"The young Cowboy Ranger needs a chance to test himself, to explore beyond mom and dad's reach." The boy is beginning to grow up, and it is crucial that mom and dad let him. He isn't ready to be fully on his own, there are still things he must learn from them, but it is time for the world to begin to get a little bigger. As we set out to raise sons through the Cowboy stage of the journey, it is crucial that we loosen our grip on them and let them begin to go.
Again think of The Patriot, a father tries to keep his sons from going out and growing up, one rebels and becomes a solider, another ends up being shot and killed. A boy doesn't become a man by being kept safe, his heart longs for more and he'll fight to get there. But without the guidance of a father, he ends up in the wrong place. And so we must allow our sons to grow up, and guide them as they grow.
"You have a strength, and it is needed. When a man feels that to be true, he rises up and engages like a man. As a boy begins to become a young man, there are some key issues at stake. He needs to know he possesses a genuine strength, and he needs to know that strength is ultimately for others. There is bravery that must be cultivated in him, for it will be called upon in every other stage of his life. Adventure comes into play to develop the masculine soul, because adventure calls us out, requires us to be something we want to be but aren't sure we are. Adventure nourishes and strengthens a man's heart in ways that cannot be fully articulated, must be experienced."
This stage is about a boy learning his strength, but more importantly how to use it correctly. Strength is best learned in adventure. I fell asleep watching The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey last night, but in the part I saw Gandalf and the dwarves are sitting around Bilbo's table debating if the hobbit is suited for the task that Gandalf says he is. And as they dwarves argue, Gandalf's voice thunders to get their attention, and then calms back down to tell them, "There’s a lot more to him than appearances suggest, and he’s got a great deal more to offer than any of you know, including himself." As the story progresses, and the adventures continue, we see Bilbo's confidence grow as he learns his strength. But it isn't discovered sitting comfortably in the Shire, it is only found on the road. The Cowboy needs adventure if he is ever to become a man.
"Now, the scale and nature of the adventure need to fit the boy, and the man, fit his stage of the journey. Ride in the canoe; paddle in the bow; pilot one yourself. There is a progression. Take the boy into adventure, and give him an increasing measure of freedom and responsibility there... But make sure the test or trial fits the young man's heart... The adventures and work that we choose must fit the soul of the boy. One young man's adventure would be terrifying to another."
On overwhelming task sets a boy up for failure, and a failure like this wounds rather than affirms. And a boy isn't ready to take control of a situation on his first outing, he has to learn, and as he gains confidence he is ready for more responsibility and risk. And above all, we must remember that all of us are different. We have different passions, different yearnings. Some guys want to surf, others want to climb mountains. Some join the military, others teach in the inner city. Know the heart of the boy you are guiding, and speak to him in ways that his heart yearns for. Invite him into adventures that are fitting, not the ones you want him to have.
"Now, I need to clarify something. The place of adventure in a man's journey is very, very important. Unfortunately, we live at a time when adventure has become big business. Magazines are filled with photo essays of the latest gear, the coolest places, the most extreme adventures... Much of this adventure is not initiation at all; it tends to be merely exotic play, nothing more than adolescent indulgence. Without a context, adventure is for the most part... just adventure... there are levels of adventure, from casual to crucial to critical. Casual adventures are mostly what fill the pages of those magazines... they can be a key part of initiation if they have a context, and if they are intended to be a first step toward more important adventures."
We must be careful not to indulge in adventure simply for adventure's sake. There are lessons to be learned. My first backpacking trip ended up being a simple two day hike with an over night camp out. But on this trip there was learning. I figured out what I could leave behind on the next trip, realized what clothing would be best, and got to see how to properly pack food and what kind of stuff to bring. Yes, it was a great trip, but it wasn't just a trip, it was a stepping stone of initiation. Adventure simply for the sake of adventure, risk for the sake of risk, is just foolish. There has to be a point.
"Adventure comes to us in many forms - a flat tire two hundred miles from nowhere, an invitation to join our friends in the woods, a yearning to completely change our careers. As men, we need to seek adventure, and embrace it when it comes unlooked for. Not to live a selfish life, not to squander our lives fishing and golfing, not the Peter Pan syndrome, but because there are things that need to be strengthened and called out in our souls as men, and that happens out there in adventure."
It is in adventure that we learn essential skills, we learn about our strength and what we are capable of. The Cowboy needs adventure to build the confidence that is essential to the future. Without it he faces the world with uncertainty. Adventure with a purpose.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
No comments:
Post a Comment