"There comes a time when you have to leave all that is familiar and go on into the unknown with God." In order to be a Man of God, we have got to get alone with God. In order to be alone with God we must trust Him and follow Him into the unknown. It can be a bit frightening, because it involves us giving up the idea of control. It can be difficult to do because God will stretch us, He has to in order for us to become who He created us to be, and since this is initiation its purpose is to test us so we realize we are powerful and have what it takes.
But the journey doesn't begin with a test of strength. Instead it begins with something we are very aware of. The journey into manhood begins with our wound.
"Men are taught over and over when they are boys that a wound is shameful... A wound that stops you from continuing to play is a girlish wound. He who is truly a man keeps walking, dragging his guts behind." I know I'm not the only one who has gotten something along those lines somewhere along the way. Right now I keep thinking of the scene in Night at the Museum where Larry first encounters the miniature figures, who have tripped him and tied him down with his head on the railroad tracks. He's told to "Quit whining and just take it like a man!"
Men are taught to be tough, to suck it up and not cry when we fall and scrap our knee. But a man must be able to acknowledge a wound, otherwise it can never heal. "That sort of misunderstanding is why for most of us, our wound is an immense source of shame. A man's not supposed to get hurt' he's certainly not supposed to let it really matter... And so most men minimize their wound... Or perhaps they'll admit it happened, but deny it was a wound because they deserved it... The only thing more tragic than the tragedy that happens to us is the way we handle it."
Many of us have the mentality that wounds are shameful, that real men don't get hurt, that pain is a concept foreign to a man. We cover it with a band-aid hoping that it's enough to cover it so we can hide it, but it doesn't heal. Untreated wounds get infected and cause more complications. And this is what happens to many men. It happened to me.
I'm not going to share the details on the internet for the world to see, but most of what I did was denying it. I refused to talk about it or admit it because of how other people would be viewed (that probably makes it sound like it's a lot worse than it is). My wound is hard to describe, even if I were to put it into words. But I guess the best way to put it is feeling like the least important, like nothing I did was good enough, and that by doing what God had called me to do meant losing the support of others.
Anyway, I just kind of blew it all off. Never talked about it with anyone until I got married, and even then my wife had to drag a lot of it out of me at first. Even now it's hard for me to even share this much. A lot of it I haven't really even put together until the last few weeks, and in that time I've started to see why God has brought me here. "God is fiercely committed to you, to the restoration and release of your masculine heart. But a wound that goes unacknowledged and unwept is a wound that cannot heal. A wound you've embraced is a wound that cannot heal. A wound you think you deserved is a wound that cannot heal... Most men deny their wound - deny that it happened, deny that it hurt, certainly deny that it's shaping the way the live today. And so God's initiation of a man must take a very cunning course... He will wound us in the very place where we have been wounded."
The feelings of being the least important, and not good enough, have been big in my life over the last few years. I graduated at the top of my class with some of the greatest encouragement from my professors in my ears. Waited, had a rough youth pastor job, followed by more waiting, followed by an even rougher lead pastor job, followed by, and currently in, waiting. Do you have any idea what it's like to fail at something you've been told you'll succeed at? Do you have any idea what it's like to be passed over for jobs that seem perfect, and that you'd be perfect for? Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to have people want you to have experience that no one will let you get? You feel pretty unimportant and not good enough.
And you ask a lot of questions, "God, why did you let this happen to me?" "God, why won't you just open a door?" "God, why ... ?" fill in the blank. These questions are easy to ask because it's easy to whine. These questions give all the responsibility to God and don't challenge us to be men. These are the questions that result from the band-aid, and these questions, from my experience, never get answered, and never bring healing.
"To enter into a journey of initiation with God requires a new set of questions: What are you trying to teach me here? What issues in my heart are you trying to raise through this? What is it you want me to see? What are you asking me to let go of? In truth, God has been trying to initiate you for a long time. What is in the way is how you've mishandled your wound and the life you've constructed as a result."
As we begin this initiation with God real healing can begin. God will stitch up the wound so that it becomes a scar. Scars are a sign of healing, scars tell a story, and scars don't hurt. But in order to stitch it up, God has to rip the band-aid off, and then clean out the wound. Then, and only then, can He begin to sew.
If we are to become Men of God, we must be initiated by God, and for that to begin, our wounds must be healed. God wants to heal you, God will heal you, but first He has to uncover the wound. You have to acknowledge it. He has to clean it. You have to face it. He has to stitch it up. Will you let Him?
"Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen." Ephesians 3.20-21
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
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