"That is the way we are with our wound, especially men. We bury it deep and never take it out again. But take it out we must, or better, enter into it." This is no easy task, I really believe that many refuse to even attempt this. For me its has been difficult to identify the wounds at times. Some are easy and obvious, but others aren't so clear. I'm thinking of the first time I was at the Dead Sea in Israel. It was January, and like most men I didn't use lotion during the winter. The first time I went into the salty water I felt ever crack in the skin on my hands, and most of them I wasn't aware of before that moment.
On the journey to manhood healing is essential, without it we have no other option except to live as posers, putting up a front, and hoping it gets us through life. To be men, we must face out wounds, we must enter them and get to root of them in order that they may be healed. And this is something the enemy works hard to prevent. "The whole false self is an elaborate defense against entering our wounded heart." I just thought of the movie Hitch, Will Smith plays a dating consultant who works to help guys reinvent themselves to win the girl. He guards Himself, presents a false self, and appears to be happy, but really he drives the girl away. It isn't until the end when he realizes that the woman is interested in who he really is, that he is enough, that he wins her. He faces his wound, he enters it, and because of that he is healed and the relationship is saved.
"But a wound unfelt is a wound unhealed. We must go in." In order to be men our wounds must be healed. And in order to be healed they must be felt. We must face the wounds and enter them. And at this point it get's extremely individualized. "There are no formulas with God. The way in which God heals our wound is a deeply personal process. He is a person and he insists on working personally."
How I am healed is not the same way you will be. But there is one commonality for all of our healing, "Healing never happens outside of intimacy with Christ. The healing of our wound flows out of our union with Him." Half way through my junior year of college things began to change for me. I had just gotten out of an almost two year relationship. I had lost sight of priorities and had cut a lot of friends out of my life, and had really neglected my spiritual growth. I remember telling some of the few friends I still had, "I feel like God is running way out in front of my and I'm trying to catch Him. But instead of offering encouragement and slowing down He turns and says, 'Just try and catch me!' and sprints faster to get away."
I knew the relationship needed to end, but I didn't know how to get out of it. We had been together for almost two years, we had talked about marriage (seriously have no idea what I was thinking), and now I just felt stuck. The fall of 2007 I really began to focus on God, really began to pour out to Him. He stepped in ended the relationship, and then on New Years day at around 1:00 am I was alone in my room. I sat there thinking about the last year, thinking about how much it had sucked, and then I just began to pray. I remember telling God how much I wanted this next year to be different. I had already begun to grow closer to Him again, and at that moment He and I began a journey together, running side by side. It began with Philippians 3.13b-14, " forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." And for much of the next few years I poured through the four short, yet powerful, chapters of this incredible letter.
I have found so much healing in those pages, not just for that wound, but for most of the ones I've been dealt. Last January things at the Church I was pastoring got really rough. I was in a board meeting where I quickly found myself on the receiving end of a verbal shotgun that lasted well over an hour. I called my mentor the next day and ended up crying on the phone as he began to put some of the pieces back together. And then I went back to Philippians. I read the book in its entirety every day for a few weeks, each day picking up on something different. And in those moments finding healing and the strength to go on.
As I'm writing this I feel the need to go back into them again, another wound, one of the subtle ones but one of the first I'd received, has been revealed to me, and its time for it to be stitched up.
John mentions four steps in the chapter, that though they will be uniquely fulfilled in each of us, are universal in the healing process. The first is "Surrender". This is where it all begins. There is no healing apart from the stitching done by God, and so we must invite Jesus into our wounds, but we must also meet Him there. Healing cannot be done at a distance, we must work through this with Christ. This is one of those procedures where the patient must be awake and alert in order to be able to respond to what the surgeon is doing for proper healing. "Christ comes to restore and release you, your soul, the true you." As Philippians 1.6 tells us, "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." You were created to be a Man of God, and Christ is at work to make you just that, but we must enter into the wound with Him. To be healed we must surrender.
Step two is to "Grieve". As a pastor I have had the opportunity to share intense moments with people as life came to an end. I've been with a family at the hospital as a wife was told her husband of 60 plus years might not make it through the night. I held her and as she sat and took it all in. I was with a family in a hospice room as they waited for dad and grandpa to take his last breath. I preached his funeral. And one of the things that I shared with them is that grieving is part of the healing process. We must grieve. We something precious is lost or stolen from us, grieving helps to admit the truth that it hurt and it mattered. If we refuse to grieve we reject the pain, we deny the loss, and we never heal. Grieving is key, because grieving says it happened, and grieving works to heal.
Step three is "Letting God Love us". We must let God get really close. "This deep intimate union with Jesus and with his Father is the source of all our healing and all our strength." It is in those moments of deep study of Scripture, of intense prayer, and in moments of silence and solitude with God that the most crucial truths have been spoken into my life. In order for God to sew up the wound He's got to get closer than arm's length, He's got to get face to face with us. We must fall into His arms, or climb up into His lap and curl up. We must allow ourselves to be loved by God. This means vulnerability but it is the safest vulnerability ever because we offer ourselves fully to the hands of the creator. The love of God heals all wounds.
Finally, we must "Forgive". John points out that this is a choice we make, it is never something we feel like doing. Forgiveness is the final step because the other three must happen for us to be able to choose to forgive. I must first surrender to Jesus and enter my wound. As I do I must grieve it. I don't deny that it happened, I don't deny that it hurt, I don't say that it didn't matter. And through all of this, I allow God to love me, to speak truth to me and to heal me. And then we come to this final step, we choose to forgive. Forgiveness doesn't say that it never happened, it doesn't say it was ok, we've already acknowledged it did in our grief. Forgiveness releases those who wounded us and says, "I don't hold this against you." It doesn't mean we will have warm fuzzy feelings for those people, it simply means we let it go, that we aren't imprisoned to it any more. It means the band-aid has been removed, the stitches have done their job, and there is now a beautiful scar.
"Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen." Ephesians 3.20-21
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
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