Work For it

"Abram said to the king of Sodom, 'I have sworn to the Lord God Most High, possessor of heaven and earth, that I will not take a thread or a sandal thong or anything that is yours, for fear you would say, "I have made Abram rich."  I will take nothing except what the young men have eaten, and the share of the men who went with me, Aner, Eshcol, and Mamre; let them take their share."  -Genesis 14:22-24

I've debated on writing this section all day.  I have to be careful how I say what I'm about to write.  As I read these verses I kept thinking about how much of my generation is just looking for a handout like this.  So many don't want to work and feel that they are simply entitled to everything.  And on top if that we have a society that allows them to leech off of it.

It drives me crazy.  I'm all for helping people who need help.  I'm all about reaching out to those who cannot do for themselves for one reason or another.  But I am not a supporter of allowing, and empowering laziness.  And as I read this section I see a man who has no intention of taking a handout.

There is no shame in accepting help, something that I need to remind myself of time and again.  But help and handouts are two different things.  But a man works for what he has.  He invests his time and strength, and the reward is so much better because of what he has put into it.  A man doesn't take what he hasn't earned, and doesn't live off of the hard work of others as he sits lazily and gets fat off of their labor.  A man takes pride in the ability, and opportunity, to work hard.  There is something so satisfying about a hard days work.

Take joy in the opportunity you have to work, but don't be to proud as to refuse necessary help when it is offered.

"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

To God alone be the Glory!

Strength and Honor

The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 6: Raising the Cowboy, part 5

"Now, there is a rhythm to the earth, and to man's life upon it. At its best, the rhythm is a harmony of Discipline and Freedom. Harvest and Sabbath. School year and summer vacation. Monday mornings and Friday nights. Clean your room and go out to play. We teach a boy... by mixing the years of the Cowboy with both adventure and hard work."

This is what it all comes down to, balance. I know too many people who spent their Cowboy years simply adventuring, never working. Personally, I feel mine were spent with more working than adventure, which has had its own impact on who I am and how I see life. We need a balance to this so that there can be harmonious rhythm. Too much adventure and the boy sees life as something fun, enjoyment with no investment. But too much work and there will be nothing to enjoy because work is all that fills his life. There has to be balance, because ultimately, work leads to adventure, prepares us for adventure. Just as discipline ultimately leads to freedom.

It is crucial that a boy learn how to work during this stage of his life, but it is just as crucial that he learn life is meant to enjoy as well, and there is more than simply working to get ahead. I feel that too many times people do that, but once they get there they are unable to enjoy it because work is all they know. "There's a lot we have to learn before we become powerful. There is a way things work." But this lesson has to be learned with the balance of work and adventure, fun and responsibility.

"Mission trips would be ideal at this stage. For a boy-becoming-a-young-man to see what life is like in the developing world, to see poverty up close, to lend a hand in building a room or serving a meal or teaching English - that is a lesson he will never forget." Perhaps the biggest part of work is learning that you have strength, and that it is yours to use in the service of others. There are people in the world that need help, and you have the ability to offer it. All of this works to help a boy further understand that he is not the most important thing in the world, and that things do not function as they were intended. And in that he will begin to see that there is something he can do about it. He will begin to see his life as part of God's story, and realize that he is called to be part of something epic.

"Find ways to engage the boy in doing things for himself... 'Here - you do it.' The message: you can handle this... Quite often when you give a young man opportunities, he doesn't even see it as work." Let your sons use your tools, show them how, watch them, but let them do it. I hate working on cars with a passion, and the reason being, it was one thing my dad didn't really teach me. It was "Hold my light" and "Get me this tool", but I wasn't on the ground under the vehicle with him watching how to do things. Instead it was hours of just standing there, bored to death, learning nothing and wasting time.

"The wisdom for adventure is the same for work - where is the hesitation in the boy or man? Go there. What will develop in him a sense of strength, and courage, and confidence? Go there. And finally, how will you counter that essential selfishness inherent to man, how will you teach him to serve others? Go there."

"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

To God alone be the Glory!

Strength and Honor

The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 5: Cowboy, part 4

Adventure and work go hand in hand. Too much or too little of either one is a bad thing that hinders the progress of a boy on his journey into manhood. And a father plays a crucial role in both. The absence of a father, or father figure, sets a boy up for failure and wounding.

"A young man's heart is wounded when he has no one to take him into the adventures his soul craves, no one to show him how to shoot a free throw or jump his bike or rock climb or use a power tool. This is how most young men experience fatherlessness - there is no man around who cares and who is strong enough to lead him into anything. His father might be physically present, but unavailable in every way, hiding behind a newspaper or spending hours at the computer while the young man waits for the father how never comes. Much of the anger we see in young men comes from this experience, because he is ready and fired up but has no outlet, no place to go. So it comes out in anger."

Reading that reminds me of another scene from The Patriot. The oldest son, Gabriel, has been a solider in the Continental Army for two years. His younger brother, Thomas, a fifteen year old, is anxious and ready to fight. Their father, Benjamin, played by Mel Gibson, is haunted by his past as a solider and is doing everything he can to shelter his family from war. Benjamin finds Thomas in his room wearing his old uniform and holding a tomahawk. As he takes it off of his son he says, "Not yet Thomas." When asked when, Benjamin says "17?" Thomas isn't happy because its two years away, and he desires to move on now, but his father refuses, and he refuses to tell his sons about his past, even though they repeatedly ask him.

Later that night, Gabriel comes to the house, wounded and looking for help. As Benjamin begins to tend to his wounds there is the sound of battle from outside the house. As he moves to look he sees soldiers being shot in the field. In the morning Benjamin and Thomas search the battle field for survivors and begin tending them at the house, and as they do British soldiers arrive to claim their comrades. As they are preparing to leave some of the British cavalry ride up, including the main villain. He is handed some dispatches that Gabriel was entrusted with, and then has him arrested and orders him to be taken to the fort and hanged.

Thomas pleads with his father to do something, but Benjamin simply orders him to be quite and begins to make sure his younger children are safe. Then then young Cowboy does something drastic. He charges the soldiers trying to free his brother, and ends up being shot and killed. The father refused to act, refused to let his sons grow up, and it results in death. Fathers wound or heal, give life or take it away. A Cowboy needs his father to take him into the adventure, to expose him to things that are challenging, but not damaging. When this doesn't take place the boy is deeply wounded.

"And a young man's heart is wounded when he repeatedly fails. Of course, failure is a part of learning and every cowboy gets thrown from his horse, But there needs to be someone at his side to interpret the failures and setbacks, to urge him to get back on the horse. If you weren't the Beloved Son, the testing that comes with this stage can feel unkind, cruel, a sort of rejection - especially if you are on your own."

I've felt this a lot with my career. All three churches I've worked at I feel like I've failed. My first assignment was as a youth pastor, while I was a full time college student. The pastor wanted me to do miracles with no money, no help, and no resources. When I couldn't he asked me to resign. My second assignment was as a youth and young adult pastor, and the church didn't have the money to hire me when they did. I moved out of state and went to work, and saw some good fruit growing. There were some differences of opinion with senior leadership, but he was my boss and I did what he said, but then the budget caught up with them. I resigned again, and was told that I had character flaws (I'm leaving out a lot of the story). Through both of these experiences I had someone to fall back on, someone to help me through them. It still hurt, but there were men I could turn to.

And then we come to the most recent experience. I was 24, and assigned to be the lead pastor of a church of about 40 people. There was one couple about my parent's age, and then pretty much everyone was either my grandparents, or in some cases great-grandparent's age. But I was young and passionate, and believed I could change the world. I got involved in the community, tried to build relationships and meet people, all with very little help from anyone in the church. Basically it was my wife and I doing everything. We were worn out, no one would help, and no one seemed to care. I remember going and talking to my district leaders and I was told, "Someone is going to have to push through this." No help just left on my own to try and work miracles. Here again, money was tight, and I ended up resigning again due to a lack of finances.

I was told I would be used to fill in speaking at other churches, that happened twice in the past year. No one did anything to help us find another assignment. Afterwards a few people talked with me just to tell me the things that I had done wrong and needed to do differently the next time, and I've only had one person from the denomination contact me just to see how I'm doing consistently over the past year. I've walked through a lot of this time very much alone and wondering why. No one came along side and asked how I was feeling and what I was thinking. No one fathered me through this. Part of me can't believe I just wrote that out, but I feel that it's time.

"The Masculine soul needs the trials and adventures and experiences that bring a young man to the settled confidence David showed before Goliath - the lion and the bear experiences. All of these experience of the Cowboy stage are driving at one basic goal: to answer his Question. The boy-becoming-a-young-man has a Question, and the Question is, 'Do I have what it takes?' It is a father's job to help him get an answer, a resounding Yes! that the boy himself believes because it has come through experience. The father provides initiation by arranging for moments - through hard work and adventure - when the Question is on the line... The father is to speak into his son's heart deep affirmation. Yes, you do. You have what it takes. He needs a hundred experiences that will help him get there, and he is wounded and emasculated when he is kept from those experiences, or left on his own to interpret them, or when no one is there to help him in his journey toward initiation."

"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

To God alone be the Glory!

Strength and Honor

The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 5: Cowboy, part 3

"The Cowboy heart is wounded - or at least, undeveloped, but more often wounded - in a young man if he is never allowed to have adventure, and it is wounded if he has no one to take him there. It is wounded if he has no confidence-building experiences with work. And on both counts, it is wounded if the adventure or the work is overwhelming, unfit to the heart of the boy, and if he repeatedly fails there."

Again we find ourselves looking at an area of woundedness; it's the reality we live in. No matter how old or how strong we are, wounds happen. The enemy wants to take us out, and he never stops trying to. As a boy begins to step into the larger world, the attacks begin to come, and they work to emasculate him. Adventures come in all shapes and sizes, sometimes as small as riding a roller coaster as John mentions early in this section, but sometimes a parent is so overprotective they won't even allow that.

"That is emasculation, and it applies to those parents who never let their boys ride bikes on a dirt path, forbid them to climb a tree or jump on a trampoline, keep them indoors most of the time. They might say they are only acting out of love and concern for the boy, but the message is, 'You'll get hurt. You can't handle it. You don't have what it takes.'" The central question of a boy's heart is answered with a repeated "NO!" When a boy is never allowed to adventure because of the risks, he never really gets to test himself and learn his strength. Growing up I climbed trees, and road my bike where I wanted, but one thing I was never allowed to do was jump on a trampoline. Whenever we would be at someone's house that had one I was always told, without even asking, that I couldn't play on it.

It's one of those things that just kind of sticks with you, and to this day there are still some risks I won't take. Part of it is that I know I could get hurt with things, and to me the risk isn't worth taking, but I think other things come from this experience of not being allowed to try. This past January I was in Jordan at Petra. My wife and I had walked through the valley and climbed the 900 plus stairs to get to the Monastery. As we looked at the massive structure cut out of the mountain face I noticed that on the top left corner of the structure was a person. Part of me really wanted to climb up there, and our security guard said I could go, my wife even gave me permission, but I didn't. I looked at it, and talked myself out of it. I made the excuse that if I had a little more rock climbing experience I would have gone. I'm not saying that had I been allowed to jump on a trampoline I would have climbed up there, I still weigh risk and don't do things I'm not equipped to handle, but part of me wishes I would have.

Emasculation happens not only when parents don't allow their boys to adventure outside, but also when they refuse to make them. "For that matter, a boy is wounded when his parents simply let him live in front of the TV, or the computer, or the video games young men love. I have nothing against computers or video games per se... but I am very concerned when they take the substitute of a real adventure." There is no risk in video games. If you die, you just respawn. There is no testing of strength to get to level ten and beat the final boss. Growing up I wasn't allowed to have a Nintendo, honestly it was a good thing. It forced me outside where I had a fort that I defended with my bow and arrow and BB gun.

"It is emasculating to shelter a young man from everything dangerous. Yes, there are risks involved, and as the young man moves into his mid- to late teens, those bodily risks increase dramatically... There is wisdom in parenting, but we must accept the fact that there is risk also... 'It's better to break a man's leg than it is to break his heart.'" Physical injuries heal a lot faster than emotional ones. I've never had a broken bone, but my heart has been wounded, and at almost 27, it still isn't fully healed.

Adventure is key to the Cowboy stage because it allows a young man to test his strength against things that are beyond his control. But the same is true of work, something that to some extent is in his control. Work is part of life, and a boy must learn how to do it. "When it comes to work, the principles are the same. Too little is a wound, as is too much." John talks about the use of power tools, and how there are some dads who never let their sons use them. I remember a lot of times like that with my dad.

One thing that sticks out to me the most though is from sometime in elementary school. I don't remember exactly how old I was, probably between second and third grade. There was a men's work day at church on a Saturday, and my dad took me along. On this particular day they were clearing some cut trees from the lot next to the church by using a chipper. We pulled into the parking lot, and my dad told me I couldn't put anything into the chipper. I understand the risk of these things. I've heard a story about a grown man getting sucked into one, but what I wish he would have done was helped me do it, stood by me and made sure I was safe as I put a couple of branches into the machine, "let a young man take risks even in his work."

"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

To God alone be the Glory!

Strength and Honor

The Way of the Wild Heart, Chapter 5: Cowboy, part 2

"I want to be quick to say that the time of the Cowboy is not meant to be merely on of unending adventure. Many fatherless young men find life in some adventure like kayaking or snowboarding, and they stay there and make it their world. They adopt the culture of the sport, the language and the clothing that identify them as a really cool adventurer. They might take a job at a resort or as a guide, in order to do it 24-7. But the adventure loses its transcendence, and they find themselves stuck in their journey. They are modern-day Peter Pans, refusing to grow up as men. On the surface they seem alive, and free, and daring. Beneath, they are uncertain and ungrounded. And they have broken the hearts of many young women who loved the adventurer, and didn't understand why he wouldn't go on to be the Warrior, and the Lover, and the King. The balance here to adventure is that this season in a young man's life is equally a time of learning to work."

As a Beloved Son, discipline is one of the most important things a father can offer his son, and it is that discipline which strengthens the son to grow and be able to work. As a Cowboy, one of the most important things a father can teach his son is how to work. Growing up, my dad didn't really teach me a skill. I'm not a carpenter in any way. I hate working on cars with a passion. But my dad taught me how to work. I can do manual labor harder and longer than most guys my age. If there is work to do I can start early and go non-stop until its dark. I know how to work.

This is an important lesson for a boy to learn, and it is something every man needs to know. But it seems to be becoming a lost art. In this day and age everything seems to be about getting things done for you, and keeping your clothes clean. People are afraid of getting their hands dirty, to get dirt under their fingernails. Many think that somehow certain tasks are below them.

I've found a love for gardening. The satisfaction of planting a seed and caring for it as it grows until it produces food for you to eat, it's an awesome feeling. I've spent a lot of time over the last year learning about the wide variety of things that I can grow, and with that I've started putting a dream on paper. One day I'm hoping to be blessed with a piece of land, hopefully a large, open field with trees on the edges. I want to plant an orchard with close to sixty fruit trees, and a stone patio and arbor to one side to be able to sit and watch the sunset in. I've got an idea for a large berry patch, over 270 plants, as well as some chestnut and almond trees. On top of that are the sunflowers, and vegetable gardens, and an area of mulberries, crabapples, and a clover, alfalfa, and turnip food plot to attract the deer, rabbits, and birds away from everything else. Somewhere I'm hoping to put a maple grove so that I can make my own syrup.

My wife likes weeping willows, so I want to put in a pond and plant a couple of those around the border. I want to take the dirt from the pond and use it to build a backstop for a shooting range. It's all there, made to scale, and color coordinated. I've spent hours working on this, every time longing for the day that it will hopefully become a reality. And the longer I have to wait, the more detailed things get. It will be a lot of work. Lots of planting and then there are fences to put up. After that there is the work to care for and maintain everything, but honestly, its work my soul longs to be able to do.

"Life is hard. While he is the Beloved son, a boy is largely shielded from this reality. But a young man needs to know that life is hard, that it won't come to you like Mom used to make it come to you, all soft and warm and to your liking, with icing. It comes to you more the way Dad makes it come to you - with testing, as on a long hike or trying to get an exhaust manifold replaced. Until a man learns to deal with the fact that life is hard, he will spend his days chasing the wrong thing, using all his energies trying to make life comfortable, soft, nice, and that is no way for any man to spend his life."

From the very beginning, man was put her to work and tend the earth; after the fall the work required intensified. Life requires something of a man, it requires him to work, and the result of that work is the ability to enjoy life. Discipline is taught to the Beloved Son, so that he learns obedience and is able to find freedom. Work leads to adventure and enjoyment. The reason I like fruit trees is because they produce something I can enjoy. And when a boy is taught how to work, it opens endless possibilities for him.

"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

To God alone be the Glory!

Strength and Honor