The year of initiation culminates in a birthday ceremony marking the passage from boyhood to young man. Ceremony is important; it's a clear beginning and a moment in time that can be looked back on with confidence. The ceremony that John talks about involved three stages.
First it began with a presentation of his son's life made up of pictures from birth to the present. It shows how the boy has grown and changed. Second, the boy shares the story of the Gospel. It's important for a man to know the epic Story of the world, and be able to communicate it. He needs to know how the world was intended to be, how it got messed up, and how redemption came and the role he now plays in the story. Third, there comes the bestowing of words and gifts.
John's wife was the only woman to speak to the boy, and he points out that a mother does play an irreplaceable role in a boy's life, but that this ceremony is marking a passage into the world of men. "The women at this point - especially the mother - are releasing the boy to become a man, releasing him into the fellowship of men. He looks ahead at a company of men, and it is their words and their validation he most needs at this moment." And so men speak to the boy, and not simply encouragement, but affirmation and validation of his manhood.
And it is important to remember that this isn't just another birthday party. This is but a "ceremony followed a year of experiences - tests and trials and achievements. It was something earned, and therefore far more significant... the men who gathered to speak... were the men he had been with during the year, building the corral, going on mission, climbing the Grand. They weren't just offering encouragement... They were men... respected as men, and they were speaking from personal experiences of the young man." This is huge, because it shows that the young man is not on his own, but is not part of a fellowship, an army if you will. He is a valuable member of a force for Good.
"Then came two gifts, again from the men." What they did was present a shotgun, a symbol that the young man is now part of the fellowship because he will join the hunts they go on, but also a reminder that he is dangers and capable of handling a weapon. The second gift is a sword, a symbol of masculine strength. "Because of the power of the symbol, the selection of the sword is important. It has to be real - not a toy. This is not for a boy, but for a young man. It must be sharp, deadly, dangerous - just like true masculinity. It must also be noble, like true masculinity, for part of bestowing the sword at this age is a calling out of the Warrior and the King to come."
I love the idea of the sword, but personally I don't know that I would offer a shotgun. It's not that I'm opposed to guns; I love shooting, and hope at some point to have a piece of ground outside city limits so I'm able to shoot with my sons. But for me it wouldn't capture that meaning. I don't do much hunting anymore, and have never done upland bird hunting. Instead what I want to do as a symbol of joining the fellowship of men is to offer a shield.
If you've read enough of my stuff you'll probably have picked up on the fact that I'm a huge fan of the Spartans. I won't go into detail here, but they were arguably the greatest warriors ever (if you remove gun powder they I'm confident we can remove the arguably). Btu the key to Spartan strength and victory was not in their intense physical training, though it was important, but in the phalanx. They fought side by side, shields overlapping, and formed an impenetrable wall that defended each other. I've found a place where I can buy replica Spartan shields, and that is what I plan to give my sons when they are ready to join the phalanx.
"We must be intentional about a boy's passage into young manhood, and it must be tailored to the boy and his needs. I believe whatever the details; it needs to involve test and trial of a physical, emotional, and spiritual nature. That it needs to be done by the father - if he is available - or another significant man, and that it occurs best in the fellowship of men." But it is crucial to remember that this doesn't all have to be a formal thing. Every step doesn't have to be planned out. Instead we have to present and attentive for all of the informal moments. "When a father and a son spend time together, and when men spend time together - whether it's doing homework or shooting hoops in the street or working on the car or pheasant hunting - something passes between them, deep and unspoken, the truest form of initiation there can be."
Be present, be attentive, and celebrate.
I almost forgot, after the gifts are bestowed the most important aspect takes place. The fellowship gathers around the young man and prayers over him. The young man has seen them pray before, undoubtedly has been prayed for by them before, but this is different. This prayer is for one of their own.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 7: Sam's Year, part 2
"A man's need for validation is one of his most desperate longings. Until we have that validation, we live with an uncertainty down deep inside. As men, we need to know who we truly are, and what we are destined to become."
Validation is the point of this year of initiation. It is a father, and hopefully other men, pouring into the life of a boy as he begins the real transition from boyhood into being a young man. And the year needs to begin with a reminder that the boy has hopefully heard all of his life, the affirmation that he is the Beloved Son. "Your delight in him. But of course, that is Lesson Number One. You are the son of my right hand, my delight, my Beloved Son, in whom I am so well pleased. That is the building block for everything else."
This year of intentional initiation must begin with the father's affirmation. Without this reminder the trials and tests that are about to be faced can seem cruel, or feel like abandonment. But with the reminding of the father's love and delight, comes the knowledge that this is for the best, that this is what needs to happen, and that this is really one of the deepest acts of love that a father can give his son.
The year begins with continued affirmation, and then needs to include a variety of things. It needs to include going on mission. A boy becoming a young man needs to be called to the front lines of Kingdom work. He needs to see how his father lives for God and advances the Kingdom, knowing that Christianity isn't just Sunday morning rituals, but the epic story we are born into.
"The important thing here was to see us on mission - watch how we operated with God and one another, listen to how we prayed to shut down the spiritual warfare, how we walked in humility in order to deliver the gospel... To see that we do live in something epic, and that Christianity is more than just Sunday school videos and Awanas. It's dangerous, it's costly, it's beautiful." And he needs to be invited to join the fight, not simply observe it. He needs to be involved in prayer, and the work that is going on, realizing that he has a vital role to play in Kingdom building.
It's important that he also learns to work, and receives validation in his work. "Leather work gloves, heavy timber, power tools, and a gathering of men - this is a good place for a young man to be." And it is important that in this gathering where men meet to accomplish a task that he is also treated like a man. He needs to be given responsibility and share equally in the work. The message that comes here is, "You have what it takes." You have strength and you can use it.
We cannot overlook the spiritual lessons that must be taught, because they are crucial to shaping the identity of a man. Lead him through Bible studies that focus on a man's identity in Christ. Help him begin to see the Gospel as the Larger story that envelopes everything. Teach him how to pray, and help him see the importance of prayer and fasting. Have him spend a day alone in the woods, simply listening for the voice of God and communicating with Him. As he does he will learn who God says he is.
Finally, there needs to be adventure. John has his sons climb a mountain. I've thought about cross country bike trips, hiking the Appalachian Trail, things like that, but there needs to be some sort of adventure that tests him, and at the same time teaches and affirms. He'll know he did it, accomplished and overcame something big, and that is something he needs.
Over the past few weeks I've really been thinking about what a year like this would look like, about specific things that could be done to help a young man learn these things. I thought of different lessons that go along with different tasks, and I'm starting to take notes and prepare for when the time comes. This is something a man needs to experience, and I will not let my sons down in this area, and with that I really want to help others, both boys and men, find this as well.
As I've been reading and working with this chapter for the past few days, I've really sensed God leading me to pursue this more. The area of men's ministry, helping men, become, and know that they are, Men of God, is what I think I'm supposed to devote my life to. I'm not sure what exactly this looks like yet, but I think that is really where my true passion lies.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Validation is the point of this year of initiation. It is a father, and hopefully other men, pouring into the life of a boy as he begins the real transition from boyhood into being a young man. And the year needs to begin with a reminder that the boy has hopefully heard all of his life, the affirmation that he is the Beloved Son. "Your delight in him. But of course, that is Lesson Number One. You are the son of my right hand, my delight, my Beloved Son, in whom I am so well pleased. That is the building block for everything else."
This year of intentional initiation must begin with the father's affirmation. Without this reminder the trials and tests that are about to be faced can seem cruel, or feel like abandonment. But with the reminding of the father's love and delight, comes the knowledge that this is for the best, that this is what needs to happen, and that this is really one of the deepest acts of love that a father can give his son.
The year begins with continued affirmation, and then needs to include a variety of things. It needs to include going on mission. A boy becoming a young man needs to be called to the front lines of Kingdom work. He needs to see how his father lives for God and advances the Kingdom, knowing that Christianity isn't just Sunday morning rituals, but the epic story we are born into.
"The important thing here was to see us on mission - watch how we operated with God and one another, listen to how we prayed to shut down the spiritual warfare, how we walked in humility in order to deliver the gospel... To see that we do live in something epic, and that Christianity is more than just Sunday school videos and Awanas. It's dangerous, it's costly, it's beautiful." And he needs to be invited to join the fight, not simply observe it. He needs to be involved in prayer, and the work that is going on, realizing that he has a vital role to play in Kingdom building.
It's important that he also learns to work, and receives validation in his work. "Leather work gloves, heavy timber, power tools, and a gathering of men - this is a good place for a young man to be." And it is important that in this gathering where men meet to accomplish a task that he is also treated like a man. He needs to be given responsibility and share equally in the work. The message that comes here is, "You have what it takes." You have strength and you can use it.
We cannot overlook the spiritual lessons that must be taught, because they are crucial to shaping the identity of a man. Lead him through Bible studies that focus on a man's identity in Christ. Help him begin to see the Gospel as the Larger story that envelopes everything. Teach him how to pray, and help him see the importance of prayer and fasting. Have him spend a day alone in the woods, simply listening for the voice of God and communicating with Him. As he does he will learn who God says he is.
Finally, there needs to be adventure. John has his sons climb a mountain. I've thought about cross country bike trips, hiking the Appalachian Trail, things like that, but there needs to be some sort of adventure that tests him, and at the same time teaches and affirms. He'll know he did it, accomplished and overcame something big, and that is something he needs.
Over the past few weeks I've really been thinking about what a year like this would look like, about specific things that could be done to help a young man learn these things. I thought of different lessons that go along with different tasks, and I'm starting to take notes and prepare for when the time comes. This is something a man needs to experience, and I will not let my sons down in this area, and with that I really want to help others, both boys and men, find this as well.
As I've been reading and working with this chapter for the past few days, I've really sensed God leading me to pursue this more. The area of men's ministry, helping men, become, and know that they are, Men of God, is what I think I'm supposed to devote my life to. I'm not sure what exactly this looks like yet, but I think that is really where my true passion lies.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 7: Sam's Year, part 1
If you're reading the reprint, Fathered By God, this is one of the chapters that has been omitted, and I just looked at the table of contents online, and apparently the previous chapter is as well. I'm not sure why, because they contains some great things. Chapter seven records bits of what John did for his oldest son, Sam, over a year marking a transition from boyhood to being a young man. Over the next couple of days I'm going to play with this chapter, highlight the things that John did, throwing in a few of my own ideas, and hopefully giving all the father's and future fathers who read this, a foundation for helping to initiate their sons in the future.
"The masculine journey has many mile markers to it, many critical moments of transition. One of the most significant is that point in time when a boy leaves behind him the stage of boyhood, and enters into the world of men. I believe this takes place early in the Cowboy stage, and I believe it is one of those transitions meant to have far more intentionality given to it than most of us experienced. 'The ancient societies believed that a boy becomes a man only through ritual and effort - only through the "active intervention of the older men,"' as Robert Bly reminds us. Ritual, and effort - that is what I mean by intentionality."
For too many of us this didn't happen, and we have to change that so the cycle doesn't continue. We must be intentional with our sons so that they can confidently grow into the men they were born to be. This isn't something we can sit by and hope it happens, we have to be intentional, and we need to start thinking about it now. As I said, I'm going to share a little of what John did, and I'll throw in some of the things I've thought of as well.
This is the time when a boy moves from boyhood to young man. He begins to see that he has a part to play in the world, that he has strength to offer, and that he can make a difference. But I think that the most crucial part of this transition is the relationship with the son and the Father. It is at this point in life that I think a young man begins to develop his own faith. He begins to realize that God is personal and that he needs a personal relationship with Him. This step in initiation is vital, because they young man begins his personal journey with God. And hearing from God must be a huge focus at this point.
"God speaks to young men - through trial, prayer, and fasting, and most often in the wilderness... what he speaks becomes a guiding force for their lives." And while a father, or father figure, may still be present, I believe that The Father must begin to really take over in the life of a young man at this point. He is entering the larger story, and being caught up in a life of epic battles and adventures.
Let's be intentional about this incredible gift, and offer it to our sons, and to each other, fathering those who weren't given this privilege, and inviting them into initiation.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
"The masculine journey has many mile markers to it, many critical moments of transition. One of the most significant is that point in time when a boy leaves behind him the stage of boyhood, and enters into the world of men. I believe this takes place early in the Cowboy stage, and I believe it is one of those transitions meant to have far more intentionality given to it than most of us experienced. 'The ancient societies believed that a boy becomes a man only through ritual and effort - only through the "active intervention of the older men,"' as Robert Bly reminds us. Ritual, and effort - that is what I mean by intentionality."
For too many of us this didn't happen, and we have to change that so the cycle doesn't continue. We must be intentional with our sons so that they can confidently grow into the men they were born to be. This isn't something we can sit by and hope it happens, we have to be intentional, and we need to start thinking about it now. As I said, I'm going to share a little of what John did, and I'll throw in some of the things I've thought of as well.
This is the time when a boy moves from boyhood to young man. He begins to see that he has a part to play in the world, that he has strength to offer, and that he can make a difference. But I think that the most crucial part of this transition is the relationship with the son and the Father. It is at this point in life that I think a young man begins to develop his own faith. He begins to realize that God is personal and that he needs a personal relationship with Him. This step in initiation is vital, because they young man begins his personal journey with God. And hearing from God must be a huge focus at this point.
"God speaks to young men - through trial, prayer, and fasting, and most often in the wilderness... what he speaks becomes a guiding force for their lives." And while a father, or father figure, may still be present, I believe that The Father must begin to really take over in the life of a young man at this point. He is entering the larger story, and being caught up in a life of epic battles and adventures.
Let's be intentional about this incredible gift, and offer it to our sons, and to each other, fathering those who weren't given this privilege, and inviting them into initiation.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Saturday, September 21, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 6: Raising the Cowboy, part 6
I never planned on spending so much time in this chapter, but as I read I felt that almost every sub-section of the chapter needed to be its own post. But finally we come to the end of chapter six.
This final section poses a question, "But who will do this for me?" As we look at the journey of masculine initiation, it's clear that we need to be guided. Some are blessed with father's who are able to lead them, and actually do. Others aren't so fortunate. They have dads who were never initiated themselves, and even though some of them want to do more for their sons, are unable to because they haven't walked the path. But there is one who can initiate us, and more than that is willing and able to. He desires to, and He knows your heart, and what it needs, better than anyone else, because He created it. "God. Your Father will do this for you."
"I've seen so many men walk away disappointed when I've told them this. Perhaps it was from an unhealed father wound. Perhaps they don't realize that there is an intimacy available with God far better, much closer than what they've heretofore experienced. But my brothers, do not despair. God wants to father you. Has been fathering you for some time - you just haven't had the eyes to see it. In fact, even the best father can only take you so far. He was never meant to be your all-in-all. Rather, he was meant to bring you to the the Father."
I'm one of those guys who would walk away disappointed. The biggest struggle I have right now is that I have so many questions that only God can answer, and He isn't giving any. I face trial after trial, and I feel so alone, at times like no one, not even God, cares. But it all comes down to seeing things from His point of view. It comes down to knowing that I AM God's Beloved Son, and that in order to move through the stages of Warrior, Lover, King and Sage, I have to face the trials of the Cowboy stage.
I'm one of those people that isn't ashamed to seek the wisdom of older men who I respect and trust. Over the last few months I've started to be able to open up again as I've found a safe place in my pastor and another pastor friend. And the biggest frustration I've had is that even they are unable to answer my questions. All they can do is point me to God and offer encouragement. They've done more than say "I'll pray for you." They've listened and asked questions. They've shared experiences and offered encouragement. And they continue to be there for me. But ultimately all they can do is point me to the Father. "God will, at times, provide men to 'fill in the gaps'... You might find a mentor to walk you personally through many stages, but we all know by now that he's hard to find. Don't insist that it come from one man."
"God mostly wants to do our initiating directly, personally, himself. He wants the same relationship with us that Jesus - as a man - experienced with him during his journey on this earth. Remember - you are the son of a kind, strong, and engaged Father, a Father wise enough to guide you in the Way, generous enough to provide for your journey, offering to walk with you every step. Whatever else might seem true, this is what is most true."
God is at work in your life and mine brothers. He desires the intimacy with us, His sons, as we desire to have with our father. He is inviting us to walk this journey with Him as He initiates us into Men of God. He knows our hearts, and what they can handle, and He is with us as we face the trials and live the adventures. He is willing, are we?
"Father, take me there. Take me back to things that were lost, or unfinished, or never even started. Take me into the Cowboy stage and do this work in my soul. Father me here. Give me eyes to see, both where you have been fathering me and I didn't know it, and where you are initiating me now, though I might be misinterpreting it. I want to be brave and true. I want a strength, and I want to offer it to others. Lead me on."
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
This final section poses a question, "But who will do this for me?" As we look at the journey of masculine initiation, it's clear that we need to be guided. Some are blessed with father's who are able to lead them, and actually do. Others aren't so fortunate. They have dads who were never initiated themselves, and even though some of them want to do more for their sons, are unable to because they haven't walked the path. But there is one who can initiate us, and more than that is willing and able to. He desires to, and He knows your heart, and what it needs, better than anyone else, because He created it. "God. Your Father will do this for you."
"I've seen so many men walk away disappointed when I've told them this. Perhaps it was from an unhealed father wound. Perhaps they don't realize that there is an intimacy available with God far better, much closer than what they've heretofore experienced. But my brothers, do not despair. God wants to father you. Has been fathering you for some time - you just haven't had the eyes to see it. In fact, even the best father can only take you so far. He was never meant to be your all-in-all. Rather, he was meant to bring you to the the Father."
I'm one of those guys who would walk away disappointed. The biggest struggle I have right now is that I have so many questions that only God can answer, and He isn't giving any. I face trial after trial, and I feel so alone, at times like no one, not even God, cares. But it all comes down to seeing things from His point of view. It comes down to knowing that I AM God's Beloved Son, and that in order to move through the stages of Warrior, Lover, King and Sage, I have to face the trials of the Cowboy stage.
I'm one of those people that isn't ashamed to seek the wisdom of older men who I respect and trust. Over the last few months I've started to be able to open up again as I've found a safe place in my pastor and another pastor friend. And the biggest frustration I've had is that even they are unable to answer my questions. All they can do is point me to God and offer encouragement. They've done more than say "I'll pray for you." They've listened and asked questions. They've shared experiences and offered encouragement. And they continue to be there for me. But ultimately all they can do is point me to the Father. "God will, at times, provide men to 'fill in the gaps'... You might find a mentor to walk you personally through many stages, but we all know by now that he's hard to find. Don't insist that it come from one man."
"God mostly wants to do our initiating directly, personally, himself. He wants the same relationship with us that Jesus - as a man - experienced with him during his journey on this earth. Remember - you are the son of a kind, strong, and engaged Father, a Father wise enough to guide you in the Way, generous enough to provide for your journey, offering to walk with you every step. Whatever else might seem true, this is what is most true."
God is at work in your life and mine brothers. He desires the intimacy with us, His sons, as we desire to have with our father. He is inviting us to walk this journey with Him as He initiates us into Men of God. He knows our hearts, and what they can handle, and He is with us as we face the trials and live the adventures. He is willing, are we?
"Father, take me there. Take me back to things that were lost, or unfinished, or never even started. Take me into the Cowboy stage and do this work in my soul. Father me here. Give me eyes to see, both where you have been fathering me and I didn't know it, and where you are initiating me now, though I might be misinterpreting it. I want to be brave and true. I want a strength, and I want to offer it to others. Lead me on."
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Friday, September 20, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 6: Raising the Cowboy, part 5
"Now, there is a rhythm to the earth, and to man's life upon it. At its best, the rhythm is a harmony of Discipline and Freedom. Harvest and Sabbath. School year and summer vacation. Monday mornings and Friday nights. Clean your room and go out to play. We teach a boy... by mixing the years of the Cowboy with both adventure and hard work."
This is what it all comes down to, balance. I know too many people who spent their Cowboy years simply adventuring, never working. Personally, I feel mine were spent with more working than adventure, which has had its own impact on who I am and how I see life. We need a balance to this so that there can be harmonious rhythm. Too much adventure and the boy sees life as something fun, enjoyment with no investment. But too much work and there will be nothing to enjoy because work is all that fills his life. There has to be balance, because ultimately, work leads to adventure, prepares us for adventure. Just as discipline ultimately leads to freedom.
It is crucial that a boy learn how to work during this stage of his life, but it is just as crucial that he learn life is meant to enjoy as well, and there is more than simply working to get ahead. I feel that too many times people do that, but once they get there they are unable to enjoy it because work is all they know. "There's a lot we have to learn before we become powerful. There is a way things work." But this lesson has to be learned with the balance of work and adventure, fun and responsibility.
"Mission trips would be ideal at this stage. For a boy-becoming-a-young-man to see what life is like in the developing world, to see poverty up close, to lend a hand in building a room or serving a meal or teaching English - that is a lesson he will never forget." Perhaps the biggest part of work is learning that you have strength, and that it is yours to use in the service of others. There are people in the world that need help, and you have the ability to offer it. All of this works to help a boy further understand that he is not the most important thing in the world, and that things do not function as they were intended. And in that he will begin to see that there is something he can do about it. He will begin to see his life as part of God's story, and realize that he is called to be part of something epic.
"Find ways to engage the boy in doing things for himself... 'Here - you do it.' The message: you can handle this... Quite often when you give a young man opportunities, he doesn't even see it as work." Let your sons use your tools, show them how, watch them, but let them do it. I hate working on cars with a passion, and the reason being, it was one thing my dad didn't really teach me. It was "Hold my light" and "Get me this tool", but I wasn't on the ground under the vehicle with him watching how to do things. Instead it was hours of just standing there, bored to death, learning nothing and wasting time.
"The wisdom for adventure is the same for work - where is the hesitation in the boy or man? Go there. What will develop in him a sense of strength, and courage, and confidence? Go there. And finally, how will you counter that essential selfishness inherent to man, how will you teach him to serve others? Go there."
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
This is what it all comes down to, balance. I know too many people who spent their Cowboy years simply adventuring, never working. Personally, I feel mine were spent with more working than adventure, which has had its own impact on who I am and how I see life. We need a balance to this so that there can be harmonious rhythm. Too much adventure and the boy sees life as something fun, enjoyment with no investment. But too much work and there will be nothing to enjoy because work is all that fills his life. There has to be balance, because ultimately, work leads to adventure, prepares us for adventure. Just as discipline ultimately leads to freedom.
It is crucial that a boy learn how to work during this stage of his life, but it is just as crucial that he learn life is meant to enjoy as well, and there is more than simply working to get ahead. I feel that too many times people do that, but once they get there they are unable to enjoy it because work is all they know. "There's a lot we have to learn before we become powerful. There is a way things work." But this lesson has to be learned with the balance of work and adventure, fun and responsibility.
"Mission trips would be ideal at this stage. For a boy-becoming-a-young-man to see what life is like in the developing world, to see poverty up close, to lend a hand in building a room or serving a meal or teaching English - that is a lesson he will never forget." Perhaps the biggest part of work is learning that you have strength, and that it is yours to use in the service of others. There are people in the world that need help, and you have the ability to offer it. All of this works to help a boy further understand that he is not the most important thing in the world, and that things do not function as they were intended. And in that he will begin to see that there is something he can do about it. He will begin to see his life as part of God's story, and realize that he is called to be part of something epic.
"Find ways to engage the boy in doing things for himself... 'Here - you do it.' The message: you can handle this... Quite often when you give a young man opportunities, he doesn't even see it as work." Let your sons use your tools, show them how, watch them, but let them do it. I hate working on cars with a passion, and the reason being, it was one thing my dad didn't really teach me. It was "Hold my light" and "Get me this tool", but I wasn't on the ground under the vehicle with him watching how to do things. Instead it was hours of just standing there, bored to death, learning nothing and wasting time.
"The wisdom for adventure is the same for work - where is the hesitation in the boy or man? Go there. What will develop in him a sense of strength, and courage, and confidence? Go there. And finally, how will you counter that essential selfishness inherent to man, how will you teach him to serve others? Go there."
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Thursday, September 19, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 6: Raising the Cowboy, part 4
As we look at the journey there is a crucial question we must ask, "What unfinished business does God want to take us men back through, to pick up where we fell off? Perhaps to begin an initiation that never got started?" How many of us had fathers who were intentional about initiating us? How many of us had fathers who were capable of doing so? How many of us actually feel, deep down in the places that no one else knows about, that we are whole and complete men? I'll be honest, I don't.
I'm almost 27, and I have no career. I have a four year degree, and I'm an ordained minister, but I'm stuck working a part time job that after taxes gives me less than $13,000 a year. To top it off, I had to move my wife into my parent's basement, everyone's dream for their future when they move out. I've applied for jobs and been turned down for one reason or another, and I just can't seem to get my feet under me. Part of me really just wants to give up. I've asked myself, and God, repeatedly "Why does everything have to be so hard?" But part of me is beginning to learn that God is at work in all of this.
The longer it takes, the harder it gets. I still have days where I just get frustrated and have the worst attitude, Tuesday was one of those days, but reading this chapter has given me pause. It's caused me to begin thinking along a different line, and instead of asking why everything is so difficult, and how much longer is this going to last, to instead try to ask other questions.
"How much of my life have I been misinterpreting? How many things have I just written off as hassle or 'life is hard,' or even as warfare, when in fact God was in it, in the difficulty, wanting to Father me?"
Nothing is wasted with God. This masculine journey, this initiation, is not an option. It is something that God must lead us through. The tests and trials of the Cowboy stage can feel cruel if we haven't fully known ourselves to be Beloved Sons, but the reality is that it is because we are God's Beloved Sons that He is pushing us to grow and progress through the stages of the masculine journey. We must allow God to father us through the stages, and in each of them come to see what God is trying to teach us.
Right now I feel that I'm learning confidence in a new way that I haven't had before. And at the same time my passion and restlessness for full time ministry is growing daily. Along with this I've really started to think through what I'm looking for in a Church position. There are some jobs I could have done with churches that I've turned down, or haven't even sent a resume to, because something didn't line up. It hasn't been easy, at some points I've been like, "What are you doing?!" but I know there are still things that I have to learn.
And it is important to remember that we weren't meant to do this alone, we can't do this alone. We need a fellowship of men. "This is crucial to masculine initiation. Far too much has fallen on the shoulders of the father alone. It takes a company of men to bring a boy into the masculine world, and to bring young men to their maturity." We need fellowship with men. In Wild at Heart it's referred to as a Band of Brothers. We need other guys to go through life with. Guys who will stand shoulder to shoulder with us on the front lines. Guys who will watch our backs, and if need be, shed their blood for us. But this fellowship is a difficult thing to come by.
"How rare masculine fellowship is. I've been intentional about fighting for friendships with men over the years - you have to be, to find them and keep them - and intentional about trips like Moab and elk hunting that bring the men and boys together. It's rare, but I can be done. You need it, and your boys need it."
When I read this last week I sent it to one of my closest friends, telling him that this is what I need right now. He responded that so does he. We live close to two hours apart, both have crazy schedules, and have no idea how to make this work, but we both know that it is something we need. We weren't meant to do this alone. God didn't place us on individual islands to fend for ourselves. We have each other, and we need each other to sharpen ourselves. We must be intentional about fellowshipping together.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
I'm almost 27, and I have no career. I have a four year degree, and I'm an ordained minister, but I'm stuck working a part time job that after taxes gives me less than $13,000 a year. To top it off, I had to move my wife into my parent's basement, everyone's dream for their future when they move out. I've applied for jobs and been turned down for one reason or another, and I just can't seem to get my feet under me. Part of me really just wants to give up. I've asked myself, and God, repeatedly "Why does everything have to be so hard?" But part of me is beginning to learn that God is at work in all of this.
The longer it takes, the harder it gets. I still have days where I just get frustrated and have the worst attitude, Tuesday was one of those days, but reading this chapter has given me pause. It's caused me to begin thinking along a different line, and instead of asking why everything is so difficult, and how much longer is this going to last, to instead try to ask other questions.
"How much of my life have I been misinterpreting? How many things have I just written off as hassle or 'life is hard,' or even as warfare, when in fact God was in it, in the difficulty, wanting to Father me?"
Nothing is wasted with God. This masculine journey, this initiation, is not an option. It is something that God must lead us through. The tests and trials of the Cowboy stage can feel cruel if we haven't fully known ourselves to be Beloved Sons, but the reality is that it is because we are God's Beloved Sons that He is pushing us to grow and progress through the stages of the masculine journey. We must allow God to father us through the stages, and in each of them come to see what God is trying to teach us.
Right now I feel that I'm learning confidence in a new way that I haven't had before. And at the same time my passion and restlessness for full time ministry is growing daily. Along with this I've really started to think through what I'm looking for in a Church position. There are some jobs I could have done with churches that I've turned down, or haven't even sent a resume to, because something didn't line up. It hasn't been easy, at some points I've been like, "What are you doing?!" but I know there are still things that I have to learn.
And it is important to remember that we weren't meant to do this alone, we can't do this alone. We need a fellowship of men. "This is crucial to masculine initiation. Far too much has fallen on the shoulders of the father alone. It takes a company of men to bring a boy into the masculine world, and to bring young men to their maturity." We need fellowship with men. In Wild at Heart it's referred to as a Band of Brothers. We need other guys to go through life with. Guys who will stand shoulder to shoulder with us on the front lines. Guys who will watch our backs, and if need be, shed their blood for us. But this fellowship is a difficult thing to come by.
"How rare masculine fellowship is. I've been intentional about fighting for friendships with men over the years - you have to be, to find them and keep them - and intentional about trips like Moab and elk hunting that bring the men and boys together. It's rare, but I can be done. You need it, and your boys need it."
When I read this last week I sent it to one of my closest friends, telling him that this is what I need right now. He responded that so does he. We live close to two hours apart, both have crazy schedules, and have no idea how to make this work, but we both know that it is something we need. We weren't meant to do this alone. God didn't place us on individual islands to fend for ourselves. We have each other, and we need each other to sharpen ourselves. We must be intentional about fellowshipping together.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 6: Raising the Cowboy, part 3
When we think of adventure I think the idea that most often come to mind (I know this is true for me), involves something outdoors. Loading a backpack and heading into the woods, setting out in my canoe, wadding through a river, or climbing a mountain, that is what I define adventure as. But there are many who hate the idea of nature. I have a friend who won't camp because he doesn't want to sleep on the ground, but I don't consider him less of a man because of that.
"I want to say that it is not necessary that a man become a mountaineer, a hunter, or a whitewater rafting guide to experience what I am describing in this book... However, there is something vital and, yes, necessary for the masculine soul that can be found only in wilderness... First, it would be good to remember that the world of nature is the world God created and set us in. He didn't make Adam from polyester, but from the dust of the earth, and he didn't set him down at the mall, but in the outdoors, in nature. The created world, with all its beauty and diversity and wildness, this is the world God intended for us to live in relationship to."
I've shared how I dislike the city, I feel so out of place there, because that isn't the world I was made for. Tell me I have to work in an office all day and wear a suit, and I'll be miserable for the rest of my life. But give me a piece of ground and tell me to improve it, I cannot tell you the joy that would give me, and the hope that it fills my heart with. And again, it's not that there is no adventure in the urban setting, or in an office, but it is something that man has made. We need to find ways to escape that. Why else do you think there is an 840 acre park in the middle of New York City? We were made for nature and deep down our souls crave it in some way.
"There is a humility and a seasoned wisdom to be learned in the natural world, as they are learned no other place. Yes, I have learned humility from my computer. But it pales to all I have learned from the mountains... That is one of the great lessons nature has for us. There is a way things work. You cannot simply walk through this world any old way you want. Turn a canoe sideways and it will tip. Approach an elk upwind and it will spook. Run your hand along the grain of wood and you'll get a splinter. There is a way things work. Oh, what a crucial lesson this is for a man. In the realm of nature, you can't just order room service, or change the channel, or write a new program to solve your problems. You can't ignore the way things work. You must be taught by it. Humility and wisdom come to a man when he learns those ways, and learn to live his life accordingly. his God instruct shim through the natural world. On the other hand, the artificial world is a world that is primarily under our control. And that's why we like it - we men like to have things under our control. Remote control, whenever possible. But that is not good for the masculine soul, nor is it good for a man's spirituality. God is not under our control, and one of the ways a boy and a young man come to begin to realize that is through the natural world. It is big enough, and bold enough, and awe-inspiring enough to begin a sort of fundamental reorientation. You are not the center of the universe. There are forces that command your respect. Learning to live in harmony with them is essential to your survival, not to mention your happiness."
I don't remember when my dad first introduced me to the movie Jeremiah Johnson, but I'm willing to bet that most of you haven't heard of it, much less seen it. It takes place in the mid 1800's and is actually based on a true story. Robert Redford plays the main character who deserts the army and heads west to become a mountain man. He buys a good horse, rifle, and gear and heads off to live in the Rocky Mountains. Fortunately for him he is taken in by an older mountain man who survives by hunting grizzly bears. The night they meet he takes Jeremiah into his cabin and begins to teach him how to survive, and he tells him, "You can't cheat the mountain Pilgrim. Mountain's got its own way."
In nature, no matter how prepared you are, you are never in control. The mountain has its own way that cannot be tamed, you learn to live with it and live by its way. And that is an important lesson to learn, because no matter how prepared you are, or think you are for life, it is never under your control. The universe has an order, and you are not above that, but in the urban world it is easy to miss this lesson. "There are things to learn through nature, lessons that simply cannot be learned anywhere else." And so we need to head to the woods, venture to the mountains, and take in all that it has to offer.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
"I want to say that it is not necessary that a man become a mountaineer, a hunter, or a whitewater rafting guide to experience what I am describing in this book... However, there is something vital and, yes, necessary for the masculine soul that can be found only in wilderness... First, it would be good to remember that the world of nature is the world God created and set us in. He didn't make Adam from polyester, but from the dust of the earth, and he didn't set him down at the mall, but in the outdoors, in nature. The created world, with all its beauty and diversity and wildness, this is the world God intended for us to live in relationship to."
I've shared how I dislike the city, I feel so out of place there, because that isn't the world I was made for. Tell me I have to work in an office all day and wear a suit, and I'll be miserable for the rest of my life. But give me a piece of ground and tell me to improve it, I cannot tell you the joy that would give me, and the hope that it fills my heart with. And again, it's not that there is no adventure in the urban setting, or in an office, but it is something that man has made. We need to find ways to escape that. Why else do you think there is an 840 acre park in the middle of New York City? We were made for nature and deep down our souls crave it in some way.
"There is a humility and a seasoned wisdom to be learned in the natural world, as they are learned no other place. Yes, I have learned humility from my computer. But it pales to all I have learned from the mountains... That is one of the great lessons nature has for us. There is a way things work. You cannot simply walk through this world any old way you want. Turn a canoe sideways and it will tip. Approach an elk upwind and it will spook. Run your hand along the grain of wood and you'll get a splinter. There is a way things work. Oh, what a crucial lesson this is for a man. In the realm of nature, you can't just order room service, or change the channel, or write a new program to solve your problems. You can't ignore the way things work. You must be taught by it. Humility and wisdom come to a man when he learns those ways, and learn to live his life accordingly. his God instruct shim through the natural world. On the other hand, the artificial world is a world that is primarily under our control. And that's why we like it - we men like to have things under our control. Remote control, whenever possible. But that is not good for the masculine soul, nor is it good for a man's spirituality. God is not under our control, and one of the ways a boy and a young man come to begin to realize that is through the natural world. It is big enough, and bold enough, and awe-inspiring enough to begin a sort of fundamental reorientation. You are not the center of the universe. There are forces that command your respect. Learning to live in harmony with them is essential to your survival, not to mention your happiness."
I don't remember when my dad first introduced me to the movie Jeremiah Johnson, but I'm willing to bet that most of you haven't heard of it, much less seen it. It takes place in the mid 1800's and is actually based on a true story. Robert Redford plays the main character who deserts the army and heads west to become a mountain man. He buys a good horse, rifle, and gear and heads off to live in the Rocky Mountains. Fortunately for him he is taken in by an older mountain man who survives by hunting grizzly bears. The night they meet he takes Jeremiah into his cabin and begins to teach him how to survive, and he tells him, "You can't cheat the mountain Pilgrim. Mountain's got its own way."
In nature, no matter how prepared you are, you are never in control. The mountain has its own way that cannot be tamed, you learn to live with it and live by its way. And that is an important lesson to learn, because no matter how prepared you are, or think you are for life, it is never under your control. The universe has an order, and you are not above that, but in the urban world it is easy to miss this lesson. "There are things to learn through nature, lessons that simply cannot be learned anywhere else." And so we need to head to the woods, venture to the mountains, and take in all that it has to offer.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 6: Raising the Cowboy, part 2
"A young man needs something epic. So much of the thrill-seeking we see in young men is a search for a deeper experience, one that is spiritual in nature, though they don't know how to put words to it. Notice that as a boy grows older, his longing for adventure typically grows more extreme...The heart of a young man hungers to be part of something epic."
I know my heart does. Right now I feel like I'm just existing. There are no real battles, no adventures, no real work, and my heart is so restless. I am so restless for something bigger and more exciting and challenging. Something epic. But is crucial to remember that the masculine journey is bigger than just the physical existence and experience. Life is deeply spiritual because it is from God. This journey, above all else, is a spiritual quest of initiation by God. A big part of the Cowboy stage is helping a boy begin to form his own faith, and build a strong, personal relationship with God.
He is searching for something epic and, "We need to help him find it in Christianity. We need to find it with God ourselves. So many times we miss this yearning in a young man's life by telling him to 'calm down,' when what we should be doing is hooking that yearning up to God. Now, 'going to church' does not meet this need. It can help to convey an epic story, if that is the Christianity being offered there, but in and of itself going to church is not the Epic Story, nor does it alone suffice to communicate that Story. The Spiritualty we offer a young man must be epic, or we'll lose him."
Ever paid attention to the audience of a church service? It's mostly made up of women. Wild at Heart talked about this, and how today's church doesn't speak to the hearts of men, or present Christianity in a way that relates to men. For me, church was never something epic or exciting, never something that spoke to my heart as a man, but I learned to see God as He is, and who He is captures my heart, and calls it into the epic story that is taking place. Church has largely missed the point, and that's why men are lacking. So what do we do to help our sons fall in love with God?
"It begins by first taking a look at the Christianity you are living. Is it epic? Or is it just good morals and a few prayers? Remember that in the Scriptures, whenever God gets hold of a man he takes him into an epic story, one full of danger and drama and meaning. Abraham, Joseph, David, Jesus' disciples, Saul. The stories we read there are not meant to simply impress us with another man's life. They are examples of what can happen when we abandon ourselves to God - which for any man means, among other things, that we stop hedging our best, playing it safe. Second, when it comes to raising young men, it is crucial that his father's life (and Christianity) be epic at heart... Sit down!? Take it slow!? That is the last thing the young man needs to hear, especially from his father. A father's spirituality will either capture or repulse the boy."
As the Beloved Son, a boy sees glimpses of the heart of God in the love and strength of his father. Now as a Cowboy, the young man begins to form his own relationship with God, learning who He is and beginning to see the calling God has placed on his life. And his father will shape much of that. Is the father living an active and authentic relationship with God that is transforming the world, or is it one of obligatory church attendance? Remember, the stories contained in the Bible are of ordinary men who trusted and followed God in extraordinary lives. What happened then can, and needs to, happen now. We were made to lives like the men of Scripture, and it is what the heart of the young man yearns for. To see God do amazing things, and to encounter Him personally.
"I believe you can tie that yearning for something epic to a young man's spirituality through adventure, especially when adventure is set into a spiritual context. Remembering that our context is masculine initiation under the Father's guidance will help a great deal."
This journey is about us becoming the men God created us to be, and it is crucial that every stage is focused on Him and what He is working to accomplish. And above all it must be focused on glorifying Him. Adventure is a man living to the fullest, no matter what it is, and as St. Irenaeus said, "The glory of God is man fully alive." And so as we adventure, as we live life, let us point to the epic work God is doing to mold us into His men.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
I know my heart does. Right now I feel like I'm just existing. There are no real battles, no adventures, no real work, and my heart is so restless. I am so restless for something bigger and more exciting and challenging. Something epic. But is crucial to remember that the masculine journey is bigger than just the physical existence and experience. Life is deeply spiritual because it is from God. This journey, above all else, is a spiritual quest of initiation by God. A big part of the Cowboy stage is helping a boy begin to form his own faith, and build a strong, personal relationship with God.
He is searching for something epic and, "We need to help him find it in Christianity. We need to find it with God ourselves. So many times we miss this yearning in a young man's life by telling him to 'calm down,' when what we should be doing is hooking that yearning up to God. Now, 'going to church' does not meet this need. It can help to convey an epic story, if that is the Christianity being offered there, but in and of itself going to church is not the Epic Story, nor does it alone suffice to communicate that Story. The Spiritualty we offer a young man must be epic, or we'll lose him."
Ever paid attention to the audience of a church service? It's mostly made up of women. Wild at Heart talked about this, and how today's church doesn't speak to the hearts of men, or present Christianity in a way that relates to men. For me, church was never something epic or exciting, never something that spoke to my heart as a man, but I learned to see God as He is, and who He is captures my heart, and calls it into the epic story that is taking place. Church has largely missed the point, and that's why men are lacking. So what do we do to help our sons fall in love with God?
"It begins by first taking a look at the Christianity you are living. Is it epic? Or is it just good morals and a few prayers? Remember that in the Scriptures, whenever God gets hold of a man he takes him into an epic story, one full of danger and drama and meaning. Abraham, Joseph, David, Jesus' disciples, Saul. The stories we read there are not meant to simply impress us with another man's life. They are examples of what can happen when we abandon ourselves to God - which for any man means, among other things, that we stop hedging our best, playing it safe. Second, when it comes to raising young men, it is crucial that his father's life (and Christianity) be epic at heart... Sit down!? Take it slow!? That is the last thing the young man needs to hear, especially from his father. A father's spirituality will either capture or repulse the boy."
As the Beloved Son, a boy sees glimpses of the heart of God in the love and strength of his father. Now as a Cowboy, the young man begins to form his own relationship with God, learning who He is and beginning to see the calling God has placed on his life. And his father will shape much of that. Is the father living an active and authentic relationship with God that is transforming the world, or is it one of obligatory church attendance? Remember, the stories contained in the Bible are of ordinary men who trusted and followed God in extraordinary lives. What happened then can, and needs to, happen now. We were made to lives like the men of Scripture, and it is what the heart of the young man yearns for. To see God do amazing things, and to encounter Him personally.
"I believe you can tie that yearning for something epic to a young man's spirituality through adventure, especially when adventure is set into a spiritual context. Remembering that our context is masculine initiation under the Father's guidance will help a great deal."
This journey is about us becoming the men God created us to be, and it is crucial that every stage is focused on Him and what He is working to accomplish. And above all it must be focused on glorifying Him. Adventure is a man living to the fullest, no matter what it is, and as St. Irenaeus said, "The glory of God is man fully alive." And so as we adventure, as we live life, let us point to the epic work God is doing to mold us into His men.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Monday, September 16, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 6: Raising the Cowboy, part 1
"The young Cowboy Ranger needs a chance to test himself, to explore beyond mom and dad's reach." The boy is beginning to grow up, and it is crucial that mom and dad let him. He isn't ready to be fully on his own, there are still things he must learn from them, but it is time for the world to begin to get a little bigger. As we set out to raise sons through the Cowboy stage of the journey, it is crucial that we loosen our grip on them and let them begin to go.
Again think of The Patriot, a father tries to keep his sons from going out and growing up, one rebels and becomes a solider, another ends up being shot and killed. A boy doesn't become a man by being kept safe, his heart longs for more and he'll fight to get there. But without the guidance of a father, he ends up in the wrong place. And so we must allow our sons to grow up, and guide them as they grow.
"You have a strength, and it is needed. When a man feels that to be true, he rises up and engages like a man. As a boy begins to become a young man, there are some key issues at stake. He needs to know he possesses a genuine strength, and he needs to know that strength is ultimately for others. There is bravery that must be cultivated in him, for it will be called upon in every other stage of his life. Adventure comes into play to develop the masculine soul, because adventure calls us out, requires us to be something we want to be but aren't sure we are. Adventure nourishes and strengthens a man's heart in ways that cannot be fully articulated, must be experienced."
This stage is about a boy learning his strength, but more importantly how to use it correctly. Strength is best learned in adventure. I fell asleep watching The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey last night, but in the part I saw Gandalf and the dwarves are sitting around Bilbo's table debating if the hobbit is suited for the task that Gandalf says he is. And as they dwarves argue, Gandalf's voice thunders to get their attention, and then calms back down to tell them, "There’s a lot more to him than appearances suggest, and he’s got a great deal more to offer than any of you know, including himself." As the story progresses, and the adventures continue, we see Bilbo's confidence grow as he learns his strength. But it isn't discovered sitting comfortably in the Shire, it is only found on the road. The Cowboy needs adventure if he is ever to become a man.
"Now, the scale and nature of the adventure need to fit the boy, and the man, fit his stage of the journey. Ride in the canoe; paddle in the bow; pilot one yourself. There is a progression. Take the boy into adventure, and give him an increasing measure of freedom and responsibility there... But make sure the test or trial fits the young man's heart... The adventures and work that we choose must fit the soul of the boy. One young man's adventure would be terrifying to another."
On overwhelming task sets a boy up for failure, and a failure like this wounds rather than affirms. And a boy isn't ready to take control of a situation on his first outing, he has to learn, and as he gains confidence he is ready for more responsibility and risk. And above all, we must remember that all of us are different. We have different passions, different yearnings. Some guys want to surf, others want to climb mountains. Some join the military, others teach in the inner city. Know the heart of the boy you are guiding, and speak to him in ways that his heart yearns for. Invite him into adventures that are fitting, not the ones you want him to have.
"Now, I need to clarify something. The place of adventure in a man's journey is very, very important. Unfortunately, we live at a time when adventure has become big business. Magazines are filled with photo essays of the latest gear, the coolest places, the most extreme adventures... Much of this adventure is not initiation at all; it tends to be merely exotic play, nothing more than adolescent indulgence. Without a context, adventure is for the most part... just adventure... there are levels of adventure, from casual to crucial to critical. Casual adventures are mostly what fill the pages of those magazines... they can be a key part of initiation if they have a context, and if they are intended to be a first step toward more important adventures."
We must be careful not to indulge in adventure simply for adventure's sake. There are lessons to be learned. My first backpacking trip ended up being a simple two day hike with an over night camp out. But on this trip there was learning. I figured out what I could leave behind on the next trip, realized what clothing would be best, and got to see how to properly pack food and what kind of stuff to bring. Yes, it was a great trip, but it wasn't just a trip, it was a stepping stone of initiation. Adventure simply for the sake of adventure, risk for the sake of risk, is just foolish. There has to be a point.
"Adventure comes to us in many forms - a flat tire two hundred miles from nowhere, an invitation to join our friends in the woods, a yearning to completely change our careers. As men, we need to seek adventure, and embrace it when it comes unlooked for. Not to live a selfish life, not to squander our lives fishing and golfing, not the Peter Pan syndrome, but because there are things that need to be strengthened and called out in our souls as men, and that happens out there in adventure."
It is in adventure that we learn essential skills, we learn about our strength and what we are capable of. The Cowboy needs adventure to build the confidence that is essential to the future. Without it he faces the world with uncertainty. Adventure with a purpose.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Again think of The Patriot, a father tries to keep his sons from going out and growing up, one rebels and becomes a solider, another ends up being shot and killed. A boy doesn't become a man by being kept safe, his heart longs for more and he'll fight to get there. But without the guidance of a father, he ends up in the wrong place. And so we must allow our sons to grow up, and guide them as they grow.
"You have a strength, and it is needed. When a man feels that to be true, he rises up and engages like a man. As a boy begins to become a young man, there are some key issues at stake. He needs to know he possesses a genuine strength, and he needs to know that strength is ultimately for others. There is bravery that must be cultivated in him, for it will be called upon in every other stage of his life. Adventure comes into play to develop the masculine soul, because adventure calls us out, requires us to be something we want to be but aren't sure we are. Adventure nourishes and strengthens a man's heart in ways that cannot be fully articulated, must be experienced."
This stage is about a boy learning his strength, but more importantly how to use it correctly. Strength is best learned in adventure. I fell asleep watching The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey last night, but in the part I saw Gandalf and the dwarves are sitting around Bilbo's table debating if the hobbit is suited for the task that Gandalf says he is. And as they dwarves argue, Gandalf's voice thunders to get their attention, and then calms back down to tell them, "There’s a lot more to him than appearances suggest, and he’s got a great deal more to offer than any of you know, including himself." As the story progresses, and the adventures continue, we see Bilbo's confidence grow as he learns his strength. But it isn't discovered sitting comfortably in the Shire, it is only found on the road. The Cowboy needs adventure if he is ever to become a man.
"Now, the scale and nature of the adventure need to fit the boy, and the man, fit his stage of the journey. Ride in the canoe; paddle in the bow; pilot one yourself. There is a progression. Take the boy into adventure, and give him an increasing measure of freedom and responsibility there... But make sure the test or trial fits the young man's heart... The adventures and work that we choose must fit the soul of the boy. One young man's adventure would be terrifying to another."
On overwhelming task sets a boy up for failure, and a failure like this wounds rather than affirms. And a boy isn't ready to take control of a situation on his first outing, he has to learn, and as he gains confidence he is ready for more responsibility and risk. And above all, we must remember that all of us are different. We have different passions, different yearnings. Some guys want to surf, others want to climb mountains. Some join the military, others teach in the inner city. Know the heart of the boy you are guiding, and speak to him in ways that his heart yearns for. Invite him into adventures that are fitting, not the ones you want him to have.
"Now, I need to clarify something. The place of adventure in a man's journey is very, very important. Unfortunately, we live at a time when adventure has become big business. Magazines are filled with photo essays of the latest gear, the coolest places, the most extreme adventures... Much of this adventure is not initiation at all; it tends to be merely exotic play, nothing more than adolescent indulgence. Without a context, adventure is for the most part... just adventure... there are levels of adventure, from casual to crucial to critical. Casual adventures are mostly what fill the pages of those magazines... they can be a key part of initiation if they have a context, and if they are intended to be a first step toward more important adventures."
We must be careful not to indulge in adventure simply for adventure's sake. There are lessons to be learned. My first backpacking trip ended up being a simple two day hike with an over night camp out. But on this trip there was learning. I figured out what I could leave behind on the next trip, realized what clothing would be best, and got to see how to properly pack food and what kind of stuff to bring. Yes, it was a great trip, but it wasn't just a trip, it was a stepping stone of initiation. Adventure simply for the sake of adventure, risk for the sake of risk, is just foolish. There has to be a point.
"Adventure comes to us in many forms - a flat tire two hundred miles from nowhere, an invitation to join our friends in the woods, a yearning to completely change our careers. As men, we need to seek adventure, and embrace it when it comes unlooked for. Not to live a selfish life, not to squander our lives fishing and golfing, not the Peter Pan syndrome, but because there are things that need to be strengthened and called out in our souls as men, and that happens out there in adventure."
It is in adventure that we learn essential skills, we learn about our strength and what we are capable of. The Cowboy needs adventure to build the confidence that is essential to the future. Without it he faces the world with uncertainty. Adventure with a purpose.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Thursday, September 12, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 5: Cowboy, part 4
Adventure and work go hand in hand. Too much or too little of either one is a bad thing that hinders the progress of a boy on his journey into manhood. And a father plays a crucial role in both. The absence of a father, or father figure, sets a boy up for failure and wounding.
"A young man's heart is wounded when he has no one to take him into the adventures his soul craves, no one to show him how to shoot a free throw or jump his bike or rock climb or use a power tool. This is how most young men experience fatherlessness - there is no man around who cares and who is strong enough to lead him into anything. His father might be physically present, but unavailable in every way, hiding behind a newspaper or spending hours at the computer while the young man waits for the father how never comes. Much of the anger we see in young men comes from this experience, because he is ready and fired up but has no outlet, no place to go. So it comes out in anger."
Reading that reminds me of another scene from The Patriot. The oldest son, Gabriel, has been a solider in the Continental Army for two years. His younger brother, Thomas, a fifteen year old, is anxious and ready to fight. Their father, Benjamin, played by Mel Gibson, is haunted by his past as a solider and is doing everything he can to shelter his family from war. Benjamin finds Thomas in his room wearing his old uniform and holding a tomahawk. As he takes it off of his son he says, "Not yet Thomas." When asked when, Benjamin says "17?" Thomas isn't happy because its two years away, and he desires to move on now, but his father refuses, and he refuses to tell his sons about his past, even though they repeatedly ask him.
Later that night, Gabriel comes to the house, wounded and looking for help. As Benjamin begins to tend to his wounds there is the sound of battle from outside the house. As he moves to look he sees soldiers being shot in the field. In the morning Benjamin and Thomas search the battle field for survivors and begin tending them at the house, and as they do British soldiers arrive to claim their comrades. As they are preparing to leave some of the British cavalry ride up, including the main villain. He is handed some dispatches that Gabriel was entrusted with, and then has him arrested and orders him to be taken to the fort and hanged.
Thomas pleads with his father to do something, but Benjamin simply orders him to be quite and begins to make sure his younger children are safe. Then then young Cowboy does something drastic. He charges the soldiers trying to free his brother, and ends up being shot and killed. The father refused to act, refused to let his sons grow up, and it results in death. Fathers wound or heal, give life or take it away. A Cowboy needs his father to take him into the adventure, to expose him to things that are challenging, but not damaging. When this doesn't take place the boy is deeply wounded.
"And a young man's heart is wounded when he repeatedly fails. Of course, failure is a part of learning and every cowboy gets thrown from his horse, But there needs to be someone at his side to interpret the failures and setbacks, to urge him to get back on the horse. If you weren't the Beloved Son, the testing that comes with this stage can feel unkind, cruel, a sort of rejection - especially if you are on your own."
I've felt this a lot with my career. All three churches I've worked at I feel like I've failed. My first assignment was as a youth pastor, while I was a full time college student. The pastor wanted me to do miracles with no money, no help, and no resources. When I couldn't he asked me to resign. My second assignment was as a youth and young adult pastor, and the church didn't have the money to hire me when they did. I moved out of state and went to work, and saw some good fruit growing. There were some differences of opinion with senior leadership, but he was my boss and I did what he said, but then the budget caught up with them. I resigned again, and was told that I had character flaws (I'm leaving out a lot of the story). Through both of these experiences I had someone to fall back on, someone to help me through them. It still hurt, but there were men I could turn to.
And then we come to the most recent experience. I was 24, and assigned to be the lead pastor of a church of about 40 people. There was one couple about my parent's age, and then pretty much everyone was either my grandparents, or in some cases great-grandparent's age. But I was young and passionate, and believed I could change the world. I got involved in the community, tried to build relationships and meet people, all with very little help from anyone in the church. Basically it was my wife and I doing everything. We were worn out, no one would help, and no one seemed to care. I remember going and talking to my district leaders and I was told, "Someone is going to have to push through this." No help just left on my own to try and work miracles. Here again, money was tight, and I ended up resigning again due to a lack of finances.
I was told I would be used to fill in speaking at other churches, that happened twice in the past year. No one did anything to help us find another assignment. Afterwards a few people talked with me just to tell me the things that I had done wrong and needed to do differently the next time, and I've only had one person from the denomination contact me just to see how I'm doing consistently over the past year. I've walked through a lot of this time very much alone and wondering why. No one came along side and asked how I was feeling and what I was thinking. No one fathered me through this. Part of me can't believe I just wrote that out, but I feel that it's time.
"The Masculine soul needs the trials and adventures and experiences that bring a young man to the settled confidence David showed before Goliath - the lion and the bear experiences. All of these experience of the Cowboy stage are driving at one basic goal: to answer his Question. The boy-becoming-a-young-man has a Question, and the Question is, 'Do I have what it takes?' It is a father's job to help him get an answer, a resounding Yes! that the boy himself believes because it has come through experience. The father provides initiation by arranging for moments - through hard work and adventure - when the Question is on the line... The father is to speak into his son's heart deep affirmation. Yes, you do. You have what it takes. He needs a hundred experiences that will help him get there, and he is wounded and emasculated when he is kept from those experiences, or left on his own to interpret them, or when no one is there to help him in his journey toward initiation."
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
"A young man's heart is wounded when he has no one to take him into the adventures his soul craves, no one to show him how to shoot a free throw or jump his bike or rock climb or use a power tool. This is how most young men experience fatherlessness - there is no man around who cares and who is strong enough to lead him into anything. His father might be physically present, but unavailable in every way, hiding behind a newspaper or spending hours at the computer while the young man waits for the father how never comes. Much of the anger we see in young men comes from this experience, because he is ready and fired up but has no outlet, no place to go. So it comes out in anger."
Reading that reminds me of another scene from The Patriot. The oldest son, Gabriel, has been a solider in the Continental Army for two years. His younger brother, Thomas, a fifteen year old, is anxious and ready to fight. Their father, Benjamin, played by Mel Gibson, is haunted by his past as a solider and is doing everything he can to shelter his family from war. Benjamin finds Thomas in his room wearing his old uniform and holding a tomahawk. As he takes it off of his son he says, "Not yet Thomas." When asked when, Benjamin says "17?" Thomas isn't happy because its two years away, and he desires to move on now, but his father refuses, and he refuses to tell his sons about his past, even though they repeatedly ask him.
Later that night, Gabriel comes to the house, wounded and looking for help. As Benjamin begins to tend to his wounds there is the sound of battle from outside the house. As he moves to look he sees soldiers being shot in the field. In the morning Benjamin and Thomas search the battle field for survivors and begin tending them at the house, and as they do British soldiers arrive to claim their comrades. As they are preparing to leave some of the British cavalry ride up, including the main villain. He is handed some dispatches that Gabriel was entrusted with, and then has him arrested and orders him to be taken to the fort and hanged.
Thomas pleads with his father to do something, but Benjamin simply orders him to be quite and begins to make sure his younger children are safe. Then then young Cowboy does something drastic. He charges the soldiers trying to free his brother, and ends up being shot and killed. The father refused to act, refused to let his sons grow up, and it results in death. Fathers wound or heal, give life or take it away. A Cowboy needs his father to take him into the adventure, to expose him to things that are challenging, but not damaging. When this doesn't take place the boy is deeply wounded.
"And a young man's heart is wounded when he repeatedly fails. Of course, failure is a part of learning and every cowboy gets thrown from his horse, But there needs to be someone at his side to interpret the failures and setbacks, to urge him to get back on the horse. If you weren't the Beloved Son, the testing that comes with this stage can feel unkind, cruel, a sort of rejection - especially if you are on your own."
I've felt this a lot with my career. All three churches I've worked at I feel like I've failed. My first assignment was as a youth pastor, while I was a full time college student. The pastor wanted me to do miracles with no money, no help, and no resources. When I couldn't he asked me to resign. My second assignment was as a youth and young adult pastor, and the church didn't have the money to hire me when they did. I moved out of state and went to work, and saw some good fruit growing. There were some differences of opinion with senior leadership, but he was my boss and I did what he said, but then the budget caught up with them. I resigned again, and was told that I had character flaws (I'm leaving out a lot of the story). Through both of these experiences I had someone to fall back on, someone to help me through them. It still hurt, but there were men I could turn to.
And then we come to the most recent experience. I was 24, and assigned to be the lead pastor of a church of about 40 people. There was one couple about my parent's age, and then pretty much everyone was either my grandparents, or in some cases great-grandparent's age. But I was young and passionate, and believed I could change the world. I got involved in the community, tried to build relationships and meet people, all with very little help from anyone in the church. Basically it was my wife and I doing everything. We were worn out, no one would help, and no one seemed to care. I remember going and talking to my district leaders and I was told, "Someone is going to have to push through this." No help just left on my own to try and work miracles. Here again, money was tight, and I ended up resigning again due to a lack of finances.
I was told I would be used to fill in speaking at other churches, that happened twice in the past year. No one did anything to help us find another assignment. Afterwards a few people talked with me just to tell me the things that I had done wrong and needed to do differently the next time, and I've only had one person from the denomination contact me just to see how I'm doing consistently over the past year. I've walked through a lot of this time very much alone and wondering why. No one came along side and asked how I was feeling and what I was thinking. No one fathered me through this. Part of me can't believe I just wrote that out, but I feel that it's time.
"The Masculine soul needs the trials and adventures and experiences that bring a young man to the settled confidence David showed before Goliath - the lion and the bear experiences. All of these experience of the Cowboy stage are driving at one basic goal: to answer his Question. The boy-becoming-a-young-man has a Question, and the Question is, 'Do I have what it takes?' It is a father's job to help him get an answer, a resounding Yes! that the boy himself believes because it has come through experience. The father provides initiation by arranging for moments - through hard work and adventure - when the Question is on the line... The father is to speak into his son's heart deep affirmation. Yes, you do. You have what it takes. He needs a hundred experiences that will help him get there, and he is wounded and emasculated when he is kept from those experiences, or left on his own to interpret them, or when no one is there to help him in his journey toward initiation."
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 5: Cowboy, part 3
"The Cowboy heart is wounded - or at least, undeveloped, but more often wounded - in a young man if he is never allowed to have adventure, and it is wounded if he has no one to take him there. It is wounded if he has no confidence-building experiences with work. And on both counts, it is wounded if the adventure or the work is overwhelming, unfit to the heart of the boy, and if he repeatedly fails there."
Again we find ourselves looking at an area of woundedness; it's the reality we live in. No matter how old or how strong we are, wounds happen. The enemy wants to take us out, and he never stops trying to. As a boy begins to step into the larger world, the attacks begin to come, and they work to emasculate him. Adventures come in all shapes and sizes, sometimes as small as riding a roller coaster as John mentions early in this section, but sometimes a parent is so overprotective they won't even allow that.
"That is emasculation, and it applies to those parents who never let their boys ride bikes on a dirt path, forbid them to climb a tree or jump on a trampoline, keep them indoors most of the time. They might say they are only acting out of love and concern for the boy, but the message is, 'You'll get hurt. You can't handle it. You don't have what it takes.'" The central question of a boy's heart is answered with a repeated "NO!" When a boy is never allowed to adventure because of the risks, he never really gets to test himself and learn his strength. Growing up I climbed trees, and road my bike where I wanted, but one thing I was never allowed to do was jump on a trampoline. Whenever we would be at someone's house that had one I was always told, without even asking, that I couldn't play on it.
It's one of those things that just kind of sticks with you, and to this day there are still some risks I won't take. Part of it is that I know I could get hurt with things, and to me the risk isn't worth taking, but I think other things come from this experience of not being allowed to try. This past January I was in Jordan at Petra. My wife and I had walked through the valley and climbed the 900 plus stairs to get to the Monastery. As we looked at the massive structure cut out of the mountain face I noticed that on the top left corner of the structure was a person. Part of me really wanted to climb up there, and our security guard said I could go, my wife even gave me permission, but I didn't. I looked at it, and talked myself out of it. I made the excuse that if I had a little more rock climbing experience I would have gone. I'm not saying that had I been allowed to jump on a trampoline I would have climbed up there, I still weigh risk and don't do things I'm not equipped to handle, but part of me wishes I would have.
Emasculation happens not only when parents don't allow their boys to adventure outside, but also when they refuse to make them. "For that matter, a boy is wounded when his parents simply let him live in front of the TV, or the computer, or the video games young men love. I have nothing against computers or video games per se... but I am very concerned when they take the substitute of a real adventure." There is no risk in video games. If you die, you just respawn. There is no testing of strength to get to level ten and beat the final boss. Growing up I wasn't allowed to have a Nintendo, honestly it was a good thing. It forced me outside where I had a fort that I defended with my bow and arrow and BB gun.
"It is emasculating to shelter a young man from everything dangerous. Yes, there are risks involved, and as the young man moves into his mid- to late teens, those bodily risks increase dramatically... There is wisdom in parenting, but we must accept the fact that there is risk also... 'It's better to break a man's leg than it is to break his heart.'" Physical injuries heal a lot faster than emotional ones. I've never had a broken bone, but my heart has been wounded, and at almost 27, it still isn't fully healed.
Adventure is key to the Cowboy stage because it allows a young man to test his strength against things that are beyond his control. But the same is true of work, something that to some extent is in his control. Work is part of life, and a boy must learn how to do it. "When it comes to work, the principles are the same. Too little is a wound, as is too much." John talks about the use of power tools, and how there are some dads who never let their sons use them. I remember a lot of times like that with my dad.
One thing that sticks out to me the most though is from sometime in elementary school. I don't remember exactly how old I was, probably between second and third grade. There was a men's work day at church on a Saturday, and my dad took me along. On this particular day they were clearing some cut trees from the lot next to the church by using a chipper. We pulled into the parking lot, and my dad told me I couldn't put anything into the chipper. I understand the risk of these things. I've heard a story about a grown man getting sucked into one, but what I wish he would have done was helped me do it, stood by me and made sure I was safe as I put a couple of branches into the machine, "let a young man take risks even in his work."
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Again we find ourselves looking at an area of woundedness; it's the reality we live in. No matter how old or how strong we are, wounds happen. The enemy wants to take us out, and he never stops trying to. As a boy begins to step into the larger world, the attacks begin to come, and they work to emasculate him. Adventures come in all shapes and sizes, sometimes as small as riding a roller coaster as John mentions early in this section, but sometimes a parent is so overprotective they won't even allow that.
"That is emasculation, and it applies to those parents who never let their boys ride bikes on a dirt path, forbid them to climb a tree or jump on a trampoline, keep them indoors most of the time. They might say they are only acting out of love and concern for the boy, but the message is, 'You'll get hurt. You can't handle it. You don't have what it takes.'" The central question of a boy's heart is answered with a repeated "NO!" When a boy is never allowed to adventure because of the risks, he never really gets to test himself and learn his strength. Growing up I climbed trees, and road my bike where I wanted, but one thing I was never allowed to do was jump on a trampoline. Whenever we would be at someone's house that had one I was always told, without even asking, that I couldn't play on it.
It's one of those things that just kind of sticks with you, and to this day there are still some risks I won't take. Part of it is that I know I could get hurt with things, and to me the risk isn't worth taking, but I think other things come from this experience of not being allowed to try. This past January I was in Jordan at Petra. My wife and I had walked through the valley and climbed the 900 plus stairs to get to the Monastery. As we looked at the massive structure cut out of the mountain face I noticed that on the top left corner of the structure was a person. Part of me really wanted to climb up there, and our security guard said I could go, my wife even gave me permission, but I didn't. I looked at it, and talked myself out of it. I made the excuse that if I had a little more rock climbing experience I would have gone. I'm not saying that had I been allowed to jump on a trampoline I would have climbed up there, I still weigh risk and don't do things I'm not equipped to handle, but part of me wishes I would have.
Emasculation happens not only when parents don't allow their boys to adventure outside, but also when they refuse to make them. "For that matter, a boy is wounded when his parents simply let him live in front of the TV, or the computer, or the video games young men love. I have nothing against computers or video games per se... but I am very concerned when they take the substitute of a real adventure." There is no risk in video games. If you die, you just respawn. There is no testing of strength to get to level ten and beat the final boss. Growing up I wasn't allowed to have a Nintendo, honestly it was a good thing. It forced me outside where I had a fort that I defended with my bow and arrow and BB gun.
"It is emasculating to shelter a young man from everything dangerous. Yes, there are risks involved, and as the young man moves into his mid- to late teens, those bodily risks increase dramatically... There is wisdom in parenting, but we must accept the fact that there is risk also... 'It's better to break a man's leg than it is to break his heart.'" Physical injuries heal a lot faster than emotional ones. I've never had a broken bone, but my heart has been wounded, and at almost 27, it still isn't fully healed.
Adventure is key to the Cowboy stage because it allows a young man to test his strength against things that are beyond his control. But the same is true of work, something that to some extent is in his control. Work is part of life, and a boy must learn how to do it. "When it comes to work, the principles are the same. Too little is a wound, as is too much." John talks about the use of power tools, and how there are some dads who never let their sons use them. I remember a lot of times like that with my dad.
One thing that sticks out to me the most though is from sometime in elementary school. I don't remember exactly how old I was, probably between second and third grade. There was a men's work day at church on a Saturday, and my dad took me along. On this particular day they were clearing some cut trees from the lot next to the church by using a chipper. We pulled into the parking lot, and my dad told me I couldn't put anything into the chipper. I understand the risk of these things. I've heard a story about a grown man getting sucked into one, but what I wish he would have done was helped me do it, stood by me and made sure I was safe as I put a couple of branches into the machine, "let a young man take risks even in his work."
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 5: Cowboy, part 2
"I want to be quick to say that the time of the Cowboy is not meant to be merely on of unending adventure. Many fatherless young men find life in some adventure like kayaking or snowboarding, and they stay there and make it their world. They adopt the culture of the sport, the language and the clothing that identify them as a really cool adventurer. They might take a job at a resort or as a guide, in order to do it 24-7. But the adventure loses its transcendence, and they find themselves stuck in their journey. They are modern-day Peter Pans, refusing to grow up as men. On the surface they seem alive, and free, and daring. Beneath, they are uncertain and ungrounded. And they have broken the hearts of many young women who loved the adventurer, and didn't understand why he wouldn't go on to be the Warrior, and the Lover, and the King. The balance here to adventure is that this season in a young man's life is equally a time of learning to work."
As a Beloved Son, discipline is one of the most important things a father can offer his son, and it is that discipline which strengthens the son to grow and be able to work. As a Cowboy, one of the most important things a father can teach his son is how to work. Growing up, my dad didn't really teach me a skill. I'm not a carpenter in any way. I hate working on cars with a passion. But my dad taught me how to work. I can do manual labor harder and longer than most guys my age. If there is work to do I can start early and go non-stop until its dark. I know how to work.
This is an important lesson for a boy to learn, and it is something every man needs to know. But it seems to be becoming a lost art. In this day and age everything seems to be about getting things done for you, and keeping your clothes clean. People are afraid of getting their hands dirty, to get dirt under their fingernails. Many think that somehow certain tasks are below them.
I've found a love for gardening. The satisfaction of planting a seed and caring for it as it grows until it produces food for you to eat, it's an awesome feeling. I've spent a lot of time over the last year learning about the wide variety of things that I can grow, and with that I've started putting a dream on paper. One day I'm hoping to be blessed with a piece of land, hopefully a large, open field with trees on the edges. I want to plant an orchard with close to sixty fruit trees, and a stone patio and arbor to one side to be able to sit and watch the sunset in. I've got an idea for a large berry patch, over 270 plants, as well as some chestnut and almond trees. On top of that are the sunflowers, and vegetable gardens, and an area of mulberries, crabapples, and a clover, alfalfa, and turnip food plot to attract the deer, rabbits, and birds away from everything else. Somewhere I'm hoping to put a maple grove so that I can make my own syrup.
My wife likes weeping willows, so I want to put in a pond and plant a couple of those around the border. I want to take the dirt from the pond and use it to build a backstop for a shooting range. It's all there, made to scale, and color coordinated. I've spent hours working on this, every time longing for the day that it will hopefully become a reality. And the longer I have to wait, the more detailed things get. It will be a lot of work. Lots of planting and then there are fences to put up. After that there is the work to care for and maintain everything, but honestly, its work my soul longs to be able to do.
"Life is hard. While he is the Beloved son, a boy is largely shielded from this reality. But a young man needs to know that life is hard, that it won't come to you like Mom used to make it come to you, all soft and warm and to your liking, with icing. It comes to you more the way Dad makes it come to you - with testing, as on a long hike or trying to get an exhaust manifold replaced. Until a man learns to deal with the fact that life is hard, he will spend his days chasing the wrong thing, using all his energies trying to make life comfortable, soft, nice, and that is no way for any man to spend his life."
From the very beginning, man was put her to work and tend the earth; after the fall the work required intensified. Life requires something of a man, it requires him to work, and the result of that work is the ability to enjoy life. Discipline is taught to the Beloved Son, so that he learns obedience and is able to find freedom. Work leads to adventure and enjoyment. The reason I like fruit trees is because they produce something I can enjoy. And when a boy is taught how to work, it opens endless possibilities for him.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
As a Beloved Son, discipline is one of the most important things a father can offer his son, and it is that discipline which strengthens the son to grow and be able to work. As a Cowboy, one of the most important things a father can teach his son is how to work. Growing up, my dad didn't really teach me a skill. I'm not a carpenter in any way. I hate working on cars with a passion. But my dad taught me how to work. I can do manual labor harder and longer than most guys my age. If there is work to do I can start early and go non-stop until its dark. I know how to work.
This is an important lesson for a boy to learn, and it is something every man needs to know. But it seems to be becoming a lost art. In this day and age everything seems to be about getting things done for you, and keeping your clothes clean. People are afraid of getting their hands dirty, to get dirt under their fingernails. Many think that somehow certain tasks are below them.
I've found a love for gardening. The satisfaction of planting a seed and caring for it as it grows until it produces food for you to eat, it's an awesome feeling. I've spent a lot of time over the last year learning about the wide variety of things that I can grow, and with that I've started putting a dream on paper. One day I'm hoping to be blessed with a piece of land, hopefully a large, open field with trees on the edges. I want to plant an orchard with close to sixty fruit trees, and a stone patio and arbor to one side to be able to sit and watch the sunset in. I've got an idea for a large berry patch, over 270 plants, as well as some chestnut and almond trees. On top of that are the sunflowers, and vegetable gardens, and an area of mulberries, crabapples, and a clover, alfalfa, and turnip food plot to attract the deer, rabbits, and birds away from everything else. Somewhere I'm hoping to put a maple grove so that I can make my own syrup.
My wife likes weeping willows, so I want to put in a pond and plant a couple of those around the border. I want to take the dirt from the pond and use it to build a backstop for a shooting range. It's all there, made to scale, and color coordinated. I've spent hours working on this, every time longing for the day that it will hopefully become a reality. And the longer I have to wait, the more detailed things get. It will be a lot of work. Lots of planting and then there are fences to put up. After that there is the work to care for and maintain everything, but honestly, its work my soul longs to be able to do.
"Life is hard. While he is the Beloved son, a boy is largely shielded from this reality. But a young man needs to know that life is hard, that it won't come to you like Mom used to make it come to you, all soft and warm and to your liking, with icing. It comes to you more the way Dad makes it come to you - with testing, as on a long hike or trying to get an exhaust manifold replaced. Until a man learns to deal with the fact that life is hard, he will spend his days chasing the wrong thing, using all his energies trying to make life comfortable, soft, nice, and that is no way for any man to spend his life."
From the very beginning, man was put her to work and tend the earth; after the fall the work required intensified. Life requires something of a man, it requires him to work, and the result of that work is the ability to enjoy life. Discipline is taught to the Beloved Son, so that he learns obedience and is able to find freedom. Work leads to adventure and enjoyment. The reason I like fruit trees is because they produce something I can enjoy. And when a boy is taught how to work, it opens endless possibilities for him.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Monday, September 9, 2013
The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 5: Cowboy, part 1
"I would set the beginning of the Cowboy (or Ranger) stage in early adolescence - around age twelve or thirteen - and suggest it carries into the midtwenties. Though I would be quick to remind you that the stages overlap. What little tike doesn't want adventure, as he races his down a hill or learns to climb a tree? What man of fifty doesn't need time away, in the outdoors? But a notable shift begins to take place in the boy's soul as he approaches his teens, a yearning for real adventure. Something inside tells him that he needs to prove himself, needs to be tested. He wants to learn how to do things... And now the Question of a man's soul begins to present itself in nearly everything the boy-becoming-a-young-man does: do I have what it takes? In the Cowboy stage the answer comes party through adventure, and partly through hard work."
The time spent as the Beloved Son is about affirmation and correction, about love and discipline. It is at the beginning that we are to learn who we are and how to live, and in that knowledge we are able to move on into the next stage. We take the identity we receive from the Father, and begin to test ourselves with adventures. We take the discipline we received and apply that to hard work. The stages build and we can't skip them. The lessons learned in the previous one are used in the present, and the ones learned presently prepare us for what is to come.
Stage two, the Cowboy, or ranger, depending on your preference, is a time where adventure should be a large focus. It is in this time when there is real freedom to be able to adventure. Though reality begins to set it, there shouldn't be the full weight of responsibility yet. The boy is a young man, not yet a man, and is not ready for a man's responsibility. And so this should be a time of great adventures.
"'Taking to the road' often plays a big part of the Cowboy (or Ranger) stage, as you see with the hobbits in The Lord of the Rings, and with Balin in Kingdom of Heaven... They take to the trail together on a high - and dangerous - adventure that calls forth daring and courage, and requires hard work and determination - things a boy-becoming-a-young-man needs to learn in order to face life head-on."
A Beloved Son lives in a safe little world made that way by his father's strength. But for the Beloved Son, the world is just that, little. As he grows and becomes a Cowboy, the world begins to get a little bit bigger. He begins to step out from his father's strength, and discover his own. And this is the way life is meant to be lived. He is not ready to step out fully on his own yet, but after all, this is preparation for that time, and he must be given the freedom, and permission, to do so.
"Men, and boys, learn by doing, we learn through experience... It's one thing to be told you have what it takes. It's another thing altogether to discover that you do, through some trial brought up in an adventure, or through some test that hard work demands. The experience is both a revelation and a kind of authoring, in that it reveals to you what you are made of and writes the lesson on your heart. For masculine initiation is not a spectator sport. It is something that must be entered into. It is one part instruction and nine parts experience."
As I've been writing I've been thinking about myself in this stage. Growing up I was shy and hesitant, (more on this later) and there were certain things I just wouldn't attempt. But a big change began to take place during my junior year of college (that was a huge year in my life). I had to take a class in Washington D.C. that required us to be "homeless" for a day. First off, I'm really not a fan of cities. There is too much noise, and too much going on, to fully be aware of your surroundings. I always feel on edge when I have to be in one. But something began to change. The first night we were in the city a group wanted to go explore, so I went along for something to do. We had gotten off the metro and as we were walking down the sidewalk I looked around and realized it was me and one other guy with about eight girls, and at that moment this hit me, "I'm the biggest guy in this group. If something happens it's up to me to protect everyone."
Something happened in that moment that changed me, gave me a new confidence. I'm still not a fan of being in the city, but I was different. The next year I would get on a plane (something else I wasn't a fan of), and travel to Israel and Egypt. Two years later I'd travel to Turkey and Greece. And two years after that I'd return to Israel and this time see Jordan, with my wife. I really doubt the me from before that DC trip would have done any of those things.
It is in this stage, through adventures, and we'll see next, hard work, that a boy learns that he does have what it takes. He learns that he does have strength and is a powerful and dangerous force. "There is a settled confidence in the boy - he knows he has what it takes. But it is not an arrogance - he knows that God has been with him. He will charge Goliath, and take his best shot, trusting God will do the rest. That 'knowing' is what we are after in the Cowboy Ranger phase, and it only comes through experience... experiences... physical in nature, they were dangerous, and they required courage."
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
The time spent as the Beloved Son is about affirmation and correction, about love and discipline. It is at the beginning that we are to learn who we are and how to live, and in that knowledge we are able to move on into the next stage. We take the identity we receive from the Father, and begin to test ourselves with adventures. We take the discipline we received and apply that to hard work. The stages build and we can't skip them. The lessons learned in the previous one are used in the present, and the ones learned presently prepare us for what is to come.
Stage two, the Cowboy, or ranger, depending on your preference, is a time where adventure should be a large focus. It is in this time when there is real freedom to be able to adventure. Though reality begins to set it, there shouldn't be the full weight of responsibility yet. The boy is a young man, not yet a man, and is not ready for a man's responsibility. And so this should be a time of great adventures.
"'Taking to the road' often plays a big part of the Cowboy (or Ranger) stage, as you see with the hobbits in The Lord of the Rings, and with Balin in Kingdom of Heaven... They take to the trail together on a high - and dangerous - adventure that calls forth daring and courage, and requires hard work and determination - things a boy-becoming-a-young-man needs to learn in order to face life head-on."
A Beloved Son lives in a safe little world made that way by his father's strength. But for the Beloved Son, the world is just that, little. As he grows and becomes a Cowboy, the world begins to get a little bit bigger. He begins to step out from his father's strength, and discover his own. And this is the way life is meant to be lived. He is not ready to step out fully on his own yet, but after all, this is preparation for that time, and he must be given the freedom, and permission, to do so.
"Men, and boys, learn by doing, we learn through experience... It's one thing to be told you have what it takes. It's another thing altogether to discover that you do, through some trial brought up in an adventure, or through some test that hard work demands. The experience is both a revelation and a kind of authoring, in that it reveals to you what you are made of and writes the lesson on your heart. For masculine initiation is not a spectator sport. It is something that must be entered into. It is one part instruction and nine parts experience."
As I've been writing I've been thinking about myself in this stage. Growing up I was shy and hesitant, (more on this later) and there were certain things I just wouldn't attempt. But a big change began to take place during my junior year of college (that was a huge year in my life). I had to take a class in Washington D.C. that required us to be "homeless" for a day. First off, I'm really not a fan of cities. There is too much noise, and too much going on, to fully be aware of your surroundings. I always feel on edge when I have to be in one. But something began to change. The first night we were in the city a group wanted to go explore, so I went along for something to do. We had gotten off the metro and as we were walking down the sidewalk I looked around and realized it was me and one other guy with about eight girls, and at that moment this hit me, "I'm the biggest guy in this group. If something happens it's up to me to protect everyone."
Something happened in that moment that changed me, gave me a new confidence. I'm still not a fan of being in the city, but I was different. The next year I would get on a plane (something else I wasn't a fan of), and travel to Israel and Egypt. Two years later I'd travel to Turkey and Greece. And two years after that I'd return to Israel and this time see Jordan, with my wife. I really doubt the me from before that DC trip would have done any of those things.
It is in this stage, through adventures, and we'll see next, hard work, that a boy learns that he does have what it takes. He learns that he does have strength and is a powerful and dangerous force. "There is a settled confidence in the boy - he knows he has what it takes. But it is not an arrogance - he knows that God has been with him. He will charge Goliath, and take his best shot, trusting God will do the rest. That 'knowing' is what we are after in the Cowboy Ranger phase, and it only comes through experience... experiences... physical in nature, they were dangerous, and they required courage."
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)