"From the place of our wounding we construct a false self. We find a few gifts that work for us, and we try to live off them." From there we play it safe. We don't take risks, we don't attempt battles we aren't sure to win. We depend on a few talents, and not on strength. We try to live, but we end up just existing. A wound takes the life out of you.
John quotes Brennan Manning as he talks about the impostor that is created as a defense against pain, and then points out, "The impostor is our plan for salvation. So God must take it away." We take the wound and cover it up with an band-aid, which we cover with a sleeve. We try to get by with our own field dressing, hoping that we can somehow make it through the rest of the war with no one finding out we've been hit. But a wounded warrior isn't fighting to his fullest potential.
"Our false self, our plan for redemption, seems so right to us. It shields us from pain and secures us a little love and admiration. But the false self is a lie; the whole plan is built on a pretense. It's a deadly trap. God loves us too much to leave us there... He will take away all that you've leaned upon to bring life." We've all been there, we've made our plans, secured a few things, and used some talent to make it, but we all know that this hasn't satisfied us. We all know that we've still felt empty and like something was missing. We're all aware of the wound that keeps us where we are, that prevents us from getting to where we know we could and should be. And God loves us too much to let us stay there. And so He begins to work on bringing us to where He created us to be.
Everything falls apart. "This is the critical moment in a man's life, when all he has counted on comes crashing down.. what is he to do?... The true test of a man, the beginning of his redemption, actually starts when he can no longer rely on what he's used all his life. The real journey begins when the false self fails." It is in this moment that we can begin to learn who we really are. It is here that we can begin to see that we have what it takes. "This is a very dangerous moment, when God seems set against everything that has meant life to us. Satan spies his opportunity, and leaps to accuse God in our hearts."
This is where I have found myself. I have a call to ministry as a vocation that I haven't been able to do much with recently. And I have felt like God has been against me. I've even accused God, saying things like, "Why are you making it so hard for me to do what You've called me to do?" And we've all said, or at the very least thought, "God, you could fix this in five minutes if you wanted to." This thinking is the enemy tempting us to rely on us. If he can make us think that God doesn't care, or worse that God is against us, then we'll continue to live with our band-aid.
But the thing we must remember is that God works out of love. Everything He does is because He loves us. He has given us an invitation to be all that He created us to be, "We can choose to do it ourselves, or we can wait for God to bring it all down." We can choose to willingly let Him pull off the band-aid and begin to stitch us up, or we can wait until we have no where else to turn. The time only makes the wound worse and the healing longer and more intense. Either way, "Losing the false self is painful." It isn't fun to take a band-aid off, and the cleaning and stitching aren't the most pleasant experiences either, but if we choose to willingly come to God it goes a lot easier.
We all have been wounded. Try as we might, there is no healing to be found, and therefore no real life, apart from God. Anything we fill the void with will never satisfy or heal. "A man without his true love, his live, his God, will find another... we must take our ache to him. For only in God will we find the healing of our wound."
"Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen." Ephesians 3.20-21
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
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