"When a man takes a new wife, he shall not go out with the army nor be charged with any duty; he shall be free at home one year and shall give happiness to his wife whom he has taken." -Deuteronomy 24.5
Following laws about divorce there is this not about marriage. When a man was married he was excused from military service for one year. This time was to be invested in his new family, and to begin a family. God knows that marriage matters, and because of the fallen world we live in, He knows it's hard. He allowed for a man to be free from military duty for one year to invest in his marriage.
Marriage matters, because it is in marriage that a man and a woman become one. The two halves of God's image reflected in humanity come together as one and are able to present the full image of God to creation. It is important that we invest in our marriages. We live at a time where we can't take a year off of work to be at home and invest in our marriages. But there are things we can do to strengthen them.
Men, are you investing in your marriage? Do you have date nights? Do you bring flowers? Do you tell your wife you love her and that she's beautiful? Do you kiss her? Do you pursue her? Do you fight for her? Does your marriage matter to you?
I'm not a perfect husband, which my wife will be the first to testify to, and try as I might, I never will be. But that isn't an excuse not to try, and not to invest in my marriage. Marriage matters so much that God excused men from military service for a year. What things can we give us to invest in our marriages? What can we do to pour into our wives?
Let us be men who see the value of marriage, and let us do all that we can to strengthen ours.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Friday, December 12, 2014
Sunday, October 26, 2014
Marriage Law
"This is what the Lord has commanded concerning the daughters of Zelophehad, saying, 'Let them marry whom they wish; only they must marry within the family of the tribe of their father.' Thus no inheritance of the sons of Israel shall be transferred from tribe to tribe, for the sons of Israel shall each hold to the inheritance of the tribe of his fathers. Every daughter who comes into possession of an inheritance of any tribe of the sons of Israel shall be wife to one of the family of the tribe of her father, so that the sons of Israel each may possess the inheritance of his fathers. Thus no inheritance shall be transferred from one tribe to another tribe, for the tribes of the sons of Israel shall each hold to his own inheritance." -Numbers 36.6-9
There had been a man named Zelophehad who had no sons, and so his daughters came to Moses and sought land so that their father's name would not be erased from history. Now there is a situation. If they marry the land will become part of their husband's territory. This isn't a problem, unless they marry outside of their tribe. Under that circumstance the land would be transferred from one tribe to another, and this wasn't supposed to happen. So God steps in and puts a requirement on their marriages.
They are given freedom of choice to marry whomever they please, but the field is limited to a family from their own tribe. No land was to be taken from one tribe by another, and so God lays out a ground rule for marriage.
Later we'll see in 2 Corinthians, that believers are not to "unequally yoked" with unbelievers. Marriage is a serious, and lasting, situation and as the primary human relationship there are some guidelines that God gives for it. Believers need to enter into marriage only with other believers. If they do then faith could be greatly hindered, or even lost.
Men, if you're married to a nonbeliever this is not permission to leave your spouse. God made marriage to be for life, and if you are already in the covenant don't break it. Pray for your spouse, show them the love of Christ, and work to bring them into the faith. But if you are single, take this instructions to heart. Marriage isn't easy, it's two people who have been raised and lived differently for several decades coming together as one to create a new life together. Entering into that relationship with someone who has different beliefs adds so much to the mix. Do not take the inheritance that God has given you and allow it to be taken by an unbelieving spouse.
Seek someone who believes what you believe because together your faith can be stronger than ever. Don't allow what you have to be stolen or smothered by a spouse who doesn't believe.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
There had been a man named Zelophehad who had no sons, and so his daughters came to Moses and sought land so that their father's name would not be erased from history. Now there is a situation. If they marry the land will become part of their husband's territory. This isn't a problem, unless they marry outside of their tribe. Under that circumstance the land would be transferred from one tribe to another, and this wasn't supposed to happen. So God steps in and puts a requirement on their marriages.
They are given freedom of choice to marry whomever they please, but the field is limited to a family from their own tribe. No land was to be taken from one tribe by another, and so God lays out a ground rule for marriage.
Later we'll see in 2 Corinthians, that believers are not to "unequally yoked" with unbelievers. Marriage is a serious, and lasting, situation and as the primary human relationship there are some guidelines that God gives for it. Believers need to enter into marriage only with other believers. If they do then faith could be greatly hindered, or even lost.
Men, if you're married to a nonbeliever this is not permission to leave your spouse. God made marriage to be for life, and if you are already in the covenant don't break it. Pray for your spouse, show them the love of Christ, and work to bring them into the faith. But if you are single, take this instructions to heart. Marriage isn't easy, it's two people who have been raised and lived differently for several decades coming together as one to create a new life together. Entering into that relationship with someone who has different beliefs adds so much to the mix. Do not take the inheritance that God has given you and allow it to be taken by an unbelieving spouse.
Seek someone who believes what you believe because together your faith can be stronger than ever. Don't allow what you have to be stolen or smothered by a spouse who doesn't believe.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Monday, June 16, 2014
Adultery
"You shall not commit adultery." -Exodus 20.14
Commandment seven deals with marriage, and guarding this relationship. It's a big deal. As humans we are made in the image of God, each one of us displaying God to the rest of creation. In marriage you have a man and a woman coming together and becoming one. You have a man, made in the image of God, bearing the masculine half of His heart, the side that is strong and dangerous, being joined to a woman, made in the image of God, bearing the feminine half of His heart, the side that is beautiful and captivating, and becoming one.
It is as one that a couple is able to fully display God to the rest of creation. And it is in the covenant of marriage that the two physically become one. When the two halves of God's heart come together as one, there is the ability to create life. It is a sacred gift, and a powerful one. It is an intimate bond that God has given to men and women to enjoy, but also to witness about Him. God does not want that broken by adultery.
Adultery takes the relationship, the heart of God, and breaks it. It wants the pleasure without the commitment. It's looking for intimacy without having to deal with the hard stuff. It's a sin, and God commands against it.
Men, is adultery part of your life? Some of us have watched it dramatically alter our lives when someone else engages in it, this is the story of my life. My grandfather had an affair, and it did a lot of damage to my family, that is continuing to grow worse. Some are engaged in it now, hoping that no one will ever find out. Let me tell you, your sin will be discovered, and it will destroy your family. Don't go down this road, the price you will pay is not worth the momentary pleasure. But some of us are doing everything we possibly can to avoid ever falling into it. We have seen the damage it can do. We have a desire to be faithful men of God, and we strive daily to be obedient to Him. Where do you find yourself?
Let us flee from adultery, and to set a godly example of a marriage relationship. Let us live in intimacy with our wives that displays God most clearly to creation, strong and beautiful, dangerous and captivating.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Commandment seven deals with marriage, and guarding this relationship. It's a big deal. As humans we are made in the image of God, each one of us displaying God to the rest of creation. In marriage you have a man and a woman coming together and becoming one. You have a man, made in the image of God, bearing the masculine half of His heart, the side that is strong and dangerous, being joined to a woman, made in the image of God, bearing the feminine half of His heart, the side that is beautiful and captivating, and becoming one.
It is as one that a couple is able to fully display God to the rest of creation. And it is in the covenant of marriage that the two physically become one. When the two halves of God's heart come together as one, there is the ability to create life. It is a sacred gift, and a powerful one. It is an intimate bond that God has given to men and women to enjoy, but also to witness about Him. God does not want that broken by adultery.
Adultery takes the relationship, the heart of God, and breaks it. It wants the pleasure without the commitment. It's looking for intimacy without having to deal with the hard stuff. It's a sin, and God commands against it.
Men, is adultery part of your life? Some of us have watched it dramatically alter our lives when someone else engages in it, this is the story of my life. My grandfather had an affair, and it did a lot of damage to my family, that is continuing to grow worse. Some are engaged in it now, hoping that no one will ever find out. Let me tell you, your sin will be discovered, and it will destroy your family. Don't go down this road, the price you will pay is not worth the momentary pleasure. But some of us are doing everything we possibly can to avoid ever falling into it. We have seen the damage it can do. We have a desire to be faithful men of God, and we strive daily to be obedient to Him. Where do you find yourself?
Let us flee from adultery, and to set a godly example of a marriage relationship. Let us live in intimacy with our wives that displays God most clearly to creation, strong and beautiful, dangerous and captivating.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Lead Your Household
"She said, 'Here is my maid Bilhah, go in to her that she may bear on my knees, that through her I too may have children.' So she gave him her maid Bilhah as a wife, and Jacob went in to her. Bilhah conceived and bore Jacob a son. Then Rachel said, 'God has vindicated me, and has indeed heard my voice and has given me a son.' Therefore she named him Dan. Rachel’s maid Bilhah conceived again and bore Jacob a second son. So Rachel said, 'With mighty wrestlings I have wrestled with my sister, and I have indeed prevailed.' And she named him Naphtali. When Leah saw that she had stopped bearing, she took her maid Zilpah and gave her to Jacob as a wife. Leah’s maid Zilpah bore Jacob a son. Then Leah said, 'How fortunate!' So she named him Gad. Leah’s maid Zilpah bore Jacob a second son. Then Leah said, 'Happy am I! For women will call me happy.' So she named him Asher. Now in the days of wheat harvest Reuben went and found mandrakes in the field, and brought them to his mother Leah. Then Rachel said to Leah, 'Please give me some of your son’s mandrakes.' But she said to her, 'Is it a small matter for you to take my husband? And would you take my son’s mandrakes also?' So Rachel said, 'Therefore he may lie with you tonight in return for your son’s mandrakes.' When Jacob came in from the field in the evening, then Leah went out to meet him and said, 'You must come in to me, for I have surely hired you with my son’s mandrakes.' So he lay with her that night." -Genesis 30.3-16
In this first part of Genesis 30 we see family drama. There is the wife giving that we saw with Abraham, and the favoritism we found with Isaac. But what seems to be unique to Jacob is his absence in all of the decision making. His two wives are dictating what he'll do, who he'll be with each night, and even what his son's names will be (more on this later). Jacob is not leading his household as he should be.
Men, we are to be the head of our household. It is our role that God created us for. We are to be protector and provider. We've already looked at how we are to spiritually lead them back with Lot, but this goes beyond that. Fortunately, in America we don't have the issue of polygamy, that would have solved many of Jacob's issues right there, but the man is still the head of the household.
Ephesians 5 says that wives are to be subject to their own husbands. Ephesians 6 says that children are to obey their parents. There is a God created system of leadership that when executed correctly works. This is not saying that men are the only ones in the family with a valid point of view or opinion. But I have to state this because I'm reading a book that points out how today when we say something positive about masculinity it gets turned into saying something negative about femininity. Men talk with your wives and your children. Involve them in the decision making process, but ultimately you are the leader, and you are responsible for leading your household.
Do you want the drama that Jacob had? Then take your role seriously. Lead your household.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
In this first part of Genesis 30 we see family drama. There is the wife giving that we saw with Abraham, and the favoritism we found with Isaac. But what seems to be unique to Jacob is his absence in all of the decision making. His two wives are dictating what he'll do, who he'll be with each night, and even what his son's names will be (more on this later). Jacob is not leading his household as he should be.
Men, we are to be the head of our household. It is our role that God created us for. We are to be protector and provider. We've already looked at how we are to spiritually lead them back with Lot, but this goes beyond that. Fortunately, in America we don't have the issue of polygamy, that would have solved many of Jacob's issues right there, but the man is still the head of the household.
Ephesians 5 says that wives are to be subject to their own husbands. Ephesians 6 says that children are to obey their parents. There is a God created system of leadership that when executed correctly works. This is not saying that men are the only ones in the family with a valid point of view or opinion. But I have to state this because I'm reading a book that points out how today when we say something positive about masculinity it gets turned into saying something negative about femininity. Men talk with your wives and your children. Involve them in the decision making process, but ultimately you are the leader, and you are responsible for leading your household.
Do you want the drama that Jacob had? Then take your role seriously. Lead your household.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Friday, February 28, 2014
United Front
"Now it came about, when Isaac was old and his eyes were too dim to see, that he called his older son Esau and said to him, 'My son.' And he said to him, 'Here I am.' Isaac said, 'Behold now, I am old and I do not know the day of my death. Now then, please take your gear, your quiver and your bow, and go out to the field and hunt game for me; and prepare a savory dish for me such as I love, and bring it to me that I may eat, so that my soul may bless you before I die.' Rebekah was listening while Isaac spoke to his son Esau. So when Esau went to the field to hunt for game to bring home, Rebekah said to her son Jacob, 'Behold, I heard your father speak to your brother Esau, saying, "Bring me some game and prepare a savory dish for me, that I may eat, and bless you in the presence of the Lord before my death." Now therefore, my son, listen to me as I command you. Go now to the flock and bring me two choice young goats from there, that I may prepare them as a savory dish for your father, such as he loves. Then you shall bring it to your father, that he may eat, so that he may bless you before his death.'" -Genesis 27.1-10
Here's where it all comes out. The family favoritism of the parents has been known for decades by the twins. Esau, the first born, the rugged outdoors man, is loved by his father. Jacob, number two son, the gentle man who loves the finer things of life, has found acceptance with his mother. Jacob has already stolen his brother's birthright, and now Isaac is setting his affairs in order in preparation for his death. And here again we see the family drama unfold.
Isaac is prepared to bless his son Esau, to pass the covenant God made with Abraham on to him. Rebekah hears about it and begins to work behind the scenes in order to advance Jacob. She begins a plan to deceive her husband. Jacob does what she says and receives the blessing of his father.
This is what happens when we don't present a united front with our wives. The children will pit you against each other, and you'll do all that you can for your favorite child. Rather than doing what is best for you and your marriage. I wonder how their marriage was. It began with Isaac loving his wife, and we do have to keep in mind that it is a different culture in that part of the world. But looking at how they parent, I wonder how strong the marriage was.
Men, in marriage, and parenting, you must present a united front with your wife. The two of you became one in marriage. You stand together, or not at all. Isaac's family is so full of drama and deception because mom and dad weren't on the same page. What do you want for your marriage and your family? If you want chaos and drama, then follow the example here. Have favorite children, work against each other. But if you don't want this, then present a united front.
Work together. Work with her. She bears the opposite side of the image of God. She sees things in a way you really can't with out her. She has different gifts, different talents, different passions. Embrace them, and work with them. Be a united front and watch the effect it will have on your family.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Here's where it all comes out. The family favoritism of the parents has been known for decades by the twins. Esau, the first born, the rugged outdoors man, is loved by his father. Jacob, number two son, the gentle man who loves the finer things of life, has found acceptance with his mother. Jacob has already stolen his brother's birthright, and now Isaac is setting his affairs in order in preparation for his death. And here again we see the family drama unfold.
Isaac is prepared to bless his son Esau, to pass the covenant God made with Abraham on to him. Rebekah hears about it and begins to work behind the scenes in order to advance Jacob. She begins a plan to deceive her husband. Jacob does what she says and receives the blessing of his father.
This is what happens when we don't present a united front with our wives. The children will pit you against each other, and you'll do all that you can for your favorite child. Rather than doing what is best for you and your marriage. I wonder how their marriage was. It began with Isaac loving his wife, and we do have to keep in mind that it is a different culture in that part of the world. But looking at how they parent, I wonder how strong the marriage was.
Men, in marriage, and parenting, you must present a united front with your wife. The two of you became one in marriage. You stand together, or not at all. Isaac's family is so full of drama and deception because mom and dad weren't on the same page. What do you want for your marriage and your family? If you want chaos and drama, then follow the example here. Have favorite children, work against each other. But if you don't want this, then present a united front.
Work together. Work with her. She bears the opposite side of the image of God. She sees things in a way you really can't with out her. She has different gifts, different talents, different passions. Embrace them, and work with them. Be a united front and watch the effect it will have on your family.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Friday, May 31, 2013
Wild at Heart, Chapter 10: A Beauty to Rescue, part 4
Every beauty needs to be rescued, the question every man must answer is, "Will you fight for her?" Will you risk your life to save hers, or leave her to fend for herself in the tower? She must be rescued, and if you refuse to do it, she will look for it in someone else.
Back in college on of my RA's (Resident Assistants) told me something I haven't forgotten, "Too many guys treat the girl like a princess until they get her, then they stop. It's like once they have her they think they don't have to try anymore." When he told me that I knew that I wanted to be the guy who never stopped, sadly I can't say that I haven't.
I don't always treat my wife like the princess that she is, and honestly I hate myself for that. I hate that I've let other things take up the few precious moments we get to spend together. I hate that I am silent and kill her with it. I hate that I get impatient with her. I hate that there are times I haven't fought for her.
"And it's not just once, but again and again over time. That's where the myth really stumps us. Some men are willing to go in once, twice, even three times. But a warrior is in this for good." There is nothing that could ever make me leave my wife. Never once have I thought, "I wish I could get out of this." But there are times I've treated her like I think that way. The times I don't make her a priority. The times I let the chaos of life overwhelm me to the point of complacency. The times when I let my frustration with circumstances come out as anger directed at her. Those are the times I have dropped out of the fight for her heart.
I'm not saying a husband and wife will never fight or argue, that's unavoidable when you bring two people with two decades of separate lives together into one. I'm not saying there won't be times when things come up that demand your attention. But we do have a choice in how we react during these times. Even in those moments it is still possible to fight for her heart. I'm learning how to.
If we rescue the beauty it says so much about who we are as men. "The universe is so vast and so ageless that the life of one man can only be justified by the measure of his sacrifice." Only I can be a husband to my wife and father to our children. My goals and dreams don't matter if it costs me my family. And so the question is what will I sacrifice? Will I give up the princess for myself, or myself for the princess?
I choose her. Yes it does mean the hardships of battle, but it also means her love. That is worth every wound I will receive in the fight. And with her it opens the door to a whole new life of adventure.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Back in college on of my RA's (Resident Assistants) told me something I haven't forgotten, "Too many guys treat the girl like a princess until they get her, then they stop. It's like once they have her they think they don't have to try anymore." When he told me that I knew that I wanted to be the guy who never stopped, sadly I can't say that I haven't.
I don't always treat my wife like the princess that she is, and honestly I hate myself for that. I hate that I've let other things take up the few precious moments we get to spend together. I hate that I am silent and kill her with it. I hate that I get impatient with her. I hate that there are times I haven't fought for her.
"And it's not just once, but again and again over time. That's where the myth really stumps us. Some men are willing to go in once, twice, even three times. But a warrior is in this for good." There is nothing that could ever make me leave my wife. Never once have I thought, "I wish I could get out of this." But there are times I've treated her like I think that way. The times I don't make her a priority. The times I let the chaos of life overwhelm me to the point of complacency. The times when I let my frustration with circumstances come out as anger directed at her. Those are the times I have dropped out of the fight for her heart.
I'm not saying a husband and wife will never fight or argue, that's unavoidable when you bring two people with two decades of separate lives together into one. I'm not saying there won't be times when things come up that demand your attention. But we do have a choice in how we react during these times. Even in those moments it is still possible to fight for her heart. I'm learning how to.
If we rescue the beauty it says so much about who we are as men. "The universe is so vast and so ageless that the life of one man can only be justified by the measure of his sacrifice." Only I can be a husband to my wife and father to our children. My goals and dreams don't matter if it costs me my family. And so the question is what will I sacrifice? Will I give up the princess for myself, or myself for the princess?
I choose her. Yes it does mean the hardships of battle, but it also means her love. That is worth every wound I will receive in the fight. And with her it opens the door to a whole new life of adventure.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Wild at Heart, Chapter 10: A Beauty to Rescue, part 3
"Most men want the maiden without any sort of cost to themselves. They want all the joys of the beauty without any of the woes of the battle." Most men want to look like the warrior, but don't want to bleed like one. They want the beauty without going through the dragon, and it doesn't work that way.
A friend of mine is working on a series of novels. I'm pretty stoked about reading them, and not just because one of the characters who is alluded to in book one and shows up in book two is based on me. It's a story about an epic journey, full of battles and boys becoming men and those men becoming warriors (can't give much more than that, but trust me, you'll want to read them). He would talk with me about the series back when we were in college and as he would describe situations my character faced he'd occasionally ask if I had any ideas.
On this particular occasion we were talking about some battle and I recommended an epic speech. Every series needs to have an epic speech before a battle, it's a rule. I suggested something along the lines of "Freedom is never free. There is always a great price that must be paid for it. Those who are willing, follow me." And then it all begins. (Who else is ready to read these?)
Freedom isn't won by people who sit at home. The beauty is never yours without a fight. "Pretty women endure this abuse all the time. They are pursued, but not really; they are wanted, but only superficially. They learn to offer their bodies but never, ever their souls. Most men, you see, marry for safety; they choose a woman who will make them feel like a man but never really challenge them to be one."
This is one of the saddest realities out there. Boys who have never really become men get to the point where it is time to find a life mate. But because there has been no initiation for them, they have no strength to offer to her. We end up with lonely women left to raise the kids on their own. You have a wife who feels abandoned and who remains in the tower because the one who is supposed to rescue her refuses to. He is in this for himself and doesn't want to be challenged to be something more. And so he marries someone he thinks will make him happy without asking him to rise to a challenge.
These are the guys who can't rise to the challenge. They can't suit up and storm the fortress because they don't know how to. But then there are the guys who won't. They guys who for one reason or another find a reason not to offer what they have. "Why don't men offer what they have to their women? Because we know down in our guts that it won't be enough... This is where many men falter. Either they refuse to give what they can, or they keep pouring and pouring into her and all the while feel like a failure because she is still needing more."
This points to a reality for both them and us. "She needs God more than she needs you, just as you need him more than you need her." I never dated in middle school or high school. In college I dated one girl, and I'm really glad that ended. But as senior year came around, pretty much everyone I knew was either married, getting married, planning on getting engaged, or really seriously dating, and I was single. It was a rough and slightly depressing stage of life. But in that time God and I got close. I got to the point shortly after graduation where I realized that I didn't need a wife, that I was enough in and of myself to be able to do what God had called me to do ministry wise. Now I'll be the first to admit that having my wife makes things so much easier and that I don't ever want to have to do this without her, but before I could marry her, before I could begin to rescue her from the tower, I had to be more dependent up God, and closer to God, than I ever would be to her. And before she could ever be rescued by me, God had to rescue her.
"Do you see now that you can't bring your question to Eve? No matter how good a man you are you can never be enough. If she's the report card on your strength then you'l ultimately get an F. But that's not why you love her - to get a good grade. You love her because that's what you are made to do; that's what a real man does."
My strength comes form God, and so I offer what I have to her, knowing that I can't satisfy all her needs, knowing that I can't bring all of the healing to the brokenness. But as it says in Ephesians 5, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself" (verses 25-28).
It is my job to love my wife, and lead her to God. I am to show her that God will protect her and fight for her as I do. I am to show her that God will delight in her beauty and be captivated by her as I am. I can give her but a glimpse of who God is, and that is the role I must play. But before I can lead her to God's strength, I must first recover mine. Before I can point her to God, I must know God deeply and intimately.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
A friend of mine is working on a series of novels. I'm pretty stoked about reading them, and not just because one of the characters who is alluded to in book one and shows up in book two is based on me. It's a story about an epic journey, full of battles and boys becoming men and those men becoming warriors (can't give much more than that, but trust me, you'll want to read them). He would talk with me about the series back when we were in college and as he would describe situations my character faced he'd occasionally ask if I had any ideas.
On this particular occasion we were talking about some battle and I recommended an epic speech. Every series needs to have an epic speech before a battle, it's a rule. I suggested something along the lines of "Freedom is never free. There is always a great price that must be paid for it. Those who are willing, follow me." And then it all begins. (Who else is ready to read these?)
Freedom isn't won by people who sit at home. The beauty is never yours without a fight. "Pretty women endure this abuse all the time. They are pursued, but not really; they are wanted, but only superficially. They learn to offer their bodies but never, ever their souls. Most men, you see, marry for safety; they choose a woman who will make them feel like a man but never really challenge them to be one."
This is one of the saddest realities out there. Boys who have never really become men get to the point where it is time to find a life mate. But because there has been no initiation for them, they have no strength to offer to her. We end up with lonely women left to raise the kids on their own. You have a wife who feels abandoned and who remains in the tower because the one who is supposed to rescue her refuses to. He is in this for himself and doesn't want to be challenged to be something more. And so he marries someone he thinks will make him happy without asking him to rise to a challenge.
These are the guys who can't rise to the challenge. They can't suit up and storm the fortress because they don't know how to. But then there are the guys who won't. They guys who for one reason or another find a reason not to offer what they have. "Why don't men offer what they have to their women? Because we know down in our guts that it won't be enough... This is where many men falter. Either they refuse to give what they can, or they keep pouring and pouring into her and all the while feel like a failure because she is still needing more."
This points to a reality for both them and us. "She needs God more than she needs you, just as you need him more than you need her." I never dated in middle school or high school. In college I dated one girl, and I'm really glad that ended. But as senior year came around, pretty much everyone I knew was either married, getting married, planning on getting engaged, or really seriously dating, and I was single. It was a rough and slightly depressing stage of life. But in that time God and I got close. I got to the point shortly after graduation where I realized that I didn't need a wife, that I was enough in and of myself to be able to do what God had called me to do ministry wise. Now I'll be the first to admit that having my wife makes things so much easier and that I don't ever want to have to do this without her, but before I could marry her, before I could begin to rescue her from the tower, I had to be more dependent up God, and closer to God, than I ever would be to her. And before she could ever be rescued by me, God had to rescue her.
"Do you see now that you can't bring your question to Eve? No matter how good a man you are you can never be enough. If she's the report card on your strength then you'l ultimately get an F. But that's not why you love her - to get a good grade. You love her because that's what you are made to do; that's what a real man does."
My strength comes form God, and so I offer what I have to her, knowing that I can't satisfy all her needs, knowing that I can't bring all of the healing to the brokenness. But as it says in Ephesians 5, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself" (verses 25-28).
It is my job to love my wife, and lead her to God. I am to show her that God will protect her and fight for her as I do. I am to show her that God will delight in her beauty and be captivated by her as I am. I can give her but a glimpse of who God is, and that is the role I must play. But before I can lead her to God's strength, I must first recover mine. Before I can point her to God, I must know God deeply and intimately.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Wild at Heart, Chapter 10: A Beauty to Rescue, part 2
"Just as every little boy is asking one question, every little girl is, as well. But her question isn't so much about her strength. No, the deep cry of a little girl's heart is am I lovely? Every woman needs to know that she is exquisite and exotic and chosen. This is core to her identity, the way she bears the image of God. Will you pursue me? Do you delight in me? Will you fight for me? And like every little boy, she has taken a wound as well. The wound strikes right at the core of her heart of beauty and leaves a devastating message with it: No. You're not beautiful and no one will really fight for you."
The attacks are directed directly at the image of God we bear, what else does the enemy need to take out? If he gets that, he gets it all. I really shouldn't be after reading this chapter as many times as I have, but I'm amazed at the number of women who have been hit. Many of them you'd never suspect, just like many guys who are posers, but in some way every woman has been wounded.
When asked if they will be pursued the answer is "No, I'll call you when I need something." When asked if they are delighted in the answer is, "No, you are here to please me." When asked if they will be fought for the answer is, "No, I am going to use you." This is what happened to my wife before me, and this has happened to many women that you know. So many of them are constantly hit with the message, "you are not desired; you will not be protected; no one will fight for you. The tower is built brick by brick and when she's a grown woman it can be a fortress."
And it is for this moment, this battle, that a man must be a man. He must step up and play his part. He must display the image of God that is his to bear. "She needs a lover and a warrior, not a Really Nice Guy." She needs someone who will love her passionately, something that goes far beyond sex, and who will fight for her no matter what the odds are against him.
Right before my wife and I got together she prayed for guidance, and God gave her a song, "Lead Me" by Sanctus Real. I made her a CD for her birthday with this as the first song. The chorus says this,
Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?
Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone
That is the cry of a woman's heart. She wants, no needs, someone that will stand up and defend her against the attacks that are aimed at her. She needs someone to stand to her right in the phalanx. She needs someone who will love her, who will help her to see her beauty and how captivating she is. She needs someone that will fight for her. Someone who is willing to risk his life to rescue hers. And with this there is a crucial question that ever man must ask himself, "Am I willing to bleed like a warrior for her?"
As I'm writing this I'm being reminded, by God, about how often I fail in this area. How impatient I can be, and how at times I get to the point where I'm sick of fighting and wonder if it's all worth it. But it's at that point that I remember my wedding ring. My ring has groves cut into it across the middle. I picked this ring out to be a constant reminder of Ephesians 5.25, " Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her".
This is the part of the letter that is written to me, this is the part that I am to focus on. My job is to love my wife as Christ loves the church. And how did Christ love the Church? He died for her. He bled for her! "The number one problem between men and their women is that we men, when asked to truly fight for her... hesitate. We are still seeking to save ourselves; we have forgotten the deep pleasure of spilling our life for another." If I am to truly be like Christ, I must fight for her, no matter how difficult it might get. I must shed blood for her, and when I do, she will nurture my wounds. After all that is part of the image she bears.
When a man refuses to bleed women are left in the tower. "When a man withholds himself from his woman, he leavers her without the life only he can bring. This is never more true than with how a man offers - or does not offer - his words. Life and death are in the power of the tongue, says Proverbs (18:21). She is made for and craves words from him." One of the most crucial ways we fight for her is with our words. Shockingly, this is hard for me at times. Writing is easy for me, but sometimes saying things sound cliche or cheesy, and I really don't want to give that to my wife. But the lack of my words leave her feeling empty and alone. Even though I'm right next to her in the room, my silence is deadly.
"If the man refuses to offer himself, then his wife will remain empty and barren. A violent man destroys with his words; a silent man starves his wife... A man who leaves his wife with the children and the bills to go and find another, easier life has denied them his strength. He has sacrificed them when he should have sacrificed his strength for them. What makes Maximus or William Wallace so heroic is simply this: they are willing to die to set others free."
If we want to be men, we must rescue the beauty. We must offer our strength and shed our blood. The only way for the princess to be rescued from the tower is for the man to offer his strength. When he does she is given new life, and the two of them share in the deepest intimacy possible between two people, again, something so far beyond sex. They share their lives, they join their lives. But only when a man offers his strength and spends himself for the beauty.
"There under the shadow of a man's strength, a woman finds rest. The masculine journey takes a man away from the woman so that he might return to her. He goes to find his strength, he returns to offer it. He tears down the walls of the tower that has held her with his words and with his actions. He speaks to her heart's deepest question in a thousand ways. Yes, you are lovely. Yes, there is one who will fight for you. But most men have not yet fought the battle, most women are still in the tower."
On the front of the CD I gave my wife I wrote four words, "I Am, You Are". I am willing to fight for you, you are the love of my life.
So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I'm called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't You lead me?
To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up
I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
The attacks are directed directly at the image of God we bear, what else does the enemy need to take out? If he gets that, he gets it all. I really shouldn't be after reading this chapter as many times as I have, but I'm amazed at the number of women who have been hit. Many of them you'd never suspect, just like many guys who are posers, but in some way every woman has been wounded.
When asked if they will be pursued the answer is "No, I'll call you when I need something." When asked if they are delighted in the answer is, "No, you are here to please me." When asked if they will be fought for the answer is, "No, I am going to use you." This is what happened to my wife before me, and this has happened to many women that you know. So many of them are constantly hit with the message, "you are not desired; you will not be protected; no one will fight for you. The tower is built brick by brick and when she's a grown woman it can be a fortress."
And it is for this moment, this battle, that a man must be a man. He must step up and play his part. He must display the image of God that is his to bear. "She needs a lover and a warrior, not a Really Nice Guy." She needs someone who will love her passionately, something that goes far beyond sex, and who will fight for her no matter what the odds are against him.
Right before my wife and I got together she prayed for guidance, and God gave her a song, "Lead Me" by Sanctus Real. I made her a CD for her birthday with this as the first song. The chorus says this,
Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?
Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone
That is the cry of a woman's heart. She wants, no needs, someone that will stand up and defend her against the attacks that are aimed at her. She needs someone to stand to her right in the phalanx. She needs someone who will love her, who will help her to see her beauty and how captivating she is. She needs someone that will fight for her. Someone who is willing to risk his life to rescue hers. And with this there is a crucial question that ever man must ask himself, "Am I willing to bleed like a warrior for her?"
As I'm writing this I'm being reminded, by God, about how often I fail in this area. How impatient I can be, and how at times I get to the point where I'm sick of fighting and wonder if it's all worth it. But it's at that point that I remember my wedding ring. My ring has groves cut into it across the middle. I picked this ring out to be a constant reminder of Ephesians 5.25, " Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her".
This is the part of the letter that is written to me, this is the part that I am to focus on. My job is to love my wife as Christ loves the church. And how did Christ love the Church? He died for her. He bled for her! "The number one problem between men and their women is that we men, when asked to truly fight for her... hesitate. We are still seeking to save ourselves; we have forgotten the deep pleasure of spilling our life for another." If I am to truly be like Christ, I must fight for her, no matter how difficult it might get. I must shed blood for her, and when I do, she will nurture my wounds. After all that is part of the image she bears.
When a man refuses to bleed women are left in the tower. "When a man withholds himself from his woman, he leavers her without the life only he can bring. This is never more true than with how a man offers - or does not offer - his words. Life and death are in the power of the tongue, says Proverbs (18:21). She is made for and craves words from him." One of the most crucial ways we fight for her is with our words. Shockingly, this is hard for me at times. Writing is easy for me, but sometimes saying things sound cliche or cheesy, and I really don't want to give that to my wife. But the lack of my words leave her feeling empty and alone. Even though I'm right next to her in the room, my silence is deadly.
"If the man refuses to offer himself, then his wife will remain empty and barren. A violent man destroys with his words; a silent man starves his wife... A man who leaves his wife with the children and the bills to go and find another, easier life has denied them his strength. He has sacrificed them when he should have sacrificed his strength for them. What makes Maximus or William Wallace so heroic is simply this: they are willing to die to set others free."
If we want to be men, we must rescue the beauty. We must offer our strength and shed our blood. The only way for the princess to be rescued from the tower is for the man to offer his strength. When he does she is given new life, and the two of them share in the deepest intimacy possible between two people, again, something so far beyond sex. They share their lives, they join their lives. But only when a man offers his strength and spends himself for the beauty.
"There under the shadow of a man's strength, a woman finds rest. The masculine journey takes a man away from the woman so that he might return to her. He goes to find his strength, he returns to offer it. He tears down the walls of the tower that has held her with his words and with his actions. He speaks to her heart's deepest question in a thousand ways. Yes, you are lovely. Yes, there is one who will fight for you. But most men have not yet fought the battle, most women are still in the tower."
On the front of the CD I gave my wife I wrote four words, "I Am, You Are". I am willing to fight for you, you are the love of my life.
So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I'm called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't You lead me?
To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up
I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Wild at Heart, Chapter 10: A Beauty to Rescue, part 1
"From ancient fables to the latest blockbuster, the theme of a strong man coming to rescue a beautiful woman is universal to human nature. It is written in our hearts, one of the core desires of every man and every woman." If that is the case, then "Why do most of us get lost somewhere between 'once upon a time; and happily ever after?'
This chapter has hit me hardest to date. I've been married for almost two years, but in reading these pages, again, I've seen so many ways I need to fight harder for the heart of my princess. This is the most crucial part of the battle for me right now, and if I lose this one, I've lost so much. As with any battle, we cannot rush in unprepared or naive. Quite often there is so much more of a fight here than we initially realize. It's not her fault, it's the world we live it.
"We've overlooked two very crucial aspects to that myth. On the one hand none of us ever really believed the sorcerer was real. We thought we could have the maiden without a fight... And second, we have not understood the tower and it's relation to her wound; the damsel is in distress. If masculinity has come under assault, femininity has been brutalized."
This battle is crucial because it is brings us perhaps the greatest reward we could ever receive on this earth, the beauty that all of us long for. Men are strong, powerful and dangerous, it's how God made us, and it is the part of His image He has made us bearers of. But the woman is different. "She embodies the exquisite beauty and the exotic mystery of God in a way that nothing else in all creation even comes close to. And so she is the special target of the Evil One; he turns his most vicious malice against here. If he can destroy her or keep her captive, he can ruin the story."
Think back to Genesis 1 and 2, "Then God said, 'Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; and let them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over the cattle and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.' God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. God blessed them; and God said to them, 'Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth'" (Genesis 1.26-28).
"Then the Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.' Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said, 'This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.' For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh" (Genesis 2.18-24).
Man and woman are both made in the image of God. Initially man is formed from the dust of the earth, and in the beginning he bore the full image of God. But here we see that God exists in relationship and community, and since man is made in His image, he is created for that same existence. And so God causes him to fall into a deep sleep, He removes a rib, which in Hebrew is the word tsela`. It is a feminine noun, and refers to God removing the feminine part of His image from man and forming a woman who is now the bearer of half of God's image. It is in marriage, that the two become one, that the halves become whole, and the full image of God is displayed to creation.
This is the last thing the Enemy wants. He attacks the strength of a man so he is unable to fight for the woman. He brutalizes a woman's beauty so that she is locked high in a tower, unable to be rescued. If each half is unable to be what it was created to be, then there is no danger for the whole to be completed. He is working to prevent the full image of God from being displayed, and so his attacks are directed at the aspects of the image we each bear.
If we are to rescue the beauty, we must recover our strength. We must storm the tower, battle the dragon, rescue the beauty, and ride off into the sunset. But this mission will not be easy. Just as we have had to fight to recover our own hearts, that was simply preparation for the battle to rescue the beauty. But rescue her we must, because without her things just are how they were intended to be.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
This chapter has hit me hardest to date. I've been married for almost two years, but in reading these pages, again, I've seen so many ways I need to fight harder for the heart of my princess. This is the most crucial part of the battle for me right now, and if I lose this one, I've lost so much. As with any battle, we cannot rush in unprepared or naive. Quite often there is so much more of a fight here than we initially realize. It's not her fault, it's the world we live it.
"We've overlooked two very crucial aspects to that myth. On the one hand none of us ever really believed the sorcerer was real. We thought we could have the maiden without a fight... And second, we have not understood the tower and it's relation to her wound; the damsel is in distress. If masculinity has come under assault, femininity has been brutalized."
This battle is crucial because it is brings us perhaps the greatest reward we could ever receive on this earth, the beauty that all of us long for. Men are strong, powerful and dangerous, it's how God made us, and it is the part of His image He has made us bearers of. But the woman is different. "She embodies the exquisite beauty and the exotic mystery of God in a way that nothing else in all creation even comes close to. And so she is the special target of the Evil One; he turns his most vicious malice against here. If he can destroy her or keep her captive, he can ruin the story."
Think back to Genesis 1 and 2, "Then God said, 'Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; and let them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over the cattle and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.' God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. God blessed them; and God said to them, 'Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth'" (Genesis 1.26-28).
"Then the Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.' Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said, 'This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.' For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh" (Genesis 2.18-24).
Man and woman are both made in the image of God. Initially man is formed from the dust of the earth, and in the beginning he bore the full image of God. But here we see that God exists in relationship and community, and since man is made in His image, he is created for that same existence. And so God causes him to fall into a deep sleep, He removes a rib, which in Hebrew is the word tsela`. It is a feminine noun, and refers to God removing the feminine part of His image from man and forming a woman who is now the bearer of half of God's image. It is in marriage, that the two become one, that the halves become whole, and the full image of God is displayed to creation.
This is the last thing the Enemy wants. He attacks the strength of a man so he is unable to fight for the woman. He brutalizes a woman's beauty so that she is locked high in a tower, unable to be rescued. If each half is unable to be what it was created to be, then there is no danger for the whole to be completed. He is working to prevent the full image of God from being displayed, and so his attacks are directed at the aspects of the image we each bear.
If we are to rescue the beauty, we must recover our strength. We must storm the tower, battle the dragon, rescue the beauty, and ride off into the sunset. But this mission will not be easy. Just as we have had to fight to recover our own hearts, that was simply preparation for the battle to rescue the beauty. But rescue her we must, because without her things just are how they were intended to be.
"Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
To God alone be the Glory!
Strength and Honor
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