"As I said in the introduction, it is not within the scope of this book to address all the various issues encountered when raising boys. I do however, need to speak to the issue of discipline, because it is an essential part of raising the Beloved Son, and it will become an essential part of masculine initiation... children - boys being the subject here - need two basic messages when they are growing up: you are loved more than you can possibly imagine, and, You are not the center of the universe. Without the first, a boy will grow up insecure, uncertain, looking for love and finding it difficult to believe that he is worthy of being loved, even by God. Without the second, he will grow up selfish and self-centered, assuming that everyone else's agenda bows to his own."
Love and affirmation, discipline and correction, these are the two essential things a boy must receive from the very beginning. It is possible to give the second without the first, but if you really love your son, you will discipline him. He must know that you love him more than he will understand until he is the father. He must know that he holds a special place in your heart that no one else could ever occupy. But at the same time, he must know that your world does not revolve around him. He must know that you live in a bigger story, that you are fighting a bigger battle than simply for his happiness.
Without love and discipline a boy cannot become a man. Without the certainty and assurance of his identity there is no foundation for him to build upon. Without the disciple he is selfish and cowardly, refusing to stand for anything but himself. Neither is anything that we would think of as a man, and we all know guys in both camps. Love and discipline are the crucial things that must be learned if we are to raise the Beloved Son.
"Discipline teaches us obedience, and immediate and unquestioned obedience is a great gift to endow in a boy, a quality of character that will serve him the rest of his life. For it is an essential truth of life to know and appreciate the fact that the universe does not find you at its center. Rather it demands things of you, requires you to live within its limits... How much more true this is for a man before his God. You are loved immensely, and you must obey."
We are not in charge, and nothing revolves around us. We are God's beloved children, but He is Father, He is authority. He loves us more than we can ever fully comprehend, but at the same time He must be obeyed, and sadly we often only learn obedience through discipline. By disciplining our children we begin to teach them the love and fear of God. We teach them that there is always an authority above them, but it is an authority that comes from a loving father. His discipline is meant to shape our hearts into righteousness and holiness, and in that we find life and freedom.
"Discipline, after all, is ultimately the means to freedom. My boys don't clean their rooms so they can do it again; they clean their rooms so they can go play... Discipline is simply to keep our sin from destroying all the life God wants for us. Life is the point."
We were made for life, but in order to be able to live it, there are rule we must follow and standards to abide by. If we live in obedience to God, according to His standard of holiness, then we have the life that He wants for us. The rules are not the point, discipline for breaking the rules is not the point, life is. But life is only possible when we live it the way it was meant to be. Life only works when we live with discipline, because only then is their freedom.
And when we are obedient, God is able to give us good things, things we can't even imagine let alone ask for. It is crucial that we reward the obedience of our children, one it teaches them that discipline leads to freedom, and two it shows our love for them. "Unlooked-for surprises foster in the boy a belief that a father is a source of wonder things - something we want them to know about God... The quickest way to kill the spirit of the boy is through a rigid moralism, which lacks any spontaneity, adventure or freedom. For the boy is both a Cowboy and a Warrior in the making, and as such he needs adventures and dangers in order to thrive. When we provide them, far above and beyond discipline, we develop things in the boy he will later need, things like courage and curiosity, and we demonstrate that we know and love his heart. And don't forget physical affection. The boy craves it."
Children will see God as they see their fathers. What image are you presenting? Are you the strict disciplinarian who punishes but never rewards? Are you the one who over compensates and spoils your son but denies him the correction he needs? Do you invest in his heart, speaking his language, or do you force you dreams and hobbies on him? Your son needs your love and your discipline. He needs to see God as the authority, the standard to be obeyed, but in that obedience the source of every good and unlooked for thing. That is what it means to be the Beloved Son.
"Father, I need to know that I am your son, and that there is a place for me in your heart which no one else can fill. I need to experience you love... Heal and restore my soul as a son - as your Beloved Son. Give me grace to believe it. And show me now how to offer this to my son... Lead me in Jesus' name."
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
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