"The Cowboy heart is wounded - or at least, undeveloped, but more often wounded - in a young man if he is never allowed to have adventure, and it is wounded if he has no one to take him there. It is wounded if he has no confidence-building experiences with work. And on both counts, it is wounded if the adventure or the work is overwhelming, unfit to the heart of the boy, and if he repeatedly fails there."
Again we find ourselves looking at an area of woundedness; it's the reality we live in. No matter how old or how strong we are, wounds happen. The enemy wants to take us out, and he never stops trying to. As a boy begins to step into the larger world, the attacks begin to come, and they work to emasculate him. Adventures come in all shapes and sizes, sometimes as small as riding a roller coaster as John mentions early in this section, but sometimes a parent is so overprotective they won't even allow that.
"That is emasculation, and it applies to those parents who never let their boys ride bikes on a dirt path, forbid them to climb a tree or jump on a trampoline, keep them indoors most of the time. They might say they are only acting out of love and concern for the boy, but the message is, 'You'll get hurt. You can't handle it. You don't have what it takes.'" The central question of a boy's heart is answered with a repeated "NO!" When a boy is never allowed to adventure because of the risks, he never really gets to test himself and learn his strength. Growing up I climbed trees, and road my bike where I wanted, but one thing I was never allowed to do was jump on a trampoline. Whenever we would be at someone's house that had one I was always told, without even asking, that I couldn't play on it.
It's one of those things that just kind of sticks with you, and to this day there are still some risks I won't take. Part of it is that I know I could get hurt with things, and to me the risk isn't worth taking, but I think other things come from this experience of not being allowed to try. This past January I was in Jordan at Petra. My wife and I had walked through the valley and climbed the 900 plus stairs to get to the Monastery. As we looked at the massive structure cut out of the mountain face I noticed that on the top left corner of the structure was a person. Part of me really wanted to climb up there, and our security guard said I could go, my wife even gave me permission, but I didn't. I looked at it, and talked myself out of it. I made the excuse that if I had a little more rock climbing experience I would have gone. I'm not saying that had I been allowed to jump on a trampoline I would have climbed up there, I still weigh risk and don't do things I'm not equipped to handle, but part of me wishes I would have.
Emasculation happens not only when parents don't allow their boys to adventure outside, but also when they refuse to make them. "For that matter, a boy is wounded when his parents simply let him live in front of the TV, or the computer, or the video games young men love. I have nothing against computers or video games per se... but I am very concerned when they take the substitute of a real adventure." There is no risk in video games. If you die, you just respawn. There is no testing of strength to get to level ten and beat the final boss. Growing up I wasn't allowed to have a Nintendo, honestly it was a good thing. It forced me outside where I had a fort that I defended with my bow and arrow and BB gun.
"It is emasculating to shelter a young man from everything dangerous. Yes, there are risks involved, and as the young man moves into his mid- to late teens, those bodily risks increase dramatically... There is wisdom in parenting, but we must accept the fact that there is risk also... 'It's better to break a man's leg than it is to break his heart.'" Physical injuries heal a lot faster than emotional ones. I've never had a broken bone, but my heart has been wounded, and at almost 27, it still isn't fully healed.
Adventure is key to the Cowboy stage because it allows a young man to test his strength against things that are beyond his control. But the same is true of work, something that to some extent is in his control. Work is part of life, and a boy must learn how to do it. "When it comes to work, the principles are the same. Too little is a wound, as is too much." John talks about the use of power tools, and how there are some dads who never let their sons use them. I remember a lot of times like that with my dad.
One thing that sticks out to me the most though is from sometime in elementary school. I don't remember exactly how old I was, probably between second and third grade. There was a men's work day at church on a Saturday, and my dad took me along. On this particular day they were clearing some cut trees from the lot next to the church by using a chipper. We pulled into the parking lot, and my dad told me I couldn't put anything into the chipper. I understand the risk of these things. I've heard a story about a grown man getting sucked into one, but what I wish he would have done was helped me do it, stood by me and made sure I was safe as I put a couple of branches into the machine, "let a young man take risks even in his work."
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
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