren't going to back down, for us it is victory or death on the battle field.
If you're willing to take a stand beside me I invite you to join the ranks, add your shield to our wall, and lets go rescue the hearts of men. Who's with me?
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Thursday, November 28, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 13: Raising the King, part 3
No stage is without its struggles, and it is crucial for a King to be a Warrior first because there are many battles he'll have to fight. And it is crucial to remember that not all battles are against a physical, or external enemy. Some of them, the most crucial, come from within. The quote I'm about to share made me think of a line from Gladiator. Right before Commodus kills his father he begins to list the virtues that he possesses, virtues he feels his father has over looked in his choice of a successor. "Ambition," he says, "that can be a virtue when it drives us to excel."
Ambition is defined, "an earnest desire for some type of achievement or distinction, as power, honor, fame, or wealth, and the willingness to strive for its attainment". You have to have a goal in life, there has to be something you are striving for, and willing to sacrifice for. Some are good, and others are bad. As we see with Commodus, his ambition is for power and glory for his own luxury. And even the ambitions that seem good can be flawed. John shares a story about a business man whose ambition was to pastor one of the largest churches in the world, it never happened, and John said it probably didn't because that was the goal.
"The young seminarian's ambitions may have been noble, but then again, our ambitions will be refined by fire, must be refined, and setting out to hold a great position will not stand the test. Setting out to serve, to bring the kingdom of God, to fight for the freedom of others, yes. But greatness for the sake of greatness, that is the way of the world. We should fear becoming a large church, corporation, kingdom. We should be forced into it, by God."
Oh how true that is. I used to want to pastor a mega church, now I really don't think I'd ever want to under take that task. I love the idea of being able to disciple hundreds of people. I love the idea of having the resources and man power to be able to do a lot of good work for the Kingdom. But think about all that would be involved with that. Think of the relationship ability you lose. Think about how easy it would be to be prideful. Who would ask for that? Sadly, many do, and many who desire it, never get there.
"If we are going to do the Lord's work in the Lord's way, we must take Jesus' teaching seriously: he does not want us to press on to the greatest place unless He Himself makes it impossible to do otherwise." At this point, the only way I'd pastor a church of hundreds is if God gave me no other choice. I shared in a post last week that I don't know if I want to ever pastor a church again. And I'm not trying to sound humble and holy, but if that is what God wants me to do, He's going to have to push me into it.
This has to be the attitude a King has, and again, I'm not trying to exalt myself. "Humility is essential to the outcome of whether or not a man will make a good King. It is one of the truest expressions of that yieldedness I described earlier... arrogance has been the Achilles' heel of every bad King. Saul. Herod. Napoleon. Stalin. They were not yielded men, not humble in any way." Think of the damage these men did, and think of how they fell. The Bible warns about pride over and over.
Proverbs 29.23, "A man’s pride will bring him low, but a humble spirit will obtain honor."
Proverbs 16.18, "Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before stumbling."
Proverbs 11.2, "When pride comes, then comes dishonor, but with the humble is wisdom."
Proverbs 8.13, "The fear of the Lord is to hate evil; pride and arrogance and the evil way and the perverted mouth, I hate."
The proud have no business in power. The attain it and feel it because of who they are and what they've done, there is a sense of entitlement that is unbecoming of a King. We have too many like that in power, and too many like that striving for leadership. "Those who yearn to be there should not be, and those who don't want the position are the only ones qualified to hold it." Why did Marcus Aurelius choose Maximus over Commodus? Because Maximus didn't desire power. As Marcus said, "That is why it must be you... But you have not been corrupted by her politics."
Pride is a great danger for any good King. It would be so easy to do so much good, and think it was a result of our own skill and talents. It would be so easy to work hard, and rise through the ranks of leadership and think it was on our own merit. And if we do, we will be brought low. It is crucial that we remain humble. "That is the posture of the noble heart, choosing humility in the very situations we find it so hard to do so. The truth is, either we choose it for ourselves, or our Father will arrange to have us humbled." We must constantly be on guard against pride, other wise our time and effectiveness as Kings will be short lived. But there is something else we must guard against, something possibly even more dangerous.
"Pride is blinding, and pride has brought down many a King. But perhaps the greatest occupational hazard for the King is the profound, utter loneliness of it all. This is something that must be admitted, and understood, for the life of a King is a lonely life. We must see that with compassion or it will lead us to our demise. Yes, pride is a profound test. One that has brought the fall of the greatest of all the angels. Something to be vigilant against. But I do not think that will be the greatest danger for a good King, not for a man who has taken the masculine journey. I think the greatest danger is isolation."
I can attest to this one. Leadership is a lonely role, and sadly for many it's something that is almost unavoidable. In my last ministry assignment I felt this so much. For the first six months, my wife and I weren't married. I would spend all day alone at the office, and all night alone at the house. It was rough. Even once we got married things were still rough. We worked opposite schedules, and we were the youngest people at church by 25 years. We were hours away from friends and family, it wasn't easy. And even the people at church and other pastors who seemed to care couldn't help. Isolation is far too common a thing for leadership.
"For one thing, people don't understand what you bear. They just don't. It's lonely at the top. The loneliness is exacerbated by the fact - it seems almost a law of human organizations, large or small - that blame always moves to the top, justly or unjustly. when there's something to complain about, blame the King. And then there are the hard decisions you have to make as a King, and those will at times offend, and people will pull away from you... Isolation is like a plague of office, and it is not good. The man becomes removed form companionship, from counsel, and from accountability. he begins to see himself as the only one who really understands, the only one with the right to rule, the only one whose opinion is valid. He will tend toward the tyrant at this point. Now, add to this increasing isolation a large dose of loneliness, and boom - the man is a walking target for an affair."
People who aren't in leadership can't understand what leaders go through, or the burdens they carry. They just can't, and quite often they say things with the best intentions that cut deeper than they could ever know. It is in these situations leaders must learn to be ducks, and let the comments role of you like water off a ducks back. My wife bought me a small duck that sat on my desk to serve as a constant reminder of this. Random thought, I like ducks, I really do. When we were at the church the back yard of the house was low and would flood in the winter/spring. There was a duck that would show up and swim in the temporary pond. This goes back to the Lover stage, but I think one way God speaks to me is with ducks. They are entertaining to watch and listen to, and they just make me smile. I didn't realize it at the time, but looking back I see how God was trying to speak to me, "Be a duck." As a leader you must.
And it is also crucial that you find other ducks to fly with. They fly in a "V" to help everyone out. "My sincerest counsel to Kings is, Don't isolate yourself, and don't let it happen to you. Surround yourself with good counselors, and listen to them. Let your allies and colleagues make decisions that affect you. Seek out friendships with a few other men - Kings, if you can find them. Be intentional to fight the isolation. You see, our journey of masculine initiation requires intentionality on our part. We are not passive observers or the process. We must engage."
Think about King David, when does he get in trouble? When he isolates himself, refuses to act like a King, doesn't listen to his counselors, and refuses to be humble. If we are to survive as Kings and rule well, we must be intentional. We must seek friendships and fight for masculine fellowship that is deeper than a thirty minute breakfast meeting with five minutes of prayer thrown in at the end. I've been part of too many fellowship groups that are just that, and yes, the fellowship is nice, but we need something more. We've talked about how guys don't need accountability partners, we need a band of brothers who have our backs and are willing to shed their blood for us.
And we must realize the fact that if we are to continue to advance in our journey we will have to engage. "By the time we have entered the stage of the King, the Father will treat us like men, leaving many decisions up to us, choices of whether or not we will continue to mature as men... The process of maturity is one of coming to make ever-more-meaningful decisions for ourselves... By the time we are the age of a King, God will leave many, many choices up to us. You'll notice in Scripture that he allows Kings to make terrible, even disastrous decisions. He will not treat them like children. He remains very much present, and engaged in our journey, but he also allows a bit of distance between us and him to see if we will draw even closer to him. Choosing humility, and choosing against isolation, will sometimes prove to be a very subtle decision, but decisions that we will need to make again and again if we would live well, and survive, as Kings."
We continue to grow and mature, or we get taken out. And it is crucial that we survive as Kings because many lives hang in the balance. Kings rule on behalf of others, and there are many young Warriors out there who need a good King to follow.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Ambition is defined, "an earnest desire for some type of achievement or distinction, as power, honor, fame, or wealth, and the willingness to strive for its attainment". You have to have a goal in life, there has to be something you are striving for, and willing to sacrifice for. Some are good, and others are bad. As we see with Commodus, his ambition is for power and glory for his own luxury. And even the ambitions that seem good can be flawed. John shares a story about a business man whose ambition was to pastor one of the largest churches in the world, it never happened, and John said it probably didn't because that was the goal.
"The young seminarian's ambitions may have been noble, but then again, our ambitions will be refined by fire, must be refined, and setting out to hold a great position will not stand the test. Setting out to serve, to bring the kingdom of God, to fight for the freedom of others, yes. But greatness for the sake of greatness, that is the way of the world. We should fear becoming a large church, corporation, kingdom. We should be forced into it, by God."
Oh how true that is. I used to want to pastor a mega church, now I really don't think I'd ever want to under take that task. I love the idea of being able to disciple hundreds of people. I love the idea of having the resources and man power to be able to do a lot of good work for the Kingdom. But think about all that would be involved with that. Think of the relationship ability you lose. Think about how easy it would be to be prideful. Who would ask for that? Sadly, many do, and many who desire it, never get there.
"If we are going to do the Lord's work in the Lord's way, we must take Jesus' teaching seriously: he does not want us to press on to the greatest place unless He Himself makes it impossible to do otherwise." At this point, the only way I'd pastor a church of hundreds is if God gave me no other choice. I shared in a post last week that I don't know if I want to ever pastor a church again. And I'm not trying to sound humble and holy, but if that is what God wants me to do, He's going to have to push me into it.
This has to be the attitude a King has, and again, I'm not trying to exalt myself. "Humility is essential to the outcome of whether or not a man will make a good King. It is one of the truest expressions of that yieldedness I described earlier... arrogance has been the Achilles' heel of every bad King. Saul. Herod. Napoleon. Stalin. They were not yielded men, not humble in any way." Think of the damage these men did, and think of how they fell. The Bible warns about pride over and over.
Proverbs 29.23, "A man’s pride will bring him low, but a humble spirit will obtain honor."
Proverbs 16.18, "Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before stumbling."
Proverbs 11.2, "When pride comes, then comes dishonor, but with the humble is wisdom."
Proverbs 8.13, "The fear of the Lord is to hate evil; pride and arrogance and the evil way and the perverted mouth, I hate."
The proud have no business in power. The attain it and feel it because of who they are and what they've done, there is a sense of entitlement that is unbecoming of a King. We have too many like that in power, and too many like that striving for leadership. "Those who yearn to be there should not be, and those who don't want the position are the only ones qualified to hold it." Why did Marcus Aurelius choose Maximus over Commodus? Because Maximus didn't desire power. As Marcus said, "That is why it must be you... But you have not been corrupted by her politics."
Pride is a great danger for any good King. It would be so easy to do so much good, and think it was a result of our own skill and talents. It would be so easy to work hard, and rise through the ranks of leadership and think it was on our own merit. And if we do, we will be brought low. It is crucial that we remain humble. "That is the posture of the noble heart, choosing humility in the very situations we find it so hard to do so. The truth is, either we choose it for ourselves, or our Father will arrange to have us humbled." We must constantly be on guard against pride, other wise our time and effectiveness as Kings will be short lived. But there is something else we must guard against, something possibly even more dangerous.
"Pride is blinding, and pride has brought down many a King. But perhaps the greatest occupational hazard for the King is the profound, utter loneliness of it all. This is something that must be admitted, and understood, for the life of a King is a lonely life. We must see that with compassion or it will lead us to our demise. Yes, pride is a profound test. One that has brought the fall of the greatest of all the angels. Something to be vigilant against. But I do not think that will be the greatest danger for a good King, not for a man who has taken the masculine journey. I think the greatest danger is isolation."
I can attest to this one. Leadership is a lonely role, and sadly for many it's something that is almost unavoidable. In my last ministry assignment I felt this so much. For the first six months, my wife and I weren't married. I would spend all day alone at the office, and all night alone at the house. It was rough. Even once we got married things were still rough. We worked opposite schedules, and we were the youngest people at church by 25 years. We were hours away from friends and family, it wasn't easy. And even the people at church and other pastors who seemed to care couldn't help. Isolation is far too common a thing for leadership.
"For one thing, people don't understand what you bear. They just don't. It's lonely at the top. The loneliness is exacerbated by the fact - it seems almost a law of human organizations, large or small - that blame always moves to the top, justly or unjustly. when there's something to complain about, blame the King. And then there are the hard decisions you have to make as a King, and those will at times offend, and people will pull away from you... Isolation is like a plague of office, and it is not good. The man becomes removed form companionship, from counsel, and from accountability. he begins to see himself as the only one who really understands, the only one with the right to rule, the only one whose opinion is valid. He will tend toward the tyrant at this point. Now, add to this increasing isolation a large dose of loneliness, and boom - the man is a walking target for an affair."
People who aren't in leadership can't understand what leaders go through, or the burdens they carry. They just can't, and quite often they say things with the best intentions that cut deeper than they could ever know. It is in these situations leaders must learn to be ducks, and let the comments role of you like water off a ducks back. My wife bought me a small duck that sat on my desk to serve as a constant reminder of this. Random thought, I like ducks, I really do. When we were at the church the back yard of the house was low and would flood in the winter/spring. There was a duck that would show up and swim in the temporary pond. This goes back to the Lover stage, but I think one way God speaks to me is with ducks. They are entertaining to watch and listen to, and they just make me smile. I didn't realize it at the time, but looking back I see how God was trying to speak to me, "Be a duck." As a leader you must.
And it is also crucial that you find other ducks to fly with. They fly in a "V" to help everyone out. "My sincerest counsel to Kings is, Don't isolate yourself, and don't let it happen to you. Surround yourself with good counselors, and listen to them. Let your allies and colleagues make decisions that affect you. Seek out friendships with a few other men - Kings, if you can find them. Be intentional to fight the isolation. You see, our journey of masculine initiation requires intentionality on our part. We are not passive observers or the process. We must engage."
Think about King David, when does he get in trouble? When he isolates himself, refuses to act like a King, doesn't listen to his counselors, and refuses to be humble. If we are to survive as Kings and rule well, we must be intentional. We must seek friendships and fight for masculine fellowship that is deeper than a thirty minute breakfast meeting with five minutes of prayer thrown in at the end. I've been part of too many fellowship groups that are just that, and yes, the fellowship is nice, but we need something more. We've talked about how guys don't need accountability partners, we need a band of brothers who have our backs and are willing to shed their blood for us.
And we must realize the fact that if we are to continue to advance in our journey we will have to engage. "By the time we have entered the stage of the King, the Father will treat us like men, leaving many decisions up to us, choices of whether or not we will continue to mature as men... The process of maturity is one of coming to make ever-more-meaningful decisions for ourselves... By the time we are the age of a King, God will leave many, many choices up to us. You'll notice in Scripture that he allows Kings to make terrible, even disastrous decisions. He will not treat them like children. He remains very much present, and engaged in our journey, but he also allows a bit of distance between us and him to see if we will draw even closer to him. Choosing humility, and choosing against isolation, will sometimes prove to be a very subtle decision, but decisions that we will need to make again and again if we would live well, and survive, as Kings."
We continue to grow and mature, or we get taken out. And it is crucial that we survive as Kings because many lives hang in the balance. Kings rule on behalf of others, and there are many young Warriors out there who need a good King to follow.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 13: Raising the King, part 2
We don't just wake up one day and find ourselves as good Kings. We may one day happen to end up in the office of a King if we stick around the same place long enough, but as we've seen the office doesn't make you a King. It is a life long process, and it is what this journey is leading us to. Nobility is not something that is inherited, but worked for. Respect is something earned, not something position entitles one to. To be a good King takes years of work, life, and battle.
"So let this be clearly said: a man cannot be a good King unless he has first lived through the other stages of the masculine journey. If he aches still to be the Beloved Son, he might buy himself all sorts of toys. And he will also use his influence to win the approval of others. He will avoid the hard decisions because he wants everyone to like him. (That will paralyze a King, by the way.) If he was never allowed the Cowboy Ranger stage, he spends too much time at the country club playing golf, skiing, going on adventure trips, or perhaps now is when he buys the sports car. If never a Warrior, he will now wield his power in anger, doing great damage to make himself feel powerful, chasing dragons, making mountains out of molehills, simply so he can go to war. Never having been a true Lover, he will go out and buy himself a trophy wife, or find a lover on the Internet."
Are you beginning to see how much these stages build on each other? Nothing is wasted, and nothing is pointless. Without one stage a man cannot be a good King. Without one of the stages a man will be incomplete, and when he enters the office of king, his power and position are used to try and fill in the gaps from his youth. "How much of what we call the midlife crisis in men is simply an Unfinished Man, an uninitiated man, trying to fill in the gaps of his soul when what he should be doing now is acting like a King?" Think about what guys do during a midlife crisis, and read the second paragraph again. And now it all starts to make come together. But I've known men who haven't gone through a midlife crisis, I know men now approaching that age that aren't on the road to one. Listen to me, you do not have to experience a midlife crisis.
"And so my greatest advice which it comes to raising the King is, simply, 'Live the other stages.' If a man has been the Beloved Son, he will not need to be the center of attention. If he has been the Cowboy, he will be brave and daring. Having been a Warrior, he will not flinch from battle - the number one problem of most kings I know. He will be valiant, cunning, and resolute. He will also know how to 'keep his head.' This will be balanced by tenderness and compassion if he has also been a Lover. He will understand the heart, and how crucial this is, for now the hearts of many are in his hands."
Kings rule for the sake of others. A man cannot be a selfless servant if he is incomplete. If we want to be Kings we must take the journey. For some it means going back and allowing God to heal and father us. It is crucial that we do because "life will test you as a man, as a ship at sea is tested, and it will reveal the unhealed and unholy places within you. This is true to the tenth power when you become a King. so you cannot skip those stages. You will need all they have to offer your soul as a man." It's true, Kings are huge targets. If the enemy can take the leader out everything stands still, even if it's only for a brief moment. But in that moment the enemy can do great damage.
A King must be strong and complete. He must know his identity so that when others try to tear him down, which happens even to the best Kings, he is secure in truth. He must know how to work and how to take risks. There will be times when he won't be fully confident, but good leaders don't wonder if they made the right decision, they make a decision and make it the right one. He will have to fight, plain and simple. Not all battles are hand to hand combat, but all require a warrior if victory is desired. And a King must know how to enjoy the simple things in life. There will be many things that demand his time and attention, he must know how to find rest and refreshment if he is to remain sane. We were born to be Kings, and so we must be ready when we are called to lead. and this has never been more true than when it comes to raising our sons.
"What is extraordinary to note is that from a very young age boys understand the nobility required of a King, and they admire it and long for it. Something seems to be set within them, at least before the world gets to them... So I would say that among our greatest tasks in raising the boy to be a King is protecting that nobility a boy believes in when he is young, protecting both that it is good and that it is possible. We do this in the stories we choose, stories that show the nobility of a King. We do this especially by living in such a manner as his father, for nothing undermines this more quickly than to see his father lying, cheating, making excuses for less-than-noble decisions. I said earlier that often the king-heart is wounded in boys and young men living under bad Kings."
Boys know they are born to rule, they just do. But somewhere along the way the world attacks this. It shouldn't be a surprise, Satan doesn't want a man to be King, so he works to take him out right from the beginning. That is why a boy needs his King, his father or mentor, to be a Warrior and make the world safe for him. They need to see that nobility is possible, and that their Kings have lived it out for them to model. They need to see incorruptible character lived out, and they need to have it called out in them. They need to see their King ruling well, and they will come to respect him for his integrity. And they will want to be just like their King, so we must let them, right from the beginning. We only learn to use authority by being given some.
"I also said that a boy needs to have dominion over something. His room. his toys. His own body. Let him spend his money, and make mistakes. Give him a voice in the family choices... Give him a sense of dominion. As he gets older, let his dominion increase. Let him choose the sports he wants to play - or to not play at all. Let him decide his major, and his career path. Offer your guidance, of course, but let him exercise increasing sovereignty over his life. Is this not how God works with us?" And as he learns to exercise authority, he'll learn to trust God and develop a relationship with Him. He'll learn to lean of God and not his own understanding; and as he does, he'll see his paths be made straight.
A boy must learn to exercise authority. It's when a man doesn't, or doesn't know how to, or even that he has any, that he fails. And when a King fails, bad things happen. Look back at Genesis 3 and see what happens when Adam fails. The world is the way it is today as a result. And the world stays the way it is because Adam's sons continue in his failure. And our failure is because we either refuse our authority or abuse it.
"Might I point out that many men fail as Kings through abdication, through some sort of passivity? They refuse to take the role, or they refuse to make the tough decisions. Refuse to lead their people in battle. They look for a comfortable life." One the one had we refuse it. We don't play our part, we let everyone fend for themselves. Instead of bringing order, we allow chaos to take over.
"The other extreme, after Adam's fall, is tyranny. Kings like Pharaoh and Saul and Herod. Men who use their power in order to control and manipulate. The pastor who won't share the pulpit with anyone. The CEO who won't take advice. The father who keeps his family cowed in fear. If a man would be a good King, he would do well to keep in mind these two extremes." On the other hand power can easily be abused. We see a lot of this, and just as when we refuse to use power, chaos results.
It doesn't have to be that way, and there is something we an do about it. Yes, there is a problem, the world doesn't work like it was supposed to. But restoration is underway, and we have a part to play in it. "The earth was given to man, but Satan usurped the throne... Jesus came to win it back... Through his absolute obedience to God and through his sacrificial death, he did indeed break ever claim Satan might make to the kingdoms of this earth (see Col. 2:13-15). Now, 'All authority in heaven and on earth has been given' to Jesus (Matt. 28.18 NIV). And you, my brother, have been given that same authority... Learning to live in this authority, to bring the kingdom of God to our little kingdoms on earth, that is what it means to become a true King... The course of a man's life is coming to the place where he can be made a King in his experience, where all that Christ has bestowed can be realized in the man's life."
Jesus has called us to be more than what we are. If you read the Bible you'll notice that Jesus always calls people to what they can become. He challenges them to be who He already sees them to be. We are Kings, and again, Kings rule on behalf of others. Quite often we'll feel unprepared, and like we have no idea what we're doing. But it is here that our actions are essential, and it is here that we grow the most. And as long as we are fully trusting in God, everything will work out.
"Back in the chapters on the Warrior I explained that they way God most often teaches a man to fight is to put him in situation after situation where he must fight. The same idea holds ture in the time of the King - our Father will put you in situations where you will need to act decisively, and strongly, on behalf of others. The King-heart in us is formed and strengthened in those moments - especially in those moments of sacrificial decision, where we do put others before us, and in those moments of unwavering decisiveness, where we take a difficult stand against great odds or opposition. If you are like most men, you'll feel like you're in way over your head in moments like these. But this is how our intuition unfolds in our daily lives, how we come to discover that we do have the heart of a King, can act like a King. Not perfectly, not every time, but more and more as our initiation develops the King in us. I think we all know that such nobility and integrity can be formed in a man only by the Spirit of God. The question to us is, Will we let him?"
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
"So let this be clearly said: a man cannot be a good King unless he has first lived through the other stages of the masculine journey. If he aches still to be the Beloved Son, he might buy himself all sorts of toys. And he will also use his influence to win the approval of others. He will avoid the hard decisions because he wants everyone to like him. (That will paralyze a King, by the way.) If he was never allowed the Cowboy Ranger stage, he spends too much time at the country club playing golf, skiing, going on adventure trips, or perhaps now is when he buys the sports car. If never a Warrior, he will now wield his power in anger, doing great damage to make himself feel powerful, chasing dragons, making mountains out of molehills, simply so he can go to war. Never having been a true Lover, he will go out and buy himself a trophy wife, or find a lover on the Internet."
Are you beginning to see how much these stages build on each other? Nothing is wasted, and nothing is pointless. Without one stage a man cannot be a good King. Without one of the stages a man will be incomplete, and when he enters the office of king, his power and position are used to try and fill in the gaps from his youth. "How much of what we call the midlife crisis in men is simply an Unfinished Man, an uninitiated man, trying to fill in the gaps of his soul when what he should be doing now is acting like a King?" Think about what guys do during a midlife crisis, and read the second paragraph again. And now it all starts to make come together. But I've known men who haven't gone through a midlife crisis, I know men now approaching that age that aren't on the road to one. Listen to me, you do not have to experience a midlife crisis.
"And so my greatest advice which it comes to raising the King is, simply, 'Live the other stages.' If a man has been the Beloved Son, he will not need to be the center of attention. If he has been the Cowboy, he will be brave and daring. Having been a Warrior, he will not flinch from battle - the number one problem of most kings I know. He will be valiant, cunning, and resolute. He will also know how to 'keep his head.' This will be balanced by tenderness and compassion if he has also been a Lover. He will understand the heart, and how crucial this is, for now the hearts of many are in his hands."
Kings rule for the sake of others. A man cannot be a selfless servant if he is incomplete. If we want to be Kings we must take the journey. For some it means going back and allowing God to heal and father us. It is crucial that we do because "life will test you as a man, as a ship at sea is tested, and it will reveal the unhealed and unholy places within you. This is true to the tenth power when you become a King. so you cannot skip those stages. You will need all they have to offer your soul as a man." It's true, Kings are huge targets. If the enemy can take the leader out everything stands still, even if it's only for a brief moment. But in that moment the enemy can do great damage.
A King must be strong and complete. He must know his identity so that when others try to tear him down, which happens even to the best Kings, he is secure in truth. He must know how to work and how to take risks. There will be times when he won't be fully confident, but good leaders don't wonder if they made the right decision, they make a decision and make it the right one. He will have to fight, plain and simple. Not all battles are hand to hand combat, but all require a warrior if victory is desired. And a King must know how to enjoy the simple things in life. There will be many things that demand his time and attention, he must know how to find rest and refreshment if he is to remain sane. We were born to be Kings, and so we must be ready when we are called to lead. and this has never been more true than when it comes to raising our sons.
"What is extraordinary to note is that from a very young age boys understand the nobility required of a King, and they admire it and long for it. Something seems to be set within them, at least before the world gets to them... So I would say that among our greatest tasks in raising the boy to be a King is protecting that nobility a boy believes in when he is young, protecting both that it is good and that it is possible. We do this in the stories we choose, stories that show the nobility of a King. We do this especially by living in such a manner as his father, for nothing undermines this more quickly than to see his father lying, cheating, making excuses for less-than-noble decisions. I said earlier that often the king-heart is wounded in boys and young men living under bad Kings."
Boys know they are born to rule, they just do. But somewhere along the way the world attacks this. It shouldn't be a surprise, Satan doesn't want a man to be King, so he works to take him out right from the beginning. That is why a boy needs his King, his father or mentor, to be a Warrior and make the world safe for him. They need to see that nobility is possible, and that their Kings have lived it out for them to model. They need to see incorruptible character lived out, and they need to have it called out in them. They need to see their King ruling well, and they will come to respect him for his integrity. And they will want to be just like their King, so we must let them, right from the beginning. We only learn to use authority by being given some.
"I also said that a boy needs to have dominion over something. His room. his toys. His own body. Let him spend his money, and make mistakes. Give him a voice in the family choices... Give him a sense of dominion. As he gets older, let his dominion increase. Let him choose the sports he wants to play - or to not play at all. Let him decide his major, and his career path. Offer your guidance, of course, but let him exercise increasing sovereignty over his life. Is this not how God works with us?" And as he learns to exercise authority, he'll learn to trust God and develop a relationship with Him. He'll learn to lean of God and not his own understanding; and as he does, he'll see his paths be made straight.
A boy must learn to exercise authority. It's when a man doesn't, or doesn't know how to, or even that he has any, that he fails. And when a King fails, bad things happen. Look back at Genesis 3 and see what happens when Adam fails. The world is the way it is today as a result. And the world stays the way it is because Adam's sons continue in his failure. And our failure is because we either refuse our authority or abuse it.
"Might I point out that many men fail as Kings through abdication, through some sort of passivity? They refuse to take the role, or they refuse to make the tough decisions. Refuse to lead their people in battle. They look for a comfortable life." One the one had we refuse it. We don't play our part, we let everyone fend for themselves. Instead of bringing order, we allow chaos to take over.
"The other extreme, after Adam's fall, is tyranny. Kings like Pharaoh and Saul and Herod. Men who use their power in order to control and manipulate. The pastor who won't share the pulpit with anyone. The CEO who won't take advice. The father who keeps his family cowed in fear. If a man would be a good King, he would do well to keep in mind these two extremes." On the other hand power can easily be abused. We see a lot of this, and just as when we refuse to use power, chaos results.
It doesn't have to be that way, and there is something we an do about it. Yes, there is a problem, the world doesn't work like it was supposed to. But restoration is underway, and we have a part to play in it. "The earth was given to man, but Satan usurped the throne... Jesus came to win it back... Through his absolute obedience to God and through his sacrificial death, he did indeed break ever claim Satan might make to the kingdoms of this earth (see Col. 2:13-15). Now, 'All authority in heaven and on earth has been given' to Jesus (Matt. 28.18 NIV). And you, my brother, have been given that same authority... Learning to live in this authority, to bring the kingdom of God to our little kingdoms on earth, that is what it means to become a true King... The course of a man's life is coming to the place where he can be made a King in his experience, where all that Christ has bestowed can be realized in the man's life."
Jesus has called us to be more than what we are. If you read the Bible you'll notice that Jesus always calls people to what they can become. He challenges them to be who He already sees them to be. We are Kings, and again, Kings rule on behalf of others. Quite often we'll feel unprepared, and like we have no idea what we're doing. But it is here that our actions are essential, and it is here that we grow the most. And as long as we are fully trusting in God, everything will work out.
"Back in the chapters on the Warrior I explained that they way God most often teaches a man to fight is to put him in situation after situation where he must fight. The same idea holds ture in the time of the King - our Father will put you in situations where you will need to act decisively, and strongly, on behalf of others. The King-heart in us is formed and strengthened in those moments - especially in those moments of sacrificial decision, where we do put others before us, and in those moments of unwavering decisiveness, where we take a difficult stand against great odds or opposition. If you are like most men, you'll feel like you're in way over your head in moments like these. But this is how our intuition unfolds in our daily lives, how we come to discover that we do have the heart of a King, can act like a King. Not perfectly, not every time, but more and more as our initiation develops the King in us. I think we all know that such nobility and integrity can be formed in a man only by the Spirit of God. The question to us is, Will we let him?"
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 13: Raising the King, part 1
As we set out to raise the King - in a boy, and in a man - we should begin with the heart of a King... Far too many books have been written on leadership principles and strategies, and I am not going to try to add to that mass here. What we need is the heart of a King, and what better place to look than to our King". Jesus came and died on the cross, Easter was the main focus of His mission, but He did something besides die for us. Jesus lived for us, and gave us an example of how to live life. Jesus lived in such a way that Revelation says he is worthy (Revelation 5).
"Worthy. That is different from, say, entitled, as the firstborn is entitled to the throne. Different also from gifted. Jesus is the Firstborn, and through him all things were created, but when he comes to the throne there is an overwhelming sense that he is worthy to be King." Jesus sits on the throne simply because He is the only one worthy to. Yes, He is entitled to it, and yes, He is gifted enough to take it, but He doesn't grasp it. I love what Paul says in Philippians 2, "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee will bow, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father" (verses 3-11).
That is the heart of the King. He sets His right aside to serve and save His people. And because of that He is highly exalted to His rightful place, and in His life, we see the model we are to follow. "First, that we should seek the character before we seek the office. A man should be measured by the way he has lived, prior to coming to the throne... Jesus is worthy to take the throne because he has earned it. Just look at his noble heart before he ascends the throne: He has an incorruptible integrity... He is immensely kind... He is humble... He is generous... He is just."
Those are the qualities that are most essential to a King. Incorruptible integrity keeps him from compromising and taking a bribe. Kindness allows his people to love and trust him. Humility keeps him focused on the goal and the King of kings. Generosity allows him to provide for his people. Justice is essential to keeping order. If a King wants to rule well he has to have these characteristics, and it will be said of him that he is noble, and noble is what we are to strive for.
If you look up noble in the dictionary you'll see the first part of the definition describes people who most likely aren't worthy of the title. It talks about titles and ancestry. it captures the idea of entitlement, but not necessarily worthiness. But once you get to the end of the list you'll find these, "of an exalted moral or mental character or excellence; admirable in dignity of conception, manner of expression, execution, or composition". That is what we are after. And it is crucial that we know it is possible.
I've heard more times than I care to remember that "We sin everyday in word, thought, and deed." Let me be, perhaps, the first to say, it's a lie. It goes right next to "I'm just a sinner saved by grace." When we trust God we become His children, and the Holy Spirit comes to live within us and empowers us to live above sin. "But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh" (Galatians 5.16). A King is not a sinner saved by grace who sins everyday in word, thought, and deed. A King is a noble child of God who has been redeemed and empowered to live a righteous life. Nobility is what we are after, and nobility is possible.
"Despite what the church may have told you, a man may have a noble heart. Jesus says so himself: 'But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop. (Luke 8:15 NIV)'... Let no false humility keep you from your birthright. Let me say it again: a man may have a noble heart."
When we begin to think along these lines, and begin to live like we believe them it changes the way we live. "It allows us to ask a new kind of question, when we are faced with any situation: 'What is the noble thing to do?' It's a far better question than simply, 'What is the expedient thing to do?' or, as I am apt to ask, 'How can I get out of this quickly?' 'What is the noble thing to do?' awakens the noble heart, arrests our attention, arouses our courage."
Remember nobility is "having or showing fine personal qualities or high moral principles and ideals." It is incorruptible character, kindness, humility, generosity, and justice. What would your life look like if you lived that way? How would you handle the day to day situations? What is the noble thing to do? This journey leads us to Kingship, and if we desire to be Kings who are loved and spoken well of our nobility must be more than simply an office. It must be a heart matter. "And notice - the noble heart is found in the one who perseveres, which brings us back to the Stages." This journey is about the heart, and therefore about nobility.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
"Worthy. That is different from, say, entitled, as the firstborn is entitled to the throne. Different also from gifted. Jesus is the Firstborn, and through him all things were created, but when he comes to the throne there is an overwhelming sense that he is worthy to be King." Jesus sits on the throne simply because He is the only one worthy to. Yes, He is entitled to it, and yes, He is gifted enough to take it, but He doesn't grasp it. I love what Paul says in Philippians 2, "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee will bow, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father" (verses 3-11).
That is the heart of the King. He sets His right aside to serve and save His people. And because of that He is highly exalted to His rightful place, and in His life, we see the model we are to follow. "First, that we should seek the character before we seek the office. A man should be measured by the way he has lived, prior to coming to the throne... Jesus is worthy to take the throne because he has earned it. Just look at his noble heart before he ascends the throne: He has an incorruptible integrity... He is immensely kind... He is humble... He is generous... He is just."
Those are the qualities that are most essential to a King. Incorruptible integrity keeps him from compromising and taking a bribe. Kindness allows his people to love and trust him. Humility keeps him focused on the goal and the King of kings. Generosity allows him to provide for his people. Justice is essential to keeping order. If a King wants to rule well he has to have these characteristics, and it will be said of him that he is noble, and noble is what we are to strive for.
If you look up noble in the dictionary you'll see the first part of the definition describes people who most likely aren't worthy of the title. It talks about titles and ancestry. it captures the idea of entitlement, but not necessarily worthiness. But once you get to the end of the list you'll find these, "of an exalted moral or mental character or excellence; admirable in dignity of conception, manner of expression, execution, or composition". That is what we are after. And it is crucial that we know it is possible.
I've heard more times than I care to remember that "We sin everyday in word, thought, and deed." Let me be, perhaps, the first to say, it's a lie. It goes right next to "I'm just a sinner saved by grace." When we trust God we become His children, and the Holy Spirit comes to live within us and empowers us to live above sin. "But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh" (Galatians 5.16). A King is not a sinner saved by grace who sins everyday in word, thought, and deed. A King is a noble child of God who has been redeemed and empowered to live a righteous life. Nobility is what we are after, and nobility is possible.
"Despite what the church may have told you, a man may have a noble heart. Jesus says so himself: 'But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop. (Luke 8:15 NIV)'... Let no false humility keep you from your birthright. Let me say it again: a man may have a noble heart."
When we begin to think along these lines, and begin to live like we believe them it changes the way we live. "It allows us to ask a new kind of question, when we are faced with any situation: 'What is the noble thing to do?' It's a far better question than simply, 'What is the expedient thing to do?' or, as I am apt to ask, 'How can I get out of this quickly?' 'What is the noble thing to do?' awakens the noble heart, arrests our attention, arouses our courage."
Remember nobility is "having or showing fine personal qualities or high moral principles and ideals." It is incorruptible character, kindness, humility, generosity, and justice. What would your life look like if you lived that way? How would you handle the day to day situations? What is the noble thing to do? This journey leads us to Kingship, and if we desire to be Kings who are loved and spoken well of our nobility must be more than simply an office. It must be a heart matter. "And notice - the noble heart is found in the one who perseveres, which brings us back to the Stages." This journey is about the heart, and therefore about nobility.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Saturday, November 23, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 12: King, part 4
I think many look at leadership and envy the position. If there is a bad king they envy the life of ease and wealth. I don't know that anyone has ever envied a good king. Many aspire to leadership for the perks, thinking only of them without realizing how much is demanded of a leader. "There is a cost the King pays, unknown and unmatched by any other man." Remember what Jesus said? "Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave" (Matthew 20.26b-27).
Back as a freshman in college I was ready to jump into church leadership, eager even, to the point of arrogance. I was 18 and thought I knew it all. At that point in my life I couldn't fathom the cost that pastor's pay. The Bible even says, "Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly" (James 3.1). But I was following a calling, so I was supposed to do this. After serving in roles as youth, young adult, and lead pastor I understand the cost a little better.
You are constantly watched. Everything you say, do, and don't do, is analyzed and scrutinized. People are waiting for you to mess up and falter, there are some people out there that want you to fail and will do whatever they can to help it along. You'll see your words be twisted and taken out of context. Others who want your position will slander and discredit you. You become a target, a big, bright, glow in the dark, neon one. Does it sound appealing? Who in their right mind wants to volunteer for that?
"I think unless there is this profound reluctance to take the throne, a man does not understand the cost of what is being asked of him. You will be tested. On every conceivable front... You don't want to be a King. Trust me. It is not something to be coveted. Only the ignorant covet a throne... Becoming a king is something we accept only as an act of obedience. The posture of the heart in a mature man is reluctance to take the throne, but willing to do it on behalf of others."
As I read that I thought about Gladiator. The aging emperor is dying, and his son, Commodus, is a selfish, immoral human being. So he turns to his general, Maximus. He asks him if he will take his place, and become emperor when he dies. Maximus' response, "With all my heart, no." The emperor is filled with joy and says, "That is why it must be you." He does not seek power, he does not want it. All he wants is a simple life as a farmer. He has spent years in battle, fighting for the expansion and protection of Rome, but now he must take up leadership to save Rome from itself.
The son becomes aware of the plan, and kills his father because he desires the throne. He's a bad, and wicked, king who seeks only his own benefit. Maximus rises up, again as a Warrior, and really a Lover because his actions are done in service to a good king, fights the battle, defeats the enemy, and brings order, protection, and blessing to Rome. That is a good king. And it is crucial to remember that those who seek the throne for their own glory and advancement, will do whatever it takes to prevent those who seek to serve the benefits of the people from ruling.
Commodus, kills his father before he can announce Maximus' succession, and then orders Maximus' execution to secure his reign. It doesn't work. Maximus survives, and eventually the two come face to face in the Coliseum. Again, Commodus tries to have him killed, but the Warrior cannot be defeated. So finally Commodus challenges Maximus to a fight, but knowing he can't beat him, literally stabs him in the back. The enemy doesn't want good kings to rule, so he will do whatever he can to wound men and keep them from rising to power. He starts very young, and doesn't let up.
"The King is wounded early in a boy when he is never given a territory of his own, when his territory is violated, or when his territory is too big for him. A boy needs some territory to call his own. Does he get to choose what he wears - often? Does he have certain special toys that he does not have to let others play with? Is his room, especially, a little kingdom over which he has some say? Of course, a parent expects him to clean his room. I'm talking about choices of what color to paint it, what pictures he gets to hang on the walls. Do his parents and siblings have to knock before they enter?... How else will he learn to rule?"
How can you really teach a boy to handle power? Give him some. Give him a small kingdom and teach him how to care for and protect it. As he grows and matures, allow his territory to as well. Teach him that he is powerful by giving something to exercise his power over and improve. Power isn't something you can just hand someone all at once at 18 and expect them to rule well. They have to learn to use it over time and slowly.
"If a boy has a domineering mother or father, it crushes the young King in him. He never gets to develop his own willpower and determination. For the King is also wounded early in a boy when his boundaries are violated... Sexual abuse would be among the worst violations, for the child is invaded and cannot make it stop. How can he (or she) develop a sense of sovereignty over his life, a confidence that he can assert his will, protect his boundaries? The child becomes accustomed to being run over, demanded of, used."
We saw how in order to be a Beloved Son, the boy must live in a world made safe by his father's strength. His small kingdom must fall under the protection of the big kingdom. He must be able to live in a world without fear and see what life is supposed to be like, so that he can one day take that knowledge and begin to make the world that way as his kingdom grows.
"I said in chapter 1 that a boy is also wounded when he is made a king too soon, as often happens when the father abandons the family... His shoulders are not nearly big enough for that, and won't be for a long time. Sometimes the mother does it, unintentionally, as she looks to the boy to become her companion, help her navigate life without a husband. Sometimes the boy will just take it on himself. It happens also when the boy has a weak father. It is an awful thing when you are five, or fifteen, or even twenty-five, to be the strongest man in your world."
There is a progression we are meant to grow through. We see bits of the stages throughout the whole journey, but we are meant to experience them fully in order. Don't force your son to play your part, man up and allow him to grow and journey.
"Young men are wounded by Kings who betray them, and the wound often causes them to resent all Kings and the role of King. Perhaps this is why so many young men today do not want to enter the stage of King, and think that they are more righteous for it." I've been there, and it sucks. You are sent into an ambush by someone you loved, respected, and thought had your back. Resentment is easy to have, but it isn't the way we walk. Instead we learn from it, learn how to trust and be more cautious, and we learn even more clearly, how to rule. We remember what happened to us, and we make sure that it doesn't happen again in our kingdom.
"We often make young men Kings too soon as well... Does this mean a young man cannot become a King? No. Josiah was twenty-six when he began his reforms, and he ruled well. But I would say that a young man should not be made King over too great a kingdom... If he finds himself in the role of King as a younger man, he should not forsake the other stages of the journey, for he will need all they have to teach him and develop in him. It is not the season of the King for him, but of the Warrior and Lover, and it is at those stages he should live, looking to older men to help him fulfill the office of King."
I became a lead pastor at the age of 24, a role I don't believe anyone is ready to take at that age, no matter how small the church may be (maybe especially if the church is small, because churches are often small because of problems no one has been willing to deal with). I had older men I looked to, but found very little help. People gave me words, but no action, and sometimes they weren't words that did any good. It's made me wonder if I want to take on that role ever again. Part of me has no desire to, and instead I've been looking for other opportunities to serve under a good King. My pastor now is such a leader, one of the best Kings I've ever known. I'm glad to be a Warrior in his army for now, but as I've written all of this I have the sense that at some point in the future I'm going to be asked to take on the leadership of another church. If that is to be the case, then now must be time dedicated to focusing on the Warrior and the Lover, as it is meant to be, because only then will I be able to rule well.
"Kings are wounded when they are men as well, sometimes wounded right out of being a King. There is betrayal... It happens so many times, the enemy using people to try to bring down the kingdom, and mostly, to dishearten the King... Sometimes a King is forced out of his kingdom... You can be assured that the enemy will do whatever he can to keep a man from rising up as King. He will tempt, dishearten, assault - as he did Adam, Moses, David, and Jesus."
That was my experience, and it is at that moment a King needs a Sage, we'll see more on this soon. In my case, where I was filling the office of King, I needed an older King to help me heal. It is crucial that when the time comes we do that as well. My experience has given me a heart for young men who find themselves in the same position, and one day I will reach out to them and be the King I wish I had had.
"Whatever had diminished your heart as a King, or toward the King, you must not let it win. It is as a King you were born, and it is as a King you must rise. There is great good to be done, and many people to rescue - all that we are missing are the Kings of the earth."
You are needed. Think of The Lion King, "You are more than what you have become. You must take your place in the Circle of Life... Remember who you are. You are my son, and the one true King. Remember who you are." You were born to rule well, to protect your kingdom, to bring order from chaos, and blessing upon the people. Rise up as the King you were born to be.
"Father... Show me how the King was wounded in me as a boy, as a young man, and in my adulthood as well. Show me where I've acted weakly, abdicating my authority. Show me where I've been a tyrant. Show me also where I have ruled well. Let me see what life is like for those under my rule, and, by your grace, let me become a great King on behalf of others. I give my life to you. Give me the heart and spirit of a man yielded to you. Father me."
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Back as a freshman in college I was ready to jump into church leadership, eager even, to the point of arrogance. I was 18 and thought I knew it all. At that point in my life I couldn't fathom the cost that pastor's pay. The Bible even says, "Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly" (James 3.1). But I was following a calling, so I was supposed to do this. After serving in roles as youth, young adult, and lead pastor I understand the cost a little better.
You are constantly watched. Everything you say, do, and don't do, is analyzed and scrutinized. People are waiting for you to mess up and falter, there are some people out there that want you to fail and will do whatever they can to help it along. You'll see your words be twisted and taken out of context. Others who want your position will slander and discredit you. You become a target, a big, bright, glow in the dark, neon one. Does it sound appealing? Who in their right mind wants to volunteer for that?
"I think unless there is this profound reluctance to take the throne, a man does not understand the cost of what is being asked of him. You will be tested. On every conceivable front... You don't want to be a King. Trust me. It is not something to be coveted. Only the ignorant covet a throne... Becoming a king is something we accept only as an act of obedience. The posture of the heart in a mature man is reluctance to take the throne, but willing to do it on behalf of others."
As I read that I thought about Gladiator. The aging emperor is dying, and his son, Commodus, is a selfish, immoral human being. So he turns to his general, Maximus. He asks him if he will take his place, and become emperor when he dies. Maximus' response, "With all my heart, no." The emperor is filled with joy and says, "That is why it must be you." He does not seek power, he does not want it. All he wants is a simple life as a farmer. He has spent years in battle, fighting for the expansion and protection of Rome, but now he must take up leadership to save Rome from itself.
The son becomes aware of the plan, and kills his father because he desires the throne. He's a bad, and wicked, king who seeks only his own benefit. Maximus rises up, again as a Warrior, and really a Lover because his actions are done in service to a good king, fights the battle, defeats the enemy, and brings order, protection, and blessing to Rome. That is a good king. And it is crucial to remember that those who seek the throne for their own glory and advancement, will do whatever it takes to prevent those who seek to serve the benefits of the people from ruling.
Commodus, kills his father before he can announce Maximus' succession, and then orders Maximus' execution to secure his reign. It doesn't work. Maximus survives, and eventually the two come face to face in the Coliseum. Again, Commodus tries to have him killed, but the Warrior cannot be defeated. So finally Commodus challenges Maximus to a fight, but knowing he can't beat him, literally stabs him in the back. The enemy doesn't want good kings to rule, so he will do whatever he can to wound men and keep them from rising to power. He starts very young, and doesn't let up.
"The King is wounded early in a boy when he is never given a territory of his own, when his territory is violated, or when his territory is too big for him. A boy needs some territory to call his own. Does he get to choose what he wears - often? Does he have certain special toys that he does not have to let others play with? Is his room, especially, a little kingdom over which he has some say? Of course, a parent expects him to clean his room. I'm talking about choices of what color to paint it, what pictures he gets to hang on the walls. Do his parents and siblings have to knock before they enter?... How else will he learn to rule?"
How can you really teach a boy to handle power? Give him some. Give him a small kingdom and teach him how to care for and protect it. As he grows and matures, allow his territory to as well. Teach him that he is powerful by giving something to exercise his power over and improve. Power isn't something you can just hand someone all at once at 18 and expect them to rule well. They have to learn to use it over time and slowly.
"If a boy has a domineering mother or father, it crushes the young King in him. He never gets to develop his own willpower and determination. For the King is also wounded early in a boy when his boundaries are violated... Sexual abuse would be among the worst violations, for the child is invaded and cannot make it stop. How can he (or she) develop a sense of sovereignty over his life, a confidence that he can assert his will, protect his boundaries? The child becomes accustomed to being run over, demanded of, used."
We saw how in order to be a Beloved Son, the boy must live in a world made safe by his father's strength. His small kingdom must fall under the protection of the big kingdom. He must be able to live in a world without fear and see what life is supposed to be like, so that he can one day take that knowledge and begin to make the world that way as his kingdom grows.
"I said in chapter 1 that a boy is also wounded when he is made a king too soon, as often happens when the father abandons the family... His shoulders are not nearly big enough for that, and won't be for a long time. Sometimes the mother does it, unintentionally, as she looks to the boy to become her companion, help her navigate life without a husband. Sometimes the boy will just take it on himself. It happens also when the boy has a weak father. It is an awful thing when you are five, or fifteen, or even twenty-five, to be the strongest man in your world."
There is a progression we are meant to grow through. We see bits of the stages throughout the whole journey, but we are meant to experience them fully in order. Don't force your son to play your part, man up and allow him to grow and journey.
"Young men are wounded by Kings who betray them, and the wound often causes them to resent all Kings and the role of King. Perhaps this is why so many young men today do not want to enter the stage of King, and think that they are more righteous for it." I've been there, and it sucks. You are sent into an ambush by someone you loved, respected, and thought had your back. Resentment is easy to have, but it isn't the way we walk. Instead we learn from it, learn how to trust and be more cautious, and we learn even more clearly, how to rule. We remember what happened to us, and we make sure that it doesn't happen again in our kingdom.
"We often make young men Kings too soon as well... Does this mean a young man cannot become a King? No. Josiah was twenty-six when he began his reforms, and he ruled well. But I would say that a young man should not be made King over too great a kingdom... If he finds himself in the role of King as a younger man, he should not forsake the other stages of the journey, for he will need all they have to teach him and develop in him. It is not the season of the King for him, but of the Warrior and Lover, and it is at those stages he should live, looking to older men to help him fulfill the office of King."
I became a lead pastor at the age of 24, a role I don't believe anyone is ready to take at that age, no matter how small the church may be (maybe especially if the church is small, because churches are often small because of problems no one has been willing to deal with). I had older men I looked to, but found very little help. People gave me words, but no action, and sometimes they weren't words that did any good. It's made me wonder if I want to take on that role ever again. Part of me has no desire to, and instead I've been looking for other opportunities to serve under a good King. My pastor now is such a leader, one of the best Kings I've ever known. I'm glad to be a Warrior in his army for now, but as I've written all of this I have the sense that at some point in the future I'm going to be asked to take on the leadership of another church. If that is to be the case, then now must be time dedicated to focusing on the Warrior and the Lover, as it is meant to be, because only then will I be able to rule well.
"Kings are wounded when they are men as well, sometimes wounded right out of being a King. There is betrayal... It happens so many times, the enemy using people to try to bring down the kingdom, and mostly, to dishearten the King... Sometimes a King is forced out of his kingdom... You can be assured that the enemy will do whatever he can to keep a man from rising up as King. He will tempt, dishearten, assault - as he did Adam, Moses, David, and Jesus."
That was my experience, and it is at that moment a King needs a Sage, we'll see more on this soon. In my case, where I was filling the office of King, I needed an older King to help me heal. It is crucial that when the time comes we do that as well. My experience has given me a heart for young men who find themselves in the same position, and one day I will reach out to them and be the King I wish I had had.
"Whatever had diminished your heart as a King, or toward the King, you must not let it win. It is as a King you were born, and it is as a King you must rise. There is great good to be done, and many people to rescue - all that we are missing are the Kings of the earth."
You are needed. Think of The Lion King, "You are more than what you have become. You must take your place in the Circle of Life... Remember who you are. You are my son, and the one true King. Remember who you are." You were born to rule well, to protect your kingdom, to bring order from chaos, and blessing upon the people. Rise up as the King you were born to be.
"Father... Show me how the King was wounded in me as a boy, as a young man, and in my adulthood as well. Show me where I've acted weakly, abdicating my authority. Show me where I've been a tyrant. Show me also where I have ruled well. Let me see what life is like for those under my rule, and, by your grace, let me become a great King on behalf of others. I give my life to you. Give me the heart and spirit of a man yielded to you. Father me."
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Friday, November 22, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 12: King, part 3
"Regardless of age, position, or natural abilities, a man is ready to become a King only when his heart is in the right place. Meaning, yielded to God."
This is absolutely crucial because of the role a King is to play. Power is not given to a King for his comfort and pleasure, but rather so he can bless and serve the people. The king exists for the people, not the people for the king. The King is in power to serve and protect the people of his kingdom. "That is what a good King does - he uses all he has to make his kingdom like the kingdom of heaven for the sake of the people who live under his rule... For the sake of his people. That is why a man is given a kingdom. We are given power and resources and influence for the benefit of others." Plan and simple, leadership is all about serving.
"Too many men, having reached this point in their journey - or rather, finding themselves Kings even though they have not taken the masculine journey - seize the opportunity to make life good... for themselves. The average man in his forties or fifties comes into a little power and influence, a little discretionary cash, and he spends it making himself comfortable... He works if he has to, but the purpose of his labors is only to build his savings so that he can lead a life of leisure... There is a sense of entitlement that seems to come with the forties and fifties. The man has worked hard to get here, and something in him says, Hey - I've paid my dues. Now it's my turn to have some fun.... This is not why a man is given power and property."
Look at the world, and this is all you see. I could so easily list example after example of this, but I won't, because I really don't need to. A heart unyielded to God is selfish, and sees power as the opportunity to advance itself. Everything is about happiness and comfort, the way it wants life to be. But that is the opposite of what the role of King should look like. Jesus said it best in Matthew 20.
"But Jesus called them to Himself and said, 'You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great men exercise authority over them. It is not this way among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant, and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave; just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many'" (verses 25-28).
The context, right before this the mother of James and John asks Jesus to command that her two sons sit at his right and left hand when the Kingdom comes in its fullness. The other disciples hear this and angry with the two, and so Jesus tells them the real reason for leadership, serving others. And He says that even He, God in the flesh, did not come to be served but to serve, and not only that, but to die for the sins of the world. How many leaders do you know that have done that?
"But that is the true test of a King. Simply put, the test is this: what is life like for the people under his authority? Really. It's that simple. What is life like for the people in his kingdom? Have a look at his wife - is she tired, stressed out, overlooked? What about his children - are they flourishing? How much energy does he spend simply getting his children to behave, verses understanding their hearts and looking for ways to bless them? Talk to the people who work for him - do they feel they are simply building his kingdom, or that he is serving them? Are they growing in their own talents and abilities, joyful because they are cared for, given a place in the kingdom? If he is a pastor, look at his congregation - are they enjoying the genuine freedom and life Christ promised? Or is the unspoken system of the church one of fear, guilt, and performance?
A king is put in power to serve his people, to bless them, and to make their lives better and safer. Is this happening? Which of these options looks more like the kingdom you're leading, or part of? I've spent time in both, more time in the later sadly, but my desire is to be a good King. I want my wife to know she is cherished, and I want to bless my children. If I get to lead a church again, I want them to enjoy the freedom that is in Christ and grow daily into Christlikeness. I want my staff to grow and love what they do, to be proud to build the Kingdom by my side.
"When you look at the lives of bad kings... Life is all about them. The kingdom revolves around their happiness. You know they didn't wake each morning to ask themselves, 'What good can I do for others today with the power and wealth I have?' But this is the question a good king asks. It requires a holiness most men simply don't desire."
If you seek to be a good king, you must desire, more than anything else, holiness. It is the only way to selflessly serve. Without it selfishness rules the heart, abuses power, and neglects the people. The kingdoms of bad kings result in chaos, violence, and poverty. "Every man for himself. That's what happens when a king won't rule." But a good king works to achieve the opposite.
"A good King brings order to the realm. God brings order out of chaos at the beginning of creation, and then he hands the project over to Adam to rule in the same way. Not as a tyrant or micromanager, but offering his strength to bring order to the realm... The King is on his throne and all is well with the world... A good King also fights for the security of his kingdom, battling assault from without and sedition from within. that's why he must be a Warrior first... A family with a good father feels protected. Spiritually, emotionally, financially, physically, he is the one to bring peace and covering to his family. All this in order to bring blessing to his people... A good King wants his people to share in the prosperity of the realm. Bad kings build their own offshore bank accounts."
Which King do you want to be, a good one who serves his people, and forever is spoken of with not only respect, but love? Or a bad one who lives selfishly and is despised by the people who suffer under his neglect? To be a good King, you must be a holy king. Are you willing to pay the price of holiness?
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
This is absolutely crucial because of the role a King is to play. Power is not given to a King for his comfort and pleasure, but rather so he can bless and serve the people. The king exists for the people, not the people for the king. The King is in power to serve and protect the people of his kingdom. "That is what a good King does - he uses all he has to make his kingdom like the kingdom of heaven for the sake of the people who live under his rule... For the sake of his people. That is why a man is given a kingdom. We are given power and resources and influence for the benefit of others." Plan and simple, leadership is all about serving.
"Too many men, having reached this point in their journey - or rather, finding themselves Kings even though they have not taken the masculine journey - seize the opportunity to make life good... for themselves. The average man in his forties or fifties comes into a little power and influence, a little discretionary cash, and he spends it making himself comfortable... He works if he has to, but the purpose of his labors is only to build his savings so that he can lead a life of leisure... There is a sense of entitlement that seems to come with the forties and fifties. The man has worked hard to get here, and something in him says, Hey - I've paid my dues. Now it's my turn to have some fun.... This is not why a man is given power and property."
Look at the world, and this is all you see. I could so easily list example after example of this, but I won't, because I really don't need to. A heart unyielded to God is selfish, and sees power as the opportunity to advance itself. Everything is about happiness and comfort, the way it wants life to be. But that is the opposite of what the role of King should look like. Jesus said it best in Matthew 20.
"But Jesus called them to Himself and said, 'You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great men exercise authority over them. It is not this way among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant, and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave; just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many'" (verses 25-28).
The context, right before this the mother of James and John asks Jesus to command that her two sons sit at his right and left hand when the Kingdom comes in its fullness. The other disciples hear this and angry with the two, and so Jesus tells them the real reason for leadership, serving others. And He says that even He, God in the flesh, did not come to be served but to serve, and not only that, but to die for the sins of the world. How many leaders do you know that have done that?
"But that is the true test of a King. Simply put, the test is this: what is life like for the people under his authority? Really. It's that simple. What is life like for the people in his kingdom? Have a look at his wife - is she tired, stressed out, overlooked? What about his children - are they flourishing? How much energy does he spend simply getting his children to behave, verses understanding their hearts and looking for ways to bless them? Talk to the people who work for him - do they feel they are simply building his kingdom, or that he is serving them? Are they growing in their own talents and abilities, joyful because they are cared for, given a place in the kingdom? If he is a pastor, look at his congregation - are they enjoying the genuine freedom and life Christ promised? Or is the unspoken system of the church one of fear, guilt, and performance?
A king is put in power to serve his people, to bless them, and to make their lives better and safer. Is this happening? Which of these options looks more like the kingdom you're leading, or part of? I've spent time in both, more time in the later sadly, but my desire is to be a good King. I want my wife to know she is cherished, and I want to bless my children. If I get to lead a church again, I want them to enjoy the freedom that is in Christ and grow daily into Christlikeness. I want my staff to grow and love what they do, to be proud to build the Kingdom by my side.
"When you look at the lives of bad kings... Life is all about them. The kingdom revolves around their happiness. You know they didn't wake each morning to ask themselves, 'What good can I do for others today with the power and wealth I have?' But this is the question a good king asks. It requires a holiness most men simply don't desire."
If you seek to be a good king, you must desire, more than anything else, holiness. It is the only way to selflessly serve. Without it selfishness rules the heart, abuses power, and neglects the people. The kingdoms of bad kings result in chaos, violence, and poverty. "Every man for himself. That's what happens when a king won't rule." But a good king works to achieve the opposite.
"A good King brings order to the realm. God brings order out of chaos at the beginning of creation, and then he hands the project over to Adam to rule in the same way. Not as a tyrant or micromanager, but offering his strength to bring order to the realm... The King is on his throne and all is well with the world... A good King also fights for the security of his kingdom, battling assault from without and sedition from within. that's why he must be a Warrior first... A family with a good father feels protected. Spiritually, emotionally, financially, physically, he is the one to bring peace and covering to his family. All this in order to bring blessing to his people... A good King wants his people to share in the prosperity of the realm. Bad kings build their own offshore bank accounts."
Which King do you want to be, a good one who serves his people, and forever is spoken of with not only respect, but love? Or a bad one who lives selfishly and is despised by the people who suffer under his neglect? To be a good King, you must be a holy king. Are you willing to pay the price of holiness?
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Thursday, November 21, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 12: King, part 2
"The great problem of the earth and the great aim of the masculine journey boil down to this: when can you trust a man with power?... the whole history of God and man recounted in the Bible is the story of God wanting to entrust men with his power, and men not being able to handle it."
Think about that for a minute. Really that is what it comes down to. Men are born to lead, at the very least their families, but quite often, businesses, churches and nations. So when can you trust a man with power? In America there are laws for when someone can take office in the federal government. Before someone is made CEO of a company there are things that they have to learn and experience. The same is true of pastoring a church, which is like being the CEO of a non-profit organization. But the question remains, when can men be trusted with power? Just because you reach a certain age doesn't mean you're ready to be an elected voice for the people. And just because you're worked your way up the ladder, paid your dues if you will, doesn't mean you should be put in charge.
Over and over in the Bible we see power abused, or the role of leadership ignored. Too many men haven't been able to handle the power they have been given. That has to change; we were born to be Kings. "My sincere hope is that as we embrace the masculine journey, submit to its lessons, learn again how to initiate men, we shall make good Kings available once more. But before a man is ready to handle power, his character must be forged. It might be said that all masculine initiation is designed to prepare a man to handle power."
How many men you know in leadership would you say have been initiated? My guess is most of them have learned to do one or two things well, what a self-made man really is as we saw in Wild at Heart, and have used those skills to get them where they are. I know I've worked under many like that. But for them power has become about comfort and ease (more on this later). Being a King involves more than just learning what to say, or not to say, and the skills needed to get to the top. It involves a transformation of heart and upright, incorruptible character.
"'His children are not his real, true sons ... until they think like him, feel with him, judge as he judges, are at home with him, and without fear before him because he and they mean the same thing, love the same things, seek the same ends. (Unspoken Sermons)' It is a beautiful work God is up to in a man, perhaps the most beautiful of all his works, and when this has taken deep root in a man's life... when this is true of a man more often than not, then is he ready to become a King. It is a matter of the heart, my brothers."
We've seen before how the heart is our source of strength and passion. We need both of these to rule well. But in order to be able to rule well our strength must be redeemed and our passion purified. We must come to realize that our strength is ours so that we can serve others, and our passion is there to drive us towards our role in Kingdom work. It is only when we become like Christ, and live as Christ, that we are ready to handle power. That is what God is working towards, Christlikeness in us.
Romans 8.28-30, "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren; and these whom He predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified."
Philippians 1.6, 9-11 "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus... And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in real knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve the things that are excellent, in order to be sincere and blameless until the day of Christ; having been filled with the fruit of righteousness which comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God."
God is working in us to mold us into the image of Christ, the King of kings. The more like Him we become, the more fit we are to rule. The more like Christ we are, the more we selflessly offer our strength to others, the more we passionately live to advance the Kingdom. "God rarely forces a man to do something against his will, because he would far and above prefer that he doesn't have to, that the man wills to do the will of God. 'Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve' (Josh. 24.15 NIV). What God is after is a man so yielded to him, so completely surrendered, that his heart is easily moved by the Spirit of God to the purposes of God. That kind of heart makes for a good king."
"Every person is to be in subjection to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God" (Romans 13.1). A King is only put in power by God, and therefore is subject to God. The power he is given is from God, and so how could a man expect to rule well if he is not yielded to God? How does a man make decisions in leadership, does he get an idea and run with it, or does he run it by God in prayer and seek His counsel? Read the Old Testament and look at what the good leaders did. A man cannot rule well, cannot rule to advance the Kingdom, unless he is seeking God's direction.
"Regardless of age, position, or natural abilities, a man is ready to become a King only when his heart is in the right place. Meaning, yielded to God."
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Think about that for a minute. Really that is what it comes down to. Men are born to lead, at the very least their families, but quite often, businesses, churches and nations. So when can you trust a man with power? In America there are laws for when someone can take office in the federal government. Before someone is made CEO of a company there are things that they have to learn and experience. The same is true of pastoring a church, which is like being the CEO of a non-profit organization. But the question remains, when can men be trusted with power? Just because you reach a certain age doesn't mean you're ready to be an elected voice for the people. And just because you're worked your way up the ladder, paid your dues if you will, doesn't mean you should be put in charge.
Over and over in the Bible we see power abused, or the role of leadership ignored. Too many men haven't been able to handle the power they have been given. That has to change; we were born to be Kings. "My sincere hope is that as we embrace the masculine journey, submit to its lessons, learn again how to initiate men, we shall make good Kings available once more. But before a man is ready to handle power, his character must be forged. It might be said that all masculine initiation is designed to prepare a man to handle power."
How many men you know in leadership would you say have been initiated? My guess is most of them have learned to do one or two things well, what a self-made man really is as we saw in Wild at Heart, and have used those skills to get them where they are. I know I've worked under many like that. But for them power has become about comfort and ease (more on this later). Being a King involves more than just learning what to say, or not to say, and the skills needed to get to the top. It involves a transformation of heart and upright, incorruptible character.
"'His children are not his real, true sons ... until they think like him, feel with him, judge as he judges, are at home with him, and without fear before him because he and they mean the same thing, love the same things, seek the same ends. (Unspoken Sermons)' It is a beautiful work God is up to in a man, perhaps the most beautiful of all his works, and when this has taken deep root in a man's life... when this is true of a man more often than not, then is he ready to become a King. It is a matter of the heart, my brothers."
We've seen before how the heart is our source of strength and passion. We need both of these to rule well. But in order to be able to rule well our strength must be redeemed and our passion purified. We must come to realize that our strength is ours so that we can serve others, and our passion is there to drive us towards our role in Kingdom work. It is only when we become like Christ, and live as Christ, that we are ready to handle power. That is what God is working towards, Christlikeness in us.
Romans 8.28-30, "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren; and these whom He predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified."
Philippians 1.6, 9-11 "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus... And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in real knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve the things that are excellent, in order to be sincere and blameless until the day of Christ; having been filled with the fruit of righteousness which comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God."
God is working in us to mold us into the image of Christ, the King of kings. The more like Him we become, the more fit we are to rule. The more like Christ we are, the more we selflessly offer our strength to others, the more we passionately live to advance the Kingdom. "God rarely forces a man to do something against his will, because he would far and above prefer that he doesn't have to, that the man wills to do the will of God. 'Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve' (Josh. 24.15 NIV). What God is after is a man so yielded to him, so completely surrendered, that his heart is easily moved by the Spirit of God to the purposes of God. That kind of heart makes for a good king."
"Every person is to be in subjection to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God" (Romans 13.1). A King is only put in power by God, and therefore is subject to God. The power he is given is from God, and so how could a man expect to rule well if he is not yielded to God? How does a man make decisions in leadership, does he get an idea and run with it, or does he run it by God in prayer and seek His counsel? Read the Old Testament and look at what the good leaders did. A man cannot rule well, cannot rule to advance the Kingdom, unless he is seeking God's direction.
"Regardless of age, position, or natural abilities, a man is ready to become a King only when his heart is in the right place. Meaning, yielded to God."
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 12: King, part 1
"Jesus lived the days of his youth as the Beloved Son, secure in his father's love. He matured as a young man working in the carpenter's shop, and through his time in the wilderness. And then he went to war, and as the great Warrior he rescued his people from the kingdom of darkness, threw down the dark prince, set the captives free. As Lover, he wooed and won the hearts of his bride. And now, he reigns as King. Thus the progression of his life as a man, and thus ours."
There is more to life that work and adventure. There is more to life than battle and love. A man must experience each of these things, he must progress through the stages, but it is crucial to remember that they are all preparation for his time to rule. Everything in life is leading us and readying us for leadership and influence, and it is crucial that we embrace the journey with its joys and struggles so that we are able to rule well.
"We come now to the goal, in some sense, of the masculine journey, the maturity for which God has been fathering the man since his first breath - to be a King. To wield power, influence, and property in his name. It is as great and noble an undertaking as it is difficult; history makes that very clear. The reason for many of our miseries upon the earth in these days is that we have lost our Kings. Yes, we find men in power, but they are not true Kings. It is not through initiation that they have come to the throne, nor do they have the heart of a King. And that is a dangerous situation indeed, when a man is made King who is unfit to be one, and it has brought the ruin of many kingdoms - homes, families, churches, ministries, businesses, nations."
Part of the trouble in America today is that we have men leading who aren't Kings. A big reason for the trouble in the Church is there aren't Kings leading it. We've lost so much initiation over the past decades, and maybe even centuries, that we have so many leaders unfit to lead. And until this is reversed, things will continue to get worse. We need Kings, not uninitiated men trying to play the part.
"We must recover the King in a man. This is the role for which man was created. The first man, Adam, was given the earth to rule (see Gen. 1:28), and he was intended to be the beginning of a race of kings. "The highest heavens belong to the LORD, but the earth he has given to man" (Ps. 115:16 NIV). But Adam failed, abdicated the throne through his sin, so another Man was sent to restore the line. Jesus was also born a King, and destined to rule, as the angel said to Mary, "The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end" (Luke 1:32-33 NIV). And where Adam failed, Jesus triumphed... You, my brother, are from that noble line. You are a redeemed son of Adam, now the son of God (1 John 3:1-2). You were born to rule, and you were redeemed to rule. Destined to become a King."
In The Return of the King Elrond presents Aragorn with Anduril, the sword of the King and tells him, "Put aside the Ranger. Become who you are born to be." He has been running from the throne because he fears failing like his ancestors did. But peace can only come when Aragorn sits on the throne as King. We have been born to be Kings, and the longer we fail the stronger evil gets. Our ancestors have failed, but we have been redeemed, this journey of initiation is also a journey of redemption. We are from a noble line, redeemed and called to rule. We are destined to be Kings. May we not run from it, but humbly embrace the role.
"A day is coming when the kingdom of God will appear in its fullness, when we will be given kingdoms of our own. We will rule, just as we were always meant to. Meanwhile, God is training us to do what we're made to do. Every man is a King, for every man even now has a kingdom of sorts. There is some aspect of this world, however small, over which he has say. And as we grow in character and strength, in wisdom and humility, God tends to increase our kingdoms. He wants to entrust us with his kingdom."
We are part of a royal line, born to a destiny to rule. God created us for this noble task, let us take it up.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
There is more to life that work and adventure. There is more to life than battle and love. A man must experience each of these things, he must progress through the stages, but it is crucial to remember that they are all preparation for his time to rule. Everything in life is leading us and readying us for leadership and influence, and it is crucial that we embrace the journey with its joys and struggles so that we are able to rule well.
"We come now to the goal, in some sense, of the masculine journey, the maturity for which God has been fathering the man since his first breath - to be a King. To wield power, influence, and property in his name. It is as great and noble an undertaking as it is difficult; history makes that very clear. The reason for many of our miseries upon the earth in these days is that we have lost our Kings. Yes, we find men in power, but they are not true Kings. It is not through initiation that they have come to the throne, nor do they have the heart of a King. And that is a dangerous situation indeed, when a man is made King who is unfit to be one, and it has brought the ruin of many kingdoms - homes, families, churches, ministries, businesses, nations."
Part of the trouble in America today is that we have men leading who aren't Kings. A big reason for the trouble in the Church is there aren't Kings leading it. We've lost so much initiation over the past decades, and maybe even centuries, that we have so many leaders unfit to lead. And until this is reversed, things will continue to get worse. We need Kings, not uninitiated men trying to play the part.
"We must recover the King in a man. This is the role for which man was created. The first man, Adam, was given the earth to rule (see Gen. 1:28), and he was intended to be the beginning of a race of kings. "The highest heavens belong to the LORD, but the earth he has given to man" (Ps. 115:16 NIV). But Adam failed, abdicated the throne through his sin, so another Man was sent to restore the line. Jesus was also born a King, and destined to rule, as the angel said to Mary, "The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end" (Luke 1:32-33 NIV). And where Adam failed, Jesus triumphed... You, my brother, are from that noble line. You are a redeemed son of Adam, now the son of God (1 John 3:1-2). You were born to rule, and you were redeemed to rule. Destined to become a King."
In The Return of the King Elrond presents Aragorn with Anduril, the sword of the King and tells him, "Put aside the Ranger. Become who you are born to be." He has been running from the throne because he fears failing like his ancestors did. But peace can only come when Aragorn sits on the throne as King. We have been born to be Kings, and the longer we fail the stronger evil gets. Our ancestors have failed, but we have been redeemed, this journey of initiation is also a journey of redemption. We are from a noble line, redeemed and called to rule. We are destined to be Kings. May we not run from it, but humbly embrace the role.
"A day is coming when the kingdom of God will appear in its fullness, when we will be given kingdoms of our own. We will rule, just as we were always meant to. Meanwhile, God is training us to do what we're made to do. Every man is a King, for every man even now has a kingdom of sorts. There is some aspect of this world, however small, over which he has say. And as we grow in character and strength, in wisdom and humility, God tends to increase our kingdoms. He wants to entrust us with his kingdom."
We are part of a royal line, born to a destiny to rule. God created us for this noble task, let us take it up.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Saturday, November 16, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 11: Raising the Lover, part 5
“Hopefully by now - having passed through some experience of the other stages, and this one, too - the heart of the man has been awakened, come alive. Hopefully by now he is becoming a passionate man, a lover of beauty, haunted by the Great Romancer. Love, Beauty, Romance, Sexuality. It seems that when these are taking their place in a man's life, embraced, made whole and holy by God, then loving a woman comes quite naturally to a man... A man detached from his heart might attempt to do the right things toward a woman - valentines, flowers, a night on the town - but it will lack essential passion, and she won't enjoy it. Principles do not a Lover make."
And now we come to it at last, the relationship between a man and a woman. This is part of life, and a good part. But it must occur at the proper moment. You can marry the right person at the wrong time. Before a man enters into a relationship with a woman, he must first know who he is. He must know his identity in Christ, and he must know the love of God for him. Then, and only then, can he truly begin to love his wife.
Let's look at Scripture. Ephesians 5 says it clearly, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless" (verses 25-27).
Love your wives just as Christ loved the church. How did Christ love the church? He lived a perfect life, setting an example for them on how to live, and then He laid His own life down to die to save it. He died so that the church could have new life, and He lived showing them what the new life looked like. In order to love his wife as Christ loves the church a husband must be willing to both lay down his life, and to live in his God given identity. In order to do that he must have been the Beloved Son, and also be a Warrior. Beloved Sons know who they are, and Warriors stand firm and take back ground from the enemy. And sadly, when it comes to your wife, there will be a lot of ground to take back. Not because of her, but because she, as the reflection of beauty, has been so assaulted by the enemy.
"Now, a few words of warning. Loving a woman will prove to be your greatest test as a man, and probably your greatest battle." It will be a fierce fight, but it is a fight we must win. But it's amazing how many men enter into a marriage never expecting a battle.
"The great surprise is that she is broken. Often her brokenness will remain hidden until she becomes engaged, or married, and then wham - it all comes out. Why is that? You'd think now that she is safe, now that she knows she's loved, she would be in a better place. But that's just it - now that she is safe and loved, her soul can quit pushing it all down. Before she is pursued and wanted, she fears that she cannot be herself of no man will want her. Now that she is loved, her heart comes forth and with it the sorrow of her life. It presents an opportunity for healing, so long as the young man handles things well. (Your life and validation are found in God - hang on to that!) Learn to pray for her, tenderly when you are with her, and fiercely in your closet alone. You will need to fight the evil one for your wife, the historic demons that have assaulted her since her youth."
Your warrior's heart is essential, here. I can't stress that enough. And when your wife opens up and shares with you, it's because she trusts you to fight for her heart, it's because she believes you can, and she wants you to. She married you for your strength; give it to her now when she needs it most. And it is for this reason that a man must first know the love of God. Again, I can't stress this enough. Our strength comes from Him. We learn that we are loved from Him. And we learn to love from Him. The closer you are to God, the more you can love and fight for your wife.
And it is important to note that you won't always feel loving. And what you do in those moments says so much about you, and molds you. "Loving a woman when you are in love comes easily. Sure, sometimes awkwardly, in that there is much to be learned to be a Lover. But the motivation is fully in force when you are in love. Our development as men and Lovers comes in those times when things don't feel romantic at all."
Love isn't defined by the warm fuzzy feelings. Real love is seen in the hard times. It's what you do when it isn't easy, when it isn't what you really want to do. And when you do this, you begin to set her heart free. "You see, the Beauty is in there. She is in there. A real Lover makes love to the soul of a woman, not just her body. And her soul is lovely, whatever else might be going on. The beauty is there. And, to taste the fruit of your strength and courage and steadfastness, over years, as your wife begins to come into the healing and freedom God intends for her - ah, that is sweet fruit indeed. I know none sweeter."
This battle is fierce, but it is worth every moment of the fight. Remember, the woman is the reflection of God's beauty, and the freer her heart is, the more completely it can reflect His beauty. The more whole and complete you are the more whole and complete she can be. And when a man and a woman, whole and complete in who God created them to be, come together as one, you have something absolutely incredible. The fullest image of God that can occur this side of Heaven.
And so fight for her. Pursue her. John gives advice I heard before my wife and I were married. "'Try to out-bless God in blessing her.' Meaning, try to outdo the Great Romancer in finding ways to simply lavish upon your wife." You can't do it. But the heart of a Lover, loves to continue to try.
"The heart of a Lover simply wants to lavish her with love, with no thought of return. It does return, as her heart is filled with gratitude. Not because something is owed, but because her heart matters to you and your heart matters to her more than just about anything in the world. This is love we're talking about." Love her, and watch her love you. And in this you'll get a glimpse of God's love for you. The more you love her, the more you'll understand the love of God for you.
"Learning to be loved, and learning to love, learning to be romanced, and learning to romance - that is what this stage is all about. Not duty. Not merely discipline. But an awakening of our hearts to the Beauty and Love of God, and at the same time (we cannot wait until some later time), we offer our hearts as well - to God, to the women in our lives, to our sons and daughters, to others. This is a love story, after all... He is a great Romancer, and you shall be also."
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
And now we come to it at last, the relationship between a man and a woman. This is part of life, and a good part. But it must occur at the proper moment. You can marry the right person at the wrong time. Before a man enters into a relationship with a woman, he must first know who he is. He must know his identity in Christ, and he must know the love of God for him. Then, and only then, can he truly begin to love his wife.
Let's look at Scripture. Ephesians 5 says it clearly, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless" (verses 25-27).
Love your wives just as Christ loved the church. How did Christ love the church? He lived a perfect life, setting an example for them on how to live, and then He laid His own life down to die to save it. He died so that the church could have new life, and He lived showing them what the new life looked like. In order to love his wife as Christ loves the church a husband must be willing to both lay down his life, and to live in his God given identity. In order to do that he must have been the Beloved Son, and also be a Warrior. Beloved Sons know who they are, and Warriors stand firm and take back ground from the enemy. And sadly, when it comes to your wife, there will be a lot of ground to take back. Not because of her, but because she, as the reflection of beauty, has been so assaulted by the enemy.
"Now, a few words of warning. Loving a woman will prove to be your greatest test as a man, and probably your greatest battle." It will be a fierce fight, but it is a fight we must win. But it's amazing how many men enter into a marriage never expecting a battle.
"The great surprise is that she is broken. Often her brokenness will remain hidden until she becomes engaged, or married, and then wham - it all comes out. Why is that? You'd think now that she is safe, now that she knows she's loved, she would be in a better place. But that's just it - now that she is safe and loved, her soul can quit pushing it all down. Before she is pursued and wanted, she fears that she cannot be herself of no man will want her. Now that she is loved, her heart comes forth and with it the sorrow of her life. It presents an opportunity for healing, so long as the young man handles things well. (Your life and validation are found in God - hang on to that!) Learn to pray for her, tenderly when you are with her, and fiercely in your closet alone. You will need to fight the evil one for your wife, the historic demons that have assaulted her since her youth."
Your warrior's heart is essential, here. I can't stress that enough. And when your wife opens up and shares with you, it's because she trusts you to fight for her heart, it's because she believes you can, and she wants you to. She married you for your strength; give it to her now when she needs it most. And it is for this reason that a man must first know the love of God. Again, I can't stress this enough. Our strength comes from Him. We learn that we are loved from Him. And we learn to love from Him. The closer you are to God, the more you can love and fight for your wife.
And it is important to note that you won't always feel loving. And what you do in those moments says so much about you, and molds you. "Loving a woman when you are in love comes easily. Sure, sometimes awkwardly, in that there is much to be learned to be a Lover. But the motivation is fully in force when you are in love. Our development as men and Lovers comes in those times when things don't feel romantic at all."
Love isn't defined by the warm fuzzy feelings. Real love is seen in the hard times. It's what you do when it isn't easy, when it isn't what you really want to do. And when you do this, you begin to set her heart free. "You see, the Beauty is in there. She is in there. A real Lover makes love to the soul of a woman, not just her body. And her soul is lovely, whatever else might be going on. The beauty is there. And, to taste the fruit of your strength and courage and steadfastness, over years, as your wife begins to come into the healing and freedom God intends for her - ah, that is sweet fruit indeed. I know none sweeter."
This battle is fierce, but it is worth every moment of the fight. Remember, the woman is the reflection of God's beauty, and the freer her heart is, the more completely it can reflect His beauty. The more whole and complete you are the more whole and complete she can be. And when a man and a woman, whole and complete in who God created them to be, come together as one, you have something absolutely incredible. The fullest image of God that can occur this side of Heaven.
And so fight for her. Pursue her. John gives advice I heard before my wife and I were married. "'Try to out-bless God in blessing her.' Meaning, try to outdo the Great Romancer in finding ways to simply lavish upon your wife." You can't do it. But the heart of a Lover, loves to continue to try.
"The heart of a Lover simply wants to lavish her with love, with no thought of return. It does return, as her heart is filled with gratitude. Not because something is owed, but because her heart matters to you and your heart matters to her more than just about anything in the world. This is love we're talking about." Love her, and watch her love you. And in this you'll get a glimpse of God's love for you. The more you love her, the more you'll understand the love of God for you.
"Learning to be loved, and learning to love, learning to be romanced, and learning to romance - that is what this stage is all about. Not duty. Not merely discipline. But an awakening of our hearts to the Beauty and Love of God, and at the same time (we cannot wait until some later time), we offer our hearts as well - to God, to the women in our lives, to our sons and daughters, to others. This is a love story, after all... He is a great Romancer, and you shall be also."
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Friday, November 15, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 11: Raising the Lover, part 4
We've discussed wounds in the other stages, and this one is no different. However, I do feel that the wounds build on each other, just as the stages do, and the wounds of this stage are often the result of wounding in an earlier stage. This stage is either entered too early, or wounds result when a man tries to find healing here from previous wounds. When a man looks for healing in a woman the wound doesn't heal, it can't heal. She is only a reflection of beauty, not Beauty itself. And trying to find healing in her or from her, is like putting a band-aid on a six inch gash. Healing can only be found in God, and it is to Him that we must look.
"God will do this. He will actually bring women across your path who speaks to your longings, and your wounds, your fears even, in order to raise the issue so that he might heal. This can't be done in the abstract. It must involve those very places in our hearts and souls that have been wounded, or surrendered. It feels dangerous, and it is, but the surgery is needed, and until a man gets that healed he will be more and more vulnerable to a fall. So God will do what he needs to do in order to bring our heats to the surface."
Know, God is not leading you into sin, He doesn't do that. God is not giving you permission to lust or cheat. Rather God is trying to get you to rip off the band-aid, and let Him go to work cutting out the dead flesh and stitching up the wound. I had a friend who got out of a relationship feeling like it was his fault that it didn't work out. He didn't have any moral failures with the girl, but he kept feeling like it was his fault. As we talked he began to share some of the reasons, and in that I began to see how God was working to bring healing from the wounds of his past. But before God could go to work stitching up the wounds from the past, the band-aid had to be presently ripped off. This is the case with each of us.
And yes, it might seem dangerous, but don't forget we are Warriors, fully capable of facing danger and emerging victorious, especially when we are focused on being romanced by God. But still there is danger even in the healing. It is a risk to let God in, for us to journey back to the times in our life when we were cut the deepest, but we must go there, and this time we must come out victorious.
"It goes without saying that there is something in the soul of a man that makes him profoundly vulnerable to the Beauty... Over the ages men have handled this in basically one of two ways - surrender, or discipline. Surrender can be subtle, as when we let her in, when we allow ourselves to entertain the Beauty even though she is not ours. The lingering glance, the opening of our hearts to her. It can be blatant, as when we masturbate to a photo or a film, or give in to an affair. The damage is terrible, and many good men therefore choose discipline. Force yourself to look away, busy yourself with other things, fight it tooth and nail. Which is certainly better than surrender."
What are some ways you can fight? Don't put yourselves in a position first of all. Why would you walk knowingly into an ambush? If you have a problem with pornography, listen to praise and worship music all the time, especially when you're working on the computer. When all you hear is songs about God how can you focus no doing something that hurts your relationship with Him? If you're married, play with your wedding ring on your finger. Twist it around your finger, feel it, think about what it represents. If you aren't married, get a promise ring, a symbol of the commitment you're making. My wife used to work at a jewelry store, and they have a phenomenal ring there for men:
http://www.kay.com//en/kaystore/mens-wedding-band-bioblu27%C2%99-21090910399--1
Discipline in something we've worked to develop in earlier stages, and it is crucial that we do because we need it here. "But discipline without healing doesn't work real well over time, and it can do great damage to our hearts, which begin to feel like the enemy so we'll do what we can to kill them in order to avert disaster. There is another way. The way of holiness and healing and it involves what we do in that very moment, when our hearts are stirred by a Beauty."
John offers a prayer he wrote in his journal for moments like these, "O merciful God, come to me in this place, this very place in my heart. I give this to you. I choose you over Eve. I choose your love and friendship and beauty. I give my aching and longing and vulnerable heart to you. Come, and heal me here. Sanctify me. Make me whole and holy in this very place."
"Whole, and holy. That is what we need." Only then are we healed enough to be able to be disciplined without killing our hearts. Only then are we healed enough to fight the battle. What wounds are there in your heart? What past relationships or actions have wounded your heart? What band-aid have you covered them with? What is keeping you from experiencing the healing that God's stitches can bring?
Invite Christ in to bring healing. "Some of you men are still in an emotional tie with a woman you knew years ago. You must let her go - along with any photos, letters, mementos you are hanging on to... But you do not let her go with cynicism or resignation. You give that hurt place in your heart to God, invite him in to bring healing and holiness."
I've found fires to be a helpful tool here. Put everything in a box and seal it up. If need be give it to someone else to hold on to. Then pray and study, allow God to stitch up the wound, and then when your ready, when the healing has taken place, get the box, go outside, and celebrate with a fire. I've had one, and honestly it's one of the most freeing things I've experienced. Again, you don't want to do this with reluctance, because then it leads to regret. This must be a conscious and disciplined choice, and when it is, don't hesitate to bust out the matches and lighter fluid.
"And then there are the sexual issues, the holiness we need deep in our sexuality... Sometimes we have to be very specific to find the cleansing and relief we long for, going back and renouncing specific events, inviting the blood of Christ to cleanse our every sin away, that our sexuality may be made holy. We bring the cross of Christ between us and every woman we've ever had an emotional or sexual relationship with (read Gal. 6:14). This would include affairs over the Internet, and with pornography, and every misuse of your sexuality. And, brothers, if you are in an emotional or physical relationship with a woman other than your wife even now, you must walk away. You must walk away. No stalling, no excuse-making. You will not find healing, holiness, and strength until you do."
This takes a lot of prayer. Persistent, and specific prayer. I was kept from sexual sin, but I've had some emotional ties with girls before my wife. For a while they came up in my mind, especially when I was tired, but it was then that I really began to pray. Not simply "God get this out of my mind." But specifics, "God, forgive me for this... Cleanse this..." and not just once, but over and over until it is finished. It isn't always fun, some of these things you really just want to forget about, and know what, with this you can. I don't know the last time one of those thoughts came into my head. God has stitched it up and the wound is gone.
"And then there is the 'live moment,' when a beautiful woman crosses our path in person or in an image of some sort, and our hearts are stirred. how we handle that moment is critical. We do not surrender, we do not kill the longing. We give that very place over to Christ. That place in your heart, right there, right then, give to Jesus. Awakened by a beauty, we give that part of our hearts to God... Again? Yes again and again and again. That is how we are healed, made whole and holy and strong."
Bounce your eyes, and pray. Go back to the ring on your finger, it isn't just about your wife, or future wife, but about a commitment to God. And in all things, remember that the woman is simply a reflection of the beauty of God, instead of focusing on her, turn your attention to Him. Allow yourself to be swept up in the extravagance of His beauty.
"Finally, we must open our hearts to all the other ways God is bringing beauty into our lives. The beauty of a flower garden or moonlight on water, the beauty of music or a written word. Our souls crave Beauty, and if we do not find it we will be famished. We must take in Beauty, often, or we will be taken out by beauty."
My mind just thought of this, but I love what Paul says in Philippians 4.4-9, "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you."
All of those things are only true of God, and we are to rejoice in Him and dwell on Him. When we do He is near us and with us. And when He is with us, our hearts are healed. One of my favorite, and most crucial, moments in life happened when I had finally been healed from an emotional connection with a girl. I was watching Brave Heart and I heard a line that at that moment came from the mouth of God. "Your heart is free. Have the courage to follow it." In just a few months I would begin a relationship with my wife, and I was able to because my heart was free, and I courageously followed it. And I'm so glad I did.
I realize there is so much more that could be said here. In some ways I feel inadequate to talk about many of these areas because thanks to the grace of God, I haven't struggled with them. I hope what I have said here is clear and helpful, and as always there is an email at the bottom of the page if you want to converse more about this or any topic.
Allow God to remove the band-aid and stitch up the wounds. In the end you will find healing and hear Him tell you, "Your heart is free. Have the courage to follow it."
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
"God will do this. He will actually bring women across your path who speaks to your longings, and your wounds, your fears even, in order to raise the issue so that he might heal. This can't be done in the abstract. It must involve those very places in our hearts and souls that have been wounded, or surrendered. It feels dangerous, and it is, but the surgery is needed, and until a man gets that healed he will be more and more vulnerable to a fall. So God will do what he needs to do in order to bring our heats to the surface."
Know, God is not leading you into sin, He doesn't do that. God is not giving you permission to lust or cheat. Rather God is trying to get you to rip off the band-aid, and let Him go to work cutting out the dead flesh and stitching up the wound. I had a friend who got out of a relationship feeling like it was his fault that it didn't work out. He didn't have any moral failures with the girl, but he kept feeling like it was his fault. As we talked he began to share some of the reasons, and in that I began to see how God was working to bring healing from the wounds of his past. But before God could go to work stitching up the wounds from the past, the band-aid had to be presently ripped off. This is the case with each of us.
And yes, it might seem dangerous, but don't forget we are Warriors, fully capable of facing danger and emerging victorious, especially when we are focused on being romanced by God. But still there is danger even in the healing. It is a risk to let God in, for us to journey back to the times in our life when we were cut the deepest, but we must go there, and this time we must come out victorious.
"It goes without saying that there is something in the soul of a man that makes him profoundly vulnerable to the Beauty... Over the ages men have handled this in basically one of two ways - surrender, or discipline. Surrender can be subtle, as when we let her in, when we allow ourselves to entertain the Beauty even though she is not ours. The lingering glance, the opening of our hearts to her. It can be blatant, as when we masturbate to a photo or a film, or give in to an affair. The damage is terrible, and many good men therefore choose discipline. Force yourself to look away, busy yourself with other things, fight it tooth and nail. Which is certainly better than surrender."
What are some ways you can fight? Don't put yourselves in a position first of all. Why would you walk knowingly into an ambush? If you have a problem with pornography, listen to praise and worship music all the time, especially when you're working on the computer. When all you hear is songs about God how can you focus no doing something that hurts your relationship with Him? If you're married, play with your wedding ring on your finger. Twist it around your finger, feel it, think about what it represents. If you aren't married, get a promise ring, a symbol of the commitment you're making. My wife used to work at a jewelry store, and they have a phenomenal ring there for men:
http://www.kay.com//en/kaystore/mens-wedding-band-bioblu27%C2%99-21090910399--1
Discipline in something we've worked to develop in earlier stages, and it is crucial that we do because we need it here. "But discipline without healing doesn't work real well over time, and it can do great damage to our hearts, which begin to feel like the enemy so we'll do what we can to kill them in order to avert disaster. There is another way. The way of holiness and healing and it involves what we do in that very moment, when our hearts are stirred by a Beauty."
John offers a prayer he wrote in his journal for moments like these, "O merciful God, come to me in this place, this very place in my heart. I give this to you. I choose you over Eve. I choose your love and friendship and beauty. I give my aching and longing and vulnerable heart to you. Come, and heal me here. Sanctify me. Make me whole and holy in this very place."
"Whole, and holy. That is what we need." Only then are we healed enough to be able to be disciplined without killing our hearts. Only then are we healed enough to fight the battle. What wounds are there in your heart? What past relationships or actions have wounded your heart? What band-aid have you covered them with? What is keeping you from experiencing the healing that God's stitches can bring?
Invite Christ in to bring healing. "Some of you men are still in an emotional tie with a woman you knew years ago. You must let her go - along with any photos, letters, mementos you are hanging on to... But you do not let her go with cynicism or resignation. You give that hurt place in your heart to God, invite him in to bring healing and holiness."
I've found fires to be a helpful tool here. Put everything in a box and seal it up. If need be give it to someone else to hold on to. Then pray and study, allow God to stitch up the wound, and then when your ready, when the healing has taken place, get the box, go outside, and celebrate with a fire. I've had one, and honestly it's one of the most freeing things I've experienced. Again, you don't want to do this with reluctance, because then it leads to regret. This must be a conscious and disciplined choice, and when it is, don't hesitate to bust out the matches and lighter fluid.
"And then there are the sexual issues, the holiness we need deep in our sexuality... Sometimes we have to be very specific to find the cleansing and relief we long for, going back and renouncing specific events, inviting the blood of Christ to cleanse our every sin away, that our sexuality may be made holy. We bring the cross of Christ between us and every woman we've ever had an emotional or sexual relationship with (read Gal. 6:14). This would include affairs over the Internet, and with pornography, and every misuse of your sexuality. And, brothers, if you are in an emotional or physical relationship with a woman other than your wife even now, you must walk away. You must walk away. No stalling, no excuse-making. You will not find healing, holiness, and strength until you do."
This takes a lot of prayer. Persistent, and specific prayer. I was kept from sexual sin, but I've had some emotional ties with girls before my wife. For a while they came up in my mind, especially when I was tired, but it was then that I really began to pray. Not simply "God get this out of my mind." But specifics, "God, forgive me for this... Cleanse this..." and not just once, but over and over until it is finished. It isn't always fun, some of these things you really just want to forget about, and know what, with this you can. I don't know the last time one of those thoughts came into my head. God has stitched it up and the wound is gone.
"And then there is the 'live moment,' when a beautiful woman crosses our path in person or in an image of some sort, and our hearts are stirred. how we handle that moment is critical. We do not surrender, we do not kill the longing. We give that very place over to Christ. That place in your heart, right there, right then, give to Jesus. Awakened by a beauty, we give that part of our hearts to God... Again? Yes again and again and again. That is how we are healed, made whole and holy and strong."
Bounce your eyes, and pray. Go back to the ring on your finger, it isn't just about your wife, or future wife, but about a commitment to God. And in all things, remember that the woman is simply a reflection of the beauty of God, instead of focusing on her, turn your attention to Him. Allow yourself to be swept up in the extravagance of His beauty.
"Finally, we must open our hearts to all the other ways God is bringing beauty into our lives. The beauty of a flower garden or moonlight on water, the beauty of music or a written word. Our souls crave Beauty, and if we do not find it we will be famished. We must take in Beauty, often, or we will be taken out by beauty."
My mind just thought of this, but I love what Paul says in Philippians 4.4-9, "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you."
All of those things are only true of God, and we are to rejoice in Him and dwell on Him. When we do He is near us and with us. And when He is with us, our hearts are healed. One of my favorite, and most crucial, moments in life happened when I had finally been healed from an emotional connection with a girl. I was watching Brave Heart and I heard a line that at that moment came from the mouth of God. "Your heart is free. Have the courage to follow it." In just a few months I would begin a relationship with my wife, and I was able to because my heart was free, and I courageously followed it. And I'm so glad I did.
I realize there is so much more that could be said here. In some ways I feel inadequate to talk about many of these areas because thanks to the grace of God, I haven't struggled with them. I hope what I have said here is clear and helpful, and as always there is an email at the bottom of the page if you want to converse more about this or any topic.
Allow God to remove the band-aid and stitch up the wounds. In the end you will find healing and hear Him tell you, "Your heart is free. Have the courage to follow it."
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 11: Raising the Lover, part 3
"As I explained earlier, the Lover emerges around the time of the Warrior, those stages overlapping, and let me add he continues right through to the end of a man's life, for the King must be a Lover as he must be a Warrior, and the Sage is a Lover long after he has handed the fighting of battles over to younger men. So what we are cultivating here is something that will grow all your life. We are opening a door that must never be shut. And again, before we talk of loving a woman, let us first turn to the romance with God."
The reality of all of this comes down the fact that without God, all of this is meaningless. Eventually, we are unable to do the things we love to do, and when that happens what are we left with? I shared the clip from Second Hand Lions, how Hub fears being useless and helpless in a fight. Without the Beauty all he aspires to be is a Warrior, but there comes a time when it's no longer possible to go into battle. No matter what your passion is, there will come a time when you are unable to do it. Arthritis takes away your ability to play an instrument. A bad back or knee makes it impossible to work in your garden. A spouse or child dies. If that is your world, what happens?
Our first, and greatest loved must be for God. That relationship is the only thing that doesn't fade over time. It is the only thing that the older we get the more we can invest in it and the more we can enjoy it. And when everything else is lost we can hold on to our greatest passion and be grateful for the experience He gave us, not angry that they are in the past. And God wants this for us. He wants to speak to us in ways that are unique to us. "How has he been wooing you? What has stirred your heat over the years?... God has many such gifts for you, particular to you, and now that you have this stage of the Lover to watch for, eyes to look for the Romance, you'll begin to see them, too."
How has God been speaking to your heart? For me recently it's been with plants. I'll learn something about a different variety, one that blossoms earlier, or longer. I learn about a new unique plant that I didn't know I could grow in North East Ohio. I'll find ones that fruit at a different point that pollinate a variety that fruits at a different time so that I can enjoy fresh fruit longer and have better harvests because of the variety. And in all of this it's a chance to get a taste of the simplicity of life in the beginning. "Then the Lord God formed man of dust from the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being. 8 The Lord God planted a garden toward the east, in Eden; and there He placed the man whom He had formed... Then the Lord God took the man and put him into the garden of Eden to cultivate it and keep it"(Genesis 2.7-8, 15).
Gardening is never a hobby I planned on having, or loving as much as I do. "We cannot control what the Romancer is up to, but there is a posture we can take. There is an openness to this stage that will enable us to recognize and receive the wooing. So let me ask - are you willing to let go of your insistence to control, meaning, to allow for a life that exists beyond the realm of analysis, to let some portions of your life be impractical, to cease evaluating all things based on their utility and function? Coming closer to the heart, are you willing to let passion rise in you, though undoubtedly it may unnerve you? To permit the healing of some of your deepest wounds? To let yourself be run through as with a rapier by Beauty itself? Are you willing, at some point, to be undone? Then we may proceed. to enter into the Romance we must slow down, or we will miss the wooing... what was it that stirred your hear over the years? Go and get it back."
It's crucial that we remember that this is a process, and that the other party involved is a wonderfully complex individual. There will be aspects that confuse us and mystify us, and we have to be ok with that. We cannot try to rationalize God and reason everything out, it's not going to happen, and what kind of relationship is that? Is that what our wives want from us? Or instead do they want us to pursue them as the unveil the beauty the possess? It's the same way with God. It takes a willingness to be vulnerable, and courage to step into the unknown. but what is waiting for us is beauty and intimacy beyond our wildest imagination. It is something we must be willing to fight for, because it is something good worth having, but we have to remember that ultimately it isn't about the battle, but the Beauty that is being fought for.
"But life is not all about the battle. The Romance is always central. Listen again to David: though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident. One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD. (Ps. 27:3-4 NIV) He knows battle, knows what it is to have God come through for him. He does not fear it; he is confident as a seasoned warrior is confident. But, he does not make it his heart's desire. What he seeks is not battle - what he seeks is the romance with God."
That is what it all comes down to, the reason we prepare for battle and go to war is ultimately about winning the freedom to experience God. We will have to fight for it, and it's ok because we are Warriors, but life is not about the battle. One day battle will end, the enemy will be vanquished, and the war will be over. On that day all we will have to do is be fully caught up in the romance we have with God. We will enjoy intimacy with Him as we were created to. The fighting will be over, and the celebration will begin.
"For we must remember: the battle is for the Romance. What we fight for is the freedom and healing that allow us to have the intimacy with God we were created to enjoy. to drink from his river of delights... If a man does not find his life in God, he will become a very thirsty man, and thirsty men have been known to do some very stupid things."
A thirsty man will try to satisfy his thirst in any way he can, and ultimately in ways that do more harm than good. The best thing to quench your thirst is water, it's pure, clean, and refreshing. We have things that stand in, pop, sports drinks, juice, and all of them offer flavor and enjoyment, but none of them are nearly as refreshing as a cool glass of water. And it is the same way with us. Too often we see refreshment in things that cannot really satisfy, "there is a Beauty we long for calling to us through the beauty of the woman we are enchanted by. She is not the Beauty itself, only a messenger. If we never look beyond, we will try in vain to find it in her, causing both ourselves and the woman a great deal of pain."
And when this happens, there is need of healing.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
The reality of all of this comes down the fact that without God, all of this is meaningless. Eventually, we are unable to do the things we love to do, and when that happens what are we left with? I shared the clip from Second Hand Lions, how Hub fears being useless and helpless in a fight. Without the Beauty all he aspires to be is a Warrior, but there comes a time when it's no longer possible to go into battle. No matter what your passion is, there will come a time when you are unable to do it. Arthritis takes away your ability to play an instrument. A bad back or knee makes it impossible to work in your garden. A spouse or child dies. If that is your world, what happens?
Our first, and greatest loved must be for God. That relationship is the only thing that doesn't fade over time. It is the only thing that the older we get the more we can invest in it and the more we can enjoy it. And when everything else is lost we can hold on to our greatest passion and be grateful for the experience He gave us, not angry that they are in the past. And God wants this for us. He wants to speak to us in ways that are unique to us. "How has he been wooing you? What has stirred your heat over the years?... God has many such gifts for you, particular to you, and now that you have this stage of the Lover to watch for, eyes to look for the Romance, you'll begin to see them, too."
How has God been speaking to your heart? For me recently it's been with plants. I'll learn something about a different variety, one that blossoms earlier, or longer. I learn about a new unique plant that I didn't know I could grow in North East Ohio. I'll find ones that fruit at a different point that pollinate a variety that fruits at a different time so that I can enjoy fresh fruit longer and have better harvests because of the variety. And in all of this it's a chance to get a taste of the simplicity of life in the beginning. "Then the Lord God formed man of dust from the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being. 8 The Lord God planted a garden toward the east, in Eden; and there He placed the man whom He had formed... Then the Lord God took the man and put him into the garden of Eden to cultivate it and keep it"(Genesis 2.7-8, 15).
Gardening is never a hobby I planned on having, or loving as much as I do. "We cannot control what the Romancer is up to, but there is a posture we can take. There is an openness to this stage that will enable us to recognize and receive the wooing. So let me ask - are you willing to let go of your insistence to control, meaning, to allow for a life that exists beyond the realm of analysis, to let some portions of your life be impractical, to cease evaluating all things based on their utility and function? Coming closer to the heart, are you willing to let passion rise in you, though undoubtedly it may unnerve you? To permit the healing of some of your deepest wounds? To let yourself be run through as with a rapier by Beauty itself? Are you willing, at some point, to be undone? Then we may proceed. to enter into the Romance we must slow down, or we will miss the wooing... what was it that stirred your hear over the years? Go and get it back."
It's crucial that we remember that this is a process, and that the other party involved is a wonderfully complex individual. There will be aspects that confuse us and mystify us, and we have to be ok with that. We cannot try to rationalize God and reason everything out, it's not going to happen, and what kind of relationship is that? Is that what our wives want from us? Or instead do they want us to pursue them as the unveil the beauty the possess? It's the same way with God. It takes a willingness to be vulnerable, and courage to step into the unknown. but what is waiting for us is beauty and intimacy beyond our wildest imagination. It is something we must be willing to fight for, because it is something good worth having, but we have to remember that ultimately it isn't about the battle, but the Beauty that is being fought for.
"But life is not all about the battle. The Romance is always central. Listen again to David: though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident. One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD. (Ps. 27:3-4 NIV) He knows battle, knows what it is to have God come through for him. He does not fear it; he is confident as a seasoned warrior is confident. But, he does not make it his heart's desire. What he seeks is not battle - what he seeks is the romance with God."
That is what it all comes down to, the reason we prepare for battle and go to war is ultimately about winning the freedom to experience God. We will have to fight for it, and it's ok because we are Warriors, but life is not about the battle. One day battle will end, the enemy will be vanquished, and the war will be over. On that day all we will have to do is be fully caught up in the romance we have with God. We will enjoy intimacy with Him as we were created to. The fighting will be over, and the celebration will begin.
"For we must remember: the battle is for the Romance. What we fight for is the freedom and healing that allow us to have the intimacy with God we were created to enjoy. to drink from his river of delights... If a man does not find his life in God, he will become a very thirsty man, and thirsty men have been known to do some very stupid things."
A thirsty man will try to satisfy his thirst in any way he can, and ultimately in ways that do more harm than good. The best thing to quench your thirst is water, it's pure, clean, and refreshing. We have things that stand in, pop, sports drinks, juice, and all of them offer flavor and enjoyment, but none of them are nearly as refreshing as a cool glass of water. And it is the same way with us. Too often we see refreshment in things that cannot really satisfy, "there is a Beauty we long for calling to us through the beauty of the woman we are enchanted by. She is not the Beauty itself, only a messenger. If we never look beyond, we will try in vain to find it in her, causing both ourselves and the woman a great deal of pain."
And when this happens, there is need of healing.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 11: Raising the Lover, part 2
"When the boy becomes a teen, the heart of the Lover may come out in force, as an intense longing he knows not how to name, but nearly always attached to Beauty." At this point, as with the beginning of every other stage of the journey, a young man needs a guide to help channel him and focus him. In American culture the focus of this part of a young man’s life is geared towards girls, and this shows the failure of many father's to initiate their sons. Their search for beauty is taken to the girl, and more often than not she is simply an object.
But this is not what a man seeks primarily, and it is not what he looks at a woman as. In order to really love her one day, he must first be awakened to the source of Beauty. "Sometimes when the longing emerges in the young man he will take to music, or literature, either to enjoy them or as an artist himself. The young Lover David writes songs and poems to God during his nights out there in the wild, his heart so alive. A reminder that the young man had better also be a Cowboy, have lots of time out in the wild, feel caught up in epic adventures or the whole longing for Romance will be attached to a girl, for she will seem like the only adventure in his life."
I don't remember exactly when it happened, but at some point early in high school I began to take an interest in music. Up to that point I just didn't really care about it at all. Around the same time I began to read, a lot. And it was around then that I began to really discover God in new ways, but nowhere near the depth that I found later when I fully entered this stage. But it is crucial to remember that these stages overlap, and that we see glimpses of each of them all throughout a man's life.
And again, it's important that the stages build. It's important that a boy be given love from his father, that a young man be able to adventure and learn to work, as well as engage in battles. He needs to know that his life is about something bigger than simply finding a mate and having children with her so that life can continue, we have way too much of that. And at the same time it's important that a man know there is more to life than battle. The movie Man of Steel is released today, and in the movie we see that Krypton, Superman's home planet, genetically engineered their offspring for certain roles. General Zod, the main antagonist in the movie, was created to be a warrior. I don't want to give anything away if you haven't seen it, but there is a point in the movie where he says, "I was made to be a warrior, to fight for and defend my people. And now I have no people." If a man only knows battle, what happens when he can no longer fight? And what joy is there in a life of constant warfare?
"Remember, the value you place on Beauty speaks volumes to the boy and young man... Thus they come to see that beauty is something to pay attention to." Too much damage has been done by dads who push football, cars, and hunting onto their sons. We must also show them the beauty of the world. They need to be encouraged to pursue the arts, and pay attention to creation, and it starts with us. What is our reaction to it? Are we stopped in the morning by the vibrant colors of the sunrise? Do autumn leaves capture your attention? Let it, and teach your son to pay attention to the same.
"Talk about your romance with God. While I find that it takes an older teen, probably a young man in his early twenties, to begin to experience God as Romancer, you can pave the way by telling stories of how God has been romancing you. Intrigue them." When I got to this point in college, everything was new. I was experiencing God in ways I didn't know were possible, because I had never seen it before. Growing up, God was someone distant that we sang songs to, and prayed to. Intimacy with God was something foreign. It shouldn't be like that. In the Bible, God is often referred to as "My father's God" or some wording along that idea. I'm guessing that the sons saw in their dads something more than just Sunday morning. I'm thinking to get that sort of description, they saw a vibrant and intimate friendship between their father's and God, and so they knew that relationship with God was more than once a week ritual. They knew God was personal. I want my children to say "my father's God." I want them to see a friendship with God that they strive to have one day. Again, this is what this stage is primarily about.
And of course, we cannot neglect to talk about girls. After all, God has said that it is not good for a man to be alone, and that a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife. In Proverbs it says that he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. "When it comes to girls, the greatest gift you can give to the young man is to watch you love your wife. Jewelry, music, trips to romantic places for just the two of you. As you romance her, he'll get the idea. To see you in love is far more powerful than any other lesson... It's important that your sons see your physical affection, to see you kiss, cuddle on the couch, hold hands in public."
Just as you model a relationship with God to them, you model being a husband. They learn by watching you. They see how to love and respect a woman by watching you love and respect your wife. They learn that a woman is not just an object to satisfy a man, but a beauty to be loved, treasured, and fought for. "Teach him to love the heart, to look for the heart of a girl. This can't start in adolescence. It begins earlier, as your family naturally talks about the heart, shares from the heart with one another. Point out the beauties in movies and stories (and in the neighborhood) who don't seem to have much going on inside, teaching the young man that 'charm is deceptive, and [merely external] beauty is fleeting' (Prov. 31:30 NIV)... Teach him to pursue a woman."
Teach a young man to value what is really important; teach him to pursue what is lasting. Outward beauty will fade, but the heart only grows more beautiful with time. And teach your sons how to properly pursue a woman, not as an object, but as a beauty. Teach them how to fight for her heart, to learn about her, and how to treasure her.
And if we raise our sons this way, I think we'll see a change in our culture. John talks about how his sons seemed almost indifferent to girls because they weren't the center of their universe. They weren't what they were living for. Their lives were wrapped up in a much larger story, caught up in adventure. And when a man lives like this he has something truly incredible to offer a woman, he can invite her to share in the epic adventure of life with him.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
But this is not what a man seeks primarily, and it is not what he looks at a woman as. In order to really love her one day, he must first be awakened to the source of Beauty. "Sometimes when the longing emerges in the young man he will take to music, or literature, either to enjoy them or as an artist himself. The young Lover David writes songs and poems to God during his nights out there in the wild, his heart so alive. A reminder that the young man had better also be a Cowboy, have lots of time out in the wild, feel caught up in epic adventures or the whole longing for Romance will be attached to a girl, for she will seem like the only adventure in his life."
I don't remember exactly when it happened, but at some point early in high school I began to take an interest in music. Up to that point I just didn't really care about it at all. Around the same time I began to read, a lot. And it was around then that I began to really discover God in new ways, but nowhere near the depth that I found later when I fully entered this stage. But it is crucial to remember that these stages overlap, and that we see glimpses of each of them all throughout a man's life.
And again, it's important that the stages build. It's important that a boy be given love from his father, that a young man be able to adventure and learn to work, as well as engage in battles. He needs to know that his life is about something bigger than simply finding a mate and having children with her so that life can continue, we have way too much of that. And at the same time it's important that a man know there is more to life than battle. The movie Man of Steel is released today, and in the movie we see that Krypton, Superman's home planet, genetically engineered their offspring for certain roles. General Zod, the main antagonist in the movie, was created to be a warrior. I don't want to give anything away if you haven't seen it, but there is a point in the movie where he says, "I was made to be a warrior, to fight for and defend my people. And now I have no people." If a man only knows battle, what happens when he can no longer fight? And what joy is there in a life of constant warfare?
"Remember, the value you place on Beauty speaks volumes to the boy and young man... Thus they come to see that beauty is something to pay attention to." Too much damage has been done by dads who push football, cars, and hunting onto their sons. We must also show them the beauty of the world. They need to be encouraged to pursue the arts, and pay attention to creation, and it starts with us. What is our reaction to it? Are we stopped in the morning by the vibrant colors of the sunrise? Do autumn leaves capture your attention? Let it, and teach your son to pay attention to the same.
"Talk about your romance with God. While I find that it takes an older teen, probably a young man in his early twenties, to begin to experience God as Romancer, you can pave the way by telling stories of how God has been romancing you. Intrigue them." When I got to this point in college, everything was new. I was experiencing God in ways I didn't know were possible, because I had never seen it before. Growing up, God was someone distant that we sang songs to, and prayed to. Intimacy with God was something foreign. It shouldn't be like that. In the Bible, God is often referred to as "My father's God" or some wording along that idea. I'm guessing that the sons saw in their dads something more than just Sunday morning. I'm thinking to get that sort of description, they saw a vibrant and intimate friendship between their father's and God, and so they knew that relationship with God was more than once a week ritual. They knew God was personal. I want my children to say "my father's God." I want them to see a friendship with God that they strive to have one day. Again, this is what this stage is primarily about.
And of course, we cannot neglect to talk about girls. After all, God has said that it is not good for a man to be alone, and that a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife. In Proverbs it says that he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. "When it comes to girls, the greatest gift you can give to the young man is to watch you love your wife. Jewelry, music, trips to romantic places for just the two of you. As you romance her, he'll get the idea. To see you in love is far more powerful than any other lesson... It's important that your sons see your physical affection, to see you kiss, cuddle on the couch, hold hands in public."
Just as you model a relationship with God to them, you model being a husband. They learn by watching you. They see how to love and respect a woman by watching you love and respect your wife. They learn that a woman is not just an object to satisfy a man, but a beauty to be loved, treasured, and fought for. "Teach him to love the heart, to look for the heart of a girl. This can't start in adolescence. It begins earlier, as your family naturally talks about the heart, shares from the heart with one another. Point out the beauties in movies and stories (and in the neighborhood) who don't seem to have much going on inside, teaching the young man that 'charm is deceptive, and [merely external] beauty is fleeting' (Prov. 31:30 NIV)... Teach him to pursue a woman."
Teach a young man to value what is really important; teach him to pursue what is lasting. Outward beauty will fade, but the heart only grows more beautiful with time. And teach your sons how to properly pursue a woman, not as an object, but as a beauty. Teach them how to fight for her heart, to learn about her, and how to treasure her.
And if we raise our sons this way, I think we'll see a change in our culture. John talks about how his sons seemed almost indifferent to girls because they weren't the center of their universe. They weren't what they were living for. Their lives were wrapped up in a much larger story, caught up in adventure. And when a man lives like this he has something truly incredible to offer a woman, he can invite her to share in the epic adventure of life with him.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
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