"When the boy becomes a teen, the heart of the Lover may come out in force, as an intense longing he knows not how to name, but nearly always attached to Beauty." At this point, as with the beginning of every other stage of the journey, a young man needs a guide to help channel him and focus him. In American culture the focus of this part of a young man’s life is geared towards girls, and this shows the failure of many father's to initiate their sons. Their search for beauty is taken to the girl, and more often than not she is simply an object.
But this is not what a man seeks primarily, and it is not what he looks at a woman as. In order to really love her one day, he must first be awakened to the source of Beauty. "Sometimes when the longing emerges in the young man he will take to music, or literature, either to enjoy them or as an artist himself. The young Lover David writes songs and poems to God during his nights out there in the wild, his heart so alive. A reminder that the young man had better also be a Cowboy, have lots of time out in the wild, feel caught up in epic adventures or the whole longing for Romance will be attached to a girl, for she will seem like the only adventure in his life."
I don't remember exactly when it happened, but at some point early in high school I began to take an interest in music. Up to that point I just didn't really care about it at all. Around the same time I began to read, a lot. And it was around then that I began to really discover God in new ways, but nowhere near the depth that I found later when I fully entered this stage. But it is crucial to remember that these stages overlap, and that we see glimpses of each of them all throughout a man's life.
And again, it's important that the stages build. It's important that a boy be given love from his father, that a young man be able to adventure and learn to work, as well as engage in battles. He needs to know that his life is about something bigger than simply finding a mate and having children with her so that life can continue, we have way too much of that. And at the same time it's important that a man know there is more to life than battle. The movie Man of Steel is released today, and in the movie we see that Krypton, Superman's home planet, genetically engineered their offspring for certain roles. General Zod, the main antagonist in the movie, was created to be a warrior. I don't want to give anything away if you haven't seen it, but there is a point in the movie where he says, "I was made to be a warrior, to fight for and defend my people. And now I have no people." If a man only knows battle, what happens when he can no longer fight? And what joy is there in a life of constant warfare?
"Remember, the value you place on Beauty speaks volumes to the boy and young man... Thus they come to see that beauty is something to pay attention to." Too much damage has been done by dads who push football, cars, and hunting onto their sons. We must also show them the beauty of the world. They need to be encouraged to pursue the arts, and pay attention to creation, and it starts with us. What is our reaction to it? Are we stopped in the morning by the vibrant colors of the sunrise? Do autumn leaves capture your attention? Let it, and teach your son to pay attention to the same.
"Talk about your romance with God. While I find that it takes an older teen, probably a young man in his early twenties, to begin to experience God as Romancer, you can pave the way by telling stories of how God has been romancing you. Intrigue them." When I got to this point in college, everything was new. I was experiencing God in ways I didn't know were possible, because I had never seen it before. Growing up, God was someone distant that we sang songs to, and prayed to. Intimacy with God was something foreign. It shouldn't be like that. In the Bible, God is often referred to as "My father's God" or some wording along that idea. I'm guessing that the sons saw in their dads something more than just Sunday morning. I'm thinking to get that sort of description, they saw a vibrant and intimate friendship between their father's and God, and so they knew that relationship with God was more than once a week ritual. They knew God was personal. I want my children to say "my father's God." I want them to see a friendship with God that they strive to have one day. Again, this is what this stage is primarily about.
And of course, we cannot neglect to talk about girls. After all, God has said that it is not good for a man to be alone, and that a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife. In Proverbs it says that he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. "When it comes to girls, the greatest gift you can give to the young man is to watch you love your wife. Jewelry, music, trips to romantic places for just the two of you. As you romance her, he'll get the idea. To see you in love is far more powerful than any other lesson... It's important that your sons see your physical affection, to see you kiss, cuddle on the couch, hold hands in public."
Just as you model a relationship with God to them, you model being a husband. They learn by watching you. They see how to love and respect a woman by watching you love and respect your wife. They learn that a woman is not just an object to satisfy a man, but a beauty to be loved, treasured, and fought for. "Teach him to love the heart, to look for the heart of a girl. This can't start in adolescence. It begins earlier, as your family naturally talks about the heart, shares from the heart with one another. Point out the beauties in movies and stories (and in the neighborhood) who don't seem to have much going on inside, teaching the young man that 'charm is deceptive, and [merely external] beauty is fleeting' (Prov. 31:30 NIV)... Teach him to pursue a woman."
Teach a young man to value what is really important; teach him to pursue what is lasting. Outward beauty will fade, but the heart only grows more beautiful with time. And teach your sons how to properly pursue a woman, not as an object, but as a beauty. Teach them how to fight for her heart, to learn about her, and how to treasure her.
And if we raise our sons this way, I think we'll see a change in our culture. John talks about how his sons seemed almost indifferent to girls because they weren't the center of their universe. They weren't what they were living for. Their lives were wrapped up in a much larger story, caught up in adventure. And when a man lives like this he has something truly incredible to offer a woman, he can invite her to share in the epic adventure of life with him.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
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