We don't just wake up one day and find ourselves as good Kings. We may one day happen to end up in the office of a King if we stick around the same place long enough, but as we've seen the office doesn't make you a King. It is a life long process, and it is what this journey is leading us to. Nobility is not something that is inherited, but worked for. Respect is something earned, not something position entitles one to. To be a good King takes years of work, life, and battle.
"So let this be clearly said: a man cannot be a good King unless he has first lived through the other stages of the masculine journey. If he aches still to be the Beloved Son, he might buy himself all sorts of toys. And he will also use his influence to win the approval of others. He will avoid the hard decisions because he wants everyone to like him. (That will paralyze a King, by the way.) If he was never allowed the Cowboy Ranger stage, he spends too much time at the country club playing golf, skiing, going on adventure trips, or perhaps now is when he buys the sports car. If never a Warrior, he will now wield his power in anger, doing great damage to make himself feel powerful, chasing dragons, making mountains out of molehills, simply so he can go to war. Never having been a true Lover, he will go out and buy himself a trophy wife, or find a lover on the Internet."
Are you beginning to see how much these stages build on each other? Nothing is wasted, and nothing is pointless. Without one stage a man cannot be a good King. Without one of the stages a man will be incomplete, and when he enters the office of king, his power and position are used to try and fill in the gaps from his youth. "How much of what we call the midlife crisis in men is simply an Unfinished Man, an uninitiated man, trying to fill in the gaps of his soul when what he should be doing now is acting like a King?" Think about what guys do during a midlife crisis, and read the second paragraph again. And now it all starts to make come together. But I've known men who haven't gone through a midlife crisis, I know men now approaching that age that aren't on the road to one. Listen to me, you do not have to experience a midlife crisis.
"And so my greatest advice which it comes to raising the King is, simply, 'Live the other stages.' If a man has been the Beloved Son, he will not need to be the center of attention. If he has been the Cowboy, he will be brave and daring. Having been a Warrior, he will not flinch from battle - the number one problem of most kings I know. He will be valiant, cunning, and resolute. He will also know how to 'keep his head.' This will be balanced by tenderness and compassion if he has also been a Lover. He will understand the heart, and how crucial this is, for now the hearts of many are in his hands."
Kings rule for the sake of others. A man cannot be a selfless servant if he is incomplete. If we want to be Kings we must take the journey. For some it means going back and allowing God to heal and father us. It is crucial that we do because "life will test you as a man, as a ship at sea is tested, and it will reveal the unhealed and unholy places within you. This is true to the tenth power when you become a King. so you cannot skip those stages. You will need all they have to offer your soul as a man." It's true, Kings are huge targets. If the enemy can take the leader out everything stands still, even if it's only for a brief moment. But in that moment the enemy can do great damage.
A King must be strong and complete. He must know his identity so that when others try to tear him down, which happens even to the best Kings, he is secure in truth. He must know how to work and how to take risks. There will be times when he won't be fully confident, but good leaders don't wonder if they made the right decision, they make a decision and make it the right one. He will have to fight, plain and simple. Not all battles are hand to hand combat, but all require a warrior if victory is desired. And a King must know how to enjoy the simple things in life. There will be many things that demand his time and attention, he must know how to find rest and refreshment if he is to remain sane. We were born to be Kings, and so we must be ready when we are called to lead. and this has never been more true than when it comes to raising our sons.
"What is extraordinary to note is that from a very young age boys understand the nobility required of a King, and they admire it and long for it. Something seems to be set within them, at least before the world gets to them... So I would say that among our greatest tasks in raising the boy to be a King is protecting that nobility a boy believes in when he is young, protecting both that it is good and that it is possible. We do this in the stories we choose, stories that show the nobility of a King. We do this especially by living in such a manner as his father, for nothing undermines this more quickly than to see his father lying, cheating, making excuses for less-than-noble decisions. I said earlier that often the king-heart is wounded in boys and young men living under bad Kings."
Boys know they are born to rule, they just do. But somewhere along the way the world attacks this. It shouldn't be a surprise, Satan doesn't want a man to be King, so he works to take him out right from the beginning. That is why a boy needs his King, his father or mentor, to be a Warrior and make the world safe for him. They need to see that nobility is possible, and that their Kings have lived it out for them to model. They need to see incorruptible character lived out, and they need to have it called out in them. They need to see their King ruling well, and they will come to respect him for his integrity. And they will want to be just like their King, so we must let them, right from the beginning. We only learn to use authority by being given some.
"I also said that a boy needs to have dominion over something. His room. his toys. His own body. Let him spend his money, and make mistakes. Give him a voice in the family choices... Give him a sense of dominion. As he gets older, let his dominion increase. Let him choose the sports he wants to play - or to not play at all. Let him decide his major, and his career path. Offer your guidance, of course, but let him exercise increasing sovereignty over his life. Is this not how God works with us?" And as he learns to exercise authority, he'll learn to trust God and develop a relationship with Him. He'll learn to lean of God and not his own understanding; and as he does, he'll see his paths be made straight.
A boy must learn to exercise authority. It's when a man doesn't, or doesn't know how to, or even that he has any, that he fails. And when a King fails, bad things happen. Look back at Genesis 3 and see what happens when Adam fails. The world is the way it is today as a result. And the world stays the way it is because Adam's sons continue in his failure. And our failure is because we either refuse our authority or abuse it.
"Might I point out that many men fail as Kings through abdication, through some sort of passivity? They refuse to take the role, or they refuse to make the tough decisions. Refuse to lead their people in battle. They look for a comfortable life." One the one had we refuse it. We don't play our part, we let everyone fend for themselves. Instead of bringing order, we allow chaos to take over.
"The other extreme, after Adam's fall, is tyranny. Kings like Pharaoh and Saul and Herod. Men who use their power in order to control and manipulate. The pastor who won't share the pulpit with anyone. The CEO who won't take advice. The father who keeps his family cowed in fear. If a man would be a good King, he would do well to keep in mind these two extremes." On the other hand power can easily be abused. We see a lot of this, and just as when we refuse to use power, chaos results.
It doesn't have to be that way, and there is something we an do about it. Yes, there is a problem, the world doesn't work like it was supposed to. But restoration is underway, and we have a part to play in it. "The earth was given to man, but Satan usurped the throne... Jesus came to win it back... Through his absolute obedience to God and through his sacrificial death, he did indeed break ever claim Satan might make to the kingdoms of this earth (see Col. 2:13-15). Now, 'All authority in heaven and on earth has been given' to Jesus (Matt. 28.18 NIV). And you, my brother, have been given that same authority... Learning to live in this authority, to bring the kingdom of God to our little kingdoms on earth, that is what it means to become a true King... The course of a man's life is coming to the place where he can be made a King in his experience, where all that Christ has bestowed can be realized in the man's life."
Jesus has called us to be more than what we are. If you read the Bible you'll notice that Jesus always calls people to what they can become. He challenges them to be who He already sees them to be. We are Kings, and again, Kings rule on behalf of others. Quite often we'll feel unprepared, and like we have no idea what we're doing. But it is here that our actions are essential, and it is here that we grow the most. And as long as we are fully trusting in God, everything will work out.
"Back in the chapters on the Warrior I explained that they way God most often teaches a man to fight is to put him in situation after situation where he must fight. The same idea holds ture in the time of the King - our Father will put you in situations where you will need to act decisively, and strongly, on behalf of others. The King-heart in us is formed and strengthened in those moments - especially in those moments of sacrificial decision, where we do put others before us, and in those moments of unwavering decisiveness, where we take a difficult stand against great odds or opposition. If you are like most men, you'll feel like you're in way over your head in moments like these. But this is how our intuition unfolds in our daily lives, how we come to discover that we do have the heart of a King, can act like a King. Not perfectly, not every time, but more and more as our initiation develops the King in us. I think we all know that such nobility and integrity can be formed in a man only by the Spirit of God. The question to us is, Will we let him?"
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
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