"A man's need for validation is one of his most desperate longings. Until we have that validation, we live with an uncertainty down deep inside. As men, we need to know who we truly are, and what we are destined to become."
Validation is the point of this year of initiation. It is a father, and hopefully other men, pouring into the life of a boy as he begins the real transition from boyhood into being a young man. And the year needs to begin with a reminder that the boy has hopefully heard all of his life, the affirmation that he is the Beloved Son. "Your delight in him. But of course, that is Lesson Number One. You are the son of my right hand, my delight, my Beloved Son, in whom I am so well pleased. That is the building block for everything else."
This year of intentional initiation must begin with the father's affirmation. Without this reminder the trials and tests that are about to be faced can seem cruel, or feel like abandonment. But with the reminding of the father's love and delight, comes the knowledge that this is for the best, that this is what needs to happen, and that this is really one of the deepest acts of love that a father can give his son.
The year begins with continued affirmation, and then needs to include a variety of things. It needs to include going on mission. A boy becoming a young man needs to be called to the front lines of Kingdom work. He needs to see how his father lives for God and advances the Kingdom, knowing that Christianity isn't just Sunday morning rituals, but the epic story we are born into.
"The important thing here was to see us on mission - watch how we operated with God and one another, listen to how we prayed to shut down the spiritual warfare, how we walked in humility in order to deliver the gospel... To see that we do live in something epic, and that Christianity is more than just Sunday school videos and Awanas. It's dangerous, it's costly, it's beautiful." And he needs to be invited to join the fight, not simply observe it. He needs to be involved in prayer, and the work that is going on, realizing that he has a vital role to play in Kingdom building.
It's important that he also learns to work, and receives validation in his work. "Leather work gloves, heavy timber, power tools, and a gathering of men - this is a good place for a young man to be." And it is important that in this gathering where men meet to accomplish a task that he is also treated like a man. He needs to be given responsibility and share equally in the work. The message that comes here is, "You have what it takes." You have strength and you can use it.
We cannot overlook the spiritual lessons that must be taught, because they are crucial to shaping the identity of a man. Lead him through Bible studies that focus on a man's identity in Christ. Help him begin to see the Gospel as the Larger story that envelopes everything. Teach him how to pray, and help him see the importance of prayer and fasting. Have him spend a day alone in the woods, simply listening for the voice of God and communicating with Him. As he does he will learn who God says he is.
Finally, there needs to be adventure. John has his sons climb a mountain. I've thought about cross country bike trips, hiking the Appalachian Trail, things like that, but there needs to be some sort of adventure that tests him, and at the same time teaches and affirms. He'll know he did it, accomplished and overcame something big, and that is something he needs.
Over the past few weeks I've really been thinking about what a year like this would look like, about specific things that could be done to help a young man learn these things. I thought of different lessons that go along with different tasks, and I'm starting to take notes and prepare for when the time comes. This is something a man needs to experience, and I will not let my sons down in this area, and with that I really want to help others, both boys and men, find this as well.
As I've been reading and working with this chapter for the past few days, I've really sensed God leading me to pursue this more. The area of men's ministry, helping men, become, and know that they are, Men of God, is what I think I'm supposed to devote my life to. I'm not sure what exactly this looks like yet, but I think that is really where my true passion lies.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
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