I think many look at leadership and envy the position. If there is a bad king they envy the life of ease and wealth. I don't know that anyone has ever envied a good king. Many aspire to leadership for the perks, thinking only of them without realizing how much is demanded of a leader. "There is a cost the King pays, unknown and unmatched by any other man." Remember what Jesus said? "Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave" (Matthew 20.26b-27).
Back as a freshman in college I was ready to jump into church leadership, eager even, to the point of arrogance. I was 18 and thought I knew it all. At that point in my life I couldn't fathom the cost that pastor's pay. The Bible even says, "Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly" (James 3.1). But I was following a calling, so I was supposed to do this. After serving in roles as youth, young adult, and lead pastor I understand the cost a little better.
You are constantly watched. Everything you say, do, and don't do, is analyzed and scrutinized. People are waiting for you to mess up and falter, there are some people out there that want you to fail and will do whatever they can to help it along. You'll see your words be twisted and taken out of context. Others who want your position will slander and discredit you. You become a target, a big, bright, glow in the dark, neon one. Does it sound appealing? Who in their right mind wants to volunteer for that?
"I think unless there is this profound reluctance to take the throne, a man does not understand the cost of what is being asked of him. You will be tested. On every conceivable front... You don't want to be a King. Trust me. It is not something to be coveted. Only the ignorant covet a throne... Becoming a king is something we accept only as an act of obedience. The posture of the heart in a mature man is reluctance to take the throne, but willing to do it on behalf of others."
As I read that I thought about Gladiator. The aging emperor is dying, and his son, Commodus, is a selfish, immoral human being. So he turns to his general, Maximus. He asks him if he will take his place, and become emperor when he dies. Maximus' response, "With all my heart, no." The emperor is filled with joy and says, "That is why it must be you." He does not seek power, he does not want it. All he wants is a simple life as a farmer. He has spent years in battle, fighting for the expansion and protection of Rome, but now he must take up leadership to save Rome from itself.
The son becomes aware of the plan, and kills his father because he desires the throne. He's a bad, and wicked, king who seeks only his own benefit. Maximus rises up, again as a Warrior, and really a Lover because his actions are done in service to a good king, fights the battle, defeats the enemy, and brings order, protection, and blessing to Rome. That is a good king. And it is crucial to remember that those who seek the throne for their own glory and advancement, will do whatever it takes to prevent those who seek to serve the benefits of the people from ruling.
Commodus, kills his father before he can announce Maximus' succession, and then orders Maximus' execution to secure his reign. It doesn't work. Maximus survives, and eventually the two come face to face in the Coliseum. Again, Commodus tries to have him killed, but the Warrior cannot be defeated. So finally Commodus challenges Maximus to a fight, but knowing he can't beat him, literally stabs him in the back. The enemy doesn't want good kings to rule, so he will do whatever he can to wound men and keep them from rising to power. He starts very young, and doesn't let up.
"The King is wounded early in a boy when he is never given a territory of his own, when his territory is violated, or when his territory is too big for him. A boy needs some territory to call his own. Does he get to choose what he wears - often? Does he have certain special toys that he does not have to let others play with? Is his room, especially, a little kingdom over which he has some say? Of course, a parent expects him to clean his room. I'm talking about choices of what color to paint it, what pictures he gets to hang on the walls. Do his parents and siblings have to knock before they enter?... How else will he learn to rule?"
How can you really teach a boy to handle power? Give him some. Give him a small kingdom and teach him how to care for and protect it. As he grows and matures, allow his territory to as well. Teach him that he is powerful by giving something to exercise his power over and improve. Power isn't something you can just hand someone all at once at 18 and expect them to rule well. They have to learn to use it over time and slowly.
"If a boy has a domineering mother or father, it crushes the young King in him. He never gets to develop his own willpower and determination. For the King is also wounded early in a boy when his boundaries are violated... Sexual abuse would be among the worst violations, for the child is invaded and cannot make it stop. How can he (or she) develop a sense of sovereignty over his life, a confidence that he can assert his will, protect his boundaries? The child becomes accustomed to being run over, demanded of, used."
We saw how in order to be a Beloved Son, the boy must live in a world made safe by his father's strength. His small kingdom must fall under the protection of the big kingdom. He must be able to live in a world without fear and see what life is supposed to be like, so that he can one day take that knowledge and begin to make the world that way as his kingdom grows.
"I said in chapter 1 that a boy is also wounded when he is made a king too soon, as often happens when the father abandons the family... His shoulders are not nearly big enough for that, and won't be for a long time. Sometimes the mother does it, unintentionally, as she looks to the boy to become her companion, help her navigate life without a husband. Sometimes the boy will just take it on himself. It happens also when the boy has a weak father. It is an awful thing when you are five, or fifteen, or even twenty-five, to be the strongest man in your world."
There is a progression we are meant to grow through. We see bits of the stages throughout the whole journey, but we are meant to experience them fully in order. Don't force your son to play your part, man up and allow him to grow and journey.
"Young men are wounded by Kings who betray them, and the wound often causes them to resent all Kings and the role of King. Perhaps this is why so many young men today do not want to enter the stage of King, and think that they are more righteous for it." I've been there, and it sucks. You are sent into an ambush by someone you loved, respected, and thought had your back. Resentment is easy to have, but it isn't the way we walk. Instead we learn from it, learn how to trust and be more cautious, and we learn even more clearly, how to rule. We remember what happened to us, and we make sure that it doesn't happen again in our kingdom.
"We often make young men Kings too soon as well... Does this mean a young man cannot become a King? No. Josiah was twenty-six when he began his reforms, and he ruled well. But I would say that a young man should not be made King over too great a kingdom... If he finds himself in the role of King as a younger man, he should not forsake the other stages of the journey, for he will need all they have to teach him and develop in him. It is not the season of the King for him, but of the Warrior and Lover, and it is at those stages he should live, looking to older men to help him fulfill the office of King."
I became a lead pastor at the age of 24, a role I don't believe anyone is ready to take at that age, no matter how small the church may be (maybe especially if the church is small, because churches are often small because of problems no one has been willing to deal with). I had older men I looked to, but found very little help. People gave me words, but no action, and sometimes they weren't words that did any good. It's made me wonder if I want to take on that role ever again. Part of me has no desire to, and instead I've been looking for other opportunities to serve under a good King. My pastor now is such a leader, one of the best Kings I've ever known. I'm glad to be a Warrior in his army for now, but as I've written all of this I have the sense that at some point in the future I'm going to be asked to take on the leadership of another church. If that is to be the case, then now must be time dedicated to focusing on the Warrior and the Lover, as it is meant to be, because only then will I be able to rule well.
"Kings are wounded when they are men as well, sometimes wounded right out of being a King. There is betrayal... It happens so many times, the enemy using people to try to bring down the kingdom, and mostly, to dishearten the King... Sometimes a King is forced out of his kingdom... You can be assured that the enemy will do whatever he can to keep a man from rising up as King. He will tempt, dishearten, assault - as he did Adam, Moses, David, and Jesus."
That was my experience, and it is at that moment a King needs a Sage, we'll see more on this soon. In my case, where I was filling the office of King, I needed an older King to help me heal. It is crucial that when the time comes we do that as well. My experience has given me a heart for young men who find themselves in the same position, and one day I will reach out to them and be the King I wish I had had.
"Whatever had diminished your heart as a King, or toward the King, you must not let it win. It is as a King you were born, and it is as a King you must rise. There is great good to be done, and many people to rescue - all that we are missing are the Kings of the earth."
You are needed. Think of The Lion King, "You are more than what you have become. You must take your place in the Circle of Life... Remember who you are. You are my son, and the one true King. Remember who you are." You were born to rule well, to protect your kingdom, to bring order from chaos, and blessing upon the people. Rise up as the King you were born to be.
"Father... Show me how the King was wounded in me as a boy, as a young man, and in my adulthood as well. Show me where I've acted weakly, abdicating my authority. Show me where I've been a tyrant. Show me also where I have ruled well. Let me see what life is like for those under my rule, and, by your grace, let me become a great King on behalf of others. I give my life to you. Give me the heart and spirit of a man yielded to you. Father me."
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
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