As we look at the journey there is a crucial question we must ask, "What unfinished business does God want to take us men back through, to pick up where we fell off? Perhaps to begin an initiation that never got started?" How many of us had fathers who were intentional about initiating us? How many of us had fathers who were capable of doing so? How many of us actually feel, deep down in the places that no one else knows about, that we are whole and complete men? I'll be honest, I don't.
I'm almost 27, and I have no career. I have a four year degree, and I'm an ordained minister, but I'm stuck working a part time job that after taxes gives me less than $13,000 a year. To top it off, I had to move my wife into my parent's basement, everyone's dream for their future when they move out. I've applied for jobs and been turned down for one reason or another, and I just can't seem to get my feet under me. Part of me really just wants to give up. I've asked myself, and God, repeatedly "Why does everything have to be so hard?" But part of me is beginning to learn that God is at work in all of this.
The longer it takes, the harder it gets. I still have days where I just get frustrated and have the worst attitude, Tuesday was one of those days, but reading this chapter has given me pause. It's caused me to begin thinking along a different line, and instead of asking why everything is so difficult, and how much longer is this going to last, to instead try to ask other questions.
"How much of my life have I been misinterpreting? How many things have I just written off as hassle or 'life is hard,' or even as warfare, when in fact God was in it, in the difficulty, wanting to Father me?"
Nothing is wasted with God. This masculine journey, this initiation, is not an option. It is something that God must lead us through. The tests and trials of the Cowboy stage can feel cruel if we haven't fully known ourselves to be Beloved Sons, but the reality is that it is because we are God's Beloved Sons that He is pushing us to grow and progress through the stages of the masculine journey. We must allow God to father us through the stages, and in each of them come to see what God is trying to teach us.
Right now I feel that I'm learning confidence in a new way that I haven't had before. And at the same time my passion and restlessness for full time ministry is growing daily. Along with this I've really started to think through what I'm looking for in a Church position. There are some jobs I could have done with churches that I've turned down, or haven't even sent a resume to, because something didn't line up. It hasn't been easy, at some points I've been like, "What are you doing?!" but I know there are still things that I have to learn.
And it is important to remember that we weren't meant to do this alone, we can't do this alone. We need a fellowship of men. "This is crucial to masculine initiation. Far too much has fallen on the shoulders of the father alone. It takes a company of men to bring a boy into the masculine world, and to bring young men to their maturity." We need fellowship with men. In Wild at Heart it's referred to as a Band of Brothers. We need other guys to go through life with. Guys who will stand shoulder to shoulder with us on the front lines. Guys who will watch our backs, and if need be, shed their blood for us. But this fellowship is a difficult thing to come by.
"How rare masculine fellowship is. I've been intentional about fighting for friendships with men over the years - you have to be, to find them and keep them - and intentional about trips like Moab and elk hunting that bring the men and boys together. It's rare, but I can be done. You need it, and your boys need it."
When I read this last week I sent it to one of my closest friends, telling him that this is what I need right now. He responded that so does he. We live close to two hours apart, both have crazy schedules, and have no idea how to make this work, but we both know that it is something we need. We weren't meant to do this alone. God didn't place us on individual islands to fend for ourselves. We have each other, and we need each other to sharpen ourselves. We must be intentional about fellowshipping together.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
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