"Perhaps as we turn to sons and the young men around us, considering how we might be more intentional to raise them in a confidence that they are Beloved Sons, we might also discover more about our own hearts, and the heart of God."
As I've been thinking about this for the past few days part of me looks forward to having a son someday. Part of me feels that some healing I need will only be accomplished at that point. Prayer and Bible study are crucial, but when we enter the stage of fatherhood we are blessed with an incredible opportunity, to see our child through the eyes of a loving father. We get a glimpse of the love God has for us.
Right now I'm at a difficult spot. I know God will provide for the needs my wife and I have. Last week we were sharing about all of the ways He has provided in the past year. Time after time He has come through for us financially, but in my situation I've started to wonder if God really wants good things for me. I know life is not about me, but as I read the Bible, as I read this book, I'm hit with all of God's promises for blessing. The thing I am struggling with the most right now is wondering, maybe even doubting, that God wants good things for me, or that He has good things in store for me. Reading, and writing, this has been difficult. Trying to communicate a message that I'm struggling to really believe myself, and yet deep down knowing that it is true. It's one of those complicated things.
A boy must know that his heart is valued and cared about. He must know that the father notices, cares, and wants to fulfill the desires of his heart. "I love being with you. I love what you love.... How important for a boy to know that his father notices - I know what you love, and I love it, too. I choose it today above what I love... Actions speak louder than words. I love being with you. You are my delight. I'll set aside my own agenda to be with you doing something you love. I love who you are, love what you love. You get special time with me. This is how we raise Beloved Sons."
In order for a boy to know he is the Beloved Son of his father, his heart must be prized. The father must know the heart of his son and speak to him in ways that his heart understands. A son must be given priority at times, he must be the agenda, if he is to know he is the delight of his father. But this is not making you son the center of the universe.
"Some parents overcompensate in an effort to 'do it right' (by which they often mean, 'I don't want to screw it up like my parents did') and make their children the center of their world. Not a good idea. God doesn't make them the center of the universe, and neither should you. I know parents who have done this, and their children are insufferable to be around. A boy should know that his father lives in a much larger story... And, we need to be careful that we don't miss the heart of the boy by taking him to do something he doesn’t really want to do... The gifts we give must speak to their hearts."
I have a fear of overcompensating for the very reason listed here. The past two times I have read this book this section always stands out to me. I believe I shared this story when I first started this blog, but the first time I went camping was when I was a senior in college. My dad wasn't interested in sleeping on the ground so we never went. I wanted to be a Boy Scout when I was little, but I couldn't because every year there was a parade the troops marched in, and my dad wasn't going to do that, so I couldn't.
My dad is really into hunting, before he was married it was his weekend thing. I think that's the reason I got into it, because he liked it. I love shooting, and I love being outside, but I honestly don't really like killing animals. I love meat, so I'm not one of those "animals are better than people" advocates, but when I shoot something gentle and furry I feel like I'm shooting my dog. What appeal does that have? It's not something I really enjoy. I'd rather sit camoed in a tree with my camera and shoot pictures instead of bullets.
Now all of that being said, I believe my parents did do the best they could. That isn't saying they were perfect, and that isn't saying that I don't have wounds and things I will do differently when I'm a dad. But I'm nearing the point where I can say, "I understand" and look at it with more grace and compassion than I have in the past. I've come to realize that some things will never change between me and my dad, but that I can change the future and how Gunsalus fathers raise their sons.
And all of this brings us to an important question, "Where did you feel missed as a boy? How might God bring his love to that place now?" And this is where I begin to feel like I mentioned at the start. I'm working a job I don't enjoy, but it's a job the helps provide for my wife and dog. I'm not passionate about what I'm doing for a living. I don't have the time, space, or money to do the hobbies I actually like and enjoy, and I can't find the opportunity to make my living doing what I'm really passionate about. And all of this comes at a point where I'm trying to realize I am God's Beloved Son. In my situation it isn't easy to see that God delights in me.
And at the same time I have to ask, what does it mean to really be delighted in by God? I'm not the center of His universe, and His job is not to give me everything I want. And maybe all of this leads into the subject of the next post.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
No comments:
Post a Comment