"Having said all this, we can now speak of falling in love with a woman. We must. For God has said a man's life is not good without her (Gen. 2:18), so no matter how bold an adventurer or brave a warrior, the man is not living as a man should live unless he makes room for a woman in his life. And, in most cases at this stage, it usually is a woman who comes to awaken the heart of a man."
Yes, this stage, as with every other part of the journey, is primarily about God. Ultimately our deepest relationship is to be with Him. But we must remember a key fact; man does not bear the full image of God. In Genesis 1 we read that, "God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them" (verse 27). It is only when a man and a woman come together in a marriage covenant that they form the full image of God. Both halves are unique and incomplete without the other.
I remember my first full time ministry assignment. I had a job in my field, and I was having some good success. I was able to have some adventures, but there was something missing, I was single. It wasn't that I needed a wife, but something was incomplete and I knew she was missing. Battle and adventure can't take the place of beauty. And God Himself said that man shouldn't be alone. We were created for intimacy in a human relationship; oneness that mirrors the relationship God desires with each of us. And it is in marriage that I have learned more about who God is, and how He loves me. And all of those lessons would be impossible without my wife.
"The awakening of his heart is essential if a man would truly love a woman. Look at things from her point of view. What does she long for in a man? Every little girl dreams of the day her prince will come... He pursues her, wins her heart, takes her into a great adventure and love story. And notice - what is the great sorrow of every woman in a disappointing marriage? Isn't it that he no longer pursues, no longer romances her? Life has been reduced to function and problem solving. What she longs for is what you are meant to become."
My wife sees me in ways I don't see myself yet, and she longs for me to be the man she sees. I remember when we first started dating I pursued her like my life depended on it. Two years of marriage, a beating from the Church, and being knocked around by life, and don’t' really feel like a man, and don't feel like I know how to pursue her any more. It isn't her; she's just as beautiful and captivating as ever. I want to be the man she desires, and sees. I want to be the Lover she deserves. There is so much working to destroy this, and prevent this. And this is why it is crucial for a man to be a Warrior first, so that he can endure the battle to rescue her.
"So when it comes to loving a woman, the great divide lies between men as Lovers and men as Consumers. Does he seek her out, long for her, because really he yearns for her to meet some need in his life - a need for validation (she makes him feel like a man), or mercy, or simply sexual gratification? That man is a Consumer... The Lover, on the other hand, wants to fight for her - he wants to protect her, make her life better, wants to fill her heart in every way he can. It is no chore for him to bring flowers, or music, spend hours talking together. Having his own heart awakened, he wants to know and love and free her heart."
Which one are you? I've met a lot of guys who fall into the Consumer group, and a lot of woman who have been consumed by them. Lovers are few and far between. And again, it takes a Warrior to be a Lover. It takes a man who knows how to put his life on the line for something greater than himself. It takes a man who knows how to sacrifice. And above all, it takes a man who is willing to risk everything.
"Of course the stage of the Lover brings with it great pain and suffering, because we are speaking of the heart, and the heart, as we all know, is vulnerable like nothing else. Resilient, thank God, but vulnerable. The heights of joy this stage ushers in are greater than any other, but with them comes the potential for sorrow as deep as the heights are high. That is why he must be a Warrior, and that is why he must find his greatest love in God."
God is constant. Even with a wife who is completely faithful, there is still the separation of death. This past year my wife and I went through a potential cancer scare, and for days I thought "What happens if I lose her?" There will be pain in marriage, its two imperfect people coming together. And there will be pain as a man searches for his wife. And that is why this stage is primarily about God. A man's first, and deepest love, must be God. That relationship shapes all others, especially a marriage.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
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