"Do I have what it takes? Am I powerful? Until a man knows he's a man he will forever be trying to prove he is one, while at the same time shrinking from anything that might reveal he is not." In the past few years I've really started to pick up on this. I've noticed some of it in my own life, and I've picked up on a lot of it in the lives of guys I've interacted with. Some of them I know, and have some knowledge of the wounds they carry. With others I'm starting to be able to put pieces together. All of them trying to appear as men, some doing better than others, but many simply putting up a front. So we have to ask, Where does masculinity come from?
"Masculinity is bestowed. A boy learns who he is and what he's got from a man, or a company of men. He cannot learn it any other place. He cannot learn it from other boys, and he cannot learn it from the world of women." This is why a dad is so crucial in the life of a son, and this is why we have so few men today. We have a world of fathers, but very few dads. A father simply provides the genetic material, but a dad invests time and energy. A dad teaches and bestows masculinity on his son as he leads him on this journey into manhood.
One of the things my wife and I talked about before we got married was naming our children. I had shared with her this section of the book, and how important the meaning of names is to me based on that. She's given her approval on the names I've picked out for our sons. I want their names to mean something, and come from somewhere meaningful. For the first boy I pray God blesses me with, his first name comes from one of my best friends and the middle name is from the son of a family that has been like a second family to me. The meaning of the name is "Mighty, Man of God". Son number two comes from another best friend and my dad/grandpa and means, "Exalted by God, Mighty Leader". The names themselves give a sense of power and dependence upon God, but they are simply a start.
Naming is simply the beginning. A man must actively intervene in the life of a boy to answer the questions on his heart and let him know that he is powerful and that he does have what it takes. It must come from a man because that is the only place it can come from. Father's you must be dads to your sons, and in the event that there is a boy with no dad, we must step in as men.
Femininity can never bestow masculinity. Many boys actually become emasculated by women if there is no man to intervene. I actually watched this happen at one of the churches I was at. At the time I wasn't prepared to step in, and in some ways I failed him, and if you ever read this, I am deeply sorry for that. Since then as I have grown I have felt a deep need to help guide boys into manhood, it's part of the reason this blog has been so heavily on my heart. My wife and I have talked a lot about being the safe place for our kids friends to hang out at (If you've ever seen Boy Meets World, we want to be what the Matthews were to Shawn Hunter).
A man must invite a boy into a man's world. He must invite him to be dangerous, and teach him how to properly use his strength and power, so that the boy can be affirmed as a man. For a boy to become a man, testing is essential. "The ancient societies believed that a boy becomes a man only through ritual and effort- only through the 'active intervention of the older men." John's follow up book, The Way of the Wild Heart, focuses heavily on this aspect of the journey. It is the job of the dad to arrange these tests and trials, and to be there to guide and teach through them.
This initiation, or rite of passage, into manhood is something that we have lost. I've talked a little on this subject to Jeremy, (the backpacking one) about how we can do this for our sons some day, as well as other boys we have the opportunity to teach and guide (If you have done anything like this either as a dad or a son, please comment below or email me to give any suggestions or insights on how to go about this).
In all of this I don't want to disregard the moms out there, especially the single mothers in our society. I have the greatest respect for the sacrifices you make for your children. A mother does play an important role in the life of her son. She is there to love and nurture him. John points out that a boy runs to his mother when he falls and scrapes his knee. But there comes a time when a mom has to let go, and she has to let her son be dangerous or she will emasculate him and eventually drive him away from her.
When a father is absent, angry, or abusive, he wounds his children. To a son the questions on his heart either go unanswered, or get a loud "NO!". "Every man carries a wound." No father is perfect, as much as I want to be someday, I know I'm going to make mistakes. But I can promise that I will be present and involved. I can promise that I will build them up and guide them into manhood, by affirming them and testing them to help them see and understand that they are powerful and dangerous men of God. And whenever possible, I will intervene in the life of a boy with no dad, and work to stitch up the wounds he has received. And I ask you men out there, will you join me? We cannot stop the wounds from happening, but we can stitch them up so they become scars that we show off.
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Points for using the Boy Meets World reference
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